As if it weren't bad enough that she was already flushed, too close to the fire, face heated as much from that as from embarassment; it was such a silly thing, having to idebate/i with herself over a letter of all things, a simple letter inquiring about his well-being, the rebuilding of his country, but oh goddess and gods, what if he didn't wish to hear from her, what if he reacted with hostility, what if he told her she had no right to ask such questions?
That man had far too much control over her, and it scared her. He'd crept past all her defenses, both of them fighting and screaming every step of the way, and now that he was in, she had no idea how to get him out again, and it all reduced her to acting like one of those silly, lovestruck twits that she scorned so much in the court.
But to have him there, showing up at her home with no warning, no announcement, his voice cutting into her thoughts of him, and why, why would he come there?
She'd dismissed Alexandra quietly, off-handedly, not daring to take her eyes off of Van, trying desperately to mask what she was sure was written so plainly on her face. He had so much power over her, it would be too easy for him to use it against her, if he had any idea, any indication at all how easy it would be for him to hurt her, and she'd spent too long, too many years prisoner in her own mind to let someone know they had that much power over her now.
Words were exchanged, quiet and civil, and before she could think further, before she could breathe, he'd been in the room, up close to her, and her masks she clung too so fervently were taken from her and she was trapped, staring up at him, held only by the intensity in his eyes.
And heaven help her, she loved every second of it.
The kiss wasn't a surprise at all, it felt natural, the next logical step. It made sense, the way his arms slid around her waist, the feel of his lips pressing against hers, uncertain at first, then firmly, exploring, tasting and savoring and it lit all her nerves on fire until she thought her knees would give way under her.
Van held so much control over Celena, but right then, she could no longer be scared by that fact, comfortable in the knowledge that she was safe in his control, that she was finally home.