Yeah, it was true. Joanne dumped Maureen. She said it was because she had enough of her flirtatious personality. I suppose she never really understood that it was just who she was. I did, I understood. I knew she was devoted to me when we were together... at least, thats what I hoped. How could Joanne have done this? How could anyone give up someone as beautiful as Maureen just because of a little bit of jealousy? Of course Joanne is still a member of the family. She and Maureen? It took a while for Mo to get over it, but she managed. They're just friends.
Yeah, it was true. I still loved Maureen. I never got over her, never. For some reason, some indescribable desire still followed me around like a shadow. I never said anything, I would never admit to it that I was still madly, uncontrollably, and desperately in love with her. Now that she was single (from what I knew, at least) I thought there was a chance that maybe, just maybe, I could be with her once again, not take her for granted like the last time. She always blamed herself for our breakup. She was very sweet about it. She cried, "Pookie... I can't love you anymore.". She wanted to love me, she said, but there was this lawyer that just stole her away. All I wanted was for Maureen to be happy, but I still longed to hold her again.
So, here I am. Sitting here holding my camera, thinking about her again. It has been two years since our breakup, yet I still feel no different for her. Every time I see Roger and Mimi holding each other in their arms, I couldn't help but feel so jealous. They reminded me of us, Maureen and Mark, Mark and Maureen. The way Roger longed for Mimi, the way Mimi caressed Roger... now all I had were the memories.
I hesitated to put my camera beside me. I slowly got up off of the cheap, worn out couch and walked over to a drawer where I kept all of my rolls of film. I scanned each one, "Collins and Angel", "Mark's Barmitszvah", "New Years Eve"... aha! "Mark and Maureen". I eagerly took it out of the messy stack and slid it into my projector that had been up since Christmas Eve. A quick title screen appeared, in my usual black-and-white vintage style. "Mark and Maureen. 1988-1989" it flashed. My film began with Maureen and I laughing at her mother and father's 30th wedding anniversary party that, for some reason, I was invited to. Then there was a shot of Maureen giving me the most amazing back massage I had ever received. Then there was a shot of her holding my hands, complaining about how Roger was always making fun of her for calling me at 3AM just to tell me about her lost slipper, imploring me to come over and help her find it. The next scene was of us making out. Oh god, it was too much to handle. I looked away, but I was so hard right now. I missed her mouth. I looked down and blushed, even though I was alone, ashamed of myself. I hugged my knees to my chest, something I did not do regularly, to distract myself from my... excitement. I wanted to turn it off, but I couldn't resist watching more. Next was a scene of me sitting on her stoop, Maureen was stroking my hair and kissing my neck. Good thing the camera showed nothing below the chest. Oh god... I missed her so much.
"Having fun, Mark?" the unexpected voice of Roger called from the other side of the room. I jumped up and turned the projector off as fast as I possibly could. I turned to him, my face probably bright red. "No!" I demanded.
Roger looked down "Oh no?" he laughed, pointing to a place I did not like Roger to notice.
"Shut up!" I said in the same tone. "I thought you were asleep." I tried to distract him.
"Yeah, well, Mimi likes to roll around and hit me in the face in her sleep." he said, opening the cabinet in the "kitchen" to get out a banana. He pointed it at my...well, you know where, and chuckled. "You wanna go take care of that?" he asked, pointing his eyes in the direction of the bathroom. I grimaced at him as he took a bite out of his banana, not taking him up on the offer. "Its not my fault..." I said, more embarrassed that I still loved Maureen than at my erection.
"Not you're fault? Then whose fault is it, Mark?" Roger said, walking towards me. Ugh, this was not helping me at all. "You have to learn to move on! I don't understand you!" he said, patting me on the shoulder, throwing out his banana peel before heading back to his and Mimi's bedroom. I just stood there, not moving an inch.
"Oh, and if you still want to take care of that little problem, you can. I promise I wont listen." He chuckled and left the room. He was right, he didn't understand. I didn't want my hand, I wanted Maureen. Maureen the beautiful, the loving, the sexy, carefree Maureen. I decided to lay down on the couch tonight, staring up at the ceiling thinking about her until my energy died completely. Every night it was the same routine. I would just think and think, sometimes until sunrise with not a wink of sleep. I was getting close to my limit, and I knew I had to do something about it.