Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Phineas and Ferb. If I did, they'd still be in my head instead of the telly and the fan episode 'Meapless is Seattle' which inspired this one-shot wouldn't have aired and I wouldn't...have...been inspired...to write...this...Paradoxes. They get me every time.

"And look! He's got two coffees...one of which is definitely not mine...because mine's right here!"

Never had he been more relieved to find a random cup in a ditch. Not that he'd ever needed a random cup from a ditch, but it was a rare bout of luck for him and he was going to take it.

Now Perry the Platypus would totally believe him about the coffee thing. And maybe wouldn't beat him up!

Giving the two animal agents a big, yet semi-uneasy smile, he chugged the contents of the cup.

At worst, the liquid in the cup was rainwater mixed with dirt, at best, it would be coffee; cold, possibly moldy coffee that had been tossed out after some promotional Greek cuddly animal thing.

It wasn't till he'd drank the very last drop that the taste actually registered on his tongue. Whatever was in this cup had not been coffee. Or dirty rainwater. In fact, it reminded him of a marshmallow. A rancid moldy melting marshmallow that had first sat in the sun too long before going to the garbage dump and sitting there for about five years.

And the only reason he even knew that taste was because he'd had a marshmallow juuuust like that once...it had been right after his parents disowned him...he didn't really like that particular backstory. He didn't think he could come up with an evil scheme for THAT. What was he going to do? Get rid of marshmallows for everyone just because his first one had been disgusting? Which reminded him...

"Blah! Not Coffee!"

He'd managed to stick out his tongue a couple of times to somehow clear it of the nasty flavor before the sensation of having a red hot rod shoot up his spine causing him to stand up straight.

It was a weird feeling. A really weird feeling.

He felt pain, like he was being squeezed and compacted into a small package while at the same time it felt like his eyes would pop. Yet strangely, amongst all the pain was a warm fuzzy feeling. It numbed the pain a bit and he wasn't entirely sure which he felt more. The pain or being warm and fuzzy. It was a tough call.

At least it was quick. He was sure of that.

Looking up he discovered two things. One, Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus were on higher ground than they did before he downed the cup. And two, they looked really really stunned. To the point where Peter the Panda had dropped not one but BOTH cups of coffee and Perry the Platypus's bill threatened to hit the ground any second.

What could have happened to him to make two unflappable agents so shocked?

Fearfully, he looked down. The ground was A LOT closer than it normally was when he stood his full height. And he was pretty sure he was standing up straight; he didn't feel his normal slouch.

Also, he was glowing. A bright purplish pink kind of glow.

At least his clothes still fit. That was a plus.

"Well that's just great. What kind of world is it that a guy can't drink the mysterious contents of an urn and not undergo serious transfiguration?"

Did he hear himself right? His voice sounded at least two maybe three octaves higher. Wonderful. He was short, probably uglier, and his voice was even higher than the other evil scientists. No one would take him seriously...not that that many people did...but still.

Things couldn't possibly get worse.

A/N: Well there we go. A chibi-Doof fanfic. You know, I'm surprised that this hasn't been done yet. That face Doof made when he first started glowing purple, you could tell, the cuteoniom didn't taste good...and probably caused him some pain.

Buuuut. He was just SO CUTE! Way cuter than Mitch when he finally got the stuff.