A/N: This was written out of frustration at a confused love life and a want
of some Re/Siri-chan fic to write. Please forgive the discombobulated ness~
Disclaimer: All chara belong to J.K. Rowling, don't sue me; I couldn't pay you off anyways.
Sorry for the shortness, I think there might be a companion piece coming along, give me time.^_^
*this * is Remus thinking.
Thank You
By: Wolf of Hallow Shadows
*maybe.. *
Staring at the cluttered desk in the moonlight, small, clear patches of white paper on the dark mahogany wood and melted wax on glinting candelabras, the man was oblivious to the scattering sheets of parchment as he drowned in his own thoughts. A small chill made its way up his spine, and he quickly glanced through the window, a nervous habit that developed over the years, The moon was waxing, and the time to full was drawing near. But not yet, not yet.
Remus glanced down to his lap, slender, unnaturally aged hands holding this weeks news. People waved from the pictures on the cover, smiling as they held up proud children who had done this and that, or so-and so meeting someone here or there.Remus thought it odd that the most world shattering news had not made it to the front of the daily prophet, something highly unlikely, even with their reputation of getting the facts wrong. He flipped through the paper half-heartedly. There was nothing, he knew, not a word about Him.that person.
*If I could have.If I had just.But I was too late. After everything he had done for me, after all the times I had so desperately needed him, I couldn't save the one person left so dear to me. *
He gazed blindly around the room, full of odd memories and treasures to their owner, but he didn't take it in. In his mind, Lupin was somewhere far away..
" Alright, Rem?"
The husky voice had come so suddenly out of the gathering dark of the room that Lupin had barely enough time to jump before Sirius had shut the door and sauntered over to the bed. His half-cocked smile that both suggested and denied that its owner knew more than you thought was gone, replaced by a look of concern to his Friend, Remus. Mooney nodded, although his eyes had a hard time detaching from the window where he had been contemplating. Outside the sun had just sunk below the winter clouds and the grounds were deserted, students and teachers alike abandoning the fresh, cold air for the warmth of fires and friends. Remus could hear the slight base vibrations and high chattering of the common room below him, his sensitive ears picking up more than most. He had retreated to his dorm for room to breath; with the full moon nearing its mark, the tides of dominance in his body were rising, and the wolf inside him despised the closed, crowded room. And it was more than just his wolf- form that was restless. He had been thinking, about his friends, family, life..
And him.
In all the time they had spent together as marauders, Rem had always had a special connection with Padfoot. It was different than the bond that he shared with James, or the bond that James shared with Sirius. They were the Marauders, loyal friends and mischief-makers of the school. With them, like that, Rem felt freer than he did at any time in his life, but still, even then, not all the masks were off yet. But when he was here, like this, with Sirius, it was more..he had no masks, no trouble at all. Despite all his bravado and swaggering about the halls, his constant tumble of relationships with the girls of all houses and the attention he demanded for his feats or for his aberration from school policy, it was always Sirius who noticed when Rem or James or Peter was down, always Sirius to do something about it. It had been Sirius who taken a canine form when the boys had first discovered Rems' "problem" and it had taken Sirius to assure Rem that it didn't matter at all to them.
And in the years since then, Rem had found himself becoming closer and closer to Padfoot then he ever dreamed possible with another human being. For himself, he had thought he would go his whole, short life with few to no friends. To find such people.to find someone so. It was beyond him.
And therence lye the problem. Time was drawing upon his sixth year, already halfway through till graduation in June, and he could feel his life grow shorter with every hour. He wasn't dying, no, not for a while yet, he told himself, but the sheer mass of the unknown that lay before him was daunting, and so scared him. What would they do, after their seventh year? Where would they go? And who was they?
Rem hoped it would be Sirius.
Sitting on his bed, Mooney could feel his stomach tie in knots at the thought. He knew what it was that he had wanted to say all those long nights he had spent at the Blacks house over the summer, lying awake for the sheer heat and humidity of the place in Padfoots room, nothing more to do than talk, or on the days that they had walked together around campus while James bounded off to court Evens. He knew what he wanted to say as he looked over at the person that stared at him with cobalt eyes under the mass of elegantly misarranged raven hair. But even as he opened his mouth to speak, the words would not come out. In his mind they were screaming: I love you I love you I love- But it was useless. And so he asked what was second on his mind.
"Why did you do it?"
Sirius gazed at his wolf-ine friends and shook his head. "Did what?" He asked in a confused tone. Downstairs they could hear the sound of laughter ring out. Someone had given peter a bottle of Chew-It-All Charm, and his teeth had grown to the size of a disfigured beavers.
Rem ignored the sounds, and continued on.
"All that time ago, when you learned of.what I am.why did you decide to stay with me, as my friend?"
A charming grin spread across Siri's face.
"It was because you were so damn sexy, Rem." He said in his best impersonation of James' 'girl magnet' voice. Rem couldn't help but laugh and threw his pillow at the boy.
"I'm serious, Padfoot!" he said, laughing hysterically as Sirius made pouty faces and pretended to be James drooling over lily.
"No, I'M Sirius!" he said, which only resulted in hysterical laughter. Rem couldn't figure out why, as he tried to prevent his sides from bursting, because it really wasn't that funny. But Sirius could make a dementor laugh over spilt tea, and Rem was no exception. When the two calmed down, Rem was smiling now, and this time refrased the question so that Sirius could understand his meaning.
" Its not that I'm not glad its beyond what I could hope for. But." his face fell aa the feelings that had weighed his heart down took hold again. "I don't deserve it. For what I am, I don't deserve you." He stared at Sirius, and added, almost as an afterthought, "any of you.
'That's why I don't understand. Knowing me for what I was, why stay and risk yourselves? Why go through all the trouble of becoming illegal animagus and being caught and exposed, all the pain it must have been the first time you tried, all for me.why?"
Sirius looked at his friend for a long time, emotions that Rem could not identify and a light in his eye that Rem did nit believe was really there playing upon his face. Finally, Sirius stood, and walked towards the window.
"Its because we didn't know who you were that we did that."he turned and faced Mooney, a look undescribable on his face. Its because we wanted to know you,Remus. Not the werewolf that you can become. Just you." He shrugged, and gave a diconcerning smile. "or at least, that's why I did it." He started to walk to the dorm room door, ready to see what new madness had caused the peals of laugher to come thundering up the stairs to the room, when he was stopped by a hand taking his own. Sirius looked down. Remus was gripping his hand, looking.looking..something, something Sirius could feel more than see. Rem smiled a little.
"Thank you. You know, you saved my life when you did that." He said this quietly, and Sirius nodded, a brief, sincere smile playing on his lips. He bent down momentarily, and kissed the werewolf on the lips.
"I know."
Rem stared at the closed door for several minutes before he could move. W\In the dark as the last sun left its golden rays on the ceiling of his dorm, Rem smiled, truly happy, trul saved.
Lupin started as the door to the Sirius room opened. Albus stood in the doorway, a small smile on his face, and motioned for Lupin.
"Are you ready, Remus?"
Lupin gave a small sigh, his heart sinking further than it had been moment ago. He stood, slowly, and gave one last longing look about the room. He would come back, he knew. It was where his heart was stored, in this last bit or Sirius that was left to his to guard This, and Harry. He nodded.
"I'm coming albus."
Disclaimer: All chara belong to J.K. Rowling, don't sue me; I couldn't pay you off anyways.
Sorry for the shortness, I think there might be a companion piece coming along, give me time.^_^
*this * is Remus thinking.
Thank You
By: Wolf of Hallow Shadows
*maybe.. *
Staring at the cluttered desk in the moonlight, small, clear patches of white paper on the dark mahogany wood and melted wax on glinting candelabras, the man was oblivious to the scattering sheets of parchment as he drowned in his own thoughts. A small chill made its way up his spine, and he quickly glanced through the window, a nervous habit that developed over the years, The moon was waxing, and the time to full was drawing near. But not yet, not yet.
Remus glanced down to his lap, slender, unnaturally aged hands holding this weeks news. People waved from the pictures on the cover, smiling as they held up proud children who had done this and that, or so-and so meeting someone here or there.Remus thought it odd that the most world shattering news had not made it to the front of the daily prophet, something highly unlikely, even with their reputation of getting the facts wrong. He flipped through the paper half-heartedly. There was nothing, he knew, not a word about Him.that person.
*If I could have.If I had just.But I was too late. After everything he had done for me, after all the times I had so desperately needed him, I couldn't save the one person left so dear to me. *
He gazed blindly around the room, full of odd memories and treasures to their owner, but he didn't take it in. In his mind, Lupin was somewhere far away..
" Alright, Rem?"
The husky voice had come so suddenly out of the gathering dark of the room that Lupin had barely enough time to jump before Sirius had shut the door and sauntered over to the bed. His half-cocked smile that both suggested and denied that its owner knew more than you thought was gone, replaced by a look of concern to his Friend, Remus. Mooney nodded, although his eyes had a hard time detaching from the window where he had been contemplating. Outside the sun had just sunk below the winter clouds and the grounds were deserted, students and teachers alike abandoning the fresh, cold air for the warmth of fires and friends. Remus could hear the slight base vibrations and high chattering of the common room below him, his sensitive ears picking up more than most. He had retreated to his dorm for room to breath; with the full moon nearing its mark, the tides of dominance in his body were rising, and the wolf inside him despised the closed, crowded room. And it was more than just his wolf- form that was restless. He had been thinking, about his friends, family, life..
And him.
In all the time they had spent together as marauders, Rem had always had a special connection with Padfoot. It was different than the bond that he shared with James, or the bond that James shared with Sirius. They were the Marauders, loyal friends and mischief-makers of the school. With them, like that, Rem felt freer than he did at any time in his life, but still, even then, not all the masks were off yet. But when he was here, like this, with Sirius, it was more..he had no masks, no trouble at all. Despite all his bravado and swaggering about the halls, his constant tumble of relationships with the girls of all houses and the attention he demanded for his feats or for his aberration from school policy, it was always Sirius who noticed when Rem or James or Peter was down, always Sirius to do something about it. It had been Sirius who taken a canine form when the boys had first discovered Rems' "problem" and it had taken Sirius to assure Rem that it didn't matter at all to them.
And in the years since then, Rem had found himself becoming closer and closer to Padfoot then he ever dreamed possible with another human being. For himself, he had thought he would go his whole, short life with few to no friends. To find such people.to find someone so. It was beyond him.
And therence lye the problem. Time was drawing upon his sixth year, already halfway through till graduation in June, and he could feel his life grow shorter with every hour. He wasn't dying, no, not for a while yet, he told himself, but the sheer mass of the unknown that lay before him was daunting, and so scared him. What would they do, after their seventh year? Where would they go? And who was they?
Rem hoped it would be Sirius.
Sitting on his bed, Mooney could feel his stomach tie in knots at the thought. He knew what it was that he had wanted to say all those long nights he had spent at the Blacks house over the summer, lying awake for the sheer heat and humidity of the place in Padfoots room, nothing more to do than talk, or on the days that they had walked together around campus while James bounded off to court Evens. He knew what he wanted to say as he looked over at the person that stared at him with cobalt eyes under the mass of elegantly misarranged raven hair. But even as he opened his mouth to speak, the words would not come out. In his mind they were screaming: I love you I love you I love- But it was useless. And so he asked what was second on his mind.
"Why did you do it?"
Sirius gazed at his wolf-ine friends and shook his head. "Did what?" He asked in a confused tone. Downstairs they could hear the sound of laughter ring out. Someone had given peter a bottle of Chew-It-All Charm, and his teeth had grown to the size of a disfigured beavers.
Rem ignored the sounds, and continued on.
"All that time ago, when you learned of.what I am.why did you decide to stay with me, as my friend?"
A charming grin spread across Siri's face.
"It was because you were so damn sexy, Rem." He said in his best impersonation of James' 'girl magnet' voice. Rem couldn't help but laugh and threw his pillow at the boy.
"I'm serious, Padfoot!" he said, laughing hysterically as Sirius made pouty faces and pretended to be James drooling over lily.
"No, I'M Sirius!" he said, which only resulted in hysterical laughter. Rem couldn't figure out why, as he tried to prevent his sides from bursting, because it really wasn't that funny. But Sirius could make a dementor laugh over spilt tea, and Rem was no exception. When the two calmed down, Rem was smiling now, and this time refrased the question so that Sirius could understand his meaning.
" Its not that I'm not glad its beyond what I could hope for. But." his face fell aa the feelings that had weighed his heart down took hold again. "I don't deserve it. For what I am, I don't deserve you." He stared at Sirius, and added, almost as an afterthought, "any of you.
'That's why I don't understand. Knowing me for what I was, why stay and risk yourselves? Why go through all the trouble of becoming illegal animagus and being caught and exposed, all the pain it must have been the first time you tried, all for me.why?"
Sirius looked at his friend for a long time, emotions that Rem could not identify and a light in his eye that Rem did nit believe was really there playing upon his face. Finally, Sirius stood, and walked towards the window.
"Its because we didn't know who you were that we did that."he turned and faced Mooney, a look undescribable on his face. Its because we wanted to know you,Remus. Not the werewolf that you can become. Just you." He shrugged, and gave a diconcerning smile. "or at least, that's why I did it." He started to walk to the dorm room door, ready to see what new madness had caused the peals of laugher to come thundering up the stairs to the room, when he was stopped by a hand taking his own. Sirius looked down. Remus was gripping his hand, looking.looking..something, something Sirius could feel more than see. Rem smiled a little.
"Thank you. You know, you saved my life when you did that." He said this quietly, and Sirius nodded, a brief, sincere smile playing on his lips. He bent down momentarily, and kissed the werewolf on the lips.
"I know."
Rem stared at the closed door for several minutes before he could move. W\In the dark as the last sun left its golden rays on the ceiling of his dorm, Rem smiled, truly happy, trul saved.
Lupin started as the door to the Sirius room opened. Albus stood in the doorway, a small smile on his face, and motioned for Lupin.
"Are you ready, Remus?"
Lupin gave a small sigh, his heart sinking further than it had been moment ago. He stood, slowly, and gave one last longing look about the room. He would come back, he knew. It was where his heart was stored, in this last bit or Sirius that was left to his to guard This, and Harry. He nodded.
"I'm coming albus."