Whatever It Takes, a ncis fanfic

The second songfic of the day, V suggested this song and I loved this one too. Who wouldn't, it's Lifehouse!

Changed a bit of history (end season 5) and I tried to do some research but when I looked through some facts about Judgement Day my stomach started to turn. And I just couldn't take it anymore.

Whatever It Takes

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

"Once upon a time I would've asked you to stay. And I wouldn't have taken no for an answer."

"No."

"What happened Jethro?"

"You made a choice."

"I had to do what was best for me. I still do." (- Lost and Found)

She supposed that it didn't matter anymore that her choice had changed. It had hurt when he said no that night, maybe just as much as it had hurt him when she said it the first time. If only she could go back and make her old egoistical self change her mind.

It would make things so much easier.

Behind the closed door she took a few deep breaths to make the stinging feeling in her chest a little less prominent. She knew he had a very good reason not to pass the threshold that night, and it hadn't been the ten year old in her study.

Just to comfort herself and Carson she made them some hot chocolate and dropped lots of marshmellows in their mugs before she sent him off to bed. She finished her own mug and cleaned up for a little bit before she decided she should probably get some sleep too.

Like every other night she glanced out the window to the street, checking if her security detail was still there. She felt a bit sorry for them, staying outside like that the entire night, but they had refused to stay inside, saying that they were ordered to guard her from outside her house, not the inside.

But tonight, it was not the usual silver coloured BMW in front of her house. It was a dark car. A car she recognised immediately.

It was Jethro's.

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes

With a quick glance in the guestroom she headed downstairs again. She made some coffee and put it in the thermos flask she found in one of her kitchen cabinets. With her nightrobe firmly pulled around her she quickly crossed the street and opened the door of the car.

"I thought you might be thirsty." She looked down so that she could see his face, she saw the small smile on his face and took it as an invitation to sit down.

"Thank you Jen."

She gave him a brilliant smile in return, but showed no indication of leaving the car again.

"Shouldn't you be inside with the mini DiNozzo?"

"I just checked on him, he was fast asleep." He nodded, and the car filled with silence again. The tension could've been cut with a knife, but neither attempted to change it. Not knowing what to say, scared to say the wrong thing, but also scared the say the right things.

Finally Jenny spoke up again. "The door is open Jethro, you just have to walk through it." Her lips briefly touched his cheek and then she was gone again, running back across the street and with a last glance at the car, she closed the door behind her, but never locking it.

He sat there, dazed for a moment. Knowing that the invitation was still open. And that it was her that had made the first move this time. He had a choice to make, and he hoped he would be able to make it before the morning came again.

She said if we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see
She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me

He never went in that night, instead, he'd left a gardenia in her office, not with a note, but with a key attached to it. The gift was small, but to them it was big enough. Maybe there was a way back for them.

Slowly, and descreetly they had started to date again. Every place they'd went, it had been very low key making sure there was no chance they would end up in the gossip column of Stars and Stripes.

For their fourth date, they'd stayed at his house. Just a simple dinner and a night on the couch. Talking, reconnecting, making up for those lost years.

When he'd went to the kitchen to refill their glasses she'd walked around the room, and her eyes found the pictures on some of the bookshelves. Pictures of his team, people she didn't recognise but who were probably his Marine buddies, a picture of his parents, a few of Kelly and pictures of Shannon, Kelly and himself.

She picked one up, smiling at the obviously happy faces. It was a picture of the three of them at the beach, Kelly between her parents all of them walking hand in hand and Jethro and Shannon, sharing a smile over their daughter's head. Very much in love.

He put the glasses on the table, a little louder then necessary. Jen looked around, the frame still in her hands. She saw that his look had changed, that his eyes had become guarded again. He was afraid she was going to force him to talk about them. Just like Hollis did. She was sure of it. But she knew he wasn't ready. Not yet.

"You have to talk about them sometimes, maybe not today but soon. And if you want to talk, I'm here."

He nodded, not sure what to say. She put the frame back and walked over, he felt her hand lightly on his arm when she bent down to pick up her glass.

"I'm not going to claim I know what they would want. But I know for sure that they'd probably hate to see you like this. It was not your fault Jethro. Sooner or later you'll see that and only then you can mend your heart, make it ready to love someone else again."

He nodded again, glad she didn't insist on talking about it further. Inside, he knew she was right, but he wasn't ready to let it sink in. Not entirely. But after she finished, he saw the look in her eyes, the one that told him 'I just hope that someone else is me.'

And because of that, he knew he had to try to fix things. Starting with himself.

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together

They had made a new rule, no interruptions after 10pm. This time, they both had to make sacrifices, but neither minded, they were worth it.

One of those nights, he had finally opened up. He'd began to tell about Kelly, his beautiful baby girl. About Shannon, and how it felt to come home to find them gone. How strange it was, the people you left in the safety of their own home were the ones that died. How difficult it had been. Recovering, not only from their deaths, but also from his injury. The only thing he never told her much about was how he had found the man who killed them. She knew it was just to protect her, so she kept it that way.

He had cried that night, something she'd only see him do once, the night he'd come out of that coma and had to relive losing his wife and child all over again. Tonight she just held him, comforted him, told him it was okay and she promised not to leave him. Not yet.

I know you deserve much better
Remember the time I told you the way that I felt
And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

She never thought she was going to break the promise she made that night, but when she returned from the doctor she knew she had to. She loved him too much to let him see her like that. To leave him like that.

When he confronted her about it, she'd told him. Changing her mind once again. She needed him. As much as she hated to admit it, she did. So for a while she lost herself when he wrapped his arms around her. Her arms found their way around his neck and they held on to each other.

Whatever happened, they were going to face it together.