Title: black holes
Summary: She was like a vacuum, just sucking everything up in sight without a care in the world…
Genre: Angst
Rating: T

every day she thought she could relate to him; the way his eyes gleamed with malice when he was able to hurt others. he didn't care about others. he only cared about himself, and his actions, and his words, and the things he could do. she wasn't sure he had a heart, nor did she think he had the stereotypical "black hole" where his heart should have been, because Tim Scam did not suck everything up in plain sight like a heartless person in dire need of something to fill their chest. Tim Scam could care less about the world. he was an expert in not feeling anything, not wanting to feel anything but the feeling of satisfaction when he could cause other people pain.

did he ever feel that wanting? of hoping for something to fill his chest like she felt?

she always perceived herself as different but knew better than to show it. whenever a mother would cry for her lost son, she would try to help, but only because it would make her look normal. she didn't feel the supposed "longing" and "aching" in her heart for a little boy who couldn't find his mother… she thought she wasn't normal and at this point she was positive that she wasn't normal. everything she read in books was nothing like what she felt. her heart did not flutter when she saw a cute boy, but by reading and watching so many movies she knew how to act like her heart was fluttering.

did Scam act?, she wondered as her feet clacked slowly against the metallic floors. did he pretend not to want anything? did he fool the world with his cruelty?

did he fool her?

instead of feeling any kind of normalcy she felt… like she was being fed, like her hunger was being satiated whenever she saw someone crying, whenever she heard people scream in pain, whenever she heard about Clover and Mandy fighting. she felt like water was being dumped into her, and she was just a body of earth waiting to be made into a lake.

perhaps she had the black hole in her heart.

she didn't like feeling… enjoyment at other people's misery, at the drama that the people around her eventually caused, but at the same time she did like it, the feeling of watching drama unfold.

but she didn't want to like it. it would mean she was not normal. so she helped that mother find her son, she wiped tears away of whoever was crying, she helped those people in pain, and she took Clover away from Mandy even though her black hole was dying, hungry for more misery and drama. if her black hole had hands, it would have thrown Clover back into Mandy's claws and watch them fight to the death.

but the irony didn't leave her. how could she want something yet not want something? why could she not be like Tim Scam, with his amazing ability to not feel and not care and not cause drama like a typical drama queen…

she wondered how he did it. did he actually act like he didn't care, but did? was he like her? did he have a black hole where his heart should have been?

was he just like her ?

or if he wasn't, how did he do it? did he ever feel that wanting to cause misery? he certainly wanted to cause pain and misery, but… was it because he needed to feed his black hole, even though they both knew it was futile? black holes just kept sucking and sucking and sucking… not caring who they hurt and who they have to hurt to just be fed.

huh. she'd have to ask him the next time she saw him. maybe… if he had that black hole too, they could cause some kind of explosion…