-REWRITE- HoOoOoOoOoO
We're doing an itty bitty rewrite of chapter oner! (thus making the rest of the fanfic more enticing!)
Well, not much more to say, save for this includes I, Clood, Natsama as… Nat, and TrampledRose/KittyKatFighter/Virtual Rose as Tilly. Ro is Ro. But Ro is later. Oh Ro…
We cannae own Naruto. Sucks.
Prologue: It all began with a coke can. We say nothing more because prologues are boring and no one likes them.
oOoOoOoOoOoOo - Claud's Swanky Apartment
Two girls draped themselves across a bed, drinking Diet Coke, staring at the TV screen, observing the latest English Naruto episode.
"Why am I here?" The girl with short, dark brown hair muttered.
"Yeah, why is a Japanese person such as yourself watching the dub? Or, did you mean that in the deep, meaningful sense…?" The other replied, sipping the coke, feeling the sugar rush. "Mmm… sugar…"
"Can you drink mine? It's too fizzy….oh, look! Claud, Orochimaru's on screen. Not that I care or anything. But just in case you didn't notice. You'd sob if you didn't notice."
"WOO!" The one named Claud ran to the back of the room and quickly pulled out pompoms and returned to her place on the bed. "But damn, that disguise pisses me off… He's much… cooler without it. But maybe that's because his disguise is that of a girl…"
"Someone like him is cool?"
"Your pedophile assumptions are not welcome here!" Claud grinned, and leaned closer to the TV, in an attempt to be closer to her favourite snake nin. Not that she knew many snake nins, but it's the thought that counts.
"Claud!" Nat cried in her exasperation. With a move as stealthy as a penguin on land, she flung her open can of coke at her friend but Claud being the person she was, saw a penny on her floor and lunged out of the way unknowing of the flying coke. But she missed the penny and hit the TV and the same time as the coke.
There was a bright flash of light, and Nat was left alone in the room.
"Buh?"
oOoOoOoOoOo – The Forest of Death
A kunai hit the top of Naruto's jacket, as he was pinned to a tree in the forest of death by Sakura as he fell. The pink haired kunoichi let out a sigh of relief, but that was marred by a bright, multi coloured vortex opening up above Naruto. A blonde haired girl fell from it, screaming her head off, and landed subsequently on Naruto.
"…A… ledge? Cool! I landed on a ledge!" She looked around to find herself in one of her favourite animes. "…Wait a second! This was just on TV! …Then that logically means… This isn't a ledge!" She turned around to see Naruto's jacket slowly ripping around the kunai. With a rare instance of quick thinking, she attempted to save her own life. "Wait… Er… Oreo! …er…Orochimaru-sama!" The one being addressed looked somewhat bemused. "I can see the future and if you rescue me now… I'll tell you when you'll kill the Third Hokage!" Claud then found herself standing on firm ground, still clutching Naruto by his jacket.
"Well…? What about Sarutobi…?" Claud pondered this.
"It will happen in about three arcs… and you must be very careful… do not let him get your arms!"
"…I do not normally expression confusion… but… I beg your pardon?" Replied Orochimaru.
"And take that silly disguise off, Oro! We all know it's fake!" Orochimaru's eyes widened. This girl can see through my jutsu?! What is she…?
"Anyway…er… back to the battle! We'll all pretend that I'm not here with my pompoms… and I think you're meant to be fighting Sasuke now…" Claud stepped to the side and let the two mentioned get on with it. She sat down and waved her pompoms a little, trying to ponder why it was that she was in one of her favourite animes, why she had lost some weight to be a skinny little ninja, and where the hell Nat was. The fact that her clothes were falling down due to her slight weight loss was somewhat "troublesome".
The fight was in its peak, Orochimaru had just gotten stuck to a tree and burnt, earning a little snigger from Claud who promptly remarked "Ha-ha, you got stuck to a tree…". A brief argument ensued, and it came to the bit where Sasuke was meant to be getting his Cursed Seal…
oOoOoOoOo – Claud's Swanky Apartment.
Nat's eyes slowly widened. Buh…?! She approached the TV cautiously. The TV was emitting a bad aura and Nat suddenly remembered that Claud's new-age TV was able to absorb Coke and blow up. Ah well, so all that means is to not get close to the TV…..WAA-
She tripped over the can of Coke.
oOoOoOoOo – Forest of Death
Nat dropped down from above, and landed on Sasuke's back, and felt a rather painful feeling in her neck, strangely as if she had been bitten. She paused, looking at the surroundings, spotted Claud, being bug-eyed and Orochimaru with a rather long neck and she wasn't able to see the head. Right…I'm sitting on…GAH! …Sasuke…and Claud is having a spaz attack, Orochimaru is looking slightly confused, Sakura is twitching, I'm in the Forest of Death, I've got an excruciating pain in my neck and I'm in Naruto.
"…………Bugger, I'm in Naruto. Wait…OH BLOODY FUCK!" Nat cried and promptly collapsed, clutching her neck.
"What is the meaning of this?!" Orochimaru cried. "My teacup broke, I saw one magpie, but…I am really having a bad day here……" he muttered to himself. Claud blinked.
"So if Nat got the Cursed Seal… Can I have one?" Orochimaru glared at her along with Team 7.
"Are you a ninja?"
"…No, not really."
"Can you fight to a slight degree?"
"…I do aikido."
"Do you know what chakra IS?"
"…Possibly. If you mean katra. Okay, fine. I'm not a ninja, but I do know what chakra is, and… er… OO! I know… I'll participate in the Chuunin exams, and I bet you that I'll be able to beat all of your subordinates, excluding Kabuto! …And if I can, do I get a seal?"
"…Yes." Claud threw her pompoms in the air and ran around screaming.
"I'm gonna be a prodigy la la la laa…." And tripped over a tree root. "My… vision is all funny…COOL! It's like all multi coloured and… cool, it's like I can simultaneously predict the movements of elemental chakra, thus pre-empting elemental attacks! Awesome!" Claud then continued for a while, predicting a series of attacks against Team 7 to the horror of everyone else at which point she then stopped and grinned sheepishly. "It's like I have a Kinky Genkai, only cooler!" Sakura blinked.
"I… think you DO have a Kekkei Genkai."
"…That's so awesomely amazing! Now I have a Kinky Genkai and a Kekkei Genkai!" Orochimaru sighed.
"…No, child. You only have a Kekkei Genkai."
"I only have a Kinky Genkai?"
"Oh my god, this is going to take a while… Bloodline Limit?"
"So I have a Kekkei Genkai, a Kinky Genkai AND a Bloodline Limit?"
"No."
oOoOoOoOoOo Claud's swanky apartment, a few hours later.
"I broke into your house again, Clood!" Yet another crazy person sniggered. "But alack, for where did you go? Ooo! A fizzy beverage-absorbing TV with a frozen image of some anime on it! …Kewel!" She reached out and poked the TV. "What the Hellsing?"
oOoOoOoOo Forest of Death, when everyone's MEANT to be worrying over an unconscious Sasuke under a tree root. Which they were. Just with Sasuke and Nat. The latter got slapped by Claud into Orochimaru's path and ended up with a seal.
"How could you slap Sasuke into such an evil man's path?" Sakura sobbed in Claud's general direction.
"Well, I got Oro to go away, right?"
"…By hugging him until he gave up."
"Yeah, but it worked. Oh! You know those Sound guys in the exams? They're gonna try to kill you all now." Sakura's eyes widened and very much on cue, the three Sound nins appeared, wanting to test Sasuke. But not Nat. Orochimaru wasn't interested in her.
"We have come to kill Sasuke…" Dosu said maliciously, raising his arm.
"Yeah, I already know. So piss off before I bite you all. Biting is my fighting style… ya know? And I can bite very, VERY hard." Claud defended, stepping in front of Sakura. "Dear God, did I just defend a person with PINK hair?" Dosu launched forward at Claud, using his sound arm. Which had no effect whatsoever.
"What in hell's name…? What happened to my sound waves?!"
"Heh, I guess all those hours of listening to my iPod buffed up my ears to the point that they became indestructible." Claud replied, smiling, finally working out why kids should be allowed to listen to iPods in class. Anyway, Claud then poked Dosu in the eye and bit him on the neck, muffling "Lookmph! Imph Ophochimufoo!" Translation: "Look! I'm Orochimaru!"
A squirrel hurried innocently out of the bushes, followed by a joke. Sorry, I mean, Rock Lee. "FUZZY EYEBROOOOWS!" Claud squealed excitedly, in the middle of a death battle with Dosu. Lee got beaten, expectedly and Sakura cut her hair off in a dramatic moment in the anime which Claud ruined, naturally, by hugging Sakura straight afterwards saying "You're growing up!" Whilst sniffling sarcastically. Team Ino-Shika-Chou appeared, and didn't do much good at defeating the Sound nins comparing to Claud, who was still biting the Sound nins unfortunate enough to be in range of her deadly Tackle-n-Bite combo.
Then of course, Neji appeared with Tenten, spying on the battle, gawking at Claud's rather… "unorthodox" taijutsu. If you can call it that…
Abruptly, as Sakura was about to be killed, a large, purple cascading aura rose from behind them all. Neji's eyes widened, "What the hell?" and clichéd gasps seemed to surround the area. Nat was on her feet, her head hung down freakishly.
"Oh dear, here goes the Samara obsession again…. Everyday she's like 'I am SAMARA' and is like Nat and then I'm like '…' and then she's like …GONNA PUNCH ME! CRAP!" And with a single movement, Nat sent Claud flying back several feet, swearing. Dosu's eyes slowly narrowed.
"….That's Sasuke-kun?"
"….No, that's my at the moment dysfunctional friend, Nat. Now THAT'S Sasuke." Claud, from her horizontal position on the floor, pointed over to another figure, Sasuke, who was also rising with the purple aura, Cursed Seal pulsing. He was also making a speech.
"I will avenge my family, even if I have to go to the Devil for strength…" Claud sniggered.
"I love dramatic irony! Cough. But seriously, you should like suppress the seal lest you get consumed by its awesomeness… Or evilness, one of the two, anyway, if it's left un-dealt with for a while, you go crazy and stuff. Cool! I'm like a seal expert! Call me Clood-Sen—" Sakura glanced at her.
"…Shut up, please…!" Anyway, back to the semi-dramatic thing. Claud stood up.
"Right. Nat. This has gone too far! …Wait, no, Sasuke, don't break Zaku's arms! …Too late. Anyway, Nat!" Claud marched over to her friend, dodged a few punches remarkably and slapped Nat, with the most glorious noise making slaps of all slaps. Nat's seal receded and she blinked.
"What was that for, dobe?"
"…I just saved you from the Cursed Seal, now! Let me save Sasuke—"
Nat punched her anyway over to her destination, regardless of her reduced power.
"…NICE!" Claud found herself at Sasuke's murderous feet—er… wrath.
"SASUKE-KUN! You've known me for about three hours, but still… don't do this, you're not a killer! But I am…" And she thus hugged Sasuke, much to Sakura's horror, who pushed Claud off and hugged Sasuke, who was already back to semi normality. If you can call ANGST! normality. Claud slapped Sakura.
"I hugged Sasuke first, ME, ALL ME!" Sakura slapped her back.
"I beat the seal!" SLAP.
"I DID!" SLAP.
"ME!" SLAP.
"…Which one of you hugged me?! Who?!" Sasuke cried in anguish, realizing most of the rookie Genins had seen.
"…HIM!" Sakura and Claud screamed, pointing at Dosu.
"What the heck is going on?!" Nat cried, having seen the…spectacle.
"Well, you and Sauce-kay-kun were all sealed up and then we were like 'zomg, we're all gonna die' then I was like SLAP and you were like unsealed and Sasuke was like 'mweeegh' and I was like 'SASUKE-KUN! You've known me for about three hours, but still… don't do this, you're not a killer! But I am…' and then he was like unsealed and Sakura was like 'MY BITCH' and I was like 'MINE' and that's pretty much as far as we've gotten." Claud replied, with a peace sign.
Nat slitted her eyes. "I don't need to know the rest; but aren't we supposed to get the scrolls now?" Claud grinned.
"Leave that to me." She turned around to face Dosu with a malicious grin on her face. "Round two starts now, any rabies that you catch are purely coincidental." Dosu's eyes widened, and he set down the scroll.
"You may have won now… But you won't be so lucky next time, Nat, Sasuke and… non descript crazy girl." Claud gasped.
"You do not know who I am? I AM ORO'S NEXT PRODIGY STUDENT, I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT NINJA-NESS YET—"
"Cough." Nat implied obviously. Claud glared at her friend.
"I WILL be the next Oro prodigy … I mean… OTOKAGE, BELIEVE IT!" There was a slight sweat drop moment, as the Sound nins quite promptly ran away. "Oh yes, teh power!"
Naruto glared at her. "You stole my catch phrase, believe it!"
"You have stupid hair, believe it!" And thus a pact of hate was formed between the main character and one of the OC main characters.
Claud walked over to the scroll and picked it up, still slightly unbelieving that she just defeated three Sound nins with biting and a crazy disposition. Not to mention the defeat of Orochimaru, one of the main villains, earlier. "…Well, now that we have the scroll… I guess we can defect from the Konoha lot and go by ourselves, Nat."
There was another flash of light, as once again, an OC descended from the sky, screaming some form of battle cry as she went. "CHAKA CHAKA CHAKAAA!" It was no one but Tilly from a few scenes ago. She landed on Sasuke, just like Nat had. "….I know you people!" She said, pointing around the area. "But… who the hell are you two!?" She asked to Nat and Claud, they both sweat dropped in unison.
"Tis us… Nat and Claud." The latter muttered, slightly confused as to why Tilly did not recognize them. "Is it the hair? Did it get burnt? Is it because I'm freakishly skinny like all the other ninja girls? Is it because I have a more malicious glint in my eyes than normal?!" Tilly blinked.
"OH MY GOD, THEY'RE ALL NINJAISH! And… How can I be here after only watching 8 episodes? I have no idea where the hell we are, and what the f is going fin on and that b Sasuke emo better not be fu … I should stop with that now…"
oOoOoOoOoOoOo - Somewhere else, in the Forest of Death.
"And… you're telling me that you were defeated by that… idiot?"
"Yes, Orochimaru-sama… She withstood my sound waves effortlessly, after dodging the hit by only a few centimeters!"
"I see…" That's not the first time she's been able to defeat techniques… firstly my facial transfer and now… this. Kin spoke up.
"Although, she did have the help of several Konoha Genin to take out Zaku and I… But still, I do not think she should be taken lightly."
"Especially not with that other girl who obtained the seal… And the Heaven one at that…"
"You… missed, Orochimaru-sama?"
"No, I deviated from my original plan."
"Yes, sir."
"Now… continue on with the 'exam', I shall attempt to make it so that you can fight those two by rigging the match board. Now, go!" and the two young nins disappeared in that funny ninja blur. Not three, Zaku was whimpering somewhere about his arms.
AN
Well, how will the rewritten chapter go amongst the reviewers? –ponders- Enjoy the rest of the soon (psh, yeah right) to be rewritten fanfic!
End AN