Title: Fade to Black
Rating: M
Genre: Angst
Warnings: Death, Suicide, language
Notes: 1st person POV, oneshot, 'denotes lyrics and third party comments', "denotes inner thoughts"
Beta: n/a
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor its characters nor am I associated with Masashi Kishimoto or Shueisha in any way. I do not own Metallica nor its lyrics or am I associated with Metallica in any way.
Author: uchihasasukekun07
Summary: Death has five stages: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
'Life it seems, will fade away.'
"Why?
Why would you do such a thing?
It's not fair.
Why should I be the one to suffer?
It's been a while since you done and went away. I never really thought about it. It happened and that was that. It was the same process as before, I thought why should this be any different. The motions were the same, the looks, the whispering, the staring, the empty condolences. You were a bastard in everyones eyes, mine included. You done something unforgivable. You took them away from me. I was meant to get my revenge. I was meant to bring closure to their deaths but then you when and fucking took that away from me too. If only. If only I was stronger. If only I was faster. If only you would have let me. If only..."
'Getting lost within myself.'
"You left me behind with the pieces. I tried to put them back together. Forever in your shadow. Time has changed nothing. You still rule over everything I do, anything they think about me. I'm like your puppet. All of these years you still linger."
'Things are not what they used to be. Missing one inside of me.'
"I no longer know if I am coming or going. Time has lost all meaning. The colour has drained from this place. It feels like there is a huge hole in my chest. I can barely think. I've no one to talk to. I want to talk to you. I want you to tell me I'll be ok, that this is normal. This is unbearable. I thought keeping busy would help but I don't have the willpower to carry on. All these feelings keep bubbling up, I feel like a pressure cooker at it's limit except I've no where or one to vent."
'Deathly lost, this can't be real. Can't stand this hell I feel.'
"Then I began to think. If you can do it, why can't I? But then I think I don't want to be the chicken shit who couldn't face the world. Time passes and it's not getting any easier. They say it gets easier with time. I can no longer smile. The days are the same monotone colour. The people are the same. Hateful. Judgmental. 'Oh he's just been an emo kid, moping around all day etc', what the fuck to they know? Good for them they can still hold their heads up. I wish I was as strong as them...I wish I was as strong as you because the more I think about it the harder it is. No chicken-shit can just do it. Then again maybe you done it in a moment of madness...of despair...glee? Knowing someone, me, would still be thinking of you? Would they think of me? Would I want them to or is that just been self righteous? It's so cliché."
"Emptiness is filling me. To the point of agony.'
"I am me. You are you. They are they. You knew me the best. They don't know the pain of loosing a sibling. They don't realize how deep my bond with you really was. I don't think even you did. They just pass it off. They expect me to pass it off after everything. You knew the sounds I made when I slept. You knew the movements I made as I stirred in my sleep. You knew the faces I would make if mom made me eat something I didn't like. You knew how my face would light up when dad walked in from work. You knew my laughs from the giggles to the roars of laughter. You knew my cries, from the feigning to the serious. You knew how to cheer me up, make me laugh, make me cry, make me mad, wind me up. You knew my disgusting habits like farting in the bath, wiping my snots in the floor, missing the toilet. You use to buy me things, little toys, comics, sweets. You use to laugh at my crappy jokes, at my dancing, at my adventures. You use to comfort me, take away my fears. You were my older brother and now you are gone. You, the one person who knew me the best..."
'Growing darkness, taking dawn.'
"So why should I go on? Why should I have to answer for your actions? Why should I have to face them alone? Why can't I be like you? The guilt I feel for thinking about leaving the others despite everything is what is keeping me here. I've always preached I don't care what other people think but I do and I'm afraid. I'm afraid they'll judge me just like they judge you. I don't know why I care but I do. My grief is mine. My grief is unique because they never knew you like I did."
'No one but me can save myself, but it too late.'
"I fear I can no longer remember your face, your smell, your laugh, your voice. I never got the chance to tell you how much I hated you. How much I loved you. Then I think how can I love you after everything? He told, told me the truth and my hatred grew, you were just like me, a puppet in somebody else's game. I refuse to be his puppet. It's fucked up.
The more I think about you the heavier I feel. The pain in my gut grows bigger. I cry. I never cried since that day. The pain is just too much, I'm tired of been afraid. You were my past, my present, my future. I've no longer a future..."
'Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye.'
A/N:
Just a short drabble of Sasuke's mind set, based around the Sasuke/Itachi/Madara arc. I haven't posted anything in months and this is probably a pile of poo (save for the lyrics) that I'm going to cringe at in a couple of weeks when (and if I re-read it).!! Let me know what you think!