Disclaimer: I don't own any of the beyblade characters. Anything you don't recognize belongs to me. The Kaeto family is Coors and Unlucky-Star owns the members of the Kinomiya family that you don't recognize.
A.N. Well here's my latest addition to BB fan fiction. This fic is probably one of my most adventurous plot lines. I'm dealing with some very hardcore stuff here, not in the romance stuff. By hardcore, I mean opinions and religion and politics. Despite the size, Ireland's a fucked up political country and you can't live in Ireland without having it affect your daily life. But at the same time, there's a lot of good things about living in Ireland which is why I'm basing this story here. I won't put the summary here just yet, I think putting it down in font takes something from the story line. Just believe me when I say it's epic.
Don't let that spiel put you off, please. It's filled with my usual witty sarcasm and warm moments.
True love never truly dies, but it's not supposed to haunt you for the rest of your life. Living in the past only harms the present and destroys all hopes for the future… That's something to think about.
Dedicated: For Coors, Arcada, Court, Yoshi and Mike who entertain me each and every night…:snickers: That's sounds so wrong, lol! To Maya who helped me finally decide the name. For Sarah for being herself and inspiring me with her tales of Ireland, Billy Connolly rocks, long may he live! And to each and every person who's supported me through my hard times, my good times and my odd times, I love and respect each and every one of you…
:raises brow: Huh, that looks suspiciously like an Oscar speech. Scary!
Taken for Granted
Prologue
The horse moved at a steady pace over the lush green grass, its heavy feet sinking into the soft earth leaving its imprints. The sun was setting low in the sky, its red rays spearing through the violet hues of the mountains. Clouds gathered in the horizon, stacked above each other as they rolled over the blue sky to blot out first star that peeked out hesitantly. The air was heavy with moisture, the clouds pregnant with it and it clung to each blade of grass, lingering in the cobwebs draped over the wind bushes. A lone buzzard circled the sky once more, hovered, and then soared away home.
I watched it go and longed to do the same, instead, I urged the horse on with a gentle squeeze of my knees feeling the strength and power of the beast beneath me. The musky scent of it drifted into my nose and soothed my nerves for a millisecond before my gut churned once more, as it tended to do when I was nervous. I leaned down and cooed in the horse's ear using the excuse of soothing it to appease myself. Its pointed ear twitched and it shook its head. Gypsy-Rose-Lee was the horse's name. The winner of the Grand National sired her but I always called her Gypsy. She was a temperamental mare who only let certain people near her because she didn't like many people, bar me, naturally.
I had raised Gypsy as a foal and had raised her to the seven-year-old mare that she was. Chestnut and sleek with a white blazing star down her face. Large wary brown eyes took in everything as plumes of hot air fogged out and circulated in the cool air from the velvet nose.
I eased the mare into a trot so my thick black braid woven with flaxen strands slapped against my back as it rose and fell with the movement of the horse. My fingers encased in leather gripped the reins with a light hand careful not to make the bit strain Gypsy's mouth. Gypsy didn't respond to force, you had to keep a light but firm hand with her, which was why she threw so many people. So much so, that no one except for me could ride her anymore and that gave me a slight satisfaction. The stirrups jangled with each lope and my stomach hopped each time her feet hit the ground. I loved this feeling. I felt free and as though, if I went fast enough I could escape all my worries.
I watched the lush green grass give way to rushes and back to grass. The countryside of Ireland was ever changing, no terrain ever stretched for any length of time. Forests, shrubbery, grass, marshland and turned up earth. It's really quite stunning how amazing it all looks especially in autumn when it's a kaleidoscope of colours. In winter, it was just grey, always grey.
Gypsy's black mane, which I knew, for a fact had a waxy texture to it, to protect it from the harsh weather that Ireland suffered from, flapped in the wind. Of course, Donegal seems to suffer more than the rest of the country. I guess it's to do with it being so far north, everything gets colder the further North you go. When my mother had mentioned moving, I thought, yes, at last I get out of Donegal and move somewhere more… civilized, I suppose. Alas, we just moved to the east from the North, a mile from the border of Londonderry, 20 minutes from the city itself which ain't too bad. At least I can go to some decent shops. Like Virgin, HMV, Eason, all the shops in the South are crap. Of course, the difference between the Euro and Sterling is sharp, for example, €200 is only £120. It annoys me to no end.
I eased to a slow pace again over the rough, uneven ground by a ditch. Gypsy paced carefully, one foot with a white sock, in front of the other. She snorted and tossed her head, turning it to the side as she danced slightly before I righted her easily enough. Shifting in the saddle, I let one of my hands rest on the horn as I looked round the scenery from under the brim of my hat which mum insisted I wear every time I go out on Gypsy. And after the accident… well let's just say she has her reasons.
The setting sun cast a lilac haze onto the hill across the valley. The sound of buzzing engines didn't match the squares of colour zipping across the grey line snaking along it, and idly I wondered if anyone had spotted me. It didn't mean anything, but sometimes it's nice to fantasize that someone would see me and be envious for a change. I'd always been envious of someone or other for most of my life. The air held a woody scent to it, something fresh, clean, and somehow earthy. I think that autumn in Ireland, just after summer, is the most gorgeous time of the year.
The soft zephyr, which just hinted at the dipping temperature, caught the loose strands around my face and fluttered them gently. I just enjoyed the tranquillity, even though the main road was just across the valley the sound was just a mild buzz, that you knew was constantly there but you could ignore it. Unless, I thought with a frown, someone with a hole in their exhaust decided to pollute the atmosphere and add to the noise pollution at the same time. Gypsy whinnied softly and her head strained. I let her have her head, releasing my grip on the reins and instead rested them on the horn of the saddle.
After a second or two, I kicked my feet out of the stirrups and swung out of the saddle. I landed on the uneven ground on both feet gracefully. I crossed round to her, stroking her silky neck, feeling the strength and thickness of the muscles under the coat.
"That's enough for today, I think. Baby steps." I whispered softly, always have to take baby steps to get anywhere, but now that I had both feet firmly planted on the ground my quivering nerves eased. I let out a deep breath, took off my hat, walked unsteadily to the brink of the hill, and looked down. I'm not a great one for heights since I suffer from vertigo but… I like looking down on the busy world below. At least on steady ground I know nothing can happen to me. The likelihood of an earthquake is slim to zero.
I plucked a daisy from the grass and twirled its closed head under my nose. I used to love how Buttercups gave your skin a yellow glow when you held them under your chin. They were so cheerful. Now they just made my heart ache. I drew my knees to my chest and held them there, resting my chin on them.
"Why are you so sad?"
I stiffened at the softly asked question. The voice was masculine, smooth and genuinely interested in my answer. I didn't look over my shoulder. There was no point. He wasn't really there. He never was.
"Go away." I told him clearly, so he'd get the message. I didn't want to be termed insane and talking to your own self was a sign of insanity. Talking to dead people just tended to get you worse treatment.
"I can't."
"Yes you can. Turn around and go to heaven, hell or the place in between."
"You're the one stopping me from going on."
I didn't reply because I knew he was right. Or sort of right. I didn't think he was an actual ghost, he just sort of turns up when I need him. He's not a figment of my imagination either, because he's moved things in my room when he's irked with me. It doesn't happen often since he was never one to lose his temper easily. A good thing too, because I piss people off easily. Half the time I'm not even aware of doing it, until it's too late.
"You can go on, I don't mind."
He chuckled and it wasn't bitter, just amused. The grass stirred where he sat down beside me. The air held his subtle scent of soap, nothing else. Out of my peripheral vision I could see him, or almost. The flash of white blond hair, the tanned skin and the long lean frame.
"You would but I'm not going to argue with you. You're nervous. Want to talk about it?"
"To a dead man? Somehow I don't think so."
"You use to tell me everything."
"True but that was before you died. I think death kind of ruins a friendship." I muttered and scowled when I realized he'd spooked Gypsy, again. "You have got to stop scaring the horse. And I have to stop talking to a dead person. This is the real reason she moved me and where were you then?"
"Some things happen for a reason." he said mildly.
"Uh-huh. Try telling me that when they've locked me up in Gransha which they will do if they catch me."
"Now you're being a gob shite. You haven't been caught yet."
I groaned and shook my head. "I wish you'd just leave me alone."
"No you don't." he said with a laugh. "Besides you need someone to keep an eye on you. I can do that even better now I'm dead."
I pinched the bridge of my nose and made a noise of frustration. I was talking to a dead person; I still find this so odd. He turned up about a fortnight after his death and he's been popping up now and again. I believed in ghosts, after all you hear about people being haunted all the time. I just didn't expect that my ghost would be so… human like. Ghosts don't have conversations, they wail and they sometimes make things fall off the shelves, make the temperature dip but they don't just talk normally to you. I swear to god I'm going insane. Not only am I starting a new school where I don't know anyone -apart from my stepsister and that kid up the lane- but I have a ghost who won't leave me alone. Moreover, despite everything, I don't want him to. I missed him, the thought of him just leaving me all alone in the world scared me more than I thought possible. It got so bad at one stage that I just didn't want to go on. And then he came back to me and I couldn't accept it.
"It's not the same is it?" I whispered still not looking at him.
"No it's not. It never will be. You have to accept that and move on. Here's a great chance. A new family, a new town, a new school, new friends Ams."
"I don't want new though. I want everything to be as it was last year."
"Looking back is good Amber, but living in the past isn't." he murmured. "And I wish I could hug you and tell you everything's ok, but I can't. Unfortunately I'm not Patrick and you're not Demi."
I blinked and looked at him. "Who?"
He rolled his blue eyes, a gesture I remembered all too well from him when he was frustrated by my lack of movie trivia. I used the same expression when my sarcastic insults missed him by a mile and had to be explained. "Patrick and Demi. Ghost. You know they're a couple; he gets killed by a friend or something. He comes back from the dead and watches over her with the help of Whoopie Goldberg who explains to Demi that her husbands a ghost."
"It sounds like a wussy romance." I muttered darkly.
He smiled and his eyes darkened as they focused on my face but there was a tenderness to the look that made my heart flip. "You're too jaded Ams."
"Yeah well I have my reasons. My boyfriend dying being one of them."
"If you'd grieve and you might stop being angry."
"First up, I like being angry." It's better than being numb. "And secondly, I grieved you. I cried."
"Mathilda and Mariah cried buckets over me dying. You did the tears act for thirty minutes then you were offering everyone tea." He pointed out exasperated.
"People deal with grief in different ways."
"Yeah people deal with grief. You didn't. You decided you didn't like the feeling, pushed it away and moved on. Amber you're making yourself miserable and it hurts me to see it. And it's worrying your mother to the point that she's scared for you. You're not dealing. You're just getting more and more angry and sniping at everyone. I want you to stop doing it."
"I don't snipe at everyone."
"You snapped at your sister for offering to take Gypsy out instead of you. You bit your mothers head off because she didn't pour you any tea. You've been miss Bitchy McScrew for the past ages and you're making living with you a living hell."
I opened my mouth to retort when I realized that he spoke nothing but the truth. Oh god… I've been horrible. And to mum. Mystel was like a son to her and… "I'm sorry."
"No use apologizing to me."
"What do you want me to do?" I demanded getting to my feet and looking down at him. His platinum blond hair had once been long but due to personal differences, he'd chopped it to a short crop and had spiked it. His blue eyes were serene and took in everything, or they had. His skin was bronzed and stretched over good strong features and toned muscles. He wore a white t-shirt and navy sweatpants. Even casually dressed he looked perfect. He always looked perfect because that was exactly what he was. Death always took the good people and left the crap people to live out there lives on this hell.
"I want you to cry Amber. I want you to stop being so angry."
"I don't want to cry!" I snapped viciously because that was exactly what I felt like doing. The pressure in my chest and the lump in my throat. "Dammit why did you leave me? Do you know how hard this is? Everyone treats me as if I'm fragile. As though if they mention your name I'll burst into tears. I don't cry Mystel because no one will let me." My nose tingled and my eyes burned but I refused to shed any tears. I had to be strong; otherwise, no one would act normal. That's what I wanted, for everything to just go back to normal. Except it wouldn't because he wasn't there anymore. He'd been taken away from me and why? Because I had thrown away my religion? Turned my back on God? Maybe because I took advantage of everything I had. I took him for granted and so he was taken away. And now I took everyone for granted, I wanted them to leave me alone because sometimes I felt like I could trade them in for Mystel and be happy, but I knew deep down that wasn't true. Didn't stop me from wishing it though.
"I'll let you," he murmured.
I shook my head. "I won't cry."
"Ok, but I'll be here until you do."
I sat down again. "You once said everything happens for a reason. So why am I here? What's so great about Ballykuten?"
"Maybe by being here, you might improve someone's life."
"Oh sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph. What are you now? God?"
He laughed long and loud prompting a reluctant smile. He was the only one who could make me smile when I was feeling down or even when I was in the middle of a blazing temper. "God." he laughed again then it died off as he became serious but his eyes were still bemused. "No, I'm not God. I'm just saying that there may be a reason as to why you're here. Just keep an open mind Ams and give this place a chance, for me."
"For you." I conceded. "I miss you so much."
"I miss you too. Being dead sucks especially to be dead and haunting your girlfriend."
"You'd rather haunt someone else."
"Of course not." he seemed genuinely offended by that statement. "It's just that eventually you're going to move on."
I shook my head. "No, I'm not. I love you."
He smiled softly and lifted a hand, trailing it over my cheek. Closing my eyes, I tried to feel the phantom touch, remembering from memory how his warm skin had felt brushing against mine. I shivered delicately and the ache to turn into him was at once sweet and bitter.
"I love you too and for me you're my first and only. But you will meet another and he'll be it for you."
I rolled my eyes at him. "Why can't you be my only?"
"Because you're only just beginning to live your life. You have your whole life ahead of you. This is just a hurdle you have to jump and move on."
"Easy for you to say." I whispered.
"Yes because my life's over. Yours isn't and I want you to live your life. We'll have to continue this conversation later. You have company."
I looked over my shoulder and spotted a black and white ball of fluff coming towards me and then as it came closer, zigzagging its way towards me, I realized it was a dog. A border collie or a sheep dog with long hair. It loped towards me then came to an abrupt stop when it spotted me. His or hers, could easily be female, hackles rose and its lips curled back to reveal sharp canines and teeth. A low guttural growl started in the back of its throat. I smiled softly.
"Hey there boy." Slowly, as to not alarm him/her or it, I reached out my palm towards it ready to snap it back if he/she went for it. I kept it low under its mouth so it didn't look as though I was going to hit him/her. By the thickness of the hair and the look in the eyes, I got the hint it was male more than female.
Doubtfully, he padded forward. Ears were still raised and its tail was still and a fine tremble moved though his body. He sniffed; then retreated a few steps still snarling and quivering. I made no sudden movements because I'd had a dog once lunge at me and it hadn't been nice.
"Easy, that's a good boy." I chuckled as he got down onto the floor and began to creep closer.
His paw rested on his nose and he peered at me through one Siberian blue eye and one muddy brown eye. There was a white patch of hair around the blue eye and the brown was surrounded in black with black freckles around the black nose. He was gorgeous. I waited until he sniffed my hand and delicately licked my hand with a rough stroke all the while keeping his eyes on my face warily in case I moved too fast. Slowly, with care, I stroked my hand to just behind his left ear and began to scratch there.
His hair was coarse and thick, feeling the warmth of his skin underneath the hair soothed me, and it just felt nice to sit there with him looking down onto the valley. Sheep grazed silently in the field behind the hedge below us. A farmer was finishing off cutting his silage, he was just mowing down the last line and in the distance, and not too far away, I could hear the shouts of children, as they played carried by the soft breeze. It whispered through the bracken and wild grass, a motley crew of coloured strands, gold, green and red, all dry from the lack of rain but that wouldn't last long.
"So what's his name?"
I groaned and frowned as the dog got to his feet and began to growl at the thin air. "Ah Jaysus. Mystel you do remember the slight fact that animals don't approve of ghosts, don't you?"
"I only wanted to know the name. But so be it, I'm gone. I'll see you at school tomorrow."
I whirled on him, keeping a straining hand on the dogs' collar. "No way, you're not coming to school with me. I don't want to make an impression on the students there and I certainly don't want to make a bad impression. They'll point and stare at me; do you want them to do that?"
He made a face at the dog that was still snarling at him and had the dog lunging so violently that he nearly wrenched my arm from my socket. Growling, I clutched at the dog and tried to restrain him with both gloved hands gripping the collar for dear life. My heart was racing and I was praying that the dog didn't turn on me.
"If he bites me it's your ass I'm coming to kick, dead or not dead."
"That threat didn't bother me when I was alive and it doesn't bother me now."
I scowled angrily because I didn't like empty threats but they were usually empty when it came to Mystel. However, in the twelve years that I've known him, I've hit him about twelve times; most of those times were when I was going through my violent phase, which lasted 2 years when I was 11.
"I thought you were going." I muttered trying to soothe the dog.
"I don't actually ever go; I just kind of sit here and watch you."
I gaped at him. Wouldn't he get bored? There had to be something better he could be doing. If not then being dead really, really sucked. So much for Heaven. "How fun for you."
"Hey I enjoyed doing it when I was alive."
Reluctantly, I acknowledged that he was telling the truth since there were days that I would just look up and he'd be watching me. Or other times I'd wake up to find him crouched by my bed just gazing at me with those beautiful eyes. Just simple things like that and it made me feel so good, so warm and wanted, loved. Now it left me with such a hollow ache knowing that I'd never feel that emotion again. Despite what Mystel said, I knew that he was it for me. There couldn't be anyone else who would love me and make me feel the way Mystel did. No one would ever come close. I don't deny that I will probably have a number of crushes, a couple of boyfriends and the like through my life but it wouldn't be the same. It was saddening to realize that my chance of happiness had been taken away so early in life. I'd never had the foolish girls' dreams of a white wedding or anything quite like that but I'd just taken it for granted that I would be with Mystel forever. I won't deny that I felt smug over the fact that I had found what most girls would search for, for most of their lives, so early in mine.
Maybe that was why he was taken from me. I shouldn't have been so bitchy, it only came back to haunt me in the end. What is it they say, what goes around comes around? Yeah that made sense. When things are going right in your world, there's an unwritten law that says it has to go wrong. Some higher being sits in his throne and watches the world below and when someone's life's on track, he looks down and thinks 'well that's just boring' and then goes and throws a spanner in the works. Well Mystel dying was my bloody great big bleedin' spanner. Mum says that life would be boring if everything just went your way all the time, you always remember when things go bad and you always look back on how you triumphed over adversity. How the fuck do I triumph over Mystel dying! Simply put, I don't. I don't triumph and I don't feckin' win. Then Mum wonders why I don't believe in god anymore.
Pearls of wisdom are all grand, but they aren't there to cheer people up when someone dies. When someone loses all their money, well it's not as if their world has completely ended. They'll just appreciate the smaller things in life more. Yes, I appreciate the fact that I'm alive and I can look around this world and find beauty in things I'd never have looked twice at, something Mystel had been able to do without having someone close to him die. However, I also notice death more than I use to. I don't like hearing the obituaries on the local radio station, it just reminds me that more people are feeling exactly how I feel since another loved one was taken away. Why do people have to die anyway? I mean if you believe in God, then is it a grand master plan to gather as many souls as possible and make a new better world, like neo-Earth somewhere else where we can escape the hostility this world is so well known for? If life were a TV show, then yes, I've probably guessed the plot. However, life ain't no TV show and we're not the products of some sick producer's fantasy.
"You're quiet, talk to me."
The dog was silent now, only letting out the slightest whimper every now and again. I scratched his neck gently, humming under my breath to soothe him and I let my gaze scan for Gypsy noticing vaguely the chirp of a swallow as it swooped and glided, scooping up flies in its beak. I watched its graceful movements as it soared and dipped never touching the ground and barely flapping its wings. Soon they'd be off to Africa for a warmer winter while we stayed here in the grey cold, but not for another month or so.
"There's nothing to say." I assured him offering him a small smile. "It's just so peaceful here and I'm trying to get used to being here away from my old life. I miss everyone, not just you, you know. Like, I miss Mariah, Mathilda, and just being able to be myself around them. Here, I won't be able to myself for a very long time. I'm afraid I'm going to lose something of myself because I don't have anything to keep me grounded. I'm not balanced; I have two extremes. Very nice or very sarcastic. I need my middle ground and I need to find it fast, and I don't have it unless I'm surrounded by people who make me safe." The words just tumbled out of my mouth automatically. It'd been something I'd been thinking about during the small wee hours of the morning when the house was silent bar the shifting of bed's across the hall.
"I'm sorry."
I blinked. "Sorry, what for?"
He smiled whimsically; then looked over his shoulder. "I'll see you later."
I frowned and then I looked over my shoulder wondering what had caused him to leave so early. A figure was appearing over the hill and walking in my direction. Male, I could spot that instantly. The sun light was behind him so that cast most of him into shadow but I guessed he looked to be around my age or older. Certainly not younger, or not younger by much. My heart began to pound when I noticed the subtle way he tensed on spotting me. He obviously hadn't been expecting any one to be up here. My fingers tightened their grip on the dog's collar as he sighed in that gorgeous way dogs do when they're bored. I looked round and felt uncertain. I was up a hill, in the middle of nowhere and I was all alone. Well not really alone or so Mystel said, but still, far away from civilization, too far to call for help. Uneasily fear crept sly down my spine as though an ice cube was melting down it. I shrugged my shoulders. I was fine. If needs be, I could always throw a pebble at him, I thought as my hand closed over a smooth stone by my feet.
I pretended to keep my eyes on the road across from me, but I was completely aware of the stranger approaching me. My heart was beating hard on my ribs as though begging to leap out. My body was taut like a bowstring and I had to actually force it to relax. Too many nights spent watching thrillers where the femme fatale was caught unawares by the killer all alone were beginning to take their toll. I was no femme fatale and this wasn't Hollywood, or not America's Hollywood. I took a deep breath and let out a quiet breath. If I died tonight, well at least I'd be with Mystel.
"You're not going to die!"
I didn't appreciate the comment or the laughter behind it. He was making me feel like an idiot. Which I was. That was what Mystel was best at; he could tell me I was being an idiot without actually being hurtful about it. I on the other hand was pretty blunt when telling someone they were being stupid though sometimes I felt bad about it. Sometimes.
I scratched behind the dog's ears, letting the musky scent soothe me because the prickle on my back was telling me that the stranger was getting closer, too close. Finally, unable to stand it much longer, I turned and decided to face my fate.
The boy stood before me, probably in his late teens with the lanky build still having not filled out completely but had the makings to be very drool worthy as Mariah described it. He didn't say anything, just stared down at me.
"Is this your dog?" I suddenly found myself asking the teen looming over me. He shaded me from the sun, which illuminated his outline, but cast his features into shadow making him seem even more forbidding. All I could really tell was that he had a long, rangy build, fair skin on the toned arms and hands that were tucked into his stone washed blue jean pockets, which were stained with grass and faded at the stress points. Tough leather boots were scarred, scuffed and worn. Broad shoulders, which would become more defined over time and a narrow waist, were covered by a loose blue sweater with a tear in the hem. His eyes were a light colour filled with curiosity.
He nodded in answer and knelt by the dog so I could see his face better. It was as white as snow and just as pure. His features were chiselled and symmetrical, if slightly effeminate. His eyes were bright turquoise, framed by luxurious black lashes. His hair was red, and by red, I mean red, bright blood red and styled into two wings with two silken strands fluttering down to his jaw and framing the elfin face. He was gorgeous, barely any flaws at all… it was surprising to say the least. Not many guys looked that good. He was perfect enough to be on the cover of magazines everywhere. I caught myself staring and shook my head. I didn't have reactions to good-looking boys. They were egotistical and out of reflex, I tended to be cutting and shot barbs at their humongous ego to take them down. However, here I was, Amber Benson, catching flies because of a handsome… no perfect face. Not good.
"He's not that great looking."
I groaned and caused the perfect looking boy to stare at me.
"Are you ok?"
I nodded dumbly and wondered if he heard Mystel. I keep expecting someone else to hear him or see him. I don't actually know if I want someone to or not. I mean, if they did that means' I'm not going insane which is a good thing naturally. Nevertheless, if they do, well that means' I'm not special and I kind of like being a bit special after being the shadows for so long.
He shrugged off my reply and returned to his dog, I assumed it was his dog. After all, it wasn't growling or biting him. That had to be a good sign.
"Does he have a name?" I choked out. I really wasn't good at talking to strangers, not when I was on my own. I had lost part of myself when Mystel had died. I didn't want to meet other people, because if I met other people, I might find myself bonding with them and then they'd die. I didn't think I'd be able to cope with another death of someone close.
"No, I call him dog." he replied with a biting tone.
"Gee, how original. How many brain cells died when you thought that up." the words were out before I had a chance to stop them. I bit my tongue and cringed when his head snapped up and he stared at me. After a second of squirming under his gaze, he half smiled.
"So you can construct sentences that don't make you sound like an idiot."
I frowned. "Hey, I only asked a civilized question. You're the one who bit my head off." I snapped agitated. Yeah, what did I say about pretty guys?
He thought about that for a second. "Fine then. How about we start again. I'm Tala. And you are?"
"Human." I quipped then rolled my eyes in mock effort. "But my friends usually call me Amber. Don't want to alert the alien nazi's that there's one human they missed out on." I closed my eyes. Oh god, why the hell did I say that? It was an inside joke with my friends which had also led to me being known as Norman for a full term in fourth year. This was embarrassing. I had no idea how it had slipped out, I guess because I'd felt somewhat comfortable with him for that second or so. Now I was back to feeling very out of place and wanting to sink my head in the sand. More than ever, I just wanted to die and stay with Mystel. No doubt, this had ruined my future school life. Great, as if I couldn't have ruined it tomorrow.
I blinked surprised when Tala chuckled which led me to thinking he might actually be an alien or he had to be slightly weird. Only weird people got my humour… This was disturbing.
"So you're aware of the ET Nazi conspiracy. I tried to alert my friends to it, but alas, it was too late for them. They've all been converted and have been beamed up several times to have their insides replaced."
I stared at him.
"What you're the only one to be able to come up with odd alien stories?"
I blushed. He was right. I wasn't the only one able to come up with odd tales. "Technically, I'm not supposed to believe in aliens. They're not logical."
"So, neither is life. You're new around here, right?"
"Yep. What gave you the heads up?"
"You're big news in town. We rarely get new blood. Shit, half the town's inbred." he said settling down on the rock beside me and staring down into the valley. "You're Molly's grand child. James' daughter?"
I nodded but didn't feel like talking about my Dad. He left my Mum and me when I was 11 and it wasn't something I got over easily. Still wasn't really over it still.
I don't know if he sensed I didn't want to talk about it, or not but he did change the topic. "What school will you be going to?"
"Tory Comprehensive, I think. That's where my sister goes."
"Sister?"
"Step sister or soon to be step-sister. That's part of the reason we moved up. Mum and Hiroshi wanted to try living together for a while."
"Yeah but who is she? I might know her. It's a small town, everyone seems to know each other," he told me with a rueful smile.
"Shahero Kaeto. Not a name you're likely to forget if you've heard it before."
He nodded. "Yeah I know Shahero. She's in some of my classes. She's good craic."
I smiled softly. She is good fun and she's usually the life of the party, which has made moving here a lot easier. Having her as a stepsister isn't a bad thing at all, we clicked pretty fast when we met and that friendships growing stronger. Even if I do tend to snap and lash out at her when things build up inside. It's just hard to get over something like the death of your best friend and boyfriend. He wouldn't be easily replaced but sometimes I find myself forgetting him for a few moments when I'm around her and it scares me. I don't want to forget him.
"So you'll be starting school tomorrow?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. What's it like there? Shahero's descriptions sounded more like Count Dracula's castle rather than a secondary school."
"It's like a secondary school. Nothing different about it. It has 600 pupils in it, spread out from first year to Fifth and the teachers are all wankers, 'cept for Mrs. Preston-Lee."
Ah, I recognized a name. "Anne Preston-Lee?" when he nodded, I smiled. "She's my aunt on my Dad's side which means things won't be too bad for me."
"She's my form teacher. One of those teachers you can go to when you need to talk to someone, the fact that for a teacher she's hot, well that's a bonus and you probably don't appreciate me talking about her in that way."
"Not really." I muttered curtly. A silence fell between us and feeling uneasy about it, I quickly asked: "So what's your dog's name?"
He turned to the dog and ruffled his fur. "Blitz."
"Blitz?" I echoed wondering if I heard right?
"Yes. I like it, makes a change from Meg and Ben."
"I guess." My Nana has a dog named Ben and I didn't like how common it is either. So much that I changed it to Benji just to irk my uncle Rory.
"That your horse?"
I glanced over in the direction he was looking and my brow furrowed as Gypsy loped up the hill, her long legs sauntering through the dry grass, her head nodding as though she was listening to music no one else could here. Her tail swished away flies and midges and she tossed her head. She was probably the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen. "Yeah, she's mine."
"How long have you had her?"
"Since she was a foal."
He got to his feet and then offered me his hand. I raised a brow and looked up at him. What was he up to now? "Come on, introduce me to her."
My lips quirked slightly as I batted his hand away and scrambled to my feet, dusting down my trousers, and walking over to Gypsy, clicking my tongue to catch her attention. Her ears twitched and her head swivelled to look at us as we approached. Debating it for a second, she sidled over, the stirrups slapping her stomach lightly. I winced; I should have yanked them up on the strap to stop them from doing just that.
I glanced over at Tala and felt a tickle of amusement when I noted that he was wiping his palms on his jeans. "You scared of horses?"
He shook his head. "No, I just find them a little too big for my liking. My parents own the kennels so I'm used to dealing with dogs. My friend's father owns a stable, so I can ride them." he defended quickly.
I choked back a chuckle. "Yeah I guess if you're used to a certain type of animal you'd be slightly nervous."
"I'm not nervous."
"Sure." I drawled. "It's ok, I'm afraid of cows."
I heard a snort of laughter and shot him a mild glare. "Cows?"
"Yes, cows. You know, the big dumb looking animals that squirt out milk and moo."
"I know what cows are. I just can't see how any one could be scared of them."
I scowled. "You probably never had a herd of them stampeding towards you!"
I felt his surprise. "Seriously?"
"Yes. But I suppose if I'm being honest, it was slightly my own fault for going into a field with them with Sheba."
"Sheba?" he inquired, slowing his pace since his legs would easily eat up the ground and leave me behind.
"My dog, she's an Alsatian with the sweetest nature. Of course get on her bad side and you're likely to get your throat torn out. She's that big."
He nodded. "I had an Alsatian; we named him Woolly because he thought he was a sheep." I chuckled. "No seriously, he thought he was a sheep. He'd sit out in the fields with them and look over the lambs. It was slightly odd but nice. He was really gentle. He was my first dog, died of old age there at the beginning of the year before last."
I heard the sadness in his tone and recognized it. Maybe a dog dying wasn't really the same as your boyfriend dying but some people care more about animals than humans, I consider myself one of those people. Hell, if animals ruled the world, there wouldn't be any murder, war, or stupid things like that. They only kill for food.
"I got Blitz shortly after. Thought of calling him Woolly the second, but figured it didn't suit him and he couldn't really replace the first one either."
"True. I don't get people who name their animals the same name. It sounds like they can't think up another name. After all, people don't call their second child the same name as the first one. It takes away from their identity and as you can tell, I've given this way too much thought." I ended the ramble with a sheepish explanation.
He simply smiled and told Blitz to heel as we came closer to Gypsy who became distracted by a piece of grass. The ground squelched beneath us as we stepped onto a piece of marshland. "Hey who owns this land?"
Tala shook his head. "No one. To your east is Benson land and to your west is Nick's land for his horses. This stretch here belongs to no one, for the moment. It's kind of a free for all those who want to get away from the town for a while. You should see the amount of couples who come up here for their first time thinking that no one else has had the same idea."
I grinned. "You trying to tell me something Tala? Any particular spot around here special to you?"
He smirked and tapped his nose. "Now that would be telling." he let out a low whistle of appreciation. The type of sound a guy makes when he sees a particularly nice car or motorbike. "That's some animal."
"She's something, huh?" I murmured as I looked at her proudly. I caught her bridle and held her, prompting him to come closer to her.
"What's her name?"
I watched as he ran a hand down her neck all the time keeping an eye on her and at the same time watching Blitz. He needn't have bothered; Blitz was off nosing for rabbits while Gypsy kept her own eye on him, her feet dancing nervously as her big brown eyes tried to keep us all in her view.
"Gypsy."
He raised a brow. "Gypsy? That's not exactly the most flattering of names."
"Well it's actually Gypsy-Rose-Lee. Tinker-of-Tralee and Romany-Rose were her parents." when he gave a blank look, I elaborated. "They're both champion race horses, hence the very odd names that make no sense but to their owners. I took a bit of their names and made hers Gypsy. It suits her."
"Well…" he trailed off with a frown. "Hey would you be up for breeding her?"
Oh… I wasn't so sure about that and I was sure my expression showed it. First time pregnancy was a very dangerous time for a horse and then there was the eleven months that she'd be out, unable to go riding. Not to mention the extra vet bills and the other extra bills I'd have to fork out for. Moreover, it would be putting Gypsy at risk, I wasn't sure if I could do it.
"Why?"
"Well, I mentioned my friends' father being a stable owner. He breeds horses sometimes and there's one stallion that he's looking to breed. He's a pedigree, so don't worry and I'm sure he'd be willing to work out any details with you. Just let me mention Gypsy to him, I'm sure she's exactly what he's looking for. You can always say no, but at least think about it."
Again, I was unsure and as if to echo it, Gypsy nudged my shoulder with her muzzle.
"Maybe she's trying to give you a push to say yes."
"Shut up." I murmured.
"What?"
"Oh sorry Tala. I was um… telling Gypsy to shut up." Sorry Gypsy. "Let me think about it first. I just don't think she'd appreciate me making the decision of when she should or shouldn't be bred."
"Well when you domesticate animals, that's usually what happens." at my look, he hastily added. "Look, think about it, ok? For me?"
"For you?"
"Yeah for me." he flashed me a somewhat charming smile.
I groaned and placed a hand to my brow. "Fine, fine. I'll think about it. But no pressure."
"None, what so ever."
I glanced at the now darkening sky as the first stars began to peek down at us. A chilly breeze swept through the dry grass and I shivered slightly. "Hey, I better get heading." I told him as I place my hat on my head again, adjusting the strap under my chin so it wouldn't chafe but at the same time be secure.
"OK, I'll see you around school, hopefully."
"Yeah. I'll probably get lost. You can be my knight in shining armour." He laughed at that as I stuffed my foot into the stirrup and boosting off the ground with my other, I swung up onto the saddle, being careful not to slide right off the other side. Gathering the reins, I smiled down at him feeling that I might have made my first friend here. I got no weird feelings from him, I just felt comfortable but I still was careful not to call him a friend just yet. "Bye Tala."
"Good night."
I gently kicked Gypsy with my heels urging her round to head back the way we came. As we headed off, I heard Tala call Blitz and glancing over my shoulder I watched them head off in the direction they'd come. Smiling slightly, I nudged Gypsy into a trot and then into a canter feeling the wind kick up and hit me in the face before parting to whip past me. I felt a sense of freedom and part of the pressure weighing down on my shoulders eased slightly.
0-0-0
Minutes later, I was leading Gypsy down the back road past the graveyard, which was eerily quiet despite being right on the edge of the town centre. Car engines blasted and hummed behind us under the quiet rustle of the night itself. In the distance, I could here the dirty guttural growl of the engine of a quad bike or motorcycle. It just sounded like the longest raspberry being blown. I'd gotten lost on the way home. If anyone asked, I took a detour, and I'd ended up on the other side of town, which meant walking Gypsy past the traffic until I got down to the back road. Luckily, Gypsy has been raised to be used to cars and other forms of traffic but I didn't feel comfortable riding her through traffic just yet. I hummed under my breath, soothing her and felt my heart soften as she nuzzled my shoulder. She and Sheba were probably the best characters in my life at the moment. They didn't treat me as if I was going to explode at the wrong word and sure, I might do that, but I was allowed to. I had lost my first and only love and I had a good reason to be angry and bitter about it. He hadn't deserved to be killed. At least being here in a new town, I wouldn't be treated to those sympathetic yet fearful looks. Well I wouldn't if Shahero kept her mouth shut about Mystel, I was sure she would and I'd sworn Anne to secrecy.
Idly I cast my gaze over the cobblestone wall and into the graveyard. It looked…well, dead. The grass was cut low; the graves themselves that were marked out had stale fake flowers in dirty globes or vases. Newer fresher graves had fresh flowers and wasn't that typical? When someone dies, you remember them fresh in your mind but after a while, you begin to let them fade until you only think of them at odd times. Well, everyone did that, except me since my dead boy was still floating around somewhere. That gave me some comfort yet it didn't help me grieve him. He wasn't really gone, was he? Did he even know what his grave looked like?
I heard the rise in noise too late and it was all I could do to hold onto Gypsy's reins as tight as possible as she reared up. The quad had come tearing round the corner and had scared her with its sudden appearance and the loud noise that sprayed from his exhaust. Luckily his back end spun out causing him to skid and gave me the valuable time to keep calm Gypsy and for him to notice us instead of ploughing into us as he would have.
My heart was pounding in my head, a thin cold layer of sweat had broken out on my skin but it all happened too fast for me to react. My thoughts and actions were focused on Gypsy, not on the driver or his idiocy. Her eyes were wild, more white that brown and her strength as she reared back threatened to yank my arm out of its socket.
"Come on girl, its s'okay. You're okay. Calm down." I didn't really hear what I murmured, the gist was that I wanted her to calm down and stop rearing up other wise she could hurt herself and I didn't want that to happen. "Please." I whispered.
After a few moments, she began to calm down enough so that I could move closer and hug her close breathing in her scent that soothed my frayed nerves. I whispered close to her ear hoping to calm her down as my hands stroked her flesh.
The sound of an engine creeping closer had me looking over my shoulder and glaring at the rider who was trying to ease past us. I couldn't see anything about him. All I knew was that he was roughly in his late teens, I suspected. He was young anyway. He wore a black sweater, rolled up at the elbows. Old jeans and boots. He wore a helmet over his face so I couldn't see a thing about his facial features. His quad was a red Honda, spattered with mud that was caked around the foot pedal. Fake leather seat and metal grids over the front mud flaps and back, which were flaking and revealing rust beneath. An acrid smell of petrol reached my nose and made Gypsy dance skittishly.
He passed us and then to my infuriation, he lifted his hand, saluted us before tearing up the back road, and swerved out on to the main road. I gaped after him.
"Reckless idiot. I swear Gyps, if I ever find out who he was, I'm gonna kill him and it won't be a pretty sight."
Gypsy nickered quietly in agreement and I winced when she nibbled my shoulder to tell me to get moving. I continued down the uneven road and crossed the next street through the curved cobble archway making a mental note to close the Iron Gate later. We padded up the back lane, which was over grown with weeds and long grass, which were bent down by heavy wheels. To my right, I watched a car drive down the driveway from the house below mine, the Kinomiya's. The drive was separated from the lane by a row of derelict old barns, which had been destroyed in a storm. A cackle from the roosting crows had my gaze travelling to the castle ruins that over shadowed the Kinomiya's home as well as my own. The house was cool, I had to admit. I mean how many others can say that when they look out of their window that they are looking out into a castle. In addition, the castle has this tranquil aura around it. It's as if a bubble surrounds it blocking out most sounds.
A figure raced over to open the gate in front of me and I realized that it was Tyson Kinomiya. He was a year younger than me, at 16 and full of life. I'd say beans but well… let's stick with life. He's loud and opinionated and loves food though you'd never guess it with his lanky body. His navy hair was always tied back and then shoved under his red and white cap. His Japanese face is tanned and friendly looking. He's at ease with himself and that puts me at ease around him. I like him, I'm wary of his older brother. His mahogany brown eyes were tilted slightly from his oriental background and filled with determination. Since we've met, he's gone out of his way to be friendly and oddly enough, I like him. I guess he reminds me of the old me back before Mystel died. Never giving up and believing in people and the human race. I soon learnt my lesson in a less than nice way. I don't want to see Tyson be disillusioned the way I was.
"Hey Amber, want me to put Gypsy in the stable for you?"
"Actually Tyson, could you close the lane gate out to the back road?"
He nodded. "Sure."
I watched as he raced down the lane before I led Gypsy into the yard listening to the clip-clop of her hooves on the white cement. I headed for the stable and turned on the light when I got inside. The stall held the scent of dry straw, sweet hay, dust motes and Gypsy. I walked Gypsy round and then closed the door so she wouldn't walk out on me and it would stop people from just barging in unannounced. With efficiency I began to un-tack her, taking off the saddle and laying it on the top of the door, the blanket beneath followed, and then the bridle and bit which I replaced with the woven halter instead. Gypsy paid no heed to me; instead, she nibbled at the hay in the sack for her. I brushed her down with the broad brush before I put it back in its place by the door and then saying good night to her, I turned off the light and headed out, keeping the half door open and removing the saddle and blanket, I crossed to the tack room.
The tack room smelt of polish and leather. Smells that I'd grown up with all my life. I set the saddle on its shelf, folded up the blanket and hung up the bridle beside the thick red rope. I consciously made an effort to ignore the photo's I'd set up in the cabinet, my trophies and news clippings which spoke of Mystel. It was only because I'd felt bad just hiding them away that I'd put them in the cabinet but I'd thought that I'd left him behind there, seems I really haven't. Aren't ghosts only supposed to haunt one place?
I blew out a breath and headed for the door. The yip was out of my mouth before my hand could stop it as I glimpsed the figure in the door.
"Oh, sorry." Shahero said with a slight wince. "I called your name but you mustn't have heard me."
I shook my head. "I was thinking."
She moved further into the tack room, looking round it and her sapphire gaze settled on the cabinet. "About him?"
I nodded feeling my throat constrict. I sniffed and rubbed my thumb over my nose.
"Oh. Want to talk about it?"
I shook my head and swallowed thickly. "No thanks."
"Ok then. Well Treasa's ordered Pizza, ham and pineapple. Better get in quick before Tyson inhales it." she joked awkwardly, tucking a strand of black and silver behind her ear. She was shorter than I was; I'd been a tiny bit gleeful when I'd noticed that. She was as slender as I was but she was confident where I wasn't. We contrasted each other. Where I was dark with my gold skin, she was pale. My eyes were caught between gold and brown, hers were a bright blue. Her hair was short and black and silver, mine was long and black and gold. However, we had the same taste in music, relatively the same taste in clothes, TV shows, and books. Basically anything that really matters in a good friendship. However, I still kept her back from getting too close. A defence mechanism would keep both of us safe from fate's fickle fingers.
"I'll be in in a second."
"Well, k then." she replied and as she turned to go I bit my lip.
"Hey Shahero?"
She turned back and tilted her head. "Yeah?"
"I'm sorry about snapping at you earlier. I didn't mean to be so bitchy."
She shook her head with a slight smile. "Hey no worries. Every one gets like that sometimes. You just do it more than most people."
I thought about how right that statement was, even though I didn't like it all that much but since I couldn't really say she was wrong, I accepted it with a shrug. I tugged off my gloves and removed my hat leaving them on the workbench. I eased my hip onto the corner and looked at her. "What do you know about a boy named Tala?"
"Tala Valkov?"
I shrugged. I hadn't gotten his surname but I figured there couldn't be that many guys named Tala in Ireland. They're all usually called James, John or Paddy and Seamus. "Probably."
"What does he look like?"
"Red hair, blue eyes." I thought for a second before amending. "Really incredible blue eyes."
"Yeah that's Tala. Did he try hitting on you?"
I shook my head. "Nope, at least I didn't get the feeling he was trying."
"Well then you must have earned his respect. Tala and his friends hit on girls, lead them on, and then ditch them. It's pathetic the way the girls fall all over them. I didn't think you were pathetic. Glad I was proven right."
I blinked at her blunt description of him. "Well at least he's not a wannabe farmer boy, they drive me nuts." at her confused expression. "They're the type who add 'sir' to the end of every sentence and go all happy clappy when they see a Massey Ferguson but would run scared when faced with real farm work."
"I know those types. They all share one brain between them."
I thought about that for a moment. It made sense to me. Back at my old school, they'd sit at a table in the canteen and then they'd all start making sheep sounds or cow sounds at the same time. It was slightly disturbing. More so since my group sat at the table next to them but I'd like it to be known that, we had been sitting at that table for two years before they did.
"One thing I can say without any doubt about Tala is that he's smart."
"And cute." I added.
A slim black brow lifted. "You got a crush on him, or something?"
I shook my head. "Nah. I just can appreciate a good-looking guy. Besides, it's too soon after Mystel."
"You think you'll ever fall in love with anyone again?"
"Yup."
She never asked you Mystel. I projected the thought and hoped he'd hear it. I'd never actually had said anything to him mentally before, usually he'd never speak to me when I was with another human. I guess today was just one of those days he decided to break all the rules.
"Amber?"
"I don't know, 'Ro. I really don't."
"Well let's get going into the house. I'm starving."
I smiled and scuffed my foot over the caked mud lane. Smooth stones, worn from the pelting of rain, rose out of the ground making the track uneven and stubs of grass were evenly scattered over it. I looked up at the sky, now deep sapphire with fluffs of white looking mystic and eerie. A crow cried out sharply, the usual caw, cawing and there was a distant hum from the traffic but here it was peaceful. I looked to my right, over to the rolling fields of green, punctuated by a lone trailer sitting by the old wall, which was over grown with ivy. It was once part of the castle boundary but not it served to keep the cattle in. Barns and slatted sheds were empty but retained the musty scent of meal and cows from the spring.
It was odd to be living on a farm, Hiroshi isn't' a farmer but a gym owner who teaches self-defence to those who want it. It's a good job and he enjoys it immensely. Mum's a nurse, who deals with the normal day-to-day stuff of taking blood or cleaning up sick. Nice work if you can get it, huh? I've never been the type to be paid to care about sick people; I'd be the sort of nurse who would tell a man with a broken leg to walk it off. I'm not especially sympathetic. Never had much reason to do so. If you wanted sympathy you went to Mariah, she was great at sitting you down and listening then kicking you up the arse if you needed it. When my parents split up, I went to her and she organized a girly night at hers. It's a wonder how effective just being with friends who care about you can be; laughter really can be the best medicine.
We didn't do that after Mystel died. I guess because they thought it would be disrespectful, but Mystel loved to make people laugh. It was a key part to him. I wanted to laugh but everyone looked at me as though I was insensitive when I did. The only person that didn't was Kevin, me and him went to the arcade after the funeral and just hung out there, playing on Tekken or racing monster trucks, going on the electric chair. Just a bunch of little things that really meant a lot. Kevin and I had never been especially close. He was Mariah's annoying cousin who I once stood up for, so we had a mutual respect but not a big bond. He was just there when I needed him. I'd miss not seeing him at school and exchanging a snipe or two.
My stomach clenched and churned with nerves. I ignored the pain, the fine tickle down low and tried to concentrate on other things as I walked along the tarmac drive to the back door. There were shoes out on the front steps, mud caking on them so it wasn't dragged over Mum's clean floor. It was now a habit to take your shoes off before heading into the house, other wise mum would race us. She's not usually very obsessed with keeping things clean but this house isn't actually ours. It was built for my Uncle Rory so he could have a house on the farm but after Granddad died, Rory and his wife Hannah moved in with Nana, which left this house spare. Hiroshi moved here with his daughter, needing a house and so Rory gave it to him. Which is how Hiroshi was introduced with Mum when we'd been up one summer to visit Nana and they had a spark or something, I guess. After seeing each other for more than a year, Hiroshi suggested we move in with him and Mum agreed. Rory lowered the rent considerably because he's a genuinely nice guy, and because he has a soft spot for Mum. I think when she and Dad got together; she kind of stole all of the Benson's hearts, well the ones that had one to begin with. I think the main reason for Mum moving was to get me away from home, so I wouldn't be reminded of Mystel every day. The thing is, I am reminded of him every day, not just because he's still haunting me, but also because small things remind me of him. I was so used to him, and its lonely being without him.
I jolted as something prodded my arm. I blinked surprised as I realized I'd entered the kitchen without even noticing. Man, I hate when that happens. You miss out on so many things when that happens.
"Amber?"
I looked to my mum, Treasa Del Areece. After Dad and she divorced, she went back to her maiden name but said I could keep the Benson surname if I wanted. I did. After all, I have to keep something of the man who made me, right? I dunno, but I discussed it long and hard with Mystel and Mariah and they both agreed I should keep it. Besides, Amber Benson sounds much better than Amber Del Areece, Del Areece is too exotic a name and I'm anything but exotic. Not the way my mum is. I took nearly everything after my mum. The same sleek black hair, only hers is cut in a short crop more for ease than style. Her eyes are slightly darker than mine and more almond shaped, the typical Spanish eyes. Skin is a darker Mediterranean gold and she's slightly taller than I am. She's kept her full figure well which I know she's secretly pleased with. However, she burns up many calories and the like chasing after me all the time. Mum's big into doing everything on time while I'm the biggest procrastinator ever yet I always get things done eventually, namely because Mum nags at me. Mystel use to put post-it notes in bright colours all over my locker so that I wouldn't forget things at school. It usually just irked me, and in turn amused him.
A feeling of overwhelming grief settled on me and the thought of just being around these people, who'd become my family, just didn't sit well. When I get depressed, I get cranky, just as when I get cranky, I get depressed and I'm never much company when I'm down. I can barely string together a sentence never mind ramble neurotically as I'm prone to do. They'd notice it immediately and that would only bring down their moods. I didn't want to do that. Therefore, when Mum offered me a plate with a pizza slice, I told her I'd take it in my room. I managed a small smile for Hiroshi when he placed a hand on my shoulder and gazed at me steadily with those onyx orbs that seemed to see right through to my soul.
When I reached my room, after negotiating the steep stairs, I slumped on the bed and nibbled at the pizza slice. Honestly I wasn't hungry but I knew that I'd probably try to go without food tomorrow morning because when I'm nervous, I can't eat without feeling nauseous. So going more than twelve hours isn't good, I had to choke this slice down if not for my health, then for my sanity because Mum would know by doing that Jedi mom mind trick and just know. She'd then corner me and explain the bad things that not eating can do to you. The problems with having a nurse for a mom.
I chewed slowly and tried to think of something so that the chewing would just be mechanical and not something to focus on. I looked round my room, shit another thing to know I'm not myself yet. It was still clean. I could still see the pine floor and the computer desk in the corner wasn't littered with loose change, pens, lib balm, dictionaries, or any books. My Nora Robert books that I hadn't been in the mood to read were still in alphabetical order which I'd put them in when I was in one of my neurotically clean phases. A £100 money off voucher from HMV was still sitting on my printer waiting for me to find a place to put it. A photo of my friends and me, on our last day of school before the holidays took precedence on the bedside table beside a box of tissues and a lamp. Mystel had his arms wrapped around my waist, his mouth dangerously close to my ear and I was grinning at the camera, laughing at something stupid Mariah had said to Claude who was smiling slightly. Michael Parker was tugging Mattie's pastel pink hair and she was scowling at him while Max Tate and Emily Davenport knelt on the ground, Max forcing camera shy Emily to look at the lens. The photo was taken by Bethan who had been the only one to bring a camera for our last day of Junior Cert. We all looked so young, all fifteen, some sixteen. Two years later and we were still the same, I suppose, just missing the sunshine in our lives.
Feeling glumly numb, I shed my blouse and pulled on a male pj shirt that was too big for me. However, I didn't care, it still retained some of Mystel's scent and that's why I wore. If he couldn't be here physically, well this was the next best thing I suppose. I hug the material close and felt immediately better. I tugged off my jeans slowly and methodically, looping them over the back of the chair before the computer. I slipped on the draw string pants and tied them tight around my pathetic excuse for a waist.
"Stop it."
I smirked, hearing his sharp tone echoing around me, berating me for being self-deprecating. I pulled off my socks, and then pulling down the covers, I slipped into the bed. Closing my eyes, I just felt all of the days pressures lift off me, and I focused on just relaxing. Just when I was feeling sufficiently light headed, I opened my eyes and groaned seeing the curtains still open. I was about to get up when I heard the swish and looking at the drawn curtains and the gloomy light, I laughed softly.
"Thanks Mystel, don't know what I'd do without you."
I felt the barest caress of the air on my cheek as though something had sighed softly close to me, then closing my eyes I fell asleep.
0-0-0
Well? Review guys, I need the feedback? I live for your thoughts. I hope this met up with everyone's expectations. Ignore the jump in tenses, I tend to do that in this format but sometimes when she's thinking, it's in the present and other times what she's doing is in the past… just ignore it unless it gets confusing. Love you guys!