1938 – Moscow
"I want one too." Alex motioned to the caretaker. "Come on Danvesky, you can play with your toys after the men are done." Mikhail said condescendingly as he laughed. Although Mikhail was not part of their class, he was friends with enough of their classmates that he always seemed to be hanging around. Alex hated him and usually ignored him but today her little sister was with them and this always meant trouble. Mikhail would always try to show off as a way to court her without having to put any actual effort into it. Which often ended in him mocking Alex and trying to get all the boys to laugh along to his antics.
This overgrown baby made eye contact with Kara and Alex seethed. She took off her school bag, handing it to her sister, who hugged it against her body as she smiled at Alex. "No. I want to compete with them." She clarified to the disinterested looking caretaker. He looked over at the boys, their carefree attitude, and then at her. Steely determination stared back. He nodded, grabbed a rifle from its resting place next to him and set it down in front of her.
"That's right Alex, show these silly boys how good you are." Kara shouted from the bench as she clapped awkwardly, still hugging her sister's backpack to her chest. Alex rolled her eyes and felt the corner of her mouth twitch up. She could count on her baby sister to always cheer her on. Even when they were doing things their parents disapproved of.
"Danvesky don't worry, fourth place is also good. You can't always come in first, can you?" Mikhail tried to make it sound like a joke but Alex knew that he was still bitter about the fact that he didn't get into First Moscow State Medical University like all his friends. Alex had. And just like the overgrown baby that he is, he took every opportunity to try to beat her. Showing to his friends that he was a big man.
"Everyone makes five shots." The caretaker explained the rules as he counted out five bullets straight into Alex's hand. "The winner is determined according to the number of points they score." Alex set the bullets down and asked softly for him to explain how to fire the rifle. This being the first time she ever held a weapon in her life.
"Take your guns." He shouted over her shoulder. "Put all the bullets into the magazine." He whispered to her, pointing to her rifle as he explained. "Fire." He shouted. The boys fired at the same time. Alex stood her ground. The caretaker put the rifle against her shoulder and pointed to where her eyes should be. "You align this, the rear sight, to the front sight, and your target. Breathe evenly. You want to hold your breath and gently pull the trigger and then you fire." Alex fired the five rounds without taking her eyes off the target.
"Put your rifles down." The caretaker shouted. Alex kept the target in sight until he nudged the rifle with his fingers. Causing her to follow along with the rest of the boys. The caretaker walker over to where the targets were and asked them to shout their names out as he stood in front of where they each took their shots. When he got to Alex's poster, Kara ran up behind her and excitedly shouted for her as she hugged her "Danvesky."
"Danvesky is the winner. 48 out of 50 points." Mikhail pouted when he heard this and threw her a harsh glare. "Comrade chief, are you sure you read those numbers right?" The caretaker smiled and walked towards the students. "Go count them yourself if you don't believe me." This made Kara jump up and hug her. "Alex, you're so good. Did you see the boy's faces? It serves them right for thinking you wouldn't be better than all of them." Her baby sister was so proud of her and Alex finally let herself really smile. She could always count on Kara to make her feel like a hero.
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The following Monday Alex was listening to her teacher drone on and on about graduation rituals. They were finally doctors and Alex couldn't be any prouder of herself. The door next to him opened and an administrator came in, calling out her name. "Danvesky?" Everyone stared at her as she stood up. "Follow me to the rector's office please. Take your things." Everyone whispered amongst themselves as she packed up and followed along. Not knowing what she could have done this time to get in trouble, she put her books in her school bag and walked out.
A man in a green uniform was sitting down in the rector's chair. He had several stars on his collar. The gold of them contrasting against the red line they rested upon. "Danvesky, Alexandra. Born in 1916. Mother – Danvesky, Eliza – Chair of Pathophysiology at the state hospital. Father – Danvesky, Jeremiah – Former Doctor in the Army. Diseased. Body never recovered."
Alex stood, confused as to why the rector was scribbling everything this man said down like a frightened school girl. "Well? Comrade, is this information correct?" The man asked her as he stood, calmly walking closer to Alex. "It is." He nodded, going back to the desk to retrieve a piece of paper.
"According to a report submitted by a shooting range instructor, while at the Moscow shooting range this past weekend, you showed excellent results during a shooting competition, earning a near perfect score. You have talent and we decided to send you to a six months marksman training program. Congratulations." He smiled falsely. Alex was stunned. She didn't want to go. She had her sister to think about.
"What about my graduation?" She asked. Desperate to stay behind for the sake of her family. "Yes, what about it?" The man in the uniform asked the rector before continuing. "I'm sure the university administration won't mind sending you your degree separate from your class. In fact, I think that is should be waiting for you at home as soon as you get there. Right comrade?" The rector shook his head and agreed. Just like that she was a doctor. No ceremony, no robes or coat, not even a swearing in.
"If I refuse?" Alex asked. Dipping into the last bit of courage left in her body. The man in the uniform turned around. "I advise you not to do that comrade. Eliza and Kara will not be as well taken care of if you were to say no." Alex swallowed. Understanding his meaning.
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When it was time to leave, Eliza handed her one of her old sweaters. "Alex, please, take this… it might get cold where they send you." Alex shoot her head as she stared at her shoelaces. Pretending to have trouble with the knot as she swallowed down her tears. "Mama, I'll be fine. The party gives you everything you need there. They gave me very clear instructions not to pack anything. If it's cold they will give us jackets." Eliza looked sad as she nodded. Folding the sweater before grabbing a brown parcel tied with yarn. "At least take this. You never know how long the journey will be." Alex nodded and grabbed the food carefully. Staring at Kara at the end of the hallway. She didn't have any trouble crying over this.
"Sasha." Kara called Alex by her childhood nickname. Something they'd outgrown using when she turned 10 and Kara was 7. "Please Sasha, please say no." Alex's heart broke. She had tried to say no. To stay for Kara but they told her that to say no meant they would come after her family.
"Kasha." Alex tried. Kara shook her head and turned away. "Please little buckwheat don't be mad. It's only half a year. I will be back as soon as I graduate from here too." Kara sobbed as she threw herself into Alex's arms. She was taller than her older sister but she always found comfort in being held by her. "Please Alex, you have to promise to come back. Please, please promise you won't disappear like papa." Alex nodded against her sister's neck. "I promise Kasha. I promise little buckwheat I will come back because I will always take care of you."
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1941 – En route to Moscow
Alex had to be evacuated out of the front lines. Her injuries bled as the ambulance jostled her body. The mud made driving harder but nobody could control the weather. She grits her teeth as they hit another pothole, a shooting pain traveling from her right shoulder all the way down to her fingertips. Others worse off than her had been given what was left of the painkillers in at the front. Even though she was valuable, she refused the special treatment and made them give her share to the other soldiers. As her head pounded and the blood traveled down her face she regretted this but didn't complain.
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1941 – Moscow
Some party bureaucrat visited the hospital while she waited for her family. They pinned a Hero of the Soviet Union award next to the others onto a newly issued uniform that sat next to her bed and called her a hero. Said that she was the true spirit of the party. She looked at the star, shinning against the new uniform. Devoid of blood and not really feeling like hers. Alex frowned. Bring bag 100 Fritz dog tags to your superiors and this is what you get. 100 lives for one star. 100 boys that would never get to go back home. She wondered if that's what the Germans thought of the butcher now. All cut up and unable to hold a rifle.
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He gave her a clammy handshake and left. Alex couldn't breathe.
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"Sasha!" Kara shouted as she entered the room. Scattered groans could be heard from the others around them but Alex paid no attention. Smiling widely for the first time in what felt like forever. "You came back." Was all Kara said as she squeezed her. Alex didn't care about the pain. She was grateful at being able to live long enough to hug her little sister once again. "Of course, I came back Kasha. My little buckwheat, I promised I would never leave you." Eliza stood at the foot of her bed, troubled expression on her face as she studied them.
Kara's eyes widened as she pulled away. "Alex, is this yours?" She said in awe as she reached out to touch her new uniform. "That's a medal for battle merit. And those are my two for one specials. You get one Order of Lenin for every Hero of the Soviet Union you receive." Alex winked good naturedly as she told Kara what each award meant. Her mama hugged her and held her chin, inspecting her closely before talking. "You look a little tired, are they giving you enough for the pain?"
Alex looked away at her sister, who was trying on her hat and giving her a sloppy salute. "Soon I'll be wearing one too." Kara said off handedly. Alex bit her tongue before answering Eliza. "Yes mama, I'm fine." Eliza nods before looking at Kara, her gaze softening. "My little sun, please be a good girl and get your mama something to drink from the offices. The nurses know you there." Her little sister brightened and kissed them both on the forehead before running off. Loving whenever she could be helpful.
"Sweetie." Her mother warned her. Alex swallowed. "I knew it. I haven't even been back a day and here you are. Mad at me. Go ahead, say it." Eliza huffed before answering. "I don't understand how you could allow this. Letting your sister follow you into the war." Alex tried to take a deep breath. Aggravating her arm and making her wince slightly. "She will do amazing things." Alex told her. Eliza shook her head. "I know that, she has always done amazing things. And I am so very proud of her, but she is also putting herself in danger."
"She's an adult." Alex reminds her. "She's 22. Kara is going to do things that you don't like. That is not my fault." Eliza smooths her blanket over her legs. "She's always looked up to you. She only signed up because once again she has to be just like her big sister. Everything you have ever done she has always wanted to do. She has always been two steps behind you her entire life. So how would this be any different? Sign up for war and there goes Kara, running blindly, trying to catch up to Alex."
Eliza takes in a sharp breath before continuing to berate her eldest daughter. "You know better. You should have stopped her." She sighs. "I thought… I thought I could count on you to watch out for her. Alex stares down at her mother's hands. "I do know better mama… and…" Kara chooses that moment to come in with three cups of tea. Handing one to Eliza first before blowing on the second one, tasting it, smiling, and giving it to Alex. "I made sure it's not too hot for you." Alex finds it easier to breathe as she looks at her little sister.
They drink their tea in silence until the silence makes Alex feel worse than when she was shot. She decides to break it. "So… what is this I hear about you joining the war?" Kara lights up and gently sets their glasses next to Alex's uniform. "Alex, they had a posting at my university. I was between classes and saw that they were requesting female volunteers to train as fighter pilots. So of course I signed up. At the tryouts Lieutenant Marina M. Raskova was there herself. She picked me. Me!" Kara said incredulously. "Out of the thousands that signed up, only 1,000 actually made it. I made it. I leave by train next week."
Eliza angrily set her tea down, dark liquid sloshing against white sheets. "How could you do this Alexandra?" Alex sat up straighter as she answered. "How could I do what mama? Devote my entire life to watch over Kara? Well… I don't… I don't know, maybe it's because that's what you've told me to do since she was born."
"You could have stayed behind and been a doctor. Just like you studied for. Instead you lie to me about where you go and what you do. Jumping at the chance to go off to war." Alex shakes her head before answering. "Is that what you got from this? That I didn't tell you where I was going? Mama, Kara is about to risk her life to protect other people, and she's your little sun. Always your hero. And yet I do the same and I'm in trouble?" Eliza shakes her head. "You think your papa is looking down proudly at you for this?" Alex sighs and leans her head back against the pillow. "I will never win with you."
Kara makes a small sad noise before speaking up. "I don't understand why you're being like this mama." Eliza shakes her head. "No, Kara, you don't." Kara's forehead crinkled in confusion. "Why are you mad at her for my decision to volunteer? It's not her fault that I decided to become a fighter pilot. That was my choice mama." Eliza looked at Kara sadly. "I know." Kara's shoulder's fell. "You're always so much harder on her, mama, why?"
Before Eliza can answer, a nurse comes in and tells her she's needed somewhere else. Eliza sighs. "I have to go handle this."
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1941 – 800 kilometers from Moscow
As the Germans shelled her beloved city, Kara stared longingly at the plane that would be hers. She was still finishing up her training before she could join the 588th Night Bomber Aviation Regiment. Learning how to shoot a gun before she would be allowed to touch the two seater biplane that stole her heart. The male pilots, belonging to other regiments, snickered at them. Calling it a Kukuruznik, meant to be an insult. Kara didn't care that the Po-2 was a crop-duster. It was going to be her plane and she would be the best pilot out in the night skies. Protecting her mama and her sister, just like Alex had done for them.
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1941 – Moscow
Another shell hit the city, seeming to shake it to its core. Lights flickered everywhere and then there was darkness. Everything was lit up only by the moonlight. Alex ripped off the dog tag from her target, shouldered her rifle as tenderly as she could so as to not aggravate her still healing wounds, and headed home.
"Mama?" Alex asks the dark. "Yes?" Eliza answers from her bedroom. Their apartment is one of the few still standing in their building. The top floors are empty. The building is hollowed out by the bombs that fell onto the city when the Germans started flying overhead. Invading the motherland while the papers printed lies about how the Germans would never attack and that they were allies. The only ghosts left in the city were the old and stubborn. Or the soldiers keeping the city alive and people like her mama, the ones who wanted to help.
Alex peeks into the bedroom and sees her mother sitting on her bed. All the curtains are drawn tight and a single candle is the only source of light. Alex feels awkward but steps inside the threshold anyway. "Uh, there are blackouts all over the city. I… I wanted to be sure you were okay, mama."
Eliza nods. "A blackout I can handle… you on the other hand." Alex shakes her head. "Mama, please. I... I can't fight anymore tonight." Eliza sighs and pats the space next to her on the bed. "Sweetie… please… please come… come here." At the sound of that pet name Alex's body pushes her forward, even when she wants to stay mad at Eliza. "Please, just sit for a minute with your mama."
"I'm so sorry for what I said about Kara. It isn't fair… you… you always make the hard choice. You look to help others before yourself." Alex interrupts. "That's what you taught me to do. So why… why hasn't that ever been enough?" Alex asks the one question she's always needed answered. Her voice breaking as she starts to cry. No longer feeling like the butcher of men she has become, but rather a scared little girl that always craved her mother's approval.
"If you mean why I was tough on you? Kara… Kara wasn't your only sister." Alex's face reflects her confusion. "Kara was our miracle baby. There were others before her… two other perfect little girls. Both, just like Kara, were born too early..." Alex nearly misses their names as she thinks back to her childhood, how they were always the smallest family in the neighborhood and in all her classes. All her friends had so many brothers and sisters that the state gave their mothers medals for bearing and raising them. They followed each other, one after the other, like stairs. In her more selfish days, Alex wondered if Kara had been a mistake.
"Nadya and Valentina… they were born and became perfect little angels soon after. Your papa and I were devastated. How could God be so cruel as to take them away from us? How could two doctors, with so much knowledge, know nothing to save their own babies?" Her mother went on. "Kara was such a tiny baby and we had lost so much. It felt like we had lost everything. I didn't know how to do anything but accept her. Always so afraid that she would die from every little sniffle." Alex's heart broke. Never knowing until now why Kara was favored so much by her parents. "You, you're so strong Alexandra. You're the one daughter I never had to worry about surviving… so I pushed you because I wanted you to be better than me. Better than your papa. But that never meant I didn't love you. You have always been the one that taught me how to open my heart to all the beauty and love that comes from having daughters." Alex hugged her mom and wept into her chest. "I'm sorry, mama."
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1942 – Terek River
It started off as a typical mission. Meant to last less than an hour. She was the third in the sequence. She waited five minutes after Nina took off before lining up her plane at the end of the ripped-up fence that was serving as their runway. The muck so deep that it greedily tried to swallow up their wheels, keeping them earthbound. It had taken the better part of the day, hacking away at the fence with their blunt bayonets. A bygone from another era. Left to them like their uniforms. Hand me downs too old for the men to want and sitting too big on their small bodies.
Even if their planes were unwanted, the girls thought them better than the fancy bombers. They didn't need paved runways to fly. Just the heart of a pilot and a small, flat surface to take off of.
Kara shot up into the crisp night air. Making the almost vertical climb with ease. 1,000 meters in the air. She took a deep breath, said a small prayer with closed eyes, and cut her engine off. As soon as the air was silent around her she began gliding down. Carefully tracking her descent until she felt like the tree tops could touch the belly of her plane.
As she reached the targets the only noise that followed her was the eerie whistling noise her bombs made as they dropped down.
She was maneuvering her plane back when searchlights flooded the area. Temporarily blinding her as they light up the field. Making them sitting ducks. She kicked her engine into gear and made a fancy turn from sheer panic alone. Something stupid and dangerous if they flew planes bigger than their little crop-dusters. Nina and her navigator, Katarina, only a couple of meters ahead of her, kept their plane steady.
It was the first night they lost anyone.
It still keeps her awake, what happened after the lights came on.
From training, they knew that their planes were never meant to see real battle. They were used at night only because they were sitting on tinderboxes. A hit from a single tracer round could set the whole thing ablaze. The horrified look of realization on her friend's faces as they saw the flames lap up their plane still makes her heart stop. Tears streamed down Kara's face. She threw half of her hand grenades towards one of the searchlights. Hoping that if she could just fly close enough, her friends could hop on.
It was stupid and dangerous. If they missed her plane, they would die. The women didn't get something as precious as parachutes. Especially when they flew low enough to make them useless added weight on their planes.
Her friends blew up in front of her. As Kara tried to brace for the impact, her left foot slipped down into an empty space below herself. She didn't have to look down to know that the bottom of her cockpit had been shot away by anti-aircraft fire. Kara raced back to their field as something hot streamed down her left arm and leg.
Her vision kept clouding. It could have been blood loss. She knew she was wounded. Or it could have been that she couldn't get enough air into her lungs to properly take a breath. Everything feeling too tight and confining up in the night sky.
Kara roughly landed her plane and her friends ran to her side. Grabbing onto the ends of her wings to help guide the landing. Three girls had to pull her out. She could barely hold her head up. Her body was peppered with wooden shards from the shot-up aircraft.
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1942 – Moscow
They sent her home soon after that night. Not permanently grounding her. Just granting her a few weeks to recuperate before they would have her fly again. They gave her a medal in a small ceremony. Wanting to use her pictures in the papers as a way to bolster support for the war. To show the motherland how Russia had sons and daughters that were willing to pick up arms to defend her. Pretending that the brave women that were willing to die in the front lines weren't mocked by the sons and brothers they were so fiercely trying to protect with their fire and bombs.
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It was during that same trip when she became a traitor by choice. It was by pure happenstance that she met them. The two strangers that changed her life. She felt a pull towards them. Having never seen anyone with skin so tanned before. Kara's fingers reached out to touch the man's arm and before his elbow could make contact with her sternum, she flipped him over onto his back. Making the other woman laugh and introduce herself as "Maggie. Don't you dare call me Margaret or I'll toss you on your back much faster than that."
It was hard for Kara to understand their thick accent. She knew they were American by the way they butchered their way through the French language. The only one they had in common.
From what she could gather, they were smugglers. John was the leader and Maggie was the charm. They had picked up some sort of package that needed to leave Moscow as soon as possible. It would be dropped off and they would keep picking up work until they made their way to the city of London.
Kara was on her third beer when she blurted out what was on her mind. Something akin to treason if overheard by the wrong people. "Can you… I mean… have you ever had to smuggle out people?" Maggie and John shared a look. They turned back to her and he nodded solemnly. Knowing exactly why she was asking but being smart enough not to say anything in a crowd. "Can I? I mean? How much to pay for you to deliver something to your final destination?" She asked, giggles breaking out of her as the thought of this being real.
When he told her, Kara spit beer all over herself. "Just for one person?" She half shouted. John shushed her and nodded again. "Okay. I… I will get you the money… I just… meet me here tomorrow at sunset." Kara's sloppy handwriting jotted down an address and she flipped the waterlogged napkin over, drawing a crude map to show them where.
She downed her beer and ran home.
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The last time she saw her mama was above her father's grave. It was a cloudy day. When she saw the strangers approaching, without any guards nearby, she knew her instincts had been right. She packed up the picnic she had been sharing with Eliza and waved them over. Her mama looked confused.
"Here. I know it's not exactly what you asked for… but I lost more than I expected when changing it. I didn't want to give you just Rubles. You have to be prepared." Kara told John as she handed over a thick envelope with all of their savings. She'd had to sell everything that wasn't bolted to their house to make up the rest, even some family heirlooms, but she didn't care. After seeing her friends die, Kara knew that the war would swallow them whole. If her mama stayed she would burn to the ground. Spilling her blood for a party that thought them nothing more but props.
"Kara, what is this?" Her mama asked. Not quite understanding yet. "Mama, this is John and Maggie." She introduced them as she handed her a duffle bag filled with all her things. "They're going to take you to the city of London." Eliza shook her head and cried. "No, little sun, please, please don't do this." Kara smiled sadly at her. "I will find Alex and tell her. I will let her know that we have to meet you at the Tower Bridge as soon as we get out of here. Just three tourists out in the world. Seeing all the things we wanted to see with papa." She kissed her mother's cheeks before meeting her eyes again.
"Little sun, this is treason. Your sister has had to shoot her brothers in arms for trying to do the same thing you're suggesting I do." Eliza shook as she explained. John and Maggie were pretending to count their money a couple of meters over, trying to give them some privacy while they said goodbye. Kara turned away. Reading her father's grave. Wondering what would happen if she was shot down like Nina and Katarina. Would they fill her grave with stones and set her down in the dirt like him?
"I don't care mama. I just need you to be safe. I need us to be safe. And that won't happen if we stay here. You know that." Eliza cried even harder. Not liking that she had to say goodbye to a life she spent years building into something she could be proud of. But she knew Kara was right. The party had taken her husband. It had taken her youth. And it would take her two daughters if she let them. Kara kissed the top of her head and held her tightly. "You can practice your English with them mama." Eliza laughed. Kara huffed. "Please mama, you have to take care of them, they sound like they're gargling seawater every time they speak French… they won't get past the guards without your help mama."
Eliza wiped her tears and kissed her daughter. "I will little sun. I will take care of them and you take care of your sister. You let her know that I'll be waiting for you in the city of London for you both." Kara nodded.
"Please take care of her… she's very precious." She told John in French. He nodded. Wondering if either one of his daughters would have made the same hard choice, had been alive long enough to be Kara's age. John swallowed the lump in his throat. Kara impulsively hugs him, as if sensing his distress. "She is doctor. German. English. French. Please make alive." Kara told him in broken English. He squeezed her back before she let him go.
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1943 – Several kilometers outside of Kiev
After that night, they learned from their mistakes. Sometimes they would send out girls with their engines on. The unnerving rumbling clanging like a sewing machine, would make the Germans grit their teeth and lose sleep. This would draw a wall of enemy fire. The searchlights pointed at the wrong targets as two other planes silently dropped bombs down on the Germans. By the time the boys on the ground realized their mistake, another plane would fly by and shoot out the lights. Plunging everything in the dark.
The girls didn't need radars to navigate their paths. They would work out their routes on the ground using worn maps and compasses.
Her group had almost completed their 10th mission, ready to call it a night, when dozens of German bombers came out of nowhere. Susanna, a gunner in another plane, used the light machine gun in the rear cockpit to shoot out two planes from the sky. Giving Kara ample time to maneuver out of there. Her little plane left the bombers behind as they struggled to turn back towards her.
Although she was unable to regroup with her friends, Kara had managed to land in near a relatively isolated field. The icy road and paths that remained thick with snow told her that whoever had lived here had long abandoned their home. She yawned as she cut the engine off and jumped down from her plane. She was tired and cold but happy. She was uninjured and alive.
She walked over to the closest building. A small, stone house that was half hidden beneath a curtain of snow. Kara groaned as she forced the door open with her shoulder. Raising and lowering her arm to ensure that she didn't hurt herself. She broke up a chair with a couple of well-placed kicks and her bare hands. Building a fire in the hearth. Pulling her jacket above her ears, she shivered and laid down in front of it. Her body was so exhausted that she fell asleep almost immediately on the dirt floor.
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The next morning Kara boiled a cup of snow and drank it as she struggled with her map. She didn't know where she was in relation to their target. It was risky and stupid, but without another choice she knew what she had to do. Kara doused the flames with snow and headed back to her plane. Giving the blades of her plane a couple of twists she took a deep breath and smiled. The snow, the trees, the crisp air… it all made her think of home. Of winters spent climbing the hill behind their apartment building. Scrambling to find a spot to sled down. Begging her sister to let her sit in front of her as they sped towards the bottom. It made her heart hurt. Thinking of Alex. But soon… soon she would be able to see her and her mama. They would all be safe and away from this war.
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When her plane was shot down all Kara could think of was her sister's warm embrace and the way her mama held her face gently between her soft hands before kissing her eyelids.
Author's Note:
If you liked this, watch "Battle for Sevastopol." The first scene is taken right from there. Then re-watch "Livewire" Episode 4, Season 1 for the feels fest that is Eliza and Alex.
If you can make it 5k words without Kara and Lena meeting yet... you can make it to the next chapter, where they find each other ;)