Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean or anyone involved with it.

A/N: I was thinking that I was very bored, so I did this. Reviews are great, you could say: "Hey, I like your story you rock!" or "You suck! Your story sucks and you could die for all I care, just don't make anymore stories. But I like the "You rock" one cause that makes me happy!

It Is A Wonderful Day

"It is a wonderful day," Captain Jack Sparrow -- "Don't forget the Captain!" Captain Jack said off to the side, making the authoress pissed beyond reason.

Do you want to go back to Davy Jone's Locker?! The authoress screamed at him, pulling on his beard-braids.

"No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..." He kept screaming for five minutes before the authoress bitch-slapped him and kicked him in the balls!

What did I just do?! I just hurt a very hot man! The authoress screamed as if she was in pain and helped Jack up. Start at the beginning!

Will, Elizabeth, Bootstrap Bill, Beckett, Norrington, Governor Swann, Mr. Brown, Scarlett, Giselle, Gore Verbinski, Jerry Bruckheimer, Ted Elliot, Terry Rossio, Klaus Badelt, Penny Rose, Barbossa, Jack the Monkey, Ragetti, Pintel, Bo'sun, Anamaria, Mr. Cotton, Mr. Cotton's parrot, Gillette, Murtogg, Mullroy, Twigg, Gibbs, Koehlor, Young Will, Young Elizabeth, Grapple, Jacoby, Marty went by in a rush, getting off the set.

"It is a wonderful day," Captain Jack Sparrow said, smiling and making every girl on set swoon and melt in a puddle. But to get them solid he added: "In my underwear."

That wasn't part of the script! The authoress said, holding up the script.

"There's a script?!" Screamed Beckett.

Beckett? Where are you? The authoress asked, looking around.

"Down here." He said and everyone looked down.

"Here," Gore said, picking him up and Ted made a table appear so they could put Beckett on it. "Now people can see you."

"I'm taller than him still." Young Will said, looking up at him.

"We know." Elizabeth said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh! Now you're after the younger version of me?! God, you are a slut!" Will said, pulling Young Will away from Elizabeth. "He's just a boy!"

"I was just -- " Elizabeth started, but stopped herself, shrugging and started to make out with Jack.

"I cut out my heart for you!"

"No, you actually just laid there, your crew cut out your heart." Mr. Brown slurred, smacking Giselle's ass.

"'Ey!" She screamed, slapping him in the face.

"Giselle, we're whores, we're supposed to let them do that." Scarlett said.

What is goin' on? Aren't we supposed to be goin' on with the story?!

"Oh, yeah." People murmered.

So anyways, Jack was talking about what a great day it was when Barbossa came out of nowhere!

"AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Screamed Jack, pulling out his hair and fainting like a little girl.

Psst, Jack.

"What?" Jack asked looking at the authoress.

You're not supposed to faint!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The force of her yell toppled many people over.

"Oh... Okay!" He smiled, getting up from his spot.

Barbossa looked at Jack and Jack looked at Barbossa. The camera went back and forth between them. First to Barbossa, Jack, Barbossa, Jack, Barbossa, Jack, Barbosssa, Jack, Barbossa, Jack. Jack, Barbossa. Barbossa, Jack.

You don't know what you're supposed to be doing do you?

They nodded and the camera went back and forth between Jack and Barbossa again, but added the authoress. Authoress, Jack, Barbossa. Barbossa, Jack, Authoress. Authoress, Jack, Barbossa. On the final one it showed Barbossa picking his nose and Jack and the Authoress making out.

They pulled apart and she looked at the camera and flipped it off and went back to her seat, the seat right by Gore Verbinski, Jerry Bruckheimer, Ted Elliot, Terry Rossio, Klaus Badelt and Penny Rose.

Tell them what to do, Gore.

"Just... fight." He said, looking at the script.

"Uhhhh..." Barbossa hesitated, and the authoress sighed.

WHAT?!

"Uhhhh..." Barbossa was going to not tell her, but decided against it when he saw her face. "I'm a pacifist."

Cool! I didn't know that!

"What's a pacifist?" Many of the pirates and the two children asked.

A pacifist, children -- The authoress was stopped by the pirates who coughed. And pirates, a pacifist is someone who doesn't believe in fighting.

"But you fought in the first movie!" Governor Swann exclaimed in his sissy voice, combing his hai -- I mean wig.

"That was Geoffrey Rush, and he is an actor. I'm really Barbossa." Barbossa said.

"dude, u r awsom! u should stay wit me. we could be b.f.f. u think." A teenage hippie who likes cellphones said to Barbossa.

What are you doing here, Dylan?

"Dylan? What kind of name is 'Dylan'?" Jack the Monkey said, pulling on the authoress's nephew's hair's lice's home's furnature's cockroaches.

You can call him Weed if you'd like to not have your reproductive system. The authoress looked upset and embarrassed.

"authoress?" Dyaln said, not using the authoress's name because she didn't want him to, and still speaking cellphone chat. "do u wanna play wit my g.i. joes?"

No! I want you out! Go see your grandma or something, just don't come here anymore!

"oh... u dont wan me 2 embarrass u in front of captain jack sparrow!"

Suddenly a fist punched him in the face before he talked about the posters on the wall in her bedroom.

"I think you knocked him out!" Norrington said looking at the authoress with fear.

Put him in the closet, Anamaria. We won't need him. Gillette, put yourself and the rest of the cast and crew in the Port Royal jail, except for Jack. He can sleep in my bed. The authoress added under her breathe: With me.

Let's just say Jack was whimpering with fear.