Title inspired from the Avril Levine song.

I started this the day after I saw TASM2 but never was motivated to finish it. Now, since I have a doctor's appointmentsoon, I decided to finish it and post it.

AN: I tried out a differentstyle of writing (I don't even know what I was trying to do) but I hope it's still good enough.

Five months later and not a day goes by where I can't think about that day.

Whenever I leave, I think about how you're alone in the cold hard ground.

When I come back, it reminds me that I put you here.

It's like an endless loop, the replay button jammed and stuck forever.

I know that if you were here you would tell me it's not my fault.

You'd comfort me in that way only you could.

You were my rock.

One of the only things that kept me grounded,

But now your gone.

I should have done more to protect you.

If I did then I would get a chance to see you smile again.

I'm sorry I let you down Gwen.

I'm sorry that your precious life was cut short because of me.

I should have listened to your dad.

I should have cut ties with you the moment you found out I was Spider-Man.

You were so damn stubborn though.

You knew the risks but you didn't care.

If only I tried harder to push you away.

I could have lied and told you I hated you and never wanted to see you again

But we both knew I could never lie like that.

It's too obvious that I love you.

And because of my love and selfishness,

I hurt you,

Your family,

Your friends

And everyone else around you.

You could-should have gone to England.

You could've become the worlds greatest scientist.

You're smarter than Dr. Conners,

You're smarter than my dad,

Hell, you're smarter than me.

If you could just give me a sign that you're listening…

Please, I need to know that you're happy, in a Heaven with your dad,

And Riley,

Your dog that died when you were ten.

I hope it's supplied with endless mint chocolate chip ice cream,

Since I know that's your favorite flavor,

And your favorite blue sweater you loved so much.

I'm just a wishful thinker like that.

I still wish that it was all just some horrible nightmare,

That Aunt Sally will wake me up,

And pester me on why I've been acting so strange,

Instead of just trying to get me out of bed

And stand beside your grave for the whole day

I guess all I'm trying to say is that

I need you.

I miss you.

I love you.