Chapter 1: Auditions
A/N: this is a Sasuke/Naruto fan fiction. Basically, it's my random dream on paper. It may be crack.
Today was the day. Sasuke had finally had it. All the fan girls were driving him crazy. Suddenly, Sound didn't seem so bad anymore, if only they hadn't destroyed it after getting back Sasuke…
Now, you might be wondering WHY Sasuke had lost whatever sanity he had left. There's one simple explanation.
He was Santa.
Or, he was going to be. Not really, of course, but figuratively, he was.
Sasuke was going to be an actor – who wasn't even getting paid – in a Christmas play where he was Santa.
Seriously, no joke, we can't make this crap up. (1)
And the reason was the aforementioned fan girls. They ruin everything.
Usually. Sometimes, they actually are useful.
Like, when you're getting ready to die, they throw themselves in front of you.
Being a ninja who always has their life on the line, this comes in handy quite a lot.
But then, fan girls have mystical powers and don't ever die…
Where was I?
Oh yeah, Sasuke's mental break down.
Well, anyway, Sasuke – who didn't even try out, mind you – got picked to be Santa.
This might have been carried out through blackmail, murder, hostage situation/gunpoint, or just them annoying the Holy Jesus out of Tsunade.
Whichever way, Sasuke was Santa Clause. And there was no getting out of it like the last time Sasuke screwed up.
Actually, it was a pretty funny story…
I'm getting off track again.
He didn't even know WHY they were having a play, much less why he had to be there.
I mean seriously, they were IN Japan, weren't they? Why were they celebrating a Christian holiday?
'You know what?' Sasuke thought, 'I bet Tsunade lost a bet, is in major debt, and is making all the ninjas do non-paid labor to pay it off'
It all makes sense now.
That gambler was going to die.
'Well, I can't do anything about it, might as well go down to the first audition.'
So, walking down the streets of Kohana in normal, Uchiha-like manor, Sasuke reached the auditorium.
When did they get THAT?
You could basically say that things just randomly popped up, as if by magic, or crap like that…
Oh wait; they were ninja. That explains a lot…
"Sasuke-kun! I thought you'd never get here! I was scared that maybe you got hurt or something! So where were you Sasuke-kun? Sasuke-Kun?"
'OH MY GAWD! Does this girl NOT have an off stitch? Could someone please just kill her, or something! I don't even like girls!'
Yes, Sasuke had finally come to the conclusion he was gay. Like, flamboyantly so.
It wasn't that hard, he eventually noticed why he always rejected those sluts ninja-kind called women.
But the true reason Sasuke found out he was more of an 11 than a 10 was when Naruto and Sasuke's face said hello.
It was, in simple words:
FABULOUS!!!
Thinking these rainbow thought, Sasuke didn't see the person he ran in to.
"Ouch! Watch where you're going teme!"
"Dobe, you obviously ran into me." Oh Lord, there he was, that little ball of sunshine he wanted oh so badly.
"Yeah, whatever. Hey, Sai! When are we doing the measurements? My skirt can't be too long or too short!"
'WHAT?' Sasuke was, for the record, genuinely confused. NARUTO was going to be in a skirt? Was he going to do the henge jutsu?
"What?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, teme, I'm going to be Mrs. Claus."
Well, fan girls; my God doth smite thy honor and thy pride.
TAKE THAT!