Title: Tall Tales of an Unlikely Hero
Author: Eeevee
Genre: Humor
Rating: Hard R for sexual implications and language and alcohol (damn that Hiko)
Summary: None, just read the story. I have work this morning at seven and need to go to bed.
Prologue
Sano stared at the ring of eager faces surrounding him and cringed. Why, oh why, was he babysitter today? He didn't even like kids. Well, okay, sometimes they were fun to play with and all, but then again they were whiny and demanding. You'd think that someone else would be free to watch the little snots, but no. It was all up to 'Uncle' Sano.
He eased his collar missing his old, white shirt. The new one was a bit stiff and the cotton, while ideal for the hot, dry climate, was slightly itchy. Heh, he would almost be able to claim that he had changed from worm to flying bug. Butterflies were too… well, not him. Maybe he'd be a killer moth or something. Or a hornet even. Wicked aptly described those buggers.
"Tell us a story!" The oldest boy demanded.
"Yeah, please tell us a story. A good one with a handsome hero and a beautiful girl!" The only girl piped up with a starry look in her eyes. Disgusting. Was it an inborn trait for females to be so enamored with romance, or did they just pass it down the younger generation?
"I don't know any good stories. Why don't you just beat me with sticks again? That was a good massage." Sano replied lazily, chewing on a fishbone that had seen better days.
"It's too hot. Besides, you don't make a very good piñata." A middle child pouted and crossed his arms contemptuously. "Nothing comes out."
Sano had to chuckle at that. Stuff would come out all right, but it would take more than a small mob of rats to get some results.
A bead of sweat rolled down his tan skin and he had to agree with the first statement. It was too hot. That's why he should be taking a siesta rather than entertaining kids. Couldn't they play with each other or something? What was the point in having siblings if you didn't beat the crap out of them? Katsu had always been like a brother to him, and the two had some really rough and rowdy times.
"Do you think I can trust you guys not to tell your parents?" Sano said with a sudden devilish grin. He was going to catch hell for this, he knew it, but it was just too good to pass up.
Now, if these had not been their parents' children they wouldn't look so freakin' evil at the mention of forbidden Uncle Sano tales. But as it was you couldn't fight genetics.
"Okay, what do you take us for? We can keep our mouths shut! We didn't tell about that cow tipping fieldtrip, did we?"
Oh yes, that was fun. Too bad they found out anyway. Maybe they shouldn't have tipped the pure white calf into the muddy creek. But you know, if a certain someone hadn't chickened out they could have gone for something bigger.
Sano leaned down conspiratorially and gave a cocky grin, "I don't know. It doesn't seem like it's worth the risk to me. You guys get a swat, but I'll get whaled."
"Since when does that bother you rooster head?" The girl remarked with her hands on her hips and her lip jutting out in mock severity. "'Side, where could we actually get some beer? We're just little kids."
Sano leaned back in satisfaction. It would take more than beer to put his butt on the line like this. The last time… a shudder went through him. That was something best forgotten. He thought his hands would never return to normal. Besides, weren't they supposed to be conserving water? Clean clothes weren't a necessity!
"Well, I think I'll just take a nap then." The brown haired man said with a big yawn and closed his light brown eyes slowly.
In the silence that followed he almost did go to sleep. Well, until something utterly cold was pressed to the side of his face. With a jerk his eyes snapped open. He barely managed not to tip over backwards when his legs braced instinctively.
"That was one of the more effective attempts on my life." He grumbled steadying his breathing and pulse.
The youngest, about five or so, peered up with wide eyes, "Really Uncle Sano?"
Sano gratefully took the brandy and swigged a bit. Wiping his lips with the back of his hand he set it down on the wooden planks and nodded.
"Oh yes. Many people have tried to kill me." Sano remarked. His hand twanged in remembrance and he quickly wrapped it around the wooden arm to steady it. He had paid the price to live too.
"We got you some alcohol and Scrub will be back with lunch in a second. Satisfied?" The oldest bargained. All of the children had nicknames. It was some kind of little cult thing. Luckily when they were handing them out Sano already had one. Rooster head, or rooster for short.
"Nuh-uh. That's not going to cut it and you know it. You want a good, long story right?" Sano questioned with a smug look. He could get a free meal anytime. Booze, well, that was a bit harder. He was no longer a heavy drinker and it was rare for him to actually get drunk.
He gave an internal, rueful grin at that. Time changes even the most stubborn of bastards.
"Fine, fine. We'll do all your chores for the next two days, but I'm not dealing with the crazy again. He tried to eat me last time." The boy replied sharply and shook his shaggy dark head.
"I'm sure you taste just fine." Sano replied ruffling the kid's hair. He could deal with crazies. He had spent his life dealing with crazies of one kind or another. Shoot, his best friend back in Insanity was as loony as they came. Imagine, having an alter ego. He'd rather mess with the old man than shovel horseshit from the barn.
"Gah, get off me you big oaf. So do we have a deal?"
A/N: dusts off proudly The insanity continues! Umm-hmm, and if the format throws you in future chapters, I'm sorry. Trying something different (or I was when I started writing this). This is about, you guessed it, Sano. Well, and Katsu, but he's on strike. Says something about me being too mean to him for absolutely not reason. I pointed out torture and spine-breaking was a one-time thing...
Author: Eeevee
Genre: Humor
Rating: Hard R for sexual implications and language and alcohol (damn that Hiko)
Summary: None, just read the story. I have work this morning at seven and need to go to bed.
Prologue
Sano stared at the ring of eager faces surrounding him and cringed. Why, oh why, was he babysitter today? He didn't even like kids. Well, okay, sometimes they were fun to play with and all, but then again they were whiny and demanding. You'd think that someone else would be free to watch the little snots, but no. It was all up to 'Uncle' Sano.
He eased his collar missing his old, white shirt. The new one was a bit stiff and the cotton, while ideal for the hot, dry climate, was slightly itchy. Heh, he would almost be able to claim that he had changed from worm to flying bug. Butterflies were too… well, not him. Maybe he'd be a killer moth or something. Or a hornet even. Wicked aptly described those buggers.
"Tell us a story!" The oldest boy demanded.
"Yeah, please tell us a story. A good one with a handsome hero and a beautiful girl!" The only girl piped up with a starry look in her eyes. Disgusting. Was it an inborn trait for females to be so enamored with romance, or did they just pass it down the younger generation?
"I don't know any good stories. Why don't you just beat me with sticks again? That was a good massage." Sano replied lazily, chewing on a fishbone that had seen better days.
"It's too hot. Besides, you don't make a very good piñata." A middle child pouted and crossed his arms contemptuously. "Nothing comes out."
Sano had to chuckle at that. Stuff would come out all right, but it would take more than a small mob of rats to get some results.
A bead of sweat rolled down his tan skin and he had to agree with the first statement. It was too hot. That's why he should be taking a siesta rather than entertaining kids. Couldn't they play with each other or something? What was the point in having siblings if you didn't beat the crap out of them? Katsu had always been like a brother to him, and the two had some really rough and rowdy times.
"Do you think I can trust you guys not to tell your parents?" Sano said with a sudden devilish grin. He was going to catch hell for this, he knew it, but it was just too good to pass up.
Now, if these had not been their parents' children they wouldn't look so freakin' evil at the mention of forbidden Uncle Sano tales. But as it was you couldn't fight genetics.
"Okay, what do you take us for? We can keep our mouths shut! We didn't tell about that cow tipping fieldtrip, did we?"
Oh yes, that was fun. Too bad they found out anyway. Maybe they shouldn't have tipped the pure white calf into the muddy creek. But you know, if a certain someone hadn't chickened out they could have gone for something bigger.
Sano leaned down conspiratorially and gave a cocky grin, "I don't know. It doesn't seem like it's worth the risk to me. You guys get a swat, but I'll get whaled."
"Since when does that bother you rooster head?" The girl remarked with her hands on her hips and her lip jutting out in mock severity. "'Side, where could we actually get some beer? We're just little kids."
Sano leaned back in satisfaction. It would take more than beer to put his butt on the line like this. The last time… a shudder went through him. That was something best forgotten. He thought his hands would never return to normal. Besides, weren't they supposed to be conserving water? Clean clothes weren't a necessity!
"Well, I think I'll just take a nap then." The brown haired man said with a big yawn and closed his light brown eyes slowly.
In the silence that followed he almost did go to sleep. Well, until something utterly cold was pressed to the side of his face. With a jerk his eyes snapped open. He barely managed not to tip over backwards when his legs braced instinctively.
"That was one of the more effective attempts on my life." He grumbled steadying his breathing and pulse.
The youngest, about five or so, peered up with wide eyes, "Really Uncle Sano?"
Sano gratefully took the brandy and swigged a bit. Wiping his lips with the back of his hand he set it down on the wooden planks and nodded.
"Oh yes. Many people have tried to kill me." Sano remarked. His hand twanged in remembrance and he quickly wrapped it around the wooden arm to steady it. He had paid the price to live too.
"We got you some alcohol and Scrub will be back with lunch in a second. Satisfied?" The oldest bargained. All of the children had nicknames. It was some kind of little cult thing. Luckily when they were handing them out Sano already had one. Rooster head, or rooster for short.
"Nuh-uh. That's not going to cut it and you know it. You want a good, long story right?" Sano questioned with a smug look. He could get a free meal anytime. Booze, well, that was a bit harder. He was no longer a heavy drinker and it was rare for him to actually get drunk.
He gave an internal, rueful grin at that. Time changes even the most stubborn of bastards.
"Fine, fine. We'll do all your chores for the next two days, but I'm not dealing with the crazy again. He tried to eat me last time." The boy replied sharply and shook his shaggy dark head.
"I'm sure you taste just fine." Sano replied ruffling the kid's hair. He could deal with crazies. He had spent his life dealing with crazies of one kind or another. Shoot, his best friend back in Insanity was as loony as they came. Imagine, having an alter ego. He'd rather mess with the old man than shovel horseshit from the barn.
"Gah, get off me you big oaf. So do we have a deal?"
A/N: dusts off proudly The insanity continues! Umm-hmm, and if the format throws you in future chapters, I'm sorry. Trying something different (or I was when I started writing this). This is about, you guessed it, Sano. Well, and Katsu, but he's on strike. Says something about me being too mean to him for absolutely not reason. I pointed out torture and spine-breaking was a one-time thing...