Not to Be Racist: A Deadpool fanfiction
Chimichangas and Action!
Deapool stepped up to the mic at the comedy club. "Hey! Shout out to Stacy X! My favorite mutant prostitute! I love your service!"
The scaly-skinned woman smiled sweetly at the mercenary. "Hoping you can enjoy it again soon, sugar!"
Deadpool grinned. "Oh, and to Mr. Short and Stabby, Wolverine!"
Logan spat and flicked him off.
Deadpool drew his pistol and shot into the air. "Okay, time for some comedy. Tonight we'll do racial jokes! Why is there no Disneyland in China?"
The audience failed to answer.
The merc laughed. "No one's tall enough to go on the rides! Ha ha ha! Hey, what has two wings and a halo?"
Still no answer.
"A Chinese telephone! Wing-wing, halo!" Deadpool shrugged. "Why is noone laughing? Everything is made in China. Except babies. Those are made in VaChina! Haaa haaa haaa! What do you call a Chinese Rapist?"
He stared at the obviously unamused audience. "Rai Ping Yu! H-ha! What is a surprised Chinese man? Ho Lee Fuk!
"What do you call a drive by where a Chinese guy got shot? Cappucino! Get it? Cap-a-Chino?" He shook his head. "You guys suck!
"What do you call a Chinese dwarf? Tai Nee!" The mutate merc was laughing his head off.
"What is the most common crime in China? Identity Fraud."
"What do you call a stupid Chinese prostitute? Wun Dum Ho!"
"How many Chinamen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn't matter, they're all too short!"
"Chinese Pregnacny Test: Put an unsolved Rubik's cube into her vagina. If it comes out solved, she is pregnant." Deadpool threw his hands up. "Okay, that one was retarded."
"Chinese Worker: Me not come to work, me sick. Boss: When I' sick, I have sex with my wife. Try it! Chinese man calls back: It worked. Me better. You got nice house!"
"What do you call an American pushing a car up a hill? White power. What do you call Asians pushing a car up a hill? Asian power. What do you call a Mexican pushing a car up a hill? Grand theft Auto!"
"If an illegal immigrant and a pedophile are fighting, is that Alien vs Predator?"
"What's the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman? One's on the cover of Playboy and the other's on the cover of National Geographic."
"How do you know if an Asian robbed you? Your homework is done and cat's gone."
"On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof."
"Apparently animals make different sounds according to different Languages. For example, in China a Dog makes a Sizzling noise."
"I wonder if the Chinese put their smileys like this ¦) "
"Why did Bin Ladin stop having sex with his wife? Because everytime he would spread her legs he saw Bush!"
"What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee."
"Chuck Norris doesn't like bugs. Thats why the Beatles stopped making music."
"A Chuck Norris action figure has slept with more women than you."
"When you turn over China, it says 'made by Chuck Norris'."
"Did you hear about about the Chinese couple who had the retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong!"
"Asians with no A's equals Sins!"
He walked up to a hispanic girl. "Are you Cuban? Cuz Havana fuck you!"
She slapped him and Deadpool sat back. "That's it for tonight, folks. And remember: do not be racist , be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!"