A/N: I stopped watching the show after "The Crossing", so this tale is firmly and unashamedly AU. I never thought I'd ever write one of these types of stories, but when the idea struck me out of nowhere I had to put figurative pen to paper.
I want to give a big hello to the ladies in chat (you know who you are). *hugs* I miss you guys! I also want to give a great big thanks to my beta PiscesChikk. Your awesomeness knows no bounds. :)
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Seeing Stars
"What are we doing up here, John?" Shoving her gloved hands as deeply into her coat pockets as they would go, Joss hunched her shoulders against the frosty January chill that clung stubbornly to the late-evening air. The soft wool-blend of the black fabric brushed against her bare earlobes, briefly warming them as she followed his tall, loping frame across the expanse of the large, flat rooftop.
"You'll see," he tossed over his shoulder, his stride long and fluid as he began to make his way to the far side of the building. The bottom of his coat flapped against his thighs in dark protest as a stiff, icy wind rudely announced that winter was far from over.
"You're the one that asked me to meet you here, you know."
"I remember."
Frustrated by his blatant evasions, she frowned unhappily, but didn't say anything more. She hadn't really been expecting him to offer up an explanation anyway.
It was typical John Reese, but that didn't mean it didn't exasperate the hell out of her.
As she trudged along behind him, her eyes made a quick circuit around the roof, taking in everything almost at once. It was clean and well-kept, but given the building's chic downtown address she was hardly surprised. The only thing marring the huge space were the ragged piles of snow huddling sadly against the waist-high brick walls running along the perimeter. The once-pristine white was now dirty and dull, and she idly wondered if it would have a chance to melt before the next snowstorm rolled into town.
As their tiny caravan of two began to veer off to the left, her gaze landed on a small rooftop garden located to the right. Although winter had robbed it of its greenery, there was no doubt it would be a thing of beauty once springtime rolled around. She could already imagine the huge, reddish-orange terra-cotta planters overflowing with tall willowy fountain grass and bunches of African daisies; the smaller flowerpots would stand guard beside them, a riot of dueling fragrances and bright colors.
It didn't take much coaxing for her brain to conjure up an image of herself lounging up here, a book in one hand and an iced coffee in the other as she lazed the day away under the warm afternoon sun. Heaving a wistful sigh that had as much to do with the fantasy of lazy days spent doing nothing as much as her desire to see an end to the cold weather, Joss snapped out of her reverie just as a field of motionless black wool filled her view.
She managed to send the message to her feet to stop walking a second before she would've collided with John's broad back.
Stepping from behind him, her eyes swiftly scanned the compact, black telescope he was flanking before her attention was snagged by the beauty spread before her. From their position at the far end of the building, five stories above the busy city streets below, the low hum of the passing traffic sounded distant, far off.
The sky above them, as black as velvet and as vast and dark as a stormy ocean, was blessing the city with one of its infrequent wintry, nighttime shows. The moon was a perfect sliver of white, the stars bright and glittering; although she knew better she swore that if she really, really tried, she'd be able to reach up and touch them.
She was struck by how isolated it felt up here on this quiet roof, how secluded their little slice of the world seemed. She watched him as he watched her and was pretty sure that she felt the hard concrete shift beneath the soles of her low-heeled boots as his eyes bore into hers.
It wasn't the first time they'd been alone on a rooftop together, but tonight it felt different somehow. There was no number to be worked, no case to be investigated, no admonitions or warnings that she had to deliver in defiance of his law-breaking ways. Tonight, right now, it was just the two of them against the world. And it felt…good.
It felt normal.
It felt right.
The tips of his ears were starting to turn a deep crimson, and although he wasn't outwardly showing it, she knew he had to be as chilled as she was. The polar vortex was doing a number on the East Coast, making the simple task of walking from the car to the building feel like a hike across the Arctic tundra.
Balling her hands into fists, she fought the urge to reach out and brush her fingertips against the shell of his ear in a vain attempt to lend him some of her warmth. Instead, she put up her natural defenses, cocking a brow at him and injecting a little sauce into her voice as she said, "So what'd you want to show me?" She nodded her head toward the lone telescope. "A random telescope on a roof?"
The corners of his mouth lifted in an infinitesimal smile. "Nope."
"You invited me here to star gaze then?"
"Sort of."
"Sort of?" she repeated incredulously, her earlier frown returning for an encore. She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "What exactly does that mean, John?"
With another small smile, John stepped in front of the telescope, leaned down, and looked through the jutting eyepiece. He tapped his hidden earpiece and said in a low voice, "Finch? Give me the coordinates."
Joss' curiosity rocketed even higher as she watched him carefully adjust the high-tech instrument. She couldn't even begin to guess what was going on here, but that was probably just the way he wanted it.
After what felt like eons, but was probably only less than five minutes, John stood. "Thanks, Finch," he said, tapping the earpiece again as he signed off.
As he pulled the small, flesh-colored communication device out of his ear and slipped it into his coat pocket, Joss' eyebrows climbed her forehead in surprise. There were very few occasions where she'd ever seen John separate himself from his access to the team.
"What if Finch needs you?" she asked cautiously. "The Machine is constantly spitting out numbers, right?"
She was still getting used to the idea of Harold's all-seeing, all-knowing invention; but whatever she felt about the Machine's constant invasions of privacy, she knew that the information it provided was vital. The last thing she wanted was for someone to get hurt because he was up here with her instead of down on the streets taking care of business.
"If anything comes up he can contact Shaw." John's blue eyes were steady and serious as he stared at her, as if he was silently daring her to put up a fight. "Okay?"
Part of her wanted to push back against what those words implied. The work he did with the numbers was important, a matter of life and death, and for him to willingly pass off that responsibility to someone else just to be here with her was a little overwhelming. She tamped down her natural instinct to resist, knowing that whatever was going on here must be extremely important to him.
She nodded and said softly, "Okay."
Only then did he step back and motion toward the telescope with a sweep of his arm. Bewildered, she took his place, rising up on her toes so she could look through the eyepiece.
Choosing that exact moment to remind them of its presence, a blast of frigid air bullied past them, blowing a thick curtain of dark hair across her eyes. Reaching up to impatiently push it aside, she froze when she felt John's leather-clad fingers gently tuck her hair behind her ear.
"Thanks." Mentally cursing the shyness that had crept into her voice, Joss peeked at him from the corner of her eyes.
His gaze was slowly tracing her profile, his hand lingering in the strands of her hair far longer than was necessary before his arm dropped back to his side.
"You're welcome."
His voice was as soft and light as his touch had been, and she was suddenly glad that he was wearing gloves. She wasn't sure she would have been able to take the feel of his bare skin against hers. Not after their time in the morgue and his admission that she'd made him a better man. Not after that kiss and the strong connection they'd forged that night that made everything that came before it look tame in comparison.
Sometimes when she least expected it, she could still feel the heat of his hand where it had caressed her cheek. She could still feel his warm breath ghost across her face and the thrill of pleasant surprise when he'd pressed his lips against hers for the first and only time.
They'd never talked about that kiss or the intimate, heartfelt things they'd said to each other the night they'd both come so close to dying. Chalking everything that had happened that night to adrenaline and the very real fear of imminent death, she'd decided not to embarrass either of them by dredging up what had passed between them.
But despite what she knew was the right thing, the smart thing, she still carried it with her, a beautiful memory that she would cherish until the day she left this earth.
Pulling in a lungful of air, she was grateful for the sharp sting of cold that shocked her system. She desperately needed the distraction; being up here with him like this was doing things to her head and her heart that she had no desire to wrestle with at the moment.
Glad for the respite, she ducked her head to look into the eyepiece again. The night sky came into sharp relief, dots of white light glittering brightly against a stark black backdrop.
"It's so beautiful," she whispered, awe-struck.
"Yes, it is."
Joss kept her eyes trained straight ahead, fairly certain that he hadn't been talking about the stars. His voice had ticked just a bit lower, taking on a slightly raspy quality that reminded her of their time in the morgue. She could practically feel his eyes on her and was grateful that in the semi-darkness he likely couldn't see the blush that was slowly crawling across her face.
"What am I looking at here, John?" she asked flippantly, self-aware enough to recognize it as the defense mechanism that it was.
"Technically? The sky."
"Smart ass." She rolled her eyes in exasperation, but couldn't help smiling at the teasing lilt in his voice. "Seriously, John. Am I supposed to be looking at something specific?"
"You are." He moved closer to her and she barely managed to keep herself from jumping when his next words sounded right next to her ear. "See that little star?"
Forcing herself to concentrate, her eyes zeroed in on one of the more brightly sparkling stars in the sky. "You mean the one that's twinkling like it's demanding to be seen?"
He huffed out a small chuckle, his breath trickling over her ear. "That's the one."
Doing her best to suppress a shiver, she laughed with delight. "It's a feisty little thing, isn't it?"
"Feisty…tiny…vibrant...beautiful." John paused and then continued softly, "It reminds me of you."
"What?" Sucking in a surprised breath, Joss' head whipped in his direction, her eyes wide and searching.
"I'd planned to do this for Christmas, but after everything that happened I didn't get the chance."
"Do…what?"
"I had a star named after you, Joss."
"You what?"
Joss blinked slowly as she tried to process the information. She knew she was starting to sound like a babbling idiot, but she couldn't help it. His pronouncement had set her back on her heels, and she wasn't sure how to react to it.
John pulled his eyes away from hers and looked up at the dark sky. "I wasn't sure what to name it at first. I was just going to go with 'Joss', but that didn't seem adequate enough."
Unbidden, she took a step closer to him. "It didn't?"
Still not looking at her, John shook his head. "It had to be something fitting. Something that would accurately capture who you are." Finally, he turned his gaze back to her again, the warmth and affection she saw there unmistakable. "It took me a long time to come up with something appropriate."
"What did you name it?" She held her breath, waiting.
"Jocelyn's Heart. A name that's simple, elegant and beautiful. Like you," he said, the reverence evident in his voice. "And from now on, no matter what happens, you'll always be with me."
"John…" Joss said then stopped, completely at a loss for words. Heart swelling with emotion, her eyes filled with tears and she looked away quickly. "Thank you," she said when she was sure she could speak without her voice cracking.
"I hope it's okay."
The tone of his voice was uncharacteristically hesitant, almost unsure. Wanting to assure him that what he'd done was more than okay, she reached out and slid her hand into his, giving him a comforting squeeze. Wordlessly, he threaded his fingers through hers and held on tightly.
"It's perfect," she said, shifting her gaze to the place in the sky where she knew her namesake would always be there, watching over them. "Absolutely perfect."