Floating Back
Floating Back
Jack slunk back to his desk and his empty office. The hub was eerily quiet, even Myfanwy hiding in her cave up near the roof. Everyone had scarpered almost fleeing at Jack's curt nod after Gwen came in, her face stricken and her mouth a tight slit that said she didn't want to talk about it. He cast a tired look at the paperwork waiting on his desk and seriously contemplated a drink or five. Why did she have to be so stubborn? Knowing the truth hadn't made anyone happier. If Gwen had one failing it was her belief that the truth would always make it all better. Bitterly, Jack knew that was not always the case. People needed their dreams, their illusions.
The alarm of the cog door startled him out of his thoughts as he slammed to alert and back to rest like a ricochet. He would recognize the familiar form of Ianto Jones under any circumstances. That was another thing he would need to deal with. Gwen hadn't said how she found out about the Island but he could guess. Only one person knew besides him, Ianto. He should have seen it, the younger man had argued for telling her, if only because she had stepped in as his de facto second in command during his little sabbatical with the Doctor.
While he was gone, Ianto had seen to their needs and supplies, and monitored the situation alone, keeping faith with his errant Captain. The loyalty of it had almost broken Jack when he found out, even when there was no real reason. He had not exactly done his best by his young lover and he knew it, that was why he was so determined to do things right this time. Fortunately the Rift had kindly refrained from returning any of its refugees so Ianto have been spared the journey, one that if he had his way, the younger man would never have to make. He glanced up, wondering where his lover was and why he hadn't come over. Perhaps he has decided you want to be alone, he thought. Or he is avoiding you, figuring you aren't happy with him.
"Coffee, Sir?" The object of his thoughts popped in the door almost as if he had been conjured.
"I thought we had talked about the sir?" he replied, still sorting out his thoughts. He wasn't happy but he was not willing to take that much of a backward step, regardless.
"Thought after today I might have had that privilege revoked." The words were deadpan, but Jack knew him well, well enough to see just a glimmer behind the façade. Jack nodded, not sure what he could or would say but before he could put thoughts together, Ianto was out the door again.
It was only moments before the office door was pushed open, and Ianto slipped in with two mugs. He hadn't bothered with the tray, and for some reason that made Jack happier than he had been. It was a little bit of casual that Ianto usually reserved for just the two of them, a sign that maybe this would not be as bad as he thought it was. Because Ianto was right, he was upset, feeling a little raw and betrayed, whether it was right or not.
Loyalty was such a touchy and painful subject; their betrayal of him, his of them when he ran to the Doctor. Granted, if he had though of it, when he thought of it, he hadn't expected the situation as it had been. He expected to step through the doors, be welcomed or not, find out what he had done wrong, what he had done to get left. At no point had he pictured the end of the universe or a year spent in pain, chains and death. Certainly he never thought that Rose, their wonderful Rose would be the cause, or that the Doctor would be so damaged, damaged enough to chain himself to a madman not to be alone, to no longer be the last of his kind.
Of course he expected to come back almost immediately, to be back with his team, his family and the most important of all, his lover, his faithful Ianto. A year of pain and dying and when he could spare a thought it was of getting back and making things right. There was something about repeated torture that made everyday things all the more special. The Doctor and that part of his life would always be special to him but he couldn't go back, only forward, make something new for himself.
"Sir…Jack?" the quiet voice cut through all the noise going on in his head. He could hear the concern in his lover's voice as he got dragged back to the problem at hand. Ianto had moved around the desk and placed his coffee next to him while he was distracted. Now as he looked the young man moved away. Jack wanted to reach out for him, to pull him close and forget everything else, but that would come later. Talk first, that was something else he was learning.
Ianto had set the coffee next to Jack and moved around the desk as quickly as he could. It wasn't that he was afraid of Jack, nor was he ashamed of what he had done. He wasn't going to apologize for giving Gwen the information she needed. That did not make him feel any less guilty though. No matter how much he told himself it was for the best, and that she never would have given up, still he had betrayed Jack's trust, again. Ianto wasn't sure whether his Captain could take more betrayal, or that their relationship could either. Still, something about the look on Jack's face, and the familiar admonition had given him hope.
Since he had returned Jack had been different, more committed both to the team and to him. It had not been easy though. The older man still had his moods, some of them as dark as midnight in a well and there was still so much he was reluctant to share. Ianto was learning how to deal with those moods, and in return, Jack was opening up to him some, slowly. At least he had been.
"Why?"
"Why what?" Jack gave question for question, trying out of reflex to deflect an actual answer. But Ianto wasn't Gwen and he wouldn't be so easily put off. Rather than play the game, the young man merely sat across from his desk, quiet, waiting for his answers.
Jack looked anywhere, everywhere, fiddli8ng with odd bits on his desk, even flipping through some paperwork he was trying to avoid but he kept coming back to light on the still and beautiful man, drinking coffee and waiting. "It's not easy, you wouldn't under…"
"I'd like to try, if you let me. Come on Jack, I think we're rather past the place where you try to hold it all yourself, aren't we?"
"It's my duty, my penance."
"Penance for what? You have saved the world more times than I can think of, what more can you do? What more do you think you need to do?" Ianto leaned forward in his chair, wanting to go to the man he could see burning with pain so close and yet so far away.