II stare at my reflection as I pull my hair into its usual abnegation knot. Not out of vanity but out of longing. I imagine my mother behind me trimming my hair completely focused on her task, allowing me to sneak a peak of myself with out her knowing. Back then I used to love seeing the changes three months had made, not anymore. I stare at the reflection wishing to see the child I once was, but she's no where in sight. I used to look young back then, younger than my actual age of fourteen. Now at sixteen I appear older the pains of life wearing me down. My doe eyes lost their innocents years ago. Sighing I close the mirror and head down stairs where Caleb and Marcus wait for me. "Today's the day Beatrice." Marcus says.
"Yep." I reply.
"You better hope you get abnegation I will not stand for less." He warns.
Today's the day of mine and Caleb's aptitude test, it shows us the faction we belong in. Not that it matters to me for the past two years I've known I'll leave this place. There's nothing left for me here.
"Since when have I cared about what you stand for?" I say lifting an eyebrow.
"I see your manners are still lacking, maybe we need another lesson tonight."
"Yeah one for the road can't hurt now can it? Hey Caleb we should go."
He nods grabbing his bag and we walk out the door. Leaving Marcus to fume.
"You shouldn't anger him like that Beatrice, it will only make the beating twice as long." Caleb whispers. I roll my eyes at him.
"Caleb we both know that I can't help it." He looks at me with a mixture of doubt and sympathy. We both know its a lie, a careful construction. Marcus uses to work with our father, before he passed. Marcus was a very influential political leader in abnegation as such he was know as one of the most selfless men in the faction, leading him to take in the children his coworker and wife left behind when they were brutally murdered. But there was a catch you see, his son left before we moved in and within the first week we knew why. Marcus liked to play a nice little game with a belt. If I had it my way I would have knocked him out by now.( yeah I definitely can't stay abnegation.) But if I did that me and Caleb would be homeless, and most likely factionless. So I went for the other option, I piss him off. Its a Stella method really, why hit Caleb the perfect abnegation when he can spend his time trying to teach me to shut my mouth, to get me to be the perfect little abnegation woman? Its not that bad really, a few whips and being locked in a closet to keep the one person I have left safe. I'd do it anyday.
Eventually the bland grey abnegation houses leave view as we near the hub.
"So aptitude test today. You nervous?"
"Terrified."He states.
"Why? We both know your a great abnegation. You'll be fine." I say patting him on the back.
"Yeah maybe. I'll miss you though." He replys.
I don't reply. We walk in silence until we have to separate for classes. I watch him walk away not allowing the guilt of leaving him on his own influence my choice. With a sigh I head to the window watching the dauntless students jump out of the train. That'll be me soon.
...
The classes go by quickly and soon enough I'm waiting in the cafeteria for my name to be called. I sit between Caleb and Susan watching a group of Amity girls clap and sing. Amity are the peaceful faction, always happy, definitely not for me. We wait in silence like the good little abnegation's we are. Caleb's name is called and he nervously stands. I whisper good luck to him before he runs to hold the door for the other children in his group. I smile, he has nothing to worry about. He used to lecture me on selfless deeds when we were younger, but what was second nature to him was anything but to me. I never really belonged here. As I wait for him to return I stare at the dauntless group, they're laughing loudly and playing cards, care free. That's what I want. Ten minutes later Caleb returns pale and shaking.
"Are you alright?" I ask worriedly. He meagerly nods and wraps his arms around his body. Before I can question him further my name is called. I stand slowly and glance at Caleb one more time before following the rest of the group. I'm ushered into room six one of the only rooms without an abnegation volunteer. I cock an eyebrow at the dauntless woman who waited for me. She wears all black but seemed pretty tame compared to other dauntless. She turns closing the door and there I see she has a tattoo, a hawk I think. Mirrors cover the rooms walls and I look away quickly. Staring at my hands and the calluses they have. These aren't abnegation hands.
"What is it with abnegations and mirrors?" The woman questions.
"Vanity's frowned upon." I shrug.
She stares at me before walking to the chair and motioning me to sit.
"Don't worry, it doesn't hurt. My names Tori by the way." She says as she readies the machine on my right.
"Okay, Hey why the hawk?" I question.
"Never met a curious abnegation before." She chuckles.
"It's a gift." She out right laughs at this.
"Its a symbol for the sun. Figured if I always had it on me I wouldn't be afraid of the dark." she says after she calmed down.
Now its my turn to laugh. "You're afraid of the dark?"
"WAS" She says defensibly. Attaching wires to me. "Now drink this miss not so abnegation." I let myself laugh once more before downing the vial.
Within seconds the setting changes.I stand in the cafeteria again. But all the long tables are empty. In front of me I see two bowls one with cheese another with a knife.
Behind me a woman's voice says "choose."
"why?" I ask.
"choose" she repeats.
"helpful." I huff. Turning behind me, but no ones there I turn back to the table. "What will I do with it?"
"choose!" she yells.
I stand there crossing my arms and tapping my foot in annoyance. "Is that all you can say?" I moan.
"Have it your way." she says.
The baskets disappear "damn." I hear a door squeak and turn to see who it is. Only its more of a what. "Double damn." I say as a dog with a pointed nose crouches and creeps towards me. "I take it you're not a friendly." I whisper as if understanding its lips part to form a deep throaty growl showing its very very pointy canines. Yep should have taken the knife. I think of my options. I could run but the dog will be faster, I could wrestle him to the ground but I kinda like my arms without bite marks. Could I use the tables? Damn it should have got the knife. Wait what was it that Caleb said? "Marcus is like a dog don't look him in the eye." Its like a challenge or something. Okay looking away. If looking him in the eye is a challenge what's submissive? I rack my brain as I see the dog closing in from the corner of my eye. Think. Silently I slide to my knees and make myself as small as possible. I hear the dog creep closer and I try to steady my breathing. I feel his breath on my neck before something wet and slobbery touches my cheek. I look up and see the dog staring at me. Its growling stopped. Slowly I scratch him behind the ear. "Okay your bark is so worse than your bite." I grin. I rise leaving it confused by the lack of petting but it seems calm now. I wipe my hands on my leg removing the sweat they accumulated. A child is suddenly present in the corner of the room. "Puppy!" She squeals running towards the dog.
"Kid so not a good." But before I can finish the dog is off snapping and snarling towards the girl. I don't think, I run and just before the dog can pounce I jump forcing it to the floor. I close my eyes and wait for the bite. But it doesn't come. I peak through one eye to see the dog gone as is the girl. It takes me longer than I'm proud of to realize I'm on a bus. I hold on to the pole. I see a severely scarred man holding a newspaper, well I say holding, more like crumbling."Do you know this guy?" He asks tapping a picture on the paper. The headline is "Brutal murderer finally apprehended," I inwardly cringe. Kind of a sore spot. I rub my neck as I comprehend the picture, he seems formiliar but I can't place it. He has a plain face and beard. I think of telling him, then realize I really don't want to be candor. "Well do you?" He asks angrily.
"Nope" I say popping the p.
"You're lying." He says.
"Am I really?"
"If you know him, you can save me!" He shouts.
I shrug. "Wish I could help."
I wake up back in the chair. To tori taking wires from my head. I wait for her to say something, anything really about the test. But she doesn't, just continues removing the wires. I sit forward and wipe my hands against my legs. I must have messed up. "Well that was intense." I state.
"Intense is the word, I'll be right back." I wave her off. Reminding myself that the test doesn't matter. I'm dauntless. Its what I choose. Still I hug my knees to my chest as I wait. Wondering how I managed to fail a test no one can fail at almost makes me laugh, almost. The minutes tick by until finally Tori returns. "Sorry to worry you." She says standing by my feet fidgeting. Wow I must have really messed up. "What was my result?" I ask. She tenses at my question. That really fills me with confidence.
"Beatrice your results were inconclusive." She says. "Usually four of the five factions are ruled out of the test. You only ruled out two."
I stare at her astonished. "Two?"
"Yes, Amity was ruled out because you showed no distaste to the knife, Candor was ruled out because of your dishonesty." I can't stop staring. I already knew Amity and Candor weren't for me but three results? "So you're saying I'm Abnegation, Erudite and dauntless?" I look at her like she's insane.
"Yes, people with these results have a name, they're known as divergent."
"So this has happened before? Why haven't I heard about it?" I ask accusingly.
"Its very rare and under no circumstances should you share this with anyone. Do you understand?"
"Why?"
"Its very dangerous, I've written your results as abnegation I suggest you go home, you have a lot of thinking to do." She says.
"Okay." I respond walking out the door thinking how ridiculous this stupid test is.
When I get home Marcus is waiting for me.
"What where your results?" He questions.
"Oh my god do you ever work?"
"Don't make me repeat myself Beatrice." He warns. I walk past him and grab a muffin.
"I'm not allowed to tell you, Remember?" I say before taking a bite. He stands from his chair and walks towards me.
"Which one belt or closet?" I sign. It only angers him further which I take as a small victory.
"Turn around and lift your shirt." He states. I do as he says while he removes his belt. He lashes the belt across my back and I stifle a scream. I will not let him have the satisfaction. He repeats the preceding in a rhythmic pattern while I count them, my back getting wetter and wetter with each blow. I hear the door open on the 25th whip. And here Caleb's footprints. Before Marcus can hear I force a laugh. "What's wrong Marcus realize I'm not scared of you? Because I'll never be scared of you." And its the truth, he's a frail man I could take him anyday. But that's not the point the point is that made his attention stay focused on me. I hear Caleb's footsteps lead upstairs and I sigh in relief even through the pain. I've done it. I've kept Caleb safe for these two years. It gets to the 50th whip when I feel my consciousness slipping. "Hope you enjoyed it, its the last time old man." I whisper before I let the blackness engulf me.