Disclaimer : D. Gray Man is Hoshino Katsura's property.
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He didn't know what it was about him that captivated his attention so much. It was certainly not his kindness – or lack of – nor his haughty behaviour that highlighted his qualities, and he wondered for once if that man even had any quality in him. Still, there was something that fascinated him whenever he looked at the Japanese Exorcist, and what was frustrating was that he couldn't name it.
Was it his handsome asian features ? No, that couldn't be. Nevertheless, each time he would happen to look at him, he could only be struck by the long straight ebony hair framing that finely delineated face, those flawless lines which formed a perfect silhouette, the bearings which reflected only pride… How could such a creature be real ?
He didn't know why he couldn't spend even one day without thinking about that man at any time of the day. He wasn't obsessed, he was just… intrigued, curious, he wanted to understand what made Kanda Yuu so particular. Of course, one would say that each person on this planet is particular, unique or whatever. But when it came to him, it was undescribable.
He couldn't explain what made him so different from the others. Every time he set his eyes on him, it was like seeing a being from another world. Unshakeable, emotionless, strong, beautiful… the list was long, and sometimes the boy would question his own way of thinking. Sometimes, he sounded like a person in veneration for him, and that scared him a bit though he couldn't help it. It wasn't like Kanda was some sort of god to him, only a subject of strange admiration. And anyway, Kanda's name did hold the 'god' kanji in it, so that was enough of an excuse.
His inexplicable attraction for that man kept being a mystery for him.
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He didn't know what it was about him that pissed him off so much. He was the first one to have managed to catch his attention, and there was no logical explanation to it. Usually, he would simply ignore everyone around him as long as they didn't bother him ; but the boy had a talent to creep into his mind despite all the efforts he made to get him out of his thoughts.
To him, there was only one possible explanation : that moyashi was from another world. It couldn't be otherwise ; no living human had such a self-sacrificing and martyr complex, nor could they claim to 'love both humans and Akumas'. Yet, that stupid brat did, and he couldn't grasp how on earth could that be possible.
An angel. That was the only thought that crossed his mind. He didn't want to admit it, but the boy did have a pretty hard impact on him, the main reason being that they were total opposites. He thought of himself as a mere human being whose only reason to live was to fight the stain within him, as an evil-tainted body, as a cursed person whom no one should touch.
Allen Walker was also cursed, but it was another kind of curse ; he couldn't tell what was different, but to him, the boy had such a pure aura around him that the curse was simply absorbed by it. If he had to put it in words, he'd say that he was the only one who deserved the title of Apostle of God, for something emanated from him that the other Exorcists didn't have, a light which could guide everyone out of darkness.
He was sometimes pretty irritated against himself for having such ridiculous thoughts about the boy, but no matter how hard he tried, his mind would unconsciously drift back to Allen after some time.
That irrational attraction he had for the boy was driving him mad.
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He didn't know why so many bodies were scattered on the ground. Among the ruins of the destroyed town, remains of corpses made him want to throw up. The falling rain was putting out the fires, and erasing the scent of blood. It hadn't been supposed to end like that, he should have saved them, it was his mission ! Yet he failed.
He didn't know how much time he spent standing there under the heavy rain. His face was dripping with water, and his coat was soaking wet, but he didn't care about that. He simply stood, eyes blank, his mind empty, waiting. For what ? Even he didn't know. Maybe he thought that by staying there, the rain would wash away the pain, the blood and the helplessness which filled him at that moment.
He almost looked like a ghost, small figure dressed in black with silver hair and almost colourless skin.
The rain suddenly stopped. No, someone had pulled his hood over his head.
"Stupid Moyashi. No one ever asked you to be a hero." a cold voice next to him said.
He slowly turned his head to the person talking to him. The piercing look he was receiving destabilized him, and for a moment, he didn't know how to react.
Then his body moved on its own. He hurled himself at the taller man, burying his face in the other's wet coat and clinging tightly to it. Tears fell from his eyes, though he couldn't really tell if those were tears or simply raindrops. He felt a pair of arms around him, and despite the wetness, something warm flowed into him.
He didn't know what prompted him to raise his face to Kanda who was now looking at him silently, nor did he know what made him put his lips close to the other Exorcist's. The next thing he knew was that he didn't pull away when Kanda closed the distance between them, granting him every access he demanded.
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He didn't know what had turned wrong during the mission. The result lay in front of his dark eyes : smashed houses, burning buildings, bodies lying everywhere and bathing in pools of crimson liquid. The view didn't really affect him since he was used to it, it wasn't the first time such a carnage had happened.
He pulled his hood over his head as his coat was starting to be drenched. His eyes looked around him for a certain person, whom he spotted not so far from where he was. The boy was standing still under the rain, almost like a corpse. His silver hair was almost invisible behind the sheet of rain under the grey sky, and it seemed to Kanda that the usual radiance that came from him was somewhat gone.
He walked to the younger Exorcist until he was right next to him. The other one didn't seem to have noticed his presence. The Japanese man then pulled the boy's hood over his wet hair, saying :
"Stupid Moyashi. No one ever asked you to be a hero."
The said moyashi slowly turned his head to him, and Kanda couldn't help but notice the emptiness of the grey eyes he faced. For a few seconds, none of them moved, until the younger one suddendly held onto his coat and buried his face in it.
He didn't know why he didn't pushed the boy away, and even less why he actually put his arms around the smaller figure, feeling the small sobs against his chest.
Their eyes met, and within a few seconds, so did their lips.
He didn't know what made him deepen the kiss and tighten his embrace, but he didn't really care at that moment anymore.
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They didn't know what lead to that ; the fact was that they were both gasping and panting and kissing each other eagerly in Kanda's room. Every gesture they made was natural, as if it was the only things they could do.
No coherent thoughts crossed their minds when their bodies connected and made them feel intense pleasure. Thrusts, gasps, moans. There wasn't any need to think about anything else. The only thing Allen needed was to feel Kanda within him ; and the only thing Kanda needed was to claim Allen as his.
They didn't know why they kept doing it the following days, then weeks, then months. And since none of them really wanted to bother looking for a rational reason, they simply called it instinct. Which was enough for them.
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And here's another story born from my poor mind. Wish you liked it !