HIII GUYS IT'S ME AGAIN I'M SOO SO SORRY IF I HAVEN'T BEEN POSTING ANYTHING RECENTLY, I REALLY APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.
But oh well since I'm here, here I have a reader insert Hetalia fanfic. And oh, everything in the story is based on your POV. And well, since it's my first time writing a reader insert fanfic, forgive me for any of the errors you might find here.
And also, this fic has some triggering elements that you might not want to read about.
If you are sensitive to reading about things such as abuse or attempted suicide, then I suggest you might want to back out in reading this one. But if you decide to continue on reading this, I hope you enjoy.

Vermillion.

I hated yet loved that bright shade of red.

6:30 PM

I was on the school rooftop, overlooking the view of the empty quadrangle. It was an ideal spot to get a bird's-eye view of the place.
And a perfect place to plummet from.

The sky looked beautiful that time of day. Tones of orange and yellow, mixed up with red and pinkish hues.
I never thought I could be greeted with such a stunning display of colors before I depart.

'Maybe death is a good thing.'
'I could escape this horrible life.'
'I could finally let go of the guilt I've been carrying.'
'I could finally join them.'

Such thoughts spiralled through my mind as I stepped to the edge of the rooftop, ready to plummet to my end.
I lifted my foot to jump off the building until-
Somebody yanked me out of the way.
I landed on the concrete. Curious as to who saved me from my own demise, I looked up and saw a familiar face.

It was Matthias.

"Just what the fuck did you think you were doing?!" he shouted right at my face, his eyes clearly filled with bewilderment.
"I...I just wanted t-to...I just wanted to be with them..." I answered monotonously as I then looked towards him, feeling my tears about to spill out of my eyes. "Is that too much to ask?"
"It is, you idiot!" he then then wrapped his arms around me and brought me into an embrace.
"I'm your friend! You should've just told me about what you were feeling or things wouldn't have turned out this way!" he told me, his face carved with a worried expression.
"My only friend."
"Exactly!"
"Since when did you even start caring about me, anyway? I'm a failure for a person," I muttered out softly as I felt warm tears trickle down my face.
"Ever since I saw the scars on your arm, I became concerned. Besides, I'm already a part of this," Matthias explained to me. It seemed that his words were genuine. Never have I had someone actually care about me.
"And what you were about to do a while ago..." he paused, as he unlaced his arms around me and held me by the shoulders.
"That was selfish of you," his eyes locked on to mine as he uttered those words.

'Selfish? How was that selfish when I'm making everyone's lives better? Better without me?'

"You have friends who care about you, you have your family-"
"Family? What family?!" I interrupted his statement as I then pushed him away from me.
"My family basically left me years ago! They died, Matthias! Because of me," I tearfully uttered out, tears were just gushing out of my eyes uncontrollably. "And I barely even have friends!"
Matthias kept silent.
"And now I just have to fend for myself while every one picks on me and-"
"You have me, (y/n)! You have me," Matthias shouted at me and then slowly began to look away with lips pursed, and then turned his gaze back to me.
"You keep on saying as if you're alone...like nobody in the world cares about you..." he paused for a while.
"But I care about you. You're my friend. If you were really desperate for help...then why didn't you ask?"

He was right. I knew I should've asked for help all along. There would be times I just scream at the top of my lungs internally, but no one ever turned around to ask me if I was okay.
"I...I'm sorry.." I apologized, looking down as I averted my gaze fro him.
"I'm selfish, I know," I added as I sniffled and dried my tears.
"I'm not doing anything as stupid as that again," I promised. "But promise me you'll stay with me, would you? Since you're my only friend.." I asked of him. I didn't want to go down that path again.
I wanted to be happy and find some happiness in my life.

"Of course I will!" he responded with much enthusiasm in his eyes. He paced up closer towards me as he embraced me yet again.
"I'll never leave my friend," he smiled ever so kindly at me. It's as if I've found new hope in my life when I thought everything in this world was dark and dreary.
My friend.
"If you need me, I'll be there. You're never alone, (y/n). You have me so let me help you, okay?"
"Okay," a rare smile twitched from my lips as I felt my cheeks heat up. I hugged him back tightly and said to him, grateful.
"Thank you for saving me."

For saving me from myself.

Vermillion.
It reminded me of when I first felt his kindness and when I first opened up to him, and showed me how good of a friend he was.
I like that color.

Some time passed since that incident happened and well, we grew much closer to one another. We became the best of friends. And that lonely girl you often see sitting quietly alone in the corner? She was now no more. His presence alone was enough to put a smile on my face.
He was my first and best friend, after all.
Sure, people still picked on me. But I didn't care at all. They could pick on me whenever they want for all I care. Just as long as I have my friend by my side, there was nothing to worry. I didn't give a single fuck at what they said about me behind my back. They were nothing but lies, anyway. I was finally relieved from the troubles I have long endured.

"So d'you wanna hang out after school?" Matthias asked me, his mouth full.
"Matthias, don't talk while you're mouth is full, it's gross," I laughed at the funny face he was making when he ate.
"Oh, sorry," he quickly chewed his food and chugged it down with some juice.
"So...where do you plan on going after class?" I asked as I placed the silverware neatly on the tray.
"Does this mean you're coming along with me?!" he asked, clearly excited.
I chuckled. "I didn't say yes yet."
"Aw, alright," he paused for a while. "And we can go wherever you want, how's that sound?" he happily added.
"Well there was this one place I wanted to go.."
"Great! Now we'll be hanging out yaaay!" he exclaimed gleefully.
"Alright," I stood up from my seat, holding my tray. "Let's get these trays back where they belong and then head to class, shall we?"
"Okay!" Matthias stood up as well and walked with me towards that place where you stack up your trays in the cafeteria. Or whatever that's called.
As we were about to put our trays down, I happened to bump into a group of girls.
The popular girls, that is.
"Well if it isn't that miserable loner~" a girl said with a mocking tone, making faces at me. And seriously, I think she looked like a duck that time with the face she was making. Permanent duckface, perhaps?
"Like, oh my god what a looooser~" one of her so-called 'minions' ad-libbed to her remark.
"Like, duh!"
"And oh would you look at that," their so called 'queen' of the popular kids landed her eyes on Matthias. "She got herself a boyfriend, how cute~"
"It's quite a surprise how such a guy would find a sore loser such as you," and the usual, she said rude stuff to me.
But I replied back with the sass and pizazz I've been keeping inside of me for all these years.
"At least I got myself a man," I bragged, even though he wasn't really my boyfriend.
"Unlike you who has no life and does nothing but pick on other people. Get a life, sweetie~" I flipped my hair, hitting her all with my sassiness. Let's see how she could handle that.
"Well I-" the queen was left speechless, of course and then her minions flocked to her side to comfort her.
"And Matthias, your tray," I held out my hand towards him.
"Yes, ma'am," he handed his tray to me and put it atop on mine, then immediately handed it to queen bee.
"Anyway sweetie, do me a favor and return these for me, would you? Thank a bunch!" I waved goodbye at them as Matthias and I walked out of the cafeteria. What a fabulous exit I made.

"Your man?" Matthias laughed at what I said a while ago as he walked through the corridor.
"Well I had to, okay? I had to show her who's boss," I chortled.
"You surely did. I never knew you had it in you. The sass, I mean," he commented.
"Seems that I've been hiding it all along then," I smirked, having been successful to shut those girls up.
"You're evil."
"No, I'm diabolical," I grinned as we entered the classroom and then sat down before the desk beside him.
"So we're hanging out after classes, alright?" Matthias repeated since well, it would be our first time going out together as the best of friends.
"Oh, alright," I smiled at him. Then, hours passed and classes were finally dismissed.

"Are you ready~?" Matthias enthusiastically jumped towards me, excited for the activity later on.
"Yes I am!" I shout up from my seat as I raised an arm.
"I didn't hear you!" he bent sidewards toward my direction as he held his hand near his ear.
"YES I AM!" I shouted even louder as I raised both arms in the air.
"That's it, girl! So...where do you wanna go?"
"A trinket shop would be nice," I replied. I put the sling of my bag around my shoulder and walked away from my seat.
"Alrighty then!" he grabbed my hand and then led me to the exit. And then he began to sing something from Dora the Explorer.

"Come on vamonos, everybody let's go~" he began.
"Come on let's get to it, I know that we can do it," I continued with the singing.
"Where are we going?" he clapped his hands rhythmically.
"To the trinket shop!" I responded like a little kid.
"Where are we going?"
"To the trinket shop!"
"Come on vamonos, everybody let's go. Come on let's get to it, I know that we can do it! Hooray!" he ended the song with a low jump.
"Oh Matthias, you're such a kid," I laughed.
"Better being a kid and have fun with the little things in life than being grown-up and not, right?" It was actually one of the nicest things he said, though. But what he was trying to imply was enjoy the little things and learn to appreciate them while you still can.
Which, I did, of course.
"Well, you're right, actually..." I answered.
Then, we arrived before the school gate and exited the premises. Instead of getting a ride, we decided we'd just walk since the nearest trinket shop was just a few blocks away. Then suddenly, I looked down and saw my arm dangling from his.
He was still holding my hand.
Although I wouldn't usually blush at minor things such as this, I did.
"Umm Matthias..." I blushed, not making eye contact with him at all.
"Hm? What is it?"
"Well...why are you still holding my hand?" I asked shyly.
Hearing that, he yanked his hand away from mine as he turned red to his ears.
"S-Sorry...I wasn't aware of that..." he apologized, scratching the back of his head as he avoided eye contact with me as well.
"No, it's cool really," to be honest, I didn't really mind things such as that but I really don't know what happened to me that time.
"We're buddies, so yeah..it's cool," I assured.
"Well...okay then..."

And after a while after that, we were separated with a veil of silence momentarily as we then found ourselves standing before a trinket shop.
"Oh, we're here!" Matthias exclaimed as he broke out from the quiet trance.
I quietly followed him as he went into the store ahead of me. As we entered the store, we could see all kinds of trinkets neatly stacked up and lined up in shelves. Keychains, bracelets, necklaces, you name it. There was quite an array of items there and I didn't even know where to start.
"Wow..." I walked around the store, browsing through all of the merchandise. "There's so many, I don't even know what to choose."
"Well, take your time," Matthias chuckled.
"Or maybe I could help you find something," he offered.
"Oh sure, do that," I replied as I browsed through the shelves. Everything was really pretty I wanted them all. But of course I had to choose only one or Matthias would be broke.
Matthias too, was looking for something nice for me. Well he sure was taking his time until he gave me a cal.
"Hey, (y/n)!" he called out to me.
"Yeah?" I turned around towards his direction.
"Look what I found!"
In his hand was a necklace with heart-shaped glass pendant.
Well, half a heart, that is. And in the other hand was the same necklace. Looks like those two pendants fit together perfectly, then.
"Doesn't it look pretty?" he showed the necklace to me. "Look, mine's the same as well!"
"I don't really like that color," I blurted out as I looked at the pendant. It was the color of the sunset.
The same color of the sky when a sad event in my life occurred.

Vermillion.

"Eh? But look, it's pretty. And besides, we'd have matching blings, wouldn't that be cool?" Matthias said, he really wanted me to say yes to the necklace.
"Like I said, I don't really like that color," I repeated and then he had that 'aww' look on his face.
"But well, I do agree that it looks pretty so I'm getting it," I finally agreed with him.
"Yay! We're getting ourselves matching necklaces!" he cheerfully said.
"Oh, you," I beamed a lopsided smile at him.
"Let's get those paid, shall we?"
"And by us, I mean me," Matthias added.
"Well you did tell me you were going to treat me, right?"
"Oh, right," he went towards the register and paid up for the items. Then, he came back bringing the necklace on both hands. He got the necklace and put it around my neck and took his and put it on him, as well. He held my pendant and then fitted it with his perfectly to form a perfect heart.
"Above all shapes, why'd you choose a heart?" I asked.
"Well you're my best friend and I love you a lot!" he happily answered my question.
As he said that simple four-letter word, my cheeks flushed and my heart began to pace up faster.
Although what he meant by that wasn't the romantic kind of love at all.
It was platonic.
But I couldn't shake off that feeling back then.
Perhaps I developed a crush for him?

"Hey, (y/n), you still there?" he waved a hand at me since I was well, zoning out.
"Oh hey," I responded.
"You were totally spacing out for a while there."
"Oh, sorry."
"Anyway, so this is like a friendship bracelet. Only that it's a necklace. Without the other half, neither any of them would be complete. Just kinda like friendship," he said as he then parted the two pendants away from one another.
"Isn't it sweet?"
"Well I'd say it's cute," I giggled.
"Aw, you look so cute when you giggle~" he teased as he pinched my cheeks.
"Oh whatever, Matthias," I brushed his hand away from my face. I walked towards the exit ahead of him and then turned around to face him.
"Alright, come along if you don't want to get left behind."
"Oh, no, you ain't leaving me, you're not!" he sprang across the store and then exited through the door.

Then, we headed straight in a southern direction together since well, we were neighbors after all.
We had quite a lively conversation as we walked towards the direction of home.
But we were having so much fun that I couldn't seem to recall the things we talked about.
Except for a few things, of course.
We were enjoying each other's company so much that time seemed to fly by.
As we were walking, we stopped our tracks as we found ourselves before the park.
"Hey, how about we stop by for a while?" I suggested. My feet were sore from walking, anyway. Makes me wonder why I didn't take the cab that day.
"Sure," the two of us walked towards a bench just located at the corner of the park. And it so happened that it was just the two of us in there.
The both of us sat on the bench, seated beside each other. It was silent for a while, until Matthias cracked up a conversation-starter.
"So...I've been meaning to ask you something. Why d'you dislike the color vermillion?"
Well after I said I didn't like the color, of course I'd be expecting him to ask me the reason why.
"I mean, it's a pretty color. It reminds me of the sunset."
"Exactly why I don't like it," I suddenly blurted out. "But at the same time, I like it as well."
"What? You like and dislike it at the same time? I don't get it," he was confused.
"Well.." I cleared my throat. "I like that color because...well...it was the color of the sky when you saved me," I told him as I smiled faintly at him.
"Saved you? When and from what?" Oh well, he seemed to have forgotten what happened two years ago.
I chuckled.
"You forgot, didn't you?"
"Forgot what?" he asked.
"You know, two years ago. On the rooftop," I answered in broken phrases.
That would give him a clue since I really didn't like talking about my attempt to jump off in great detail.
"Oh! I remember you tried to jump off-"
"Yes, that was it."
"But why'd you like that color because of a depressing moment such as that?" Well, he was curious. So I had to answer.
"It wasn't the moment that made me like the color. It was you," I took a glance at his eyes. I swear I could see him fluster at my answer.
"W-Well.." his azure eyes began to stray away from mine.
"I was at my most depressing phase that time and I never even expected someone would actually care if I was gone for good," I swear, that was the sincerest talk I've ever had with him.
"Well..." his eyes met back with mine. "That's sweet," he beamed that kind smile, the one thing I really loved seeing him wearing on his face.
"And well, how you cared and treated me nice...I love that about you," I added to my statement, blushing slightly.
"Who could've thought that we'd become the bestest friends, huh?" Matthias added cheerfully, as the blush on his cheeks became faint.
"Yeah and it seems like we met just yesterday," I added.
Time does flow fast when you're around a person you enjoy being with.
"And also, another question."
"Hm?"
"Why do you dislike vermillion at the same time?" he asked.
That color always seemed to bring up the highlights in my life.
Hope, love, joy and most especially...
Guilt.

"Well," I gulped, readying myself for the feels I was about to tell him. "When I was fifteen, I ran away from home. I had a very abusive step-father who would do nothing but drink all day, and do all his other vices as he let my mother do all the shit he wanted her to do along with my siblings and me, as well He would often beat us up and well...life was just hell there," I paused briefly.
"One day I saw my mother beating up my mother to death that I...that I had to run away," I began to tremble at the thought.
"I was so scared that I even left my siblings behind and pocketed all the money I could find for myself, leaving very little for my siblings. I know I could've reported it to the authorities and bring my siblings along, but...I was too scared that he might find out if I did. So with the money, I started a life of my own," I slowly began to calm down.
"Of course, the money I got wasn't enough to sustain me for a year given that I traveled miles just to get away from that place. Although I wanted to come back, I was just...I wasn't ready to discover the state of my siblings. I don't even know if they're still alive. So I got a part-time job to pay for my tuition, my rent, and also for daily necessities. And at the same time, I was too much filled with guilt at the thought that I left my siblings behind that I...I couldn't take it," I paused, biting my lip before I could proceed with my explanation.
"So that's why you saw me at the rooftop," I paused yet again, having a brief moment of silence to myself.
"It was the only escape I could think of. Until you stopped me," a faint smile graced my face as my gaze then turned to Matthias.
"Well," he chuckled heartily. "It's my job as your friend, after all. I mean, after I saw how lonely you were, I just couldn't leave you behind. I don't want anyone seeing just because I ignored them and did nothing to uplift their state. Besides, even though we weren't that close that time, I cared for you."
"Thank you. So much," then, I rested my head against his shoulder as I then slowly closed my eyes. I'm pretty sure the sun was setting that time. And the sky glowed a beautiful vermillion.

"Hey (y/n), you aren't planning on sleeping are you?" he asked.
"Yeah," I yawned. "Besides, my boss isn't around today so I wouldn't mind staying like this for a while," I added as I nudged closer towards him.
"Just wake me up when it's getting late, alright?" I requested of him.
"Alright," he laughed softly.
"And oh, (y/n)?"
"Yeah?"
"Let's go visit your siblings someday, alright?" he said. Well, after he heard my story I guess he was moved.
"But I'm scared," I muttered.
"Don't be," he clasped my hand tightly. "Besides, we're going together."
"Okay," I smiled happily, relieved that someone would be around for me when I go to that place, and someone who would make me ready to witness whatever the state of my siblings would be.
"Anyway, you can go sleep now. Good night."
"Good night," then, I began to doze off, with my mind at ease.

Then, I fell into a rather deep sleep for I don't know how long. Suddenly, I felt myself moving. Although I was still sleeping.
Sleepwalking?
No, but my feet weren't touching the ground at all. Curious to find out, I fluttered my eyes open and found myself being carried on Matthias's back.
"Hey..." I sleepily muttered out.
"Oh, you're awake," Matthias remarked as he headed to the direction of our place. Well, we were living in the same apartment complex anyway.
"What time is it?" I groggily asked.
"No idea. But as you can see, it's already dark," he replied.
"Oh." And with that, I craned my neck to see the night sky, the stars decorating the pitch-black darkness.
"It's beautiful," I commented at the sight.
"What is?"
"The sky," I replied. Then, he looked up at the sky as well, witnessing the same beautiful sight I did.
"You're right, it is."
"Anyway, how come you didn't wake me up?" I asked him. I told him to wake him up when it was getting late, anyway.
"Actually, I did try to wake you up but you looked like you were in such a deep sleep," he answered.
"Oh."
"And besides, you looked so cute when you were sleeping," he snickered.
"Oh, you tease," I hit his head slightly with the side of my hand.
"Anyway, don't you find me heavy at all?" I asked.
"Nah."
Then, after several paces, we arrived before my apartment unit. He put me down as we were then about to part ways.
Oh wait, I wouldn't call it that since we live in the same building after all.
"Well I'll see you in the morning," Matthias told me as he stepped on the stairs, about to head downstairs.
"Alright, see ya," I waved at him as he then descended from the stairs.
"Night night!" he waved back at me.
"Good night."

All dressed up for bed, I flopped on to the mattress as I then pulled up the sheets over me, ready for tomorrow. But before I could even go to sleep, I held out the necklace he gave me and looked at the pendant, shining a vermillion color.
That color was a constant reminder of the two years we spent with one another as the best of friends.
Two wonderful years.

Vermillion.
I like that color.

Then, as weeks, and even months passed we turned much closer with one another.
Too close, that is.
From friendship, to best friendship, our relationship blossomed into something much more beautiful.
Something people call love.
The romantic kind of love, to say so myself.

It was February 14th. Everyone was totally in a frenzy in giving their crushes or the one they really admired chocolates, love letters, flowers, and the like. And the usual, I didn't expect anyone to give me anything for Valentine's day since well, I'm not really that well-known and besides, who would ever lower their standards to like someone such as me?

Or so I thought.

At that time, I began to develop feelings for my best friend, Matthias. But then I wasn't expecting he would even feel the same for me because that would be delusional of me to think that someone would immediately have feelings for me at all. There were a lot of girls out there prettier and better than I am.
Matthias was seated before his desk, seeming somewhat busy with something.
Curious, I took a peek.
"Ooh, who's that for~?" I saw him put pretty colorful beads through a string to form a bracelet.
And I really hoped that was for me.
"N-Nothing! It's nothing, really," he blushed brightly like a tomato as he hid the unfinished bracelet under his desk. I've never really even seem him that nervous. Actually, that was my first time seeing him like that.
"Oh well, whoever you're giving that to, I wish you good luck!" I gave him a pat on the shoulder.
Little did I know that was for me.
Then, I went back to my seat to read in advance the upcoming topics for Chemistry. Then shortly enough, queen bee appeared in front of me.
"Oh look at the lonely little girl~" he said with that mocking tone as usual.
"How pitiful of you, how come your boyfriend didn't give you any chocolates? Doesn't he love you?" she said, trying to show off the mountain of sweets she received from her admirers, which were carried by her so-called minions.
"Well, at least he cares about my health. Unlike you who's gonna get diabetes and possibly get your leg amputated," I striked yet again with sass.
"Well, you bitch!" she shrieked, clearly pissed at me.
"Clever bitch, that is," I blurted out.
"Oogh!" she let out in pure annoyance. "Come on girls, let's go!" she left my area as she walked towards her seat with the minions, clearly suffering with all that load they were carrying. Honestly, I pitied them.
With that successful action of mine, I grinned to myself.
Having settled the little 'dispute', I turned toward Matthias to crack a conversation.
"So Matthias, that sure is new of you to actually give something to someone on Valentine's day,"

'Please let it be me, please let it be me please let it be me.'

"Y-Yeah.." he was still looking nervous, even avoiding eye contact with me as he worked on the little gift.
And after that very short conversation, the two of us were separated by a barrier of quietness.
Not even a word was spoken between the two of us. He wouldn't even look at me, he wouldn't talk to me at all even in lunch break that I grew quite suspicious of what was going on in his mind.

'What was he hiding from me?'

But then, all that was revealed later on when classes were over.

6:34 PM.

The two of us were walking down the corridor together, Matthias still keeping silent until he halted and finally started talking.
I wasn't at all used to him keeping quiet that long.
"(y/n), I've been meaning to tell you something," he told me, his gaze still averted from me as he twiddled his thumbs together nervously. And boy, was he cutely blushing.
"Yeah, what is it?" I turned to look at him.
"You know...I feel weird when I'm around you recently..." he muttered almost inaudibly.
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" I asked with a slight chuckle.
"Listen, when I'm around you, I can't think of anything else but the thought of just having you around by my said and my brain just goes all stupid."
I was pretty sure of what he was trying to imply.

He was in love.
With me.

With that, I was left speechless and continued on listening to his statement.
"You're the only one who was there for me unlike the fake friends I have in class and I-" he paused, as he shut his eyes tightly, as if he was about to let out something he never thought he'd say.
"I love you."
My heart pumped faster at his words. I know that he says he loves me a lot but that was platonic.
This time was different.
Just hearing those words being uttered, I couldn't help but feel a smile twitch on my lips.
"I know it might sound crazy that a loud, obnoxious person as I am would love someone as pretty and perfect as you-"
"I get it, Matthias, I interrupted him, a faint blush dusting my cheeks. "You're in love with me."
"To tell you the truth, I have feelings for you too..." I told him as I rubbed my arm.
"But I never thought that you would actually have feelings for me as well. That's wonderful, because...I never thought that someone as imperfect as I am would be liked by you," I added. And with those, he brought his lips to a smile and then laughed.
"Well..." he began to break out from that shy and nervous trance I wasn't used to seeing him in. "I never thought that I could fall in love with my best friend."
"Well you can't expect everything the way you think it's gonna go, can you?" I giggled shyly.
"I guess that's true..." he looked to the sides, then returned his glance back at me. And after that, brief silence.
"Anyway, I wanted to give this to you," he said as he reached into his pocket and got out what seems to be a bracelet.
The bracelet he spent the whole day making, specifically.
"I know it's not the prettiest bracelet in the world but I hope you'll like it..." he muttered as he put it around my writ.
"I love it," I commented, looking at the sunlight shine beautifully through the clear, multicolored beads.
"R-Really?"
"Of course!" I responded brightly. "You made it, after all."
"Thank you."
"I'll never lose this," I said, holding up the bracelet. "And the necklace you bought me too."
"Oh, you better not, I worked hard and spent money for that!" he boasted.
"Of course I won't," I chuckled.
"So...are we cool? No awkward feelings?" he asked me.
"Nope, not at all!" I said cheerfully.
"So um...I guess that makes 'us' now?" he shyly asked.
"Well um..." I began to blush wildly as my eyes began to go out of control, just blinking and moving randomly.
"I'll take that as a yes," Matthias laughed.
"You do know how read my mind, don't you...?"
"Mh-hmm!"
"Anyway..." I was hesitating to hold his hand, but just settled on holding it anyway and gazed deeply into those beautiful, sapphire eyes of his. "Let's go home, shall we?"
"Alright!" he responded ever so enthusiastically as we stormed down the corridors, heading towards the exit hand in hand.
As we reached the exit, we were greeted by a beautiful sight.

A vermillion sky, with the sun adding in warm golden and pinkish tones as white clouds dotted the background to form a pretty picture.
"It's beautiful isn't it?"
"Yeah, it is..." I smiled as I looked up at the sky, tightening my grip on his hand.
As he felt me tighten my grip on him, he turned his head towards my direction and smiled sweetly at him. If his smiles were candy, then I'm pretty sure I would've gotten diabetes by now.
And well...he just stared at my face for a while.
"Umm..is their something on my face?" I asked.
"Yep," he nodded.
"What is it?"
"Me," he leaned towards me and planted a peck on my cheek. I seriously did not expect that. That was even my first kiss!
"Aww, I wanted to do that for a long time," he giggled.
"W-What did you think you just do?!" I exclaimed, flustering a bright crimson as I pressed my hand against the spot where he planted a kiss.
"I kissed you, what else?"
"B-B-But isn't that too early-"
"Nah. Besides, we've known each other for a while now and it's only natural for me that I wouldn't feel awkward at thing such as that. And besides, it's just a kiss on the cheek," he told me.
"Oh well. Okay then," I looked down, my cheeks still flaring red. I couldn't even think of anything to say.
"Hey hey, don't feel awkward around me," he patted my back. "Besides, we already got to confess to one another, didn't we?"
"Y-Yeah.."
"Anyway, you wanna go home or not?" he pulled my hand towards his direction.
"Okay, let's go."

Then, we went on our way and walked towards home. After several yards, we arrived before the apartment complex.
"I'll see you tomorrow, (y/n)!" he said cheerfully as he waved a hand at me.
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow," I smiled faintly as I reached for the doorknob.
Then, he descended from the stairs and went to his apartment unit to get ready for a new day.

I was strangely overwhelmed that day.
Having known that someone you loved secretly happened to love you as well. And I got a kiss too!
Who wouldn't be overwhelmed by that?
I finally found it.

I found my happiness.
It was him.

A color burning warm and brightly.
Vivid.
Just like my emotions for the true happiness I just found.

Vermillion.
I love that color.

Everyday with him was simply bliss. I forgot worry, fear or troubles whenever I was around him.
We didn't really go on a date, though even though it's the usual thing that people in a relationship do since well...everyday with him was already like a date.
I was truly happy. We even managed to save up money and visit my siblings to find out they were perfectly fine. Although they were adopted by a very nice couple to take care of them. I apologized to them and surprisingly enough, they forgave me.
I was certain we would last for long and hoped for the best for the two of us.
But our love, although sweet, was ephemeral.

Cut short by circumstances.

Monday.
Matthias wasn't around.
I checked his apartment unit but it looked like he wasn't around at all. He didn't even answer my calls.
I was starting to get worried.
Worried that something might've happened to him.

'Keep calm, he's gonna be alright,'

I'd often say to myself quietly as a mantra constantly in all hopes of relieving my worries.

'Keep calm, he's gonna be alright,'

I repeated to myself once more as I massaged my temples.

The next day was the same thing again.
He wouldn't answer my calls.
He wasn't in his apartment and his seat was empty yet again. My anxiety only grew worse.
I was worried sick for him.

'What if I lose him?'
'What if something happens to him?'

I couldn't think straight.
I couldn't think clearly.
I was far too occupied with worry.

Throughout the time he wasn't around, I would often wait for him by his door, oftentimes even ending up sleeping outside. But when I awoke, it was always the same thing.
He still wasn't there.
I had been sleepless for nights.
I couldn't even sleep with ease because of the worry I had.
There was one time I got on my knees and prayed for him to be safe.
"Please...wherever he is..please let him be safe," I pleaded, with hands clasped tightly in prayer.

He was declared lost and the authorities were on the search for him.

A week passed, and there was still no sign of him.
School had become depressing because of his absence.
I felt like I was alone all over again.

'Where are you when I need you, Matthias?'

Classes were just dismissed and I was about to be heading home. Alone like I did for the rest of the week. I kept silent for the whole week.
Far too anxious to even do anything.
As I walked down the halls, I noticed a familiar figure.
The blonde hair, tall stature.
It was all familiar.
It was someone I've spent days worrying about.

Matthias.

"Matthias!" I shouted out with glee as tears of joy watered my eyes. "Where have you been?!" I ran towards him to give him a warm embrace.
He turned towards me yet he didn't speak at all.
He just smiled at me.
I neared him. I was about to wrap my arms around him in an embrace until-

I woke up.

I woke up with tears in my eyes.
I was greeted by a bright scarlet sky.
The same color of the sky when the happy highlights of my life occurred.

And the same color of the sky when I said my last farewell to him.
A mournful crimson shade.

He never really showed up at all.
Alive.
A week after he was deemed lost, he was found by the creek, dead. With multiple stab wounds on his chest.
It was a truly morbid sight for me.
It was a morbid sight for me, and the people who loved him.

I loved him dearly.

Yet that time, I couldn't accept the fact that he was gone.

I was being delusional for three years.

I was living in the delusion that he was still alive, made myself believe a lie I made up for myself, all the while making my life miserable.

But he wouldn't want that would he?

But then I decided it was time to let all that go.
To accept reality, to face the truth.
The painful truth.

I got up from the grassy ground as I then overlooked the sea, waves crashing against the shore.
I was on a cliff.
I rubbed the tears away from my eyes.

Holding onto the pendant he gave me years ago, I put on a brave face.
I had to have courage to let go of the past and leave it all behind.
To move on.
I got the necklace off my neck and saw how beautifully it shone against the sunlight.
I took off the bracelet from my wrist as well and clasped it tightly against my hand and kissed them.

I took a deep breath, and then threw them into the water, letting go of the delusions and sad thoughts that plagued my mind, and distorted my view of the world.
I had to move on for the better.
"I love you, Matthias," I muttered out quietly as I could feel tears trickle down my face.

It was goodbye all over again.

Vermillion.
It brought out some tragic memories.
Memories of guilt, loss and depression.

Vermillion.
It reminded me of love, joy.
It reminded me when he showed me hope.
Hope that life would gradually get better.

I hated yet loved that color.
But now, it symbolizes hope for me.

Hope to start on with a new life and to leave the past behind.
It was all about finding happiness.

And that happiness was him.

Vermillion.
A color of hope.

-END

So guys, how was it? Did you like my first reader insert fanfic? I hope you did since oh man, I spent days just trying to think up of the plot.
So was anyone totally expecting the plot twist?
Let me know!

And oh by the way, this fanfic is dedicated to my senpai/ate/bae Ricah as her birthday gift. u v u