Disclaimer: Tolkien's, not mine.
A/N: In my mind I like to imagine the princes are Legolas and Gimli. But think what you will.
DwarfSong
Do not waste your time with Dwarves, my son.
You will find they have no need for fun.
They sit in caverns, day by long day,
Molding metals, shaping stones that they
Will never find a use for. It's not as though
There are any women in the halls below
For the men to give them to. Perhaps this
Is why the Dwarves are such big pricks.
If it had been a hundred years or two,
Wouldn't you be horny too? My son, it's true,
I saw you in the gardens late last night.
You do not understand the Dwarven plight.
Try going without for just a week!
A single day and you'll reach your peak.
The Dwarves are made of sterner stuff,
But they are unrefined, their manners gruff.
Not at all suitable company to be seen
Associating with the son of the Elven King!
Anyone who spends all day in a mine
Is completely and utterly asinine.
ElfSong
Do not waste your time with Elves, my son.
Those foolish creatures have not worked a day
Since Middle Earth was formed. They sit in trees
And dance and sing into the early morn.
Their every night's a bacchanal. They send
Their teenage children out to drink with wine
That's twice as old as they, and tell them to
Enjoy themselves. In Elven vales their drunken
Laughter rings, tempting Man and Dwarf
Alike to shirk his duties, leave his post.
What's more, they copulate without regard
And without sense for what may come tomorrow.
Commitment from an Elf cannot be taken
For granted. Should one ever swear to you
His loyalty, beware! His fealty's
As flimsy as an Elven hair. It's best
To leave these creatures well enough alone.
You never know when one will interrupt
Your work and lead you from your duties that
As eldest Dwarven Prince you must fulfill.
A/N: In my mind I like to imagine the princes are Legolas and Gimli. But think what you will.
DwarfSong
Do not waste your time with Dwarves, my son.
You will find they have no need for fun.
They sit in caverns, day by long day,
Molding metals, shaping stones that they
Will never find a use for. It's not as though
There are any women in the halls below
For the men to give them to. Perhaps this
Is why the Dwarves are such big pricks.
If it had been a hundred years or two,
Wouldn't you be horny too? My son, it's true,
I saw you in the gardens late last night.
You do not understand the Dwarven plight.
Try going without for just a week!
A single day and you'll reach your peak.
The Dwarves are made of sterner stuff,
But they are unrefined, their manners gruff.
Not at all suitable company to be seen
Associating with the son of the Elven King!
Anyone who spends all day in a mine
Is completely and utterly asinine.
ElfSong
Do not waste your time with Elves, my son.
Those foolish creatures have not worked a day
Since Middle Earth was formed. They sit in trees
And dance and sing into the early morn.
Their every night's a bacchanal. They send
Their teenage children out to drink with wine
That's twice as old as they, and tell them to
Enjoy themselves. In Elven vales their drunken
Laughter rings, tempting Man and Dwarf
Alike to shirk his duties, leave his post.
What's more, they copulate without regard
And without sense for what may come tomorrow.
Commitment from an Elf cannot be taken
For granted. Should one ever swear to you
His loyalty, beware! His fealty's
As flimsy as an Elven hair. It's best
To leave these creatures well enough alone.
You never know when one will interrupt
Your work and lead you from your duties that
As eldest Dwarven Prince you must fulfill.