Title: The Alien Detector Thingy
Author: Lt.Kara.Thrace
Rating: G
Pairing: None
Genre: Humor
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
Archive: Sure, just let me know first.
Summary: Just a little bit of fun interaction between characters. Nothing too serious. One shot.
Author's Note: I have barely changed anything, just some wording and added a bit of extra dialogue.
"Sg-1, this mission is strictly earth based…"
"What a drag."
"What was that Colonel?"
"I said…well it doesn't really matter anyway, it wasn't relevant sir."
"Alright then, we have obtained the knowledge that an alien has breached planetary security…" general Hammond continued.
"Big surprise." Jack tapped a pen absentmindedly on the table, "when does that ever happen?"
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Carter glared at him. Jack shrugged his shoulders and looked away. General Hammond continued with the briefing, "As I was saying the alien has breached our security and is disguised as someone in the crew of American Idol. It is your mission to capture this alien and bring it back here, preferably alive."
Jack looked at Carter grinning as he spoke, "Really, that's the mission? I thought it would be something fun like stealing all of that British guy's…er…what's his name? Carter?"
"Simon Cowell." Carter sighed and wondered how her CO could come up with such stupid things to say at some of the most inappropriate times possible.
"Oh yeah, Simon Cowell. So as I was saying I thought we were gonna steal all of Simon Cowell's black T-shirts, you know those ones he wears almost every day?"
Teal'C raised his eyebrow in a Spock-like manner, "For what purpose O'Neill?"
"Hmm? Oh no reason really I just think it would be fun."
"There will be no stealing of shirts, let me make that quite clear to you now Colonel," general Hammond added to make sure that this mission went as planned.
"Yes sir."
"Now if there are no serious questions…yes Major."
"Sir I will need time to build a detection device to locate the alien without giving away what we're doing."
"How long?"
"I'd say at least a week maybe more."
"Very well but try to keep it under a week if you can."
"Yes sir."
"Very well, dismissed."
They all left going their separate ways except for Jack who followed Carter to her lab, "What is it sir?"
"You're going to build an alien detector thingy…right?"
"Yes, but I don't think that the word thingy is appropriate in this situation, I'd use the word device instead."
"Same thing to me, anyway can I help?" She hesitated remembering what had happened the last time he had offered to help. They had both had a week long stay in the infirmary after only half an hour of working, "Oh never mind I'm sure I can find something equally important to do." He was definitely remembering that same incident and clearly did not wish to repeat it anytime soon.
"Sir would that important thing involve eating jello?" He just turned around and grinned at her before heading in the general direction of the mess hall. Carter laughed to herself, and then set to work on the alien-detecting device.
It took only three days and it was no surprise that during that time her CO was nowhere to be found. When they were about to leave she finally saw him, "Just out of curiosity sir, what have you been doing for the past 3 days, I haven't seen you anywhere on base."
"Oh you know I've been around dong important things."
"Yep real busy," chuckled Daniel who popped up behind them.
"Shut up Daniel," growled Jack angrily as he dragged Daniel away by the sleeve muttering, "You say anything and you're a dead man." Then he motioned for Teal'C to come over, "Okay I'll bet you guys ten bucks that the alien is Ryan Seacrest," he whispered conspiratorially.
"No way I'm going with Simon Cowell, it's so obvious," announced Daniel.
"You are both incorrect, it is Randy Jackson who is mostly likely to be the alien." Teal'C stated confidently
"So your both in? Who ever wins the other two have to give ten bucks each to and not a word to Carter."
"Deal," they all agreed.
Jack walked over to Carter again, "What was all that about sir?" she questioned curiously.
"Well you know just some last minute questions about the mission, you know how important this is."
"Really, umm…sir you have some blue stuff on your ear."
"I do? Which ear?" He started rubbing frantically at his left ear, "This one?"
"No the other one." She paused eyeing the blue stuff, "Is that jello?" she demanded.
"Of course not Carter, is it gone now?"
"Yes."
As they left the base Major Carter fell behind to ask Daniel about it, "Daniel, I know it was jello on his ear, but how on Earth did it get there? He won't tell me anything about it."
"He wasn't lying, he was really busy…" Daniel was avoiding the subject and not doing a very good job.
"Daniel how did he get jello on his ear and what was he doing for the past 3 days?"
"He was umm…don't tell him it was me who told you this or he'll kill me," Daniel pleaded.
Carter gave in, this was the only way she'd find out what was going on. "Alright."
"Yesterday he was sitting in the mess hall and was obviously bored and as I came in he decided it would be funny to throw some jello at me. Needless to say he missed and hit Siler. In other words he started the biggest food fight in base history…well actually the only one."
"You checked didn't you?"
"Yep. When General Hammond figures out it was him he'll be furious."
"He doesn't already know? There must have been at least two dozen witnesses."
"Jack threatened them all sufficiently to keep them quiet for a while, but eventually someone will crack and tell the general what really happened," Daniel explained quietly.
They arrived at the American Idol set surprisingly with no incident more serious than the argument over who would get to sit by the window on the flight there. In the end Carter won not by using logic (that failed) but by using her sad puppy dog look on Jack, it never failed.
After landing it didn't take long to assemble the entire American Idol crew in a line across the stage. Carter walked down the line with her device scanning everyone. She passed Simon, then Paula and Randy. She paused at Ryan, "It's him."
"Pay up." Colonel O'Neill demanded.
Daniel and Teal'C each pulled out a ten-dollar bill and handed it to him, "I was so sure that it was going to be Simon." Daniel whined.
"Too bad you were wrong, now you have to pay the price," Jack grinned.
"Sir, it's highly inappropriate to bet on who is the alien in disguise," Carter criticized.
The civilians just stared at her in disbelief, "Now who's being 'highly inappropriate' Carter?" he mocked, "now you have breached security even worse than it was before this mission, what's Hammond going to say?"
Time to pull out the big guns, "Well what would General Hammond say if he somehow found out that a certain Colonel started the food fight yesterday?"
"Hey how did you know about that? You were in your lab the entire time and I know that you locked the door to prevent people from disturbing you. Daniel! It was you wasn't it? I'm gonna kill you!" he yelled and began to chase Daniel around the stage.
"No I didn't say anything! I told you that you should have showered after that and not just changed clothes. It was the blue jello on your ear that gave it away!" Daniel pleaded as he ran for his life.
The End