We not own Harry Potter. Although we would like to be able to claim Books 1-6 and make money off of them, we would like it to be indisputably known that we would never wish our names to be in any way related to, tied to, or associated with the illogical farce that is entited "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows."
This drabble is a part of the R.U.I.N.S: Can't Stand Deathly Hallows drabble project over on FictionAlley. To read more drabbles or for more information on the drabble project, please visit our author's profile page.
Killer Instincts
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were huddled around the wizarding wireless they'd just so happened to pack. Ron had just so happened to finally figure out a Potterwatch password on the very same night that Remus just so happened to be a guest. Harry was beaming. This first healthy glow he'd had in months was caused by the fact that wizards everywhere were listening to a program named after him and about him on which they were talking about him.
"And what would you say to Harry if you knew he was listening, Romulus?"
"I'd tell him we're all with him in spirit, even though we can't be there in person since he's decided to traipse off into the wilderness alone with his equally clueless friends and no competent help or training to speak of, you know," said Lupin, then hesitated slightly. "And I'd tell him to follow his instincts, which are good and nearly always right."
A wide grin broke out onto the Boy-Who-Lived's face, "There, you see, Hermione! My instincts are that the Deathly Hallows exist, therefore they must exist!"
"That doesn't prove anything!" Hermione huffed. "It was only Remus!"
Harry, though, would hear none of that mindless drivel, "It wasn't only Remus! It was Jo talking to me through Remus! She was telling me that we don't need a believable plot as long as I can have the brand new Hallows!"
"Harry's right!" chimed in Ron confidently, "Besides, they're really cool fairy tales and I want them to be real."
"There is no logical and reasonable way that – "
Hermione's intention was to patiently explain the definition of "fairy tales" to the poor boys, but Harry cut her off, "Jo wants me to have the Deathly Hallows!! Logic and reason don't matter when Jo decides she wants me to have something!"
"Yeah," Ron spoke up helpfully, "and neither do continuance, themes, or previously established canon."
Hermione had quite an ugly look on her face - those things were all very important in every other series she'd ever heard of! - but she never got the chance to comment on how ridiculous that was before Harry cut her off yet again, "Come on, Hermione, why are you so determined not to admit it? V – "
Ron leapt up from his spot on the ground, his face rapidly turning red, "Harry, NOOooOOOoooOOOooo – "
" – ol – "
" – OOOoooOOOooo Don't do it, Harry! Shut up! NOOOO! You stupid, poor-sighted, dunderheaded, scrawny – "
" – de – "
" – clueless, lucky, untalented git!! Stop right there, you idiot! NOOOoooOOOooo, the name's – "
" – mort – "
" – TABOO!"
" – is after the Elder Wand," Harry finished proudly. "What is your problem, Ron?"
The red splotches on Ron's face highlighted his dreadful speckled mug in the worst possible way, but even through his gasps for breath he managed to answer his moronic best friend's question, "I told you not to say it! The name's jinxed!"
"Oh, yeah! I forgot about that."
Hermione, even in her state of panic and near hyperventilation, couldn't help but provide some logic and reason to the discussion, "You know, Ronald, you really shouldn't be so surprised. We've refused to call him You-Know-Who for six years and it's really quite remarkable that we just so happened to take your advice for the first time since we've known you and not call him by his chosen name. Why, you weren't even here for weeks on end and we still just so happened to go with our new habit instead of the one we formed over six years ago. Quite remarkable..."
The Sneakoscope on the table had lit up and begun to spin.
Harry eyed it with new found revelation, "Oh! I remember now! This is why you didn't want me to say Voldemort!"
Ron glared at Harry with renewed anger, his hand beginning to form a fist.
Hermione rolled her eyes, "What was that about your instincts being nearly always right?"
But luckily for all concerned it turned out that Harry's mistake caused the Trio to be incarcerated at Malfoy Manor , where Harry was able to accidentally snaffle Draco's wand ... and where the Trio observed Bellatrix's alarm at the sword being fake ... which caused them to posit the theory that, just maybe, there might happen to be another Horcrux at Gringotts ... which allowed them to get the sword ... even though Griphook then stole it ... but the Hat stole it back ... and then Harry realized that he was master of the Elder Wand at the very end. So all was well after all and Ron and Hermione apologized to Harry for ever doubting his faith in Jo's ability to contrive a loose chain of events which would result in his destroying the most powerful Dark Wizard the world has ever known without having any actual magical talent himself.
Even though Hermione was still bitter about being tortured and all. Dobby, being dead, gave no comment.
Written by kmh8, with an addition from Brad. Check out the profile page for more drabbles by her and by other authors, and keep checking back since we post new drabbles regularly.
This story is based on a real-life plot hole from "Deathly Hallows." If you would like more information on this plot hole, or any other plot holes or related problems, please feel free to peruse our "Can't Stand Deathly Hallows" thread (more details of which are on our author's profile page). Be forewarned that you must be willing to dedicate untold amounts of time to reading through our posts, since there are so many problems in "Deathly Hallows" that we are still finding new ones each and every day. We will not be held responsible for eyestrain, carpal tunnel syndrome, headaches, tears, or any cases of severe depression you might have after reading our thread.