Kaleidoscope Heart Part I- A New Years' Faberry Ficlet
(embellished, sure, but based on true events.)
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!
love,
-TWiM
"Did you hear? Rachel's coming to town for New Years."
"Rachel, Rachel?"
"Yes, Rachel Rachel! Do you know any other Rachels, you idiot?" Santana almost wants to smack Quinn upside the head.
Quinn thinks it over and shakes her head no. She could've though! She no longer seems to be able to concentrate on what they're doing. Why are they at the mall again? "What for?"
Santana snaps her attention back to Quinn. "What what for?"
"Why's she coming to Lima for New Years? She moved away six years ago. Who is she staying with if her parents live in Cali?" Quinn holds the bags in her hands tighter.
Santana sighs. She shouldn't have brought it up. She just didn't think Quinn would still be hung up on this middle school romance she had with Rachel. Come on! They were, like, four. "I think she has a cousin in town or something. Most of her family will be here. You don't care, right?" Ventures Santana. Maybe if she puts the words into Quinn's mouth, she'll convince her.
"Oh, of course not," Quinn says with a disbelieving laugh. "What? I've been over Rachel for years now."
"Yeah, sure. You're talking to that girl from Boston anyway, right?"
"Yeah, totally." Quinn says. She had completely forgotten about the girl from Boston she had met while there on a trip with her school. She attends Yale in New Haven, and is back in town for the Holidays. To spend it with her family and the friends she grew up with. Tradition has been that every New Years for the past two years, since everyone graduated high school, Quinn throws a party at her house and they all come. If Rachel is in town, someone will end up inviting her.
It's not like Quinn doesn't want her there. She doesn't care. Rachel being in town means nothing to her now that she's single. It's just awkward since she and Rachel never really talked after Rachel moved away. The two other times Rachel was in town, when her parents still lived in Lima, Quinn had been dating and by her girlfriends' wishes (and her own, whatever), she didn't speak much to Rachel.
This will be different.
Or not. No, it won't.
"Q?" Santana asks, snaps her fingers in front of her face to see if she's listening.
"Yeah? Hi, hey. Sorry," Quinn apologizes. Why is she spending so much time thinking about Rachel? It's not like Rachel matters anymore. They were twelve and thirteen; those feelings don't last this long.
Sighing, Santana smacks Quinn on the arm, "this is going to be a long holiday, isn't?"
"No! Dude, I told you," Quinn smiles. She uses the disarming, charming smiles and reassures Santana, "I don't care. You should invite her to my party."
"I'm sure she'd rather hang out with us than her family. Sure thing," Santana says, while thinking about what an awful idea this is.
"So," Santana approaches Quinn with a beer bottle in hand and sits next to her on the couch. She whispers so Puck doesn't hear, "Rachel is engaged."
"What?" Quinn asks, taking the bottle of cold beer from Santana, "why are you telling me that?" She takes a swig and focuses back on the game on TV.
"Just thought you should know. Some idiot from New York - Brody something." She gets up again to grab another beer from the cooler next to Puck. "Or so Kurt tells me."
"You talking about Rachel being engaged?" Puck asks with a smirk. "Yeah, heard that too." He looks at Quinn with an apologetic look, "sorry, babe. That one's taken now."
Quinn jumps off the couch, offended. "Why are both of you telling me that?! I don't care about Rachel or that she's engaged. Her and I probably won't even talk tomorrow."
Puck tries not to snicker. "Is she serious?" He asks Santana. "You guys were, like, super in love back in the day," he makes a heart shape with his fingers.
"And you really only broke up because she moved. Feelings are definitely still there."
"We were twelve!" Quinn defends herself. "There are no feelings."
Puck grabs the pretzels bowl from atop the ottoman, "and then you started dating her 'best friend'," he uses air quotes. "You're right. She probably fuckin' hates you now."
Santana and Puck laugh but both quiet down quickly with Quinn's stare, "Rachel doesn't hate me, and I don't have feelings for her. We're done talking about this now."
"Sure," Puck tells her. He sits back and pulls on his cap to adjust it, "focusing on the game. Let's go, boys!" He cheers and winks at Santana over Quinn's head.
"You need any help around here?"
Rachel.
Quinn puts on her most polite smile and turns around, "no, everything's good. Thanks though." She walks around Rachel carefully not to touch her and picks up the box of sodas sitting near the table. "I just gotta put these in the cooler and then I'm good."
Rachel makes move to where the cooler is, on top of the kitchen sink, and opens it. Quinn stares and she says, "least I could do."
That smile might become a problem for Quinn. She shakes her head lightly and chuckles at her thoughts, "thanks." Tilting the box, the cans drop into the cooler full of ice.
"Your party's nice. I missed you guys," Rachel says, wanting to make conversation, apparently. Quinn really just wants to take the drinks back into the living room where everyone is singing karaoke. Just because Rachel was invited, she doesn't have to try to make conversation with the host. "Puck is still that same boy who's always trying to prove himself, isn't he?"
"What'd he do this time?" Quinn groans. "Last year Finn dared him to drink mustard straight from the bottle and he ended up throwing up on my couch."
"Ew!" Rachel laughs but makes a disgusted face. "I sat on your couch!" She points at Quinn accusingly, "isn't that the kind of information you give someone as soon as they come in?"
Quinn chuckles, "no worries, we bought a new one the next day." She chews the inside of her mouth and tries not to focus on the ring on Rachel's finger. It's barely there, so she pretends it's not there.
The lid of the cooler goes back on and Rachel finds herself staring at Quinn's muscles as she picks it up. Damn, girl's got arms. "That's a relief, now I won't worry about having sat on mustard vomit."
"No," Quinn laughs as she leads the way.
The karaoke in the living room is ridiculously loud as Santana sings some Michael Jackson and Brittany dances with Mike. Rachel smiles at Quinn and sits back down next to Kurt and Blaine. They seem to start up a conversation and Quinn ignores the feeling that's starting to grow in her stomach.
No, she's not jealous that Kurt and Rachel stayed in touch after Rachel moved. And no, she's not jealous that they now go to school in New York together. She's not jealous because she doesn't care about Rachel or that she's here.
She wipes her hands on her black jeans and runs a hand through her blonde hair. She ends up making eye contact with Rachel, who had been staring. No, it doesn't bother her and she doesn't take it as a sign of anything.
"I might start thinking you're avoiding me if you keep leaving the rooms as I come in," Rachel says as she sits next to Quinn on the porch outside. It's cold, air is visible as they speak.
Quinn barely makes a move to look at Rachel, she only wraps her jacket tighter. "I'm not."
"Okay," Rachel tells her and chuckles.
It's quiet for a while. "What?" Quinn asks when Rachel chuckles again.
"Nothing," Rachel says and shrugs. "Just wondering why you invited me to this party if you don't want me here." Rachel can be as selfish as people say she is but she is a good people reader. It's hard for someone to keep her guessing about their feelings and ever since she arrived and Quinn didn't even bother to give her a hug, she realized Quinn was stand-offish. She figured with time the girl would warm up, but no.
Quinn looks at her then, the reflection of the full moon basking her face, and Rachel ignores just how beautiful she looks. "I don't not want you here."
"Careful, Quinn," Rachel warns with a playful tone, "your excitement might just show how much you care."
"I'm sorry," Quinn whispers and then adds, "I could probably be a better host than this. I just don't know how to... Uh, well, act. Around you, I mean." The left corner of her lips rises quickly, and then sinks back down just as fast.
Rachel rubs her hands together and then wraps them under the red scarf around her neck. "Well, Quinn. You and I were best friends. You could start just by acting as a friend, yeah?" Her brown eyes sparkle the reflection of the sky and Quinn's enraptured by her natural beauty. My, oh, my, how Rachel has grown.
Quinn sighs, giving in, "how have you been, Rachel? In New York, I mean? Is it the dream life?"
Rachel smiles, caught by surprise that Quinn is trying. "Uh, well, no. No yet, but it will be soon!" Around her eyes, crinkles form, evidence of how excited Rachel is that Quinn is making conversation with her. "How about you? How's... Yale, right? Facebook is helpful for stalking."
"Yes, Yale," Quinn confirms. "You stalk me?"
"Not all the time," Rachel doesn't deny it. "Sometimes, when I miss home. But you never answered my question!" Lightly, she shoves Quinn and scoots closer. For warmth, you know. "How's Yale?"
"It's great. I love it. The classes are challenging. The people are very warm. It's my place to be."
"And what are you studying? Are you there for acting like you wanted to be when you were young?" Rachel laughs out loud, throwing back her head. She's starting to get cold but she's afraid that going back inside will give Quinn a way to escape. "Remember that? Talking about growing up and going to the same school and becoming actresses together?"
Quinn laughs, too. Of course she remembers. "Yeah, I remember. But no, I'm studying Literature. You know me and my love of books."
"Ah! Yes," Rachel scoots even closer, trying to be discreet but really seeking body warmth. "I always suspected you loved your books more than me."
At this confession, Quinn startles. "What? Really?" She blushes at the thought of loving Rachel. When they were kids they said that to each other all the time, as if they knew what they were talking about. Love is such a complicated thing.
"Yes," Rachel nods. She can't take it anymore, she has to to back inside. "I'm freezing! Let's go back inside?"
Quinn looks behind at her where she can see the party through a sliver in the window. "Here," she offers. "Take my coat." She pulls off the huge coat she has on and wraps it around Rachel's shoulders. "Warm now?" They're so close like this, with her hands holding steadfast to the collar of her coat. Rachel nods, seriously, and then forces a smile. It's tense. "Um, I just need to stay out here for another two minutes, otherwise I'll kill Puck."
"Are you angry with him?"
"Hell, yeah, I'm livid," she says without thinking. Telling Rachel that will give way to follow-up questions. Questions she'll have to answer because Rachel's so persistent.
Rachel squirms inside the coat, that covers her literally from head to toes and sighs, finally getting warm. Quinn isn't that cold yet, she still has a sweater over her long-sleeved shirt. "Livid, why? What'd he do? Throw up again?" Rachel giggles and looks at Quinn under her eyelashes.
"No, thank god." She needs to figure out of way to say this without making it seem like she cares. "Yeah, um, he basically told me he'd... Love to see you naked. Says you've grown up well." Now she's awkward.
"He did?" Rachel irks her eyebrow and blushes prettily. "Uh," she laughs, awkward as well. "Well, I'm engaged." She points to the stupid ring on her finger and then finishes, "but I'm honored." Quinn simply nods, thankful Rachel didn't pick up on the fact - "wait," Rachel catches up, interrupting Quinn's inner celebration. "Why did that piss you off?"
Quinn tries to evade the question, "you want to go inside now? I'm starting to get cold." She rubs her hands over her arms and starts to stand.
Rachel, much stronger than she looks, pulls her back down and pressures, "tell me."
Now Quinn can't lie and say she's cold because she's so hot that she can feel herself start to sweat. "Rachel, come on. Let's go in." Maybe she still knows how to persuade her. That's how Quinn got Rachel to first kiss her; by using her great skill of persuasion. Okay, maybe it didn't take much cajoling for Rachel to give in.
"Quinn." Rachel crosses her arms and pouts. Really? Still doing that at nineteen? "Not until you speak."
"Fine! I got pissed because he was crude! And you're... You, you know? Our friend! He's not supposed to say those things about a friend."
"And that's it?" Rachel asks. Her tone could almost be considered hopeful. "Nothing else?"
"No, that's it," Quinn lies.
"Fine," Rachel says. She smiles a little too hard, gets up and goes in.
Quinn wonders what she said wrong.
"And thank you everyone who came today! Happy New Years!" Quinn cheers and lifts the glass of champagne in her hand. "Let the countdown begin!"
Everyone turns to the TV where the countdown to drop the ball in New York is happening. The crowd on TV is going crazy, and the party goers at Quinn's blow their whistles and yell along. "10... 9... 8... 7... 6..."
Rachel looks around, watching the familiar faces of the strangers around her. They all feel so distant, except for one. She wonders how Brody would react if she kissed Quinn at midnight, but only briefly. She keeps her glass high and smiles at Quinn when the blonde notices her looking. "3..." She mouths, looking at Quinn, across the room.
"2..." Quinn counts back, eyes all serious.
"1..." They finish together and lift their glasses just a wee higher to salute each other.
"Happy New Year!" Everyone bursts! There's laughter and a lot of spilled drinks as Puck grabs Santana for a kiss. She kisses him back but pushes him away and slaps him hard on the chest. The other kids all laugh, except for Rachel who is still fixated on Quinn.
Quinn looks away because she can't take the feel of Rachel's eyes on hers. It's like it won't ever let her go. She lands on Rachel's lips just as she licks them. That's just her luck. Instead, she turns, grabs Artie's wheelchair and gives him a light kiss on the lips. "Happy New Year, Artie."
He smirks, "thanks, Q. You, too. Now, you should go after your special guest because she left that way." He points toward the hallway that leads to the downstairs bedrooms and purses his lips. Sucks for Quinn.
"Are you okay?" Quinn pushes the door to the guest room and sticks her head in. Rachel is there like predicted, sitting on the bed with her glass of champagne between her legs - empty.
Rachel doesn't want to talk about her stupid fiance or how she wishes she were single so she could kiss Quinn. She just nods, "yeah, I'm okay." It's not like she doesn't love Brody. She does, but he hasn't been that great of a man the last years or so. They've been together for five years and Rachel can't see or understand life without Brody, but maybe a kiss at midnight with Quinn wouldn't be so bad.
"Can I come in?" Quinn irks an eyebrow and pushes the door open further.
Rachel looks up a her with a blank stare. It seems to Quinn like she's thinking it over and that she's not happy, but she waits. "Of course, Quinn. This is your home."
"Can I be honest, Rachel?" She sits at the edge of the bed, a few good feet away from Rachel. She looks sideways at Rachel whose eyes are closed.
"Always, please."
Quinn breathes deeply before saying, "You don't seem okay. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Quinn-"
"Are you upset with me?" Quinn asks and messes with her own fingers, nerves getting to her. Why does she care so much if Rachel is or not? "Have I done something?"
"No! Absolutely not! Why would you think that?"
"Nothing, just a feeling. So," Quinn claps her hands once and then leans on her elbows. They kind of poke her thighs a little but she ignores it. "Brody huh?"
"Yes, that's my fiance." Rachel tells Quinn with no enthusiasm at all.
"Uh oh, problems with the man?"
"Well, not exactly, you know? He's not terrible. And I love him. I'm just -" Rachel stops talking and smiles. "What about you, Quinn? How's your love life?"
Quinn's eyebrows rise, she was not expecting that. "It doesn't exist at the moment. I'm just enjoying the single life."
"So you haven't seen anyone since you and that bitch broke up?" Rachel laughs at her word choice and purses her lips, "not that I care that you and her dated after I left."
"Not really," Quinn admits, amused by Rachel. "It's only been a few months since."
"Do you still love her?" Rachel asks, more shy than Quinn's ever heard.
She fidgets to answer, "I still love her, yes, but I'm not still in love with her."
At this, Rachel stands and looks around, "well, then. Shall we go back outside? I hear the kids want to watch a movie now."
Quinn follows without a word of disagreement.
"Are you even paying attention?"
"To the movie?" Quinn whispers. "No, not at all."
The lights are off in the family room where everyone is gathered watching Watchmen. She hates what she's seen so far and she doesn't think she could ever pay attention with Rachel sitting on her other side.
Santana barks a laugh in her ear and elbows her on the side, "talk to her! She's not paying attention either - trust me."
Quinn stares at Santana in the dark, trying to weigh what she's said. She's dying to talk to Rachel, she wants to reconnect and re-learn her but - well, Rachel's engaged.
"This movie sucks," someone whispers at her from behind. It's definitely not Santana because Santana is smirking knowingly, and she sits back, giving Quinn space to talk to Rachel.
Quinn nods, "yeah, I hate it, too. Have you seen it before?"
And that's how they start the conversation that lasts the entire night.
Literally.
Santana ends up as a human pillow for Brittany on the couch and she can't pay attention to the movie because Rachel won't shut up. Quinn does talk some as well, but Rachel is definitely dominating the conversation. She kind of regrets the advice, on the surface. Really, she's just happy Quinn seems happy talking to Rachel again.
The two are sitting by the wall and there they stay, on their butts, for the entire duration of the movie, which feels like forever. Brittany falls asleep on top of Santana and she can't move otherwise the girl wakes up. She cusses under her breath but moves so that Britt is comfortable on top of her.
At five, she closes her eyes to try to fall asleep, but can't with the constant chit chatter behind her. Everyone else seems to have no problem but there's something about the way the two are whispering and giggling that keeps her awake. It's probably the pitch of Rachel's voice. She rolls her eyes, annoyed, but smiles to herself.
Whatever, for her best friend, this one night, she can make a sacrifice. She pulls out her phone as careful as she can, not to wake up Britt, and starts playing Angry Birds.
Q better be thankful about this later.