Disclaimer: sigh… If only. (Semi legal translation: I don't own SGA)
Summary: What could be more fun than an early morning trek through the woods with a lost colonel, surly weapons specialist, whiny scientist, hormonal pregnant Athosian, and a bemused wraith?
"You have no idea where you're going do you John?"
"I know exactly where we are Teyla"
"We're going in circles." Ronan commented while still attempting to win the glaring contest he and Todd had been participating in for the past 2 hours.
"No we're not." Sheppard said.
"That tree looks pretty familiar." Rodney snipped, causing Sheppard to fix him with a stare.
"What are you now, a botanist?"
"Oh very funny!"
"John why don't you just ask one of the nearby villages for help in finding the gait?" Teyla gently suggested. Her tone may have been convincing to the humans, but Todd knew better. There were reasons why wraith didn't feed on pregnant humans. A pregnant woman was a scary woman.
"We're not lost!"
"Are too!" Rodney snapped.
"Are not!"
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"ENOUGH!" Teyla shouted. "Honestly, what is it with men and asking for directions?"
By this point all the men had shut up, Rodney was hiding behind Ronan, Sheppard looked like a scared little boy, and Todd was watching the whole scene from a safe distance with a wry grin plastered on his face. So this was the secret to curtailing his human 'brother's' stubborn streak? He would have to start bringing a pregnant woman along with him whenever he wanted to negotiate with Sheppard.
Come to think of it, it was rather amazing how pregnant woman of any species could make their males cower in utter fear, no matter how strong the male was. Indeed, a pregnant she-wraith often sent even the top most ranking males of a hive fleeing in utter terror of being subjected to their hormonal mood swings. There really was nothing like being on the receiving end of a hormonal female who would literally 'chew you out' if something displeased her.
After Teyla's 'advice' which consisted of exactly what she would do to Sheppard if they were out in the forest for another hour the team made there way to a nearby village (Todd waited at the perimeter) and got directions to the gate. They went back to Atlantis where Teyla immediately went to bathe, Rodney to eat, and Ronan to sleep, leaving Sheppard in the company of his 'brother'.
As they stood on a random balcony overlooking the ocean Sheppard still hadn't gotten over his freaked out appearance. It was a while until he finally spoke.
"Good grief! Are pregnant women always that scary?"
Todd let a grin cross his features before he slapped Sheppard on the back in what the humans considered a companionable gesture before he replied.
"Just imagine if they're pregnant for a whole year and only eat one thing. Honestly, the cravings are horrible to deal with."
He let out a laugh at the shudder that went through Sheppard's body as he absorbed what the wraith had just said.