Warning: this story deals with character death, and talk of suicide, so fragile persons beware.
Note: Author gladly welcomes feedback, whether it be good, bad or indifferent.
A/N: Wrote this years ago...was unhappy when I did (obviously)
Disclaimer: Don't own anyone or thing from the Star Trek Voyager universe. (sad, as I'd like to get a hold of a few of the characters)
In The End
By Adami Rose
Captain's Personal Log Stardate 5XXX.XX
In the end it's all the same, you lose the battle of life, unfortunately some last longer than others.
It all started last week when the Dakana attacked us for violating their space. I was in the mess hall eating breakfast. He was on the bridge. The first attack came out of the blue, I lost six of my crew then, and we couldn't get out of the battle, they just kept attacking and ignoring our pleas for them to stop. By the time it was all said and done they had claimed the lives of 15 of my crew, and my love being one of them. I don't think I can continue this game they call life without my partner. I have done the best I can, but in the end we all lose. The bad thing is that I never told him about the way I feel. He will never know that I loved him from the moment I met him at Auckland. He has been my rock, my conscience as strange as it may seem. He has been the one to cheer me up when I am down. And I never even told him. I know I can't go on without him, I just can't.
END LOG
"Computer, begin recording on my mark. Mark." Captain Janeway said, as she sat in a chair in her darkened quarters. " I just wanted to inform you that you have been an exemplary crew, I wouldn't have made it this far with out you, but I can't continue this fight. I'm sorry to do this to you all, but you will continue without me. You will make it home and you will all
survive. I probably owe you an explanation, and I will give it to you: I can't continue. I lost the man I love in the attack by the Dakana, and I never even told him. Maybe in death I will find the peace I couldn't find in life. I want you all to know that this is in no way your fault, this is a decision I made on my own and I wish you all well."
Captain Janeway took the pips on her uniform collar off one by one and set them on the coffee table in front of her " Computer end recording and encode for delivery to the entire crew upon discovery of my death."
"Acknowledged"
Kathryn Janeway sat there in her quarters with only her thoughts for company. She reached over to the coffee table and picked up the hypospray from beside her rank pips and programmed in the lethal combination of chemicals that would be her end.
She was about to put the hypospray to her neck when a noise behind her caught her attention. "Kathryn, what are you doing? Asked a voice from her bedroom.
"Computer who is in the captain's quarters?" She asked as she sprang to her feet to go into the bedroom.
Captain Kathryn Janeway is in the captain's quarters." Came the drone of the computer voice.
Kathryn stepped into her bedroom and ordered the lights on, and saw nothing out of the ordinary in her bedroom, until she looked into a corner to see a small ball of light floating about four feet above the ground. As she watched it, it began to take the shape of a human being.
"Who the hell are you and how did you get into my quarters!" She demanded to the now human-like figure standing in the corner.
"Kathryn, don't you recognize me? It's me. Tom, Tom Paris" said the ever defining figure.
"I don't know who you are, but that is not funny, Tom Paris was killed in an attack by hostile aliens a week ago. "Kathryn said, tears welling up in her eyes.
"I know, I was there. And I know what you're about to do Kathryn, and I'm here to stop you." The figure who was now fully formed and looked like Tom Paris, only he was dressed in a silvery suit and he was glowing.
"I don't know what you're talking about." She said placing her hands on her hips in a defiant nature.
"Kathryn, don't lie to me, I know you are trying to commit suicide. And I can't let you. If you do this, you will devastate the crew to a point where they will give up and quit. I can't let that happen. That's why I came back, that and I had to let you know that I did and still do know that you love
me. I just never let it show, because you are the captain and you can't get involved with a member of your crew.' He said as he started walking towards the now crying Kathryn Janeway.
"What do you mean it will devastate the crew?" she said as he came close enough to touch, but didn't.
"I can't explain it Kathryn, but I can show you. If you're willing." He said, holding out his hand to her.
"what do I have to do?"
"Just take my hand and I'll do the rest." He said looking down at his glowing hand.
She took it and was instantly transported to commander Chakotay's quarters, where he sat in a darkened room with a hypospray in one hand and a picture frame in the other. "Kathryn, I don't know why you did this, but you were everything to me. I can't go on without you. I will see you soon my love." He was talking to the picture on his hand. He put the hypospray to his neck and pushed the release button. And with a hiss and a shattering of glass his life was ended.
"What the hell is he doing?" Kathryn said letting go of Tom's hand and running to Chakotay's side.
"He's doing the same thing you were about to do Kathryn, and that's only the beginning of things. Tuvok will have a psychotic episode and will kill three crewmembers before being stopped. security will have to use lethal force to stop him, However. Seven will get so depressed that she stops regenerating and eating, and she will become extremely ill, almost to the point of death.Then she will decide to rejoin the Collective.
B'Elanna. B'Elanna will take things very hard, and will revert to what she was when you first met her and she'll only get worse, and worse than that Harry will end up deciding that
the journey isn't worth it anymore and will leave and settle on an uninhabited planet where he will be killed by an ion storm, and no one will even know, or care at that point."
"You're lying, My crew would never do such things!" she screamed at Tom as she advanced toward him in a menacing fashion.
"I can show you if you insist on not believing me" he said calmly. "But Kathryn, I have never lied to you before, why would I do it now, and why would I lie about something like this?"
Kathryn stopped and began to ponder what was just said. "You're right Tom, I'm sorry I just can't live without you with me. I couldn't see any other way out." She said and she began to sob uncontrollably. She fell to her knees on the floor in front of the shimmering Top Paris.
"Kathryn look at me, I have never left you alone, and I never will. I promise I will always look after you, but you have to promise me something in return." He said as he knelt down and lifted her face in his hands, brushing her hair out of her face. "Promise me you will never give up, that you will get this crew home, and that you will always remember me, but not
let me get in the way of your being happy."
"I promise.' Was all she could say, because she knew that things would be different when she got back, and started living her life again.
Tom took her hand and stood up. "Lets get you home, alright my beautiful Kathryn?"
"Alright"
The next thing Kathryn saw she was back in her quarters, alone, but instead of a hypospray that would be her end she found a crystal rose, with an inscription on the wooden base that said " All will be right, and we will spend eternity together in the end, love always, Tom"
Just as she was about to pick up the rose, her door chimed." Come" she said, covering the rose with a small, light blue velvet cloth that was on the table next to the rose.
"I just wanted to make sure you were alright, captain, I know how hard you took the news of Tom's passing." It was Commander Chakotay's voice coming from the doorway.
"Thank you Chakotay, I'm alright, I have the feeling that everything will be alright in the end." She said glancing back at the now velvet covered rose on her table.
"OK" he said as he turned to leave "Listen some of us are getting together in Sandrine's a little later to celebrate Tom's life, if you would like to join us you are more than welcome, it's nothing formal, just a group of friends getting together to talk."
"Thank you Chakotay, I'll be there, what time?"
"We're planning on about 2000 hours."
"OK, I'll see you then, I have some things that I need to take care of before I go." She said as the doors slid shut.
"Computer erase all personal logs of Captain Kathryn Janeway for the last two hours, and erase message to the crew number 47251A, written by Captain Kathryn Janeway."
"Security code required for requested task"
"Security code Janeway Alpha 1105 Red"
"Code accepted, erasing logs, erasure complete."
Captains Personal log stardate 5XXX.XX
"Things have changed in the last few hours, I no longer feel that we lose the game of life, but that we just play a new one at the end of this one, so I better make this one count. And besides I made a promise to someone.
END LOG
Captain Kathryn Janeway walked to her bedroom, to get changed and she thought to herself that things would be better in the end.