Love Hina and the affiliated characters belong to Ken Akamatsu. Also this fic takes place in between the two stories of book 14 so slight spoilers.
Love Hina: Chapter 1: heart of glass
Motoko rolled over onto her side and stared at the wall. She let out a sigh as she once again found herself thinking of Keitaro Urashima. Why do I have to be plagued by thoughts of him all the time? It isn't fair that he constantly haunts me. I hate having feelings for him and knowing that there is nothing I can do about it. She let out a sigh and closed her eyes. He chose Naru and I should respect that. Behind her closed eyes she saw mental images of Keitaro and Naru being together. Kissing and holding hands. She opened her eyes and felt the tears welling up behind her eyes. I should respect his decision. She hugged herself and squeezed her eyes shut. Damn you Urashima! You give me so much pleasure. Being around you makes me feel so happy; it makes it hard to think. Every time I see you my heart races and I want to run into your arms.
But at the same time you give me so much pain. Knowing that I can't have your heart, since it belongs to Naru. You have no idea how much torture it is for me, to see you being so affectionate with her. Knowing that the only one for me is you. You own my heart and I can't take it back. I know I'm being selfish by thinking these thoughts. But I don't care if I am being selfish. I can't just change my feelings for you just like that.
Tears escaped from behind Motoko's closed eyes, as her body trembled.
"I hate how you make me feel, she whispered. Damn you Keitaro for being the one man I want."
The tears rolled down Motoko's cheeks and dampened her pillow. Motoko propped herself up on her elbow and stared absently at her pillow. Shoulder length black hair fell across her shoulders. Framing her face. It's slowly growing back, she thought. But that thought soon left her mind as she drew a heart on the pillow with her finger. As she thought about what had happened earlier.
Motoko walked down the hall of the first floor, reading her textbook. She stumbled over the rug and fell into Keitaro's arms. Keitaro held her close and looked down at Motoko.
"Hey Motoko are you okay?"
She looked into his eyes and responded, "I'm fine Urashima."
She looked away quickly, beginning to blush. Motoko pushed Keitaro away and turned her back to him. My heart is beginning to race, she thought. Just now when he held me close in his arms, I felt so happy and safe. I felt like I could just stay like that in his arms forever. She placed her hand over her heart, letting out a small sigh.
Keitaro placed hand on her shoulder.
"Are you sure you're okay? Why are you sighing?"
"Mind your own damn business Urashima!" Motoko stormed off in the direction of the stairs, leaving Keitaro confused.
"Now what did I do?" Wondered Keitaro.
Motoko quickly closed the door to her room and sat on her futon. Damn this fragile heart of mine, she thought. Because of it, I almost embarrassed myself in front of him. But being in his arms, so close to his heart. It was such an amazing feeling. I've haven't felt something like that since after I realized my feelings for Urashima. Specifically since I fought my sister on the beach. She let out a sigh. But why Urashima? I told him how I feel but he loves Naru. And they are engaged now so I can't do anything about that if I wanted to.
She laid down on her futon, resting on her side. Curled up into a ball as the tears began to flow and she sobbed silently. For a swordsman wasn't meant to show weakness in front of others. She clutched at her heart, feeling vulnerable. If this is love, then how can something so beautiful. Hurt somebody so much?
Motoko slid the door to her room open and she stepped out. She had spent the last hour curled up in a ball crying and crying. Now she had no tears left to shed and felt determined to be near Keitaro. She walked down the stairs and down to Keitaro's room on the second floor. She stood outside his door clutching her math book. I will ask him to tutor me, she thought. I can use some help practicing for the Tokyo U exam. Is that your only reason to ask him for help, a voice in her head asked. Or is it because you just want an excuse to be near him? Shut up! Responded Motoko. I don't need an excuse to talk to him. She raised her hand to knock on his door, when she heard a woman giggle.
"Keitaro that tickles, commented Naru."
"Oh, responded Keitaro. Sorry bout that Naru."
"You know you really have a lot to learn still about kissing, Keitaro."
"Well how bout we try again? Suggested Keitaro."
Motoko dropped her hand and walked away with her shoulders slumped. Who am I kidding, she thought. I don't stand a chance against Naru. She is so much prettier than I am. And more of a woman than I could be. I'm only beginning to understand how I can be both a swordsman and a woman. She can offer so much more to Urashima, then I can.
Why would he want me? Why would any man want me? Motoko walked out onto the platform where they dried the clothes and leaned against the railing. Staring up at the stars, until her vision begin to blur. Tears rolled down her cheek, as she wiped them away with her fingers. It seems that my heart could break even more, she thought. Motoko fell to her knee's and rested her back against the railing, bringing her knees under her chin and she rested her forehead against her knees. Her tears staining the pant sleeves as she struggled with her feelings and desires and dreams of a relationship with Keitaro.
Motoko rolled over onto her stomach and started to stand. There is only one thing for me to do, she thought. That is for me to be honest with Urashima. I told him back at mol mol how I felt. Even though he made it clear that he didn't feel the same, I still must tell him about my growing feelings and how he makes me feel physically when I am around him. The way my heart races and how my hands shake. The way I want to kiss him and be held in his arms. She shook her head and opened the door to her room quietly. She stepped out into the hall and slid the door shut. Motoko gracefully glided down the hall and down the stairs without making a noise. Treading silently as a ninja as she stopped in front of Keitaro's room and opened the door slowly.
She looked inside the room and saw Keitaro was sound asleep on his futon. Motoko stepped into the room closing the door behind her. She walked across the room and kneeled down beside the futon. She reached up and started undoing the buttons of the shirt she was using for a nightgown. The shirt had belonged to Urashima, he had let her wear it so she could change out of that soaking wet maid's dress that belonged to kitsune. Motoko had forgotten to give back the shirt to Keitaro. Now she kept it since it was the only way she could be close to him. To have a piece of him, so to speak.
Motoko's hands began to shake as she reached the 4th button of the shirt. Her hands began to shake so bad that she let them drop to her side. I can't do this, she thought. I won't try to steal his heart with my body. If I win his heart, I want it to be because he loves me for who I am. And not for what I can do for him physically. Motoko pulled the blanket back and crawled into the futon with Keitaro. She covered herself with the blanket. I just want to lay her for awhile, being close to him. Feeling his beating heart so close to mine. Just this once I want to be able to enjoy being so close to him physically with no worries or concerns. She moved his arm so she could rest her head against his shoulder as she layed there on her side. She draped her right arm across his chest.
"Urashima there is something I must tell you." She paused and listened to the sound of his breathing. She looked up at him and saw that he was still asleep. Good, she thought. Telling him like this is easier for me. And I don't risk embarrassing myself in front of him. But still it would be nice for him to hear how I truly feel.
"You stole my heart, but you already know his. But the thing is that with every day that goes by. I am confronted with new feelings and experiences. These feelings and experiences are strange to me and I don't how to deal with them. You're the first man that I have ever loved. I hate myself for not realizing this sooner and I hate you for making me feel the way I do. But the facts are that I was too late in telling you how I feel. So Naru stole your heart and now you're with her. But I am in love with you to."
She leaned a little closer and kissed his cheek.
"A part of me hates you for stealing my heart. Because I considered you to be weak. I thought you were a pathetic excuse for a man. Then I realized the truth that I am the one who was being pathetic and weak. I couldn't be honest with myself and except the fact that I was in love. I considered love to be nothing but foolishness. My swordsmanship was the only important thing in my life. But now I can see you for the man you are. You bested me Urashima. You showed me there was so much more in life than I thought. You opened my eyes and taught me a lot. You constantly surprised me and made me challenge myself. For that I thank you."
Once again, she cried. She moved herself into a kneeling position and placed an arm on either side of Keitaro's body. As she stared down at his face. She caressed his cheek and leaned forward. Hot tears fell across his face as her lips parted. She closed her eyes as she was inches from his face. She stopped caressing his cheek and placed her had against his chest. She could feel the soothing beating of his heart against her palm. Motoko kissed him and for the briefest of seconds. She felt that his heart belonged to her and her only. The same way her heart belonged to him. She felt the way his heart raced as she kissed him and she felt joy that they could both be feeling the same thing at the same time. As she felt her own heart racing with excitement.
Motoko pulled back, letting her lips brush against his one last time. She opened her eyes, a few last tears sliding down her cheeks. Landing on Keitaro's face. She crawled out of his futon and stood up. She stood up and turned away from him. Saying in a whisper as her voice cracked; "My heart belongs to you Urashima, but I know that yours belongs to someone else. Your heart is not mine to claim."
She walked out of the room and Keitaro opened his eyes wiping away her tears from his face. He sat up and looked at the now closed door. "I'm so sorry Motoko," he whispered into the darkness.