a/n: yo so this was kind of prompted by a thing i saw on tumblr forever a go, and a thing i saw on tumblr today that just made me mad all over again that people are all "gale or peeta can't like both" because i love both men but i think it's contrived and horrible and stupid that katniss ended up with peeta for a myriad of reasons i won't get into here
but anyway this is kind of a defense of peeta (because people like to think he's weak and or stupid) and an indictment of katniss's (continuous) selfish behaviour about him
He always knew when she was laying awake at night, and he never knew which of them slept less: for two veterans of a brutal, lingering, and inhuman world, sleep was rare, and sound sleep impossible
He wondered if it was some small worry, or some daunting nightmare, that kept her straight as a bored, staring at the ceiling in the dark, feigning even breathing, and remaining so still that it was painfully obvious she wasn't really asleep.
"Katniss?"
He whispered her name quietly, calmly.
She shifted slightly, indicating she was awake; listening.
"What's wrong?"
"You ask that like you don't know," she answered abruptly, swiftly. "It's always the same. It's pained on the inside of my eyes."
He nodded; he turned over, resting his hands under his head, watching the dark silhouette of her figure.
"The children's questions?" he asked.
She swallowed; he heard the hollow, loud sound.
The day had come, in school, when the subject of the revolution had been broached, and the oldest Mellark had come home with awed eyes and abstract questions, never understanding, never really knowing, just hearing.
"First hand accounts," Katniss hissed, "for children?"
"We were children," Peeta placated quietly.
She scoffed hoarsely.
"It's not the account who bothers you," Peeta murmured. "It's who gave it."
"Plutarch sent him on this tour on purpose," Katniss said quietly; stiffly. "For viewers; for ratings. The whole world, watching me," she stumbled, and corrected quickly, "watching us see Gale for the first time since – "
"The wedding."
"It hasn't been that long," she said hastily.
He answered quietly that it had, and she felt winded. She frowned; grit her teeth.
"They'll idolize him now," she said, struggling. "Gale Hawthorne, the hero of the revolution – they'll ask me all about him."
"I'll tell them," Peeta said calmly, "for you."
She turned her head, moved her lips soundlessly for a moment. He blinked, lifting his head up.
"I never disliked Gale," he said simply.
She turned away. Her stomach twisted, like someone was grabbing it, knotting it, wrenching it into circles and knots. Peeta's selflessness was infuriating sometimes; his compassion could be revolting, and his empathy astounding.
He hesitated.
"Do you ever wish you had married him?" he asked in a small voice, the words echoing in the dark.
She turned to him sharply.
"Why did you ask me that?"
He didn't answer that. He just sighed neutrally.
"Do you, Katniss?"
"No," she said curtly.
She turned, and looked back at the ceiling, staring hard. She opened her mouth to tell him to go away, but instead, something else came out, and she gave herself away.
"Two people like Gale and I, we're like bullets and guns. You need them for a war. Not in a relationship."
Peeta smiled a little. He turned over onto his own back, and shrugged.
"I wish you'd married him, sometimes," he said aloud.
She caught her breath.
"Peeta," she murmured aloud. "Why - ?"
"Because, he said simply: astutely. "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, Katniss."
-alexandra
story#225
-i didn't edit this; my apologies.