A/N: I love Harry Potter/ Legend of Zelda crossovers. Unfortunately, most of them are crap and most of the good ones are never updated (I'm looking at you Hamano Ayumi, author of 'Magic Play'). So, I decided to quit whining and write my own. I hope ya'll will enjoy it.

Prologue

Arthur Snibbins was born a bad seed. As a baby he smashed his toys. As a child he smashed animals. At age 11 he went to Hogwarts, and the Sorting Hat placed him in Slytherin the moment it touched his head. In his sixth year, he was expelled for torturing a Muggle-born student. It surprised no one when he joined the Death Eaters shortly afterward. Now, some eleven and one-half years after the Dark Lord's fall, we join him fleeing desperately by broomstick from a group of Aurors.

"Is that the best you got?" Arthur yelled as he ducked under yet another stunning spell. "My house-elf has better aim than that! And he has two broken hands!"

The Auror nearest him swore loudly. He and his two subordinates had been chasing Arthur for nearly forty minutes, and they were now in Hogwarts airspace. The Department of Internal Affairs would have his arse if he went this far and returned empty handed. "Incendio!" he cried.

Arthur merely countered with a shield charm, and laughed. "You call that a spell? Let me show some real magic. Avada- urk!" One of the Aurors at last managed to hit him with a jelly-leg curse. Arthur tumbled off his broom... and landed in the Forbidden Forest.

"Should we go after him sir?" the lucky caster asked.

"Why bother. If the fall didn't kill him, the forest will." The Auror sighed. "Let's get back to the Ministry. We're going to have a mountain of paperwork after this."

But Arthur did not die. His fall- and several of his bones- was broken by a series of branches. A kindly young centaur woman found him and secretly nursed him back to health. He thanked the courageous youth by killing her for being a filthy half-breed.

Arthur wandered the Forbidden Forest, desperately seeking civilization. He encountered everything from unicorns to gigantic spiders. His only company during his ordeal was the corpses of creatures he slayed for food. Deprived of all human contact, Arthur's mind slowly deteriorated. After seventy-six weeks he became so desperate for a companion that he seized the decapitated head of a gnome and carved a permanent smile into its face. He named it Steve. Finally, after nearly two years lost in the woods, he emerged, stark-raving mad.

"Stop being such a bully!" Saria scolded. Mido was forcing one if the other Kokiri to share her lunch with him.

"I'm not being a bully, I'm being the boss. And as boss I'm entitled to certain perks." Mido responded. "And if I can't keep my strength up, I can't protect the village!"

"Protect it from what? Are the Deku Scrubs planning an invasion?" Saria teased.

"Laugh about it all you want, but some day-" Mido fell to the ground mid sentence. He would never speak again.

"Mido?" his would-be victim whimpered. "Mido wake up! It's ok if you want my sandwich just wake up!"

"Heeheehahahaha!" Saria and her fellow Kokiri looked around for the source of the shrill laugh. Their eyes finally settled on a man. With a stick.

"Now then," the man said, "who wants to die next?"

A/N: So Mido is dead, Arthur Snibbins is stark raving mad, and Kokiri Village is facing imminent doom. Not bad for a 500-word prologue! Join me next chapter as Link finally reunites with an old friend and gets home just in time to be a big damn hero. Oh, and please review.