This has been Steve's life; he gains hope, he loses it, he has it again. First there was Bucky, then came Peggy, and then the cycle repeats.
He was a sick little kid, who other kids picked on, but he never backed down from them. That's how he first met Bucky, who was even bigger than the kid who had shoved Steve in the dirt, and to his seven year old eyes, a giant.
He didn't trust Bucky immediately after, but slowly the older boy had given him hope. It also helped that his Ma seemed to like Bucky too. They soon became inseparable, the best of friends.
Then, years later, he lost his Ma, and Bucky was there, as he had been for the past ten or so years, but Steve still had felt a little hope leaving him.
Then, the world went to war, again, and Steve thought what use was hope, but Bucky was there, and it made it all right, for a while.
Steve wanted to enlist, because despite how horrible it sometimes got, he still loved his country, but Bucky enlisted before him, and Steve knew real fear for the first time.
He wished the war had never happened, he didn't wanted this to be the end of the line, but how else would he have met Peggy, if not for the war, and to his twenty seven year old eyes, she was a giant, and not of size, but in the way she carried herself, unlike any other woman he ever knew.
He trusted her immediately, and it was odd, because he didn't readily trust people often, but Peggy was different just like him, and he had felt a little bit of hope returning.
Then, he was no longer little, and no longer sick, he was chosen, and made taller, stronger, special, some said, but Erskine's words kept reminding him, not better, he was the same.
It didn't really amount to much, in the beginning, but despite this being not what Steve wanted, he was glad to see it gave his country hope, and when a child smiled because of him, it gave Steve a bit of hope too.
It all changed again, during a discussion with Peggy, about lab rats and circus monkeys, outside, after a show, sitting in rain. She had brought hope back to him, little by little, but she brought fear back then as well, and the realization of love.
Bucky was important to him, Peggy knew, and she defied orders to help him, and Steve was grateful.
Hope really didn't return completely until he saw Bucky lying on the table, then, as always, they fought together, having each others back.
It was odd after, when they were safe in a bar, Peggy and Bucky standing together, and in that moment he thought he couldn't choose.
He was on official SSR missions now, leading them as their captain, and Steve had Bucky, but he missed Peggy with him too. It was another realization of love, when he caught himself looking at a picture of her in his compass.
Years trickled by again, and Steve had Bucky, and he would've Peggy too soon maybe, and then the train happened.
He couldn't let him fall, he couldn't lose him too, but fate had other plans, and he saw his hope fall, he saw his Bucky gone.
After, Peggy was there for him, and he was grateful for her, but he couldn't let himself hope again, he had lost his friend, he had lost his Bucky, and she understood, as always, and she helped.
His heart healed over time, slower than his body, but it healed nonetheless, and Peggy took Bucky's place, not in his heart, but on the battlefield, besides she already had a place of her own in his heart anyway.
Steve had Peggy, and she gave him hope of a new kind, a little different, but not unwelcome.
Then there was a promise of a dance, and soon a plane to catch, and then he lost his hope again, in static, he heard his Peggy gone.
Seventy years, that's what they told him when he woke up in a world free of war, but on the brink of another, an altogether different one.
After a battle in the now unfamiliar city, he took the file SHIELD had given him, and went on to find his hope again.
Peggy was different, of course she was, seventy years had passed, she had lived a life, and he had yet to live his. Even still, she gave him hope again, and became his tether in this new, confusing, ever-changing world.
He had Peggy back, not fully, but he had her, and he was grateful for that, for all the hope she gave him.
He had lost his purpose now, the war was over, but Peggy was there, however frail, his hope was there, but so was a new fear, because he knew it would be gone.
Then, Bucky was back, so very different, but he was back, and once again he gave Steve hope, and this time a purpose as well.
Then, he lost Peggy again, six foot under, permanently this time, his tether was gone, and the little bit of hope she had given him with it.
Then, alliances shifted, and another battle happened, and amidst it he found his first hope again.
He had Bucky back, not fully, but he had him, and he was grateful for that, for all the hope he gave him.
Sitting in the very different country to any he had been in, Steve thinks, both Peggy and Bucky had at least one thing in common, despite their many differences, they both had initiated their first kisses with him, and that thought makes him smile.
It makes Steve hug all the hope they'd given him, he doesn't want to lose it again.