A/N: I don't own Gokusen because if I did 1) it's be really cool and 2) I'd be hanging out with them and not writing about them (yes I'm aware that they are fictional people!) J
In short, please don't sue me because I'm just a poor college student and you'll get nothing out of me. On that note please enjoy chapter 1!
"What are we doing this weekend?" Ichi asked as we walked by the lake on the way to school. The last bell, no the FIRST bell of the day hasn't rang, and yet we were all looking forward to the up coming days off.
"Karaoke!" Yelled Honjo.
"Yeah!" Kura replied happily.
"We always go karaoke." Kamiya complained.
"Then do you have any other suggestions?" Ren asked.
"Nope." He quickly replied.
"Ok then Karaoke it is!" Ren yelled.
"Are you going to come too, Yamato?" Honjo asked me.
"Sure." I replied in my usual board tone, as we entered the 3-D classroom and took our seats in the back.
Though I sounded board I was actually really excited I could go out tonight with my friends and not worry about repercussions with my parents because they were going to be gone for mostly the whole night.
"Good morning umera!" Yankumi greeted enthusiastically as she walked into the classroom that morning like every other.
"Are we all ready for a fun filled day of learning?" She asked us as jovial as ever.
My mind drifted off as I thought about how much fun I was going to have tonight…
BRING BRING BRING
We all jumped up from our seats and headed for the door at the same time desperate to put as much distance between ourselves and the school as possible until we were forced o return on Monday.
"All right, FREEDOM!" Kura said running, jumping and throwing his fist up into the air, "Lets go!"
I had managed to go an entire hour and a half without having to sing, but I knew I had no escape when Ichi said he wanted to sing "Love So Sweet" by Arashi seeing as how it was a five person song and Honjo was still in the bathroom. So the rest of us got up and sang.
By the time the song ended we were all laughing and singing and when Honjo came back he did some of the dance moves from the music video. And I was laughing openly, out loud, in front of them and it was the first time in a long time that I ever let myself be so exposed.
It was after midnight when we left, still in high spirits. Laughter and smiles directed the way to our parting point. Only me and Ren going in the same general direction.
"You had fun tonight Yamo-kun." It wasn't a question, it was more of what he had observed of me that night. I don't know when he started calling me 'Yamo-kun', but he only did it when were alone, and I like it, so I let him.
"So did you Ren-chan." He laughed and smiled. He liked it when I called him 'Ren-chan' or 'Kaza-kun' I don't know when I started calling him these names, but I like it, and he lets me.
"Yeah, I had a lot of fun, especially since Yamo-kun was having so much fun. You sing really well, you were so cute when you sang "Care" by Jin Akanishi." He said smiling.
I like it, no I love it when he smiles. No other person could look so cute and innocent, yet seductively alluring when they smiled. The commingling of naiveness and experience trapped in one dazzling, dangerous- at least around me- smile.
He missed the street where he was supposed to turn down to go home. Instead he kept walking with me, smiling at me. My heart was starting to hammer and my palms were starting to sweat under the gleam of that smile.
My palms have always been overly dry and non-sweaty.
"I had fun with Ren-chan, too." I said, smiling back at him.
"Really?"
"Yes!" I said matching his enthusiasm and smile with my own.
I never thought his smile could be get any bigger or brighter then it already was. But it did, and then…he hugged me.
He pulled me into his arms and held me tight to his chest. His arms were warm and strong and safe and I could feel his heartbeat.
It beat into my chest, beat into my heart, beat into my veins.
I lifted my arms and wrapped them around him too. And I could no longer hear his heart beating or feel my own heart beating. Him and I together. Our heart beats weren't syncopated in fact it was the opposite. When one heart thumped the other didn't, no time elapsed between his and my heart so it didn't sound or feel like two hearts beating together, but one heart beating for two.
Him and I. Ren and Yamato.
Me and Him. Yamato and Ren.
I've never given anyone a hug before, so I don't know how long I should hold on to him for.
I would hold onto him forever if time would allow me to, but time rarely allows us to indulge in good things for too long and eventually I had to let go. So, reluctantly, I lowered my arms and smiled at him and he smiled back at me. I watched him retrace his steps back to the street he should have already turned down to go home.
And even after I couldn't see him anymore I still watched the street. Listening to the disappearance of footsteps and then silence. I can still feel his arms wrapped around my waste. His heart beat was still beating through me and my veins were on fire with wanting.
I've never been a person who-despite being rich, or maybe in spite of it-truly ever wanted a lot of things in my life. But at this moment I truly wanted, with a fire that was burning me from the inside and readying to spill out, two things in this world:
Ren
And
2. To be free.
And money can buy me neither of the two.
The buzz, the feeling, the beating in my veins. I took them all and buried them deep inside myself. Hid them away afraid that if He saw them, somehow felt them or was inclined in anyway to think that I was feeling something more then my usual detached self that he would take all of these feelings away.
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" He asked me, dangerously low in tone.
I said nothing, he didn't want an answer, he wanted to scream at someone. He wanted to hit someone, he wanted to hit me.
"Where the hell were you?"
His volume and anger mixed together and smacked me in the face, hard, brutal, and merciless. It took me a minute to figure out if he had actually struck me as he yelled, but that was just his warm up. It was going to get worse.
"I was out with my friends from school." A simple answer. A simply wrong answer.
"HA! You call those loser delinquents your friends. Let me tell you something those idiots are no good trash. Societies mistakes, genetic hiccups that soon will be disposed of from the world. Nobody cares about them. And you, my own son, is going to the same school as them makes you no better!" By this time he was not even an inch from my face. Alcohol and bitterness fell strong from his mouth and then he hit me.
His fist connecting strong and steady to the side of my face. I'm not weak so I withstand the blow, but I know I can't take them all.
"My own son society trash. Do you know what you've done to our family name? How you've effected the way people see me!" He hissed as his gruff hands pulled at the collar of my shirt and he dragged me up the stairs. The last thing I see before he shoves me in my room is a flickering at the end of the hallway. My mother faking sleep as the TV plays as background noise in their room.
The door slams shut and I'm encased in darkness. A heavy thick darkness that pushes down on your lungs and hinders your breathing. A heavy thick darkness that restricts your vocal cords. A heavy thick darkness that never lets up no matter what time of day it is.
"Just remember that everything your getting you deserve. You brought this on to yourself. Besides what kind of father would I be if I didn't punish you when you did the wrong thing?"
I heard the sound of his belt buckle coming undone, his pants hitting the floor. No warning before he shoved himself into my mouth. "Suck!" Was his one worded command.
I wanted to puke, but I knew that physical illness on my part would only lead to more pain latter on. So, reluctantly, I started moving my mouth up and down his already hard shaft. His moans of pleaser made my skin crawl. His hands where grabbing fists full of my hair as he kept slamming himself further into my mouth, almost chocking me.
He also gave no warning when he came into my mouth.
I gagged, but he was on too much of a high to fully notice it. When he started coming down from his orgasm he smiled at me, a cruel inhuman deadly smile. He grabbed me and yanked off my pants and boxers at the same time. Positioning himself at my entrance I scream as he thrust himself inside of me. It feels like I'm being torn apart, I don't let a single tear fall.
When days like these happen I like to try and completely leave myself behind. Imagine what my life would have been like if I were someone else. With different parents, in a different school, in a different place. Would I be happier? Sadder? Would I be different at all?
But if I was somebody else I would have never met Ren. Quite possibly the best person in my life. Quite possibly the best person in any life I could have had the chance to lead. Happiness was defiantly a NO if Ren wasn't around.
With a satisfied moan he came inside of me. Put on his pants, tightened his belt and left.
I don't know how long I laid there on the floor, but eventually a wave of vomit came crashing out of my mouth.
I have no escape…
Forgetting the vomit that was on the floor and smeared across my front I get up, put my pants back on and grab my duffle bag from the back of my closet. Throwing in anything that I think I need. One thought and one thought only racing through my head.
Don't forget anything you need because you're never coming back to this place again!
Once everything I can think of is in the duffle bag I grab a jacket, put it on to cover the puke stains, and my school bag. I throw the duffle and school bag out the window and climb down the tree. I jump down the last few feet and land on my feet. Grabbing my things I take off running.
I don't know what direction I'm running in, or when I'm going to stop, but I have to keep going until I can't run anymore. I have to keep going until I can't breath anymore.
I can't breath anymore, and as the sound of worn out sneakers hitting flat pavement disappears, I slow to a stop and sit on a park bench.
My breathing is still uneven, and the tears being to fall from my eyes.
It's not because of the pain, I tell myself. Or the fact that I'm still alone despite everything. Or because I have no where to go.
NO! It's because of the stench of the puke that's on the front of my shirt.
Yeah, that's why the tears are falling from my eyes. Maybe if I keep thinking that it'll be true.
"Yamato? Is that you?" I froze, who could possibly be out at this time of night. Or is it day? I think it might be around 2:00 in the morning right now.
I turn around and my eyes widen because looking back at me are the concerned brown eyes that belong to the one and only…..