His blue eyes open with a start and he takes in a confused breath as he lays in bed, returning once again to the world of the living. He can't remember what he had been dreaming about.
With a sigh he let's the tension wash away as best he can and, rubbing his face, stands up and makes his way to the bathroom, the gentle humming of Serenity a background song for the 'nights' of the ship.
As he finishes and splashes his face with water, he looks at the damaged, old mirror and sighs again tiredly. Living in The Black and on constant run from both backwater ruffians and the Alliance was wearing him down to his bones. But it wasn't just this new life, even before becoming an outlaw, he spent an entire year believing that he was either losing his mind or that River was in serious trouble and then another year looking for her and getting her out. It was tiring, indeed. But he couldn't complain, his sister was safe, questionable mental state aside; he would take what he could get and that was that.
He walks back to his room but stops just before going in. He looks at his sister's quarters and thinks about how ridiculous he's being, worrying like a paranoid man. He opens the door slowly and frowns.
The bed is unmade and River is nowhere in sight. Taking a calming breath to keep himself from panicking, he closes the door and goes looking for the little brat.
He finds her sitting on the steps in the cargo-bay, not one of her more unusual hiding places, and releases a silent breath of relief.
"Mei-mei, why aren't you in bed? Can't you sleep?" He asks as he approaches. "River?"
He hesitates a moment as the quietest of sobs reach his ears.
"River what wrong?" Simon asks softly, careful not to disturb her as he walks down the rest of the stairs. He takes a seat beside River, but she sits with her face tucked into he shoulder, looking away from him.
"She couldn't sleep," River answers after a moment with a sniff. "Too loud, everyone. A whistle in her head. Not mine, not mine. None of them are mine."
"Come here mei-mei." Simon comforts, drawing her into a one-armed hug.
"Why are they so loud?" she asks him, her head resting on his chest and shoulder, another sniff and a tremble shaking her small body.
In the months since her rescue, Simon had become an expert in River's speech and found that River adored him when she didn't have to explain herself or have him translate her gibberish to speech; he answered her rambles as often as he could and let others assume what they will of them.
"Well… I think it's because they've all lived through so many things, a lot of them very bad and very hard to forget. Things like that leave scars on the mind…" he quiets for a moment "You understand that, don't you, River."
"She understands," River finally looks at him "She is scared, like them, but not just her mind. Her very insides are turned out. She… I'm scared, very bad things and many happened. Drifted up like a little boat and crashed into the coast. Silly people, they forgot to turn on the lighthouse."
She is calmer now, resting against her brother, though her eyes are still troubled. Simon rubs her shoulder and places a kiss on the crown of her head.
"So careless," he plays along. "They should probably fire them, no good if they can't do their one job, are they?"
"Silly people," she repeats with a small smile.
"Come on, mei-mei. It's back to bed for us." He pats her shoulder and attempts to stand up with her, but River pushes him back quickly.
"No!" she says harshly, jumping up and putting distance between them, stepping further into the cargo bay.
"No sleep for the moon-brained girl. They come back in her sleep, the hands of blue! Stupid Simon is so stupid." River glares at her older brother with vengeance, her arms crossed tight under her bosom. "Two by two, hands of blue. Two by two, hands of blue."
Simon sighs and rubs his forehead with one hand, leaning on the railing with the other.
"Okay, it's okay, you don't have to go to sleep. Let's just be quiet, alright? Or Mal'll throw me out the airlock."
"He wouldn't, too soft under the metal. Mean old man with too much heart," she mumbles just out of Simon's hearing.
She bends her head, knowing she's made Simon upset.
"Crazy girl is so much trouble," she says softly. "She didn't mean to make him mad at her."
She hides her face even more, looking like she wants to cry again.
"No River," Simon walks down the stairs and wraps her in a hug "I'm not mad, just… tired," he says honestly- lying had never worked with her.
"Sleep?" she looks up, still in his arms.
"No, not for a while," he smiles lightly. "I'll wait a bit until you feel like resting, how does that sound?"
"Acceptable," River lets her head fall against his chest.
"Hey, River?" he whispers.
"What?"
"Would you like to dance a bit? We could dance if you like. Quietly of course."
She looks at Simon, her eyes wide.
"Perhaps… something slow?" He takes her hand in one of his, wraps the other around her waist and slowly begins to move and sing.
He sings quietly and unimpressively, just so his notes are in tune*. River follows him, letting her brother sway them gracefully: one, two, three; one, two, three; one, two, three. On and on.
River smiles a little as she looks at their feet to then give her movement's over to the ballad.
"Hmmm hmm hm hmmm…" Simon's singling is oddly appealing.
They go in threes all around the cargo bay, flowing softly from side to side in a big round circle. Kaylee would say they looked just like butterflies.
"Hey, can you hear the music?" Simon whispers to her.
"Yes," she says with a laugh. "It's so loud in your mind. Why does he have so may waltzes in his head?" River muses, completely enchanted.
"I just… I've always liked them, I suppose. Or perhaps all the etiquette classes stuck deep into my brain." He breaths out a laugh.
They dance a few minutes more, Simon's humming lulling his sister into a state of serenity.
"Don't stop." River pleads and he is confused, he hadn't. "The waltz…" she adds.
He understands then, he had stopped thinking about the grand piece in his mind- big ballrooms and orchestras. He thinks just of the music and he is silent now, willing his thoughts to be soft and quiet.
"I'm tired," she finally admits and they stop moving. The big metal room dulls as their waltz drifts away, escaping and extinguishing as if it had never been.
"I want to sleep."
Simon smiles, it is almost a command with the tone she speaks in.
Unable to rest alone, River cramps into Simon's side in his bed. He is asleep in moments and she is quick to follow.
Simon dreams he is a sailor in a dark sea, but then he's a lighthouse keeper and he enjoys guiding people's way. It's a beautiful dream, until one day he forgets to turn on the light and a boat crashes against the rocky shore.
River dreams of a Russian man who speaks notes she can see and walks in threes all around the streets. She dances to the sound of his being and Simon is there with her, sometimes he dances too.
* Simon sings and dances with River "The Second Waltz" by Dimitri Shostakovich
Abril: I had written this a long time ago but never quite gave an ending to it. Now it has one and I guess it's an okay story?
I hope you've liked it, any comments or questions I'm open to any :)
Thanks a lot to a-bit-of-madness for the beta work :D