Summary: Just a little fic, where buffy thinks about her situation with
spike. Set somewhere in mid season 6.
Disclaimer: Don't sue!!! I don't own 'em.
Why?
Why? Why did she constantly push him away? That was the question Spike was probably asking himself right now, but little did he know that Buffy sat in her room, wondering the same thing. She could tell herself that it was because she didn't love him and never would. Never could. She could say that he was evil. She could say that he was soulless. She could tell herself that he couldn't feel.
But she knew none of this was true. He could feel. Absolutely. He had shown that on many occasions, with Dru. Buffy. Dawn. He had more soul in him than most humans. He certainly wasn't evil. Far from it, in fact. He loved a Vampire Slayer. He hadn't killed in two years. He loved a little girl like a little sister. Another thing was that she could love him. She had always known, that if she let herself, she would fall in love with him. And she did. She could admit it to herself. She could for a while now. Over the past year she had felt herself slowly falling deeply in love with him, and now she had crossed the final line. She was passionately, intensely, dangerously in love with Spike. That was why. That was why she pushed him away. Ever since Angel, she had put up walls around herself. Riley had sensed it. That's why he left. She pushed him away too, but finally she let herself succumb to the feelings that she mildly had for him and he left. Just like Angel. And every time Spike looked at her, just one glance, she felt those walls crumble a little more. She was so afraid. Right now he was a constant. A factor in her life that would always be there. It was safe. She could have him from afar, without hurt. Buffy was afraid that if she told him how she felt, he would leave. They always did. But it was lonely. And she hurt him so much. She would go to him, give him hope and then leave before he even woke up. Sometimes before she left, while he was sleeping, she would examine his masculine features. Sharp Cheekbones. Intense sapphire eyes. Those full lips. He was beautiful, in every sense of the word. How could she hurt such a beautiful creature? But tomorrow she would fix it. She would fix them. Tomorrow she would be there when he woke up. She went downstairs and grabbed her coat. 'Hold on Baby, I'm coming'
Disclaimer: Don't sue!!! I don't own 'em.
Why?
Why? Why did she constantly push him away? That was the question Spike was probably asking himself right now, but little did he know that Buffy sat in her room, wondering the same thing. She could tell herself that it was because she didn't love him and never would. Never could. She could say that he was evil. She could say that he was soulless. She could tell herself that he couldn't feel.
But she knew none of this was true. He could feel. Absolutely. He had shown that on many occasions, with Dru. Buffy. Dawn. He had more soul in him than most humans. He certainly wasn't evil. Far from it, in fact. He loved a Vampire Slayer. He hadn't killed in two years. He loved a little girl like a little sister. Another thing was that she could love him. She had always known, that if she let herself, she would fall in love with him. And she did. She could admit it to herself. She could for a while now. Over the past year she had felt herself slowly falling deeply in love with him, and now she had crossed the final line. She was passionately, intensely, dangerously in love with Spike. That was why. That was why she pushed him away. Ever since Angel, she had put up walls around herself. Riley had sensed it. That's why he left. She pushed him away too, but finally she let herself succumb to the feelings that she mildly had for him and he left. Just like Angel. And every time Spike looked at her, just one glance, she felt those walls crumble a little more. She was so afraid. Right now he was a constant. A factor in her life that would always be there. It was safe. She could have him from afar, without hurt. Buffy was afraid that if she told him how she felt, he would leave. They always did. But it was lonely. And she hurt him so much. She would go to him, give him hope and then leave before he even woke up. Sometimes before she left, while he was sleeping, she would examine his masculine features. Sharp Cheekbones. Intense sapphire eyes. Those full lips. He was beautiful, in every sense of the word. How could she hurt such a beautiful creature? But tomorrow she would fix it. She would fix them. Tomorrow she would be there when he woke up. She went downstairs and grabbed her coat. 'Hold on Baby, I'm coming'