Hello! So this is my first official HIMYM fanfiction (aside from my crossover with Friends), and I hope it's all right. I've been watching this show a lot in the past few months, and I feel I've gotten the hang of the characters. It always bothered me to no end that Robin effectively ruined all of Ted's relationships because she did the "I want you, I don't want you" game over and over again. Then they killed off Tracy so Ted wouldn't do what he did to Victoria, who, by the way, I loved. She was amazing. She so didn't deserve that ending...twice. Robin and Barney just made way more sense as they were so similar. Anyway, enough of my rambling. This is my version of what could have happened the night Robin acted as Barney's bro. I hope it hasn't been done before. Please enjoy!

"I know who she is."

Why? Why had she said those words? They only caused this pain that she was feeling right now. Why hadn't she just kept her damn mouth shut?! Here they were, together, kissing. That's all they seemed to do lately. Robin hated seeing Ted with Victoria. It broke her inside, not that she'd admit that to anyone. Lily kept giving her looks of course because she knew, and Robin was pretty sure Marshall knew too by the way he was effectively trying not to look at her while Ted was macking on Victoria right on front of her. He had found her at the bakery all thanks to Robin telling him. She didn't know why she had given him that golden information when she really had wanted to blurt out her feelings. She looked away from them. Barney was just smirking as always, drink in hand. Robin wasn't really sure why she was so broken up over Ted. She didn't want to get married or have children. She put her career first. They wanted different things. It made no sense at all why she wanted to be with him now other than the fact that he was happy with someone else, like a child who wants a toy when some other child has it. What was wrong with her?

"I have to get to work," Victoria said, giving Ted one last kiss, making Robin want to vomit.

"I'll call you later," Ted said, watching her walk away. Ugh, it was all so gross. Robin looked away to see Barney watching her carefully. She averted her eyes. It was another day. She really hoped things would get better.

Three Weeks Later

It didn't get better. Now Ted was complaining about how Victoria was keeping him waiting for sex. Well, if it was up to Robin, she wouldn't make him wait. Oh, how she wanted to verbalize that! She had to get the topic off of Victoria and right now.

"So, I don't have to cover that cat story tonight," Robin said after a moment of silence. "Who's up for hanging out?"

"Can't," Ted said immediately. "I'm taking Victoria out for dinner."

"It's our nine year anniversary," Lily chimed in. "We're going to Berkshires for the maple syrup harvest."

"Wow, you're relationship is officially a ninth grader," Robin joked. Lily and Marshall grinned at each other.

"Yea, should be fun. It's one of the top five romantic getaways on a budget," Marshall informed them.

"Looks like it's just you and me," Robin said quietly, looking at her drink.

"Really?" Barney asked.

"Oh, no, I was talking to my martini," Robin replied quickly. Why did he sound so surprised anyway?

"Too bad," Barney said, winking. "I'm a fun guy."

"Oh boy," Robin said, downing her drink.

"Well, gotta go," Ted said, getting up. "Gonna meet Victoria now."

"And we gotta go pack," Lily said. She and Marshall left together. Robin looked over at Barney, who was still sipping his drink.

"And then there were two," he said, grinning.

"I'm glad you refer to your drink as a third person too," Robin said, getting up and leaving herself. She missed the look of disappointment on Barney's face.

...

"I can't believe he dumped me again," Giselle was crying. Robin wanted to punch herself in the head. Multiple times. They had gone through this a few months ago already, and that was when she had met Ted. It was like a repeat of that night, only Ted was off with Wonder Woman and not here trying to meet a girl. Oh, how Robin hated herself for not just going with it when he'd said he loved her.

"Maybe you should just stay single for a while," Robin suggested. "Take things slow."

"And end up like you?" Giselle scoffed.

"I'm going to ignore that," Robin said, hurt.

"Daddy's home," Barney's voice said, approaching their table.

"Barney," Robin said, annoyed. He looked genuinely surprised to see her there.

"Sorry, Scherbotsky," Barney apologized. "Who's your friend?"

"I'm Giselle," Giselle said, simpering.

"She's not for sale," Robin told Barney, pushing him away. He gnashed his teeth in annoyance.

"Robin!" Giselle whined.

"Oh, trust me, I just saved you another heartache," Robin assured her. "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." She stood up abruptly and hurried away. Once inside the bathroom, she rested her hands against the counter and looked in the mirror at herself. What was wrong with her? All she could think about was Ted. Ted's arms. Ted's lips. Ted's voice. Ted, Ted, Ted. She was obsessed. She bit back the tears. She was not going to cry again. Not here. She splashed some water on her face and dried it off before heading back out.

"I bet Heaven's really missing you right now," Barney said as she walked out. Then he saw her.

"Aw, man!" he said. "Really?"

"Again? Barney, you need to start paying attention to your victims," Robin snapped before rejoining Giselle at the table. They sat and watched other people talking and hanging out. Robin wasn't really sure why she was friends with Giselle. They had met at the News Station where Giselle did make up, and they had hit it off. Plus, Robin had just moved to New York and was lonely. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Then Giselle left for a different job, but they had stayed in touch. Robin wished they hadn't. Giselle was a bit self-centered.

"Can you get me another drink?" Giselle asked almost huffily. Robin stopped her eyes from rolling. Case in point.

"All right," she said, getting up and moving to the bar. She placed her order with Carl and waited.

"Hundred dollars says that when you turn around, I say 'wow,'" Barney's voice sounded again.

"Barney, this is the third time you've hit on me by accident," Robin said, turning to face him.

"Damn it! See, this is where Ted came in handy before he ran off to be monogamous. He'd let me know if the girl was hot before I did this," Barney cursed.

"Why don't you just look in the mirror to see if they're hot?" Robin suggested. He looked skeptical.

"You can't just...wow!" He looked over at the mirror. "Brilliant idea!"

"Hey, what's taking so long?" Giselle called, looking annoyed. Robin sighed.

"I gotta go," Robin said.

"Wait, wait," Barney said, grabbing her arm. "I could use you. That mirror thing, simple. Elegant. Here's a one time offer to be my bro wingman tonight."

"As tempting as that sounds," Robin said sarcastically. "I am with a friend who just got dumped. She needs my support..." She looked over to see Giselle making out with some random guy. "...or a stranger's tongue down her throat," she finished. "That seems healthy. All right, I'm in."

"Yes!" Barney exclaimed. "High five!"

"I'm not there yet," Robin answered.

...

Robin went home to change. What was she doing? Why was she hanging out with Barney? It seemed so...pointless. However, if it was going to help her forget about Ted, then it was worth trying. She even decided to go all out, which she knew would please Barney. It was curious to her why she even wanted to please Barney to begin with. She didn't owe him anything, yet, here she was, suiting up. When she walked into the different bar and saw him sitting there, something inside of her fluttered. It was very peculiar really. Why would looking at Barney do that when she was so into Ted? Then, Barney saw her, and his face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"You suited up!" he exclaimed, pleased.

"I figured if I was doing this, I should do it right," Robin shrugged.

"Emilio?" Barney called. "The woman will have..."

"A Johnny Walker Blue, neat, and a Montecristo No. 2. Thanks," she smiled.

"Nice," Barney nodded, impressed.

"Only way to get my father's attention was through cigars," Robin said.

"Father issues. That's hot," Barney smirked.

"Yea, I was this close to being a slut," Robin joked.

"I'll settle for a bro," Barney winked. "Especially now that Ted can't drink because he's pregnant. Cos he's the girl."

"He can't be pregnant," Robin said. "You have to have sex to get pregnant."

"What up! Freeze frame five!" Barney exclaimed. Robin felt satisfied at her dig at Ted. He deserved it. She sucked on her cigar and exhaled. Tonight was gonna be legendary, and she didn't need Ted.

"So what do you and Ted usually do after this?" she asked.

"Ted's never gotten this far. You've blown him out of the water," Barney scoffed. "However, there is something we could do if you're up for it."

"What's that?"

"Come with me," Barney said, getting up. Robin took one last swig of her drink and puff of her cigar before following him out the door. He was already waiting in a cab.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise," Barney answered. After about ten minutes, they arrived at a building. Robin followed Barney inside where he paid for both of them and had armor and guns handed to them.

"Laser tag!" Robin cried, surprised.

"See, that's the expression I'd love to hear from Teddy boy," Barney said as he put on his gear. Robin quickly donned hers on too, and they hit the floor.

"I can't believe laser tag still exists," she gushed. It was wild, running around and shooting at people.

"Enjoy it before it becomes cool again. I give it two months," Barney said.

"Oh, I believe it. This is awesome!" Robin shouted.

"Okay, follow my lead. You can never be too careful..." Barney started. Robin reached around him and fired. "You just saved my life, didn't you?"

"You can thank me later," Robin said. "Keep moving!" They ran around like devils on a hunt for about forty minutes before getting cornered.

"Damn it, they're everywhere," Robin groaned. "I counted about nine. I'll lay low and give you come cover fire to get out."

"No, I don't leave any man behind," Barney said.

"But..."

"Don't be a hero, Scherbotsky," Barney told her. Robin smiled at him.

"See you on the other side," she said. They both leaped up and aimed, and got completely shot down within seconds.

"Damn," Barney said. "Wanna get a pretzel?"

"Sure."

"All right," he said. They walked out together. Robin couldn't help but notice that Barney was watching her when he thought she wasn't looking. She felt exhilarated. Barney was a fun guy after all, he was right. She realized she hadn't thought about Ted in over an hour. It was a new record. They chatted all the way to McLaren's about the game while Robin wondered about Barney. Why did he insist on being the single man? What had happened to him to never make him want a commitment? It was curious. Barney ordered their drinks while she hopped up on the stool beside him.

"Laser tag takes me way back," she said, accepting her drink from Carl. "You know what game I really miss? Battleship. I never lost a game."

"Neither have I, but I always cheat," Barney laughed.

"Oh yea, me too. Secret is to turn the aircraft carrier into an L," Robin laughed.

"I just stacked all my boats on top of the other," Barney snorted.

"Nice. We should have a cheater's grudge match," Robin said. "Oh, hello! Hottie at the jukebox."

"Oohh good eye, Scherbotsky," Barney said, seeing the woman. "I've got one for you too. Blue shirt, two o'clock."

"That's a woman," Robin said, looking.

"Oh, my bad," Barney said. "Or is it?"

"Just focus on your target," Robin laughed. "Or better yet, allow me." She got up and headed over to the woman, commenting on her jeans.

"Is this a lesbian bar? Cos that woman over there hit on me too," the woman said, gesturing to the woman in the blue shirt.

"No, no, I'm all about the dudes. Slim pickings tonight except for blondie by the bar, and he's playing hard to get."

"Really? Cos he's vibing me pretty good right now. Must be the jeans," the woman laughed.

"Well, jeans will only get you so far. I'm going home with him," Robin said.

"We'll see about that," the woman said, charging over to Barney, who grinned at Robin over her head. They soon moved to a table. Robin felt pleased that she had been able to hook him up. The night was a success. She felt mildly bad for the woman who he was never going to call again after tonight. She sat at the bar and watched as they chatted for a bit. The woman was pouring on the charm, and Barney was soaking it up. Then suddenly, he was heading her way.

"Let's get out of here," he said.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Sometimes you gotta just catch and release," he answered.

"But why?" Robin asked. She didn't understand.

"Leave no man behind," Barney shrugged, smiling at her. "Either we all score or no one scores."

"Right on," Robin said, feeling amazed at his outlook. "Hey, wanna play Battleship?"

"Hit!" Barney said, grinning and starting to leave. Robin looked over at the woman, who caught her gaze. Robin gestured that she was leaving with Barney, and the woman glared in response. Laughing, Robin joined Barney at the top of the steps.

...

At her apartment, Robin went to get the game after thanking Barney for a fun night. When she returned, he was standing in his underpants.

"What are you doing?!" she exclaimed.

"I'm birthday suiting up for you," he answered. "I'm sorry, did you want to undress me?"

"No! I thought we were just hanging out as friends," she said.

"Oh come on. You've been throwing yourself at me all night," Barney said.

"Uh uh, I was throwing other girls at you all night," Robin argued.

"You invited me to come play Battleship. Is that not an international term for sex?" Barney asked.

"Nope," Robin shook her head. "I really meant battleship."

"Huh," Barney said. "Well, I hope you're happy. You sunk my battleship."

"Ew, Barney," Robin said, wrinkling her nose. He put his clothes back on reluctantly.

"It was worth a shot," he said after.

"You and me? That's insane. I can't believe you even thought it for a second," Robin said.

"I thought about it for three seconds, and it makes a lot of sense. We both thing marriage is a drag. We both want something casual and fun, and we clearly get along really well," he pointed out.

"Wow, that actually makes a lot of sense," Robin said, thinking. It really did. There was just one thing. "What about Ted?" There he was. he always came back up again, didn't he? She cursed herself.

"I checked with him," Barney said. "Back at laser tag. I called and asked if he was all right with me hooking up with you, and he totally gave me his blessing."

"Really?" Robin asked. She felt hurt. He really had moved on. "He didn't care that you were going to make a move on me?" What the hell, Ted! It really hurt now.

"Didn't care at all," Barney said, shaking his head. He was looking at her now, and she knew it was all over her face. "You like Ted, don't you?"

"No," she lied.

"Robin..."

"He's moved on! I'm really happy for him..."

"Sure you are. Are we gonna play Battleship or not?" Barney asked. She set down the game, and they started setting up.

"You're not gonna tell him, are you?" she asked.

"Nope. Bro code. A bro doesn't tell another bro that a third bro has a crush on him. Just like the third bro doesn't tell the other bro that the first bro went pickle in front of them. It's quid pro bro."

"Got it," Robin laughed. "A-7."

"Miss," Barney said.

"Of course," she sighed. This went on all night. In the end, Barney had won, and he gloated. Robin just shook her head laughing as she packed up the game. Barney stood at the door petting her dogs, watching.

"What?" she asked, noticing.

"Nothing," he said. "You sure you don't wanna?"

"Barney," she laughed. "I don't think it's a good idea."

"Why not? Ted's with Victoria. We are great together. I think it'd be an awesome idea," Barney finished. They stood there looking at each other, and Robin's mind was on fire. He had a point. Ted was with another woman, and according to Lily, they were having sex tonight while Lily and Marshall were trapped in the bathroom. Ted didn't care that Barney wanted to make a move on her. Why should she stop herself from having fun when he was clearly not thinking about her?

"You're considering it," Barney said, surprised.

"A little," she admitted. He stood there, unsure of what to do next. "I mean, you're right. We have a lot in common. Ted's with someone else. Why waste this moment?"

"I like the way you think," Barney said, moving closer.

"On one condition," Robin said, putting her hand on his chest.

"What's that?"

"We can't tell anyone this ever happened."

"Deal," Barney said quickly. He moved in again.

"Hold up," Robin said, interrupting again.

"This is an interesting approach. It builds the suspense," Barney commented. "I like it."

"I want you to go slow, okay? Let's make this worth it," she said. He looked puzzled.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"All right," he shrugged. They sat down on the couch together, and he moved in slowly to kiss her. Robin couldn't believe how amazing it was. Within moments, it was heating up. She threw out her "take is slow" attitude, and they were in her bed in less than fifteen minutes. The whole experience was incredible, not that she'd ever tell Barney that. It would only inflate his ego that much more. Afterwards, they lay side by side, panting.

"Wow," Barney said. "That was...wow." He sounded genuinely surprised, which pleased Robin a lot.

"Thanks," Robin grinned.

"High five!" Barney exclaimed. They clapped hands. "You want me to stay the night, or should I leave now?"

"I think you can stay a little longer," Robin said suggestively. Ted was so far from her mind right now it wasn't funny. If Barney left, she'd be lying awake all night feeling guilty. Barney moved in for another kiss, and on it went. No more thoughts. No guilt. No regrets. Just her and Barney. It was a perfect ending to a great night.

Thoughts? Should I continue? It'll get more interesting!