What Do You See (When You Look at Me?)
A short Daikeru/Takesuke fic by LukesDragon
What do you see when you look at me? Is it the same as everyone else sees or do you perhaps see past me? Past all the walls and shields I've put up to keep me safe.
I know most people don't see me as being smart enough to do anything like that, I'm just the guy who's always smiling, always cheerful and positive, the eternal optimist.
But it's true what they say about smiling on the outside so no-one knows that maybe inside you're not.
Don't worry I'm not about to break down and burst into tears and teen angst. I can deal with things you know, I might act like some immature kid most of the time, and I've not been through all the life experience you have, but I can cope with my own demons.
What do you see when you look at me? Do you see reckless courage and fire, the boy who is scared of nothing.
Alright that part is a lie, there are a few things that scare me, it's strange isn't it, we've faced monsters from nightmares and saved the world and that's cool, I can deal with that, it's little things that worry me things like clowns, the feeling that maybe we've peaked too soon saving two worlds by fifteen will do that for you I suppose and how everyone would react if they knew… how you'd react that scares me the most. I know you'd be okay with it, I know you would. And I really hope you'd feel the same. But I could live if you don't as long as you'd always be there as a friend. But there's this tiny element of doubt in my mind, what if you freak out and never want to see me again? I don't know what I'd do then. What am I scared of? I'm scared of losing everyone I care about, I'm scared of losing you.
What do you see when you look at me? Do you see a friend, someone you can rely on?
Is that all we'll ever be? Just best friends and occasional rivals. See that's my usually well hidden clever plan there, called leading everyone down totally the wrong track. 'hey look there's Daisuke after Hikari again, doesn't he know he doesn't have a chance'. I don't actually want a chance, and I'd panic if she actually took me up on it. I'm glad in a way that she doesn't think of me that way, I'd hate to hurt her. I'd hate to hurt you as well, but there are feelings I can't fight. But does being a friend mean you should put your own desires to the back of your mind and care more about your friend's happiness than your own? I've gone over and over again in my head and I still don't know if I'm being wrong and selfish to even think about telling you all this.
What do you see when you look at me? Do you see someone you could fall in love with? Or someone who has lost his mind?