A/N: Just a short and silly one-shot focusing on Nutty and Sniffles because I love their friendship, and the world needs more of these two. Rated T for a little violence, par for the course in this cartoon.
Sniffles was hiding in his lab, buried under a pile of blankets and crying on the couch.
The reason for his sorrow? The ants had killed him. Again.
He let out a miserable sigh and curled in on himself as the event replayed in his mind.
It wasn't like Sniffles was surprised the ants defeated him, as embarrassing as that was to admit. After the tenth or so time the tiny family had viciously torn him apart, he'd started getting used to it.
No, what really bothered the bespectacled anteater was where his messy death had taken place.
It was in a busy section of the park. Despite the many creatures that were there Sniffles kept to himself, reading a fascinating textbook over number theory under the cool shade of a tree.
He'd gotten hungry and was planning to buy a treat from Cro-Marmot's ice cream van when he realized his wallet was gone, probably thanks to a certain pair of raccoons he'd seen roaming the park earlier.
Sniffles tried to ignore his hunger at first and distract himself with examining Goldbach's conjecture, but eventually it became too much. His stomach's growls were starting to capture the attention of nearby tree friends who gave him some nasty looks, his idol Splendid amongst them the anteater realized with horror.
Sniffles ducked his face behind the book in a poor attempt to hide his shame when he spotted an ant strolling by his leg.
He knew he should've just let the miniature scoundrel be since all of his previous attempts to eat one ended in pain, but at the time it seemed completely logical to devour the insect. It would not only soothe his hunger, but beating his worst enemy in front of his favorite superhero would definitely provide a boost to Sniffles' ego.
Besides, ants were his favorite treat.
So Sniffles caught the pesky creature with his tongue and swallowed it whole. The next thing he knew the inside of his mouth and throat were being stabbed repeatedly and the ant's family came after him to rescue their loved one, brandishing all sorts of weapons.
Sniffles' screams echoed throughout the park as the ants tortured him, the bloody scene causing other tree friends to either run away in horror or attempt to come to his aid. Either way, they ended up dying messily themselves through a series of spontaneous accidents.
Standing unharmed alone in the carnage was Splendid who, despite what Sniffles considered a valiant effort, could not stop the others' deaths.
Sniffles let out a tiny whimper, the noise garbled by the blood pooling in his lungs. The super squirrel turned to face him, probably deducing through his enhanced hearing that the anteater was the only one left alive and desperately needed his help.
Splendid took one look at him, gagged in disgust, and flew off into the sky.
It took several more moments for Sniffles to choke on his blood, leaving plenty of time for him to wallow in mortification before death finally took him.
When he woke up the next morning in his lab Sniffles couldn't bring himself to leave the safety and seclusion of his home, hence his current situation.
He felt so stupid! He was supposed to be a genius, yet he tried to eat that awful ant even though he knew the consequences. Not only did he get himself killed, but a bunch of other tree friends as well! To make matters worse Splendid, the coolest superhero ever, saw how badly he messed up. He probably flew away because he was so appalled by his idiocy, or felt like Sniffles deserved it for getting everyone else hurt, or maybe both.
Sniffles let out a pitiful sob and buried his face into a pillow. He wished he could just go back in time and stop himself from eating the ant, but he messed up enough already. The last thing he needed right now was another gory time loop on his hands.
While Sniffles continued to mope there was suddenly a sharp knock at the door. The anteater let out a startled cry and fell off the couch, still wrapped up in the blankets.
He held his breath, hoping that whoever it was would think he wasn't home, but the knocking only got louder. Finally, a familiar voice shouted, "I'm coming in," and Sniffles heard the door slam open.
"I'm busy! Please come back later," Sniffles called out in a wobbly voice as he tried to free himself. Why couldn't he just be left alone to wallow in self-pity? Sniffles covered his face, not wanting the visitor to see him cry. "Go away!"
But his plea was ignored and the guest entered the room, letting out a laugh as he saw the anteater struggle against the blankets.
"Is this supposed to be a new invention or something?"
Sniffles squeaked as a pair of green paws ripped the covers away, taking his glasses with them. There stood the blurry form of his best friend Nutty, and even with his poor vision Sniffles could see the squirrel's huge, cavity-ridden grin. "I've been looking for you everywhere! I thought we were gonna hang out today."
The anteater sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Forget about that, I just want to be alone right now."
"Come on, it'll be fun! We'll go the cafe and..." Nutty stopped when he saw his tear-stained face. "Woah... you're really living up to your name, Sniffles."
"Thanks," he replied sarcastically. The blue tree friend then knelt down and started to search for his glasses.
A few moments of awkward silence passed, and even though he could barely see a thing Sniffles knew Nutty was staring at him. "My glasses," he said through gritted teeth, "you knocked them off when you took away the blankets."
"Oh, sorry!" Sniffles could hear rustling, then a sticky hand patted the top of his head. When he looked up his glasses were gently placed on his face and the blurry image of Nutty became crystal clear. "That better?"
Sniffles stood up and nodded. "Yeah, thanks."
The squirrel stepped back and crossed his arms. "So… Why were you crying?"
Sniffles shook his head. "It's not important. Can you just go?"
"No! I'm not leaving this spot until you tell me what's wrong!" Nutty stomped his feet to prove his point.
Sniffles rolled his eyes. "You can't stay there forever, Nutty."
"Try me!"
Sniffles groaned. Nutty was a very persistent squirrel when he wanted to be; the rampages he left and harm he inflicted on himself during his chases for candy were more than enough proof of that.
"Fine," he relented. "It's rather silly though…"
So Sniffles told the tale of how he made a fool of himself in front of Splendid. At first he kept pausing, his embarrassment getting the better of him, but soon the words just poured out. The entire time Nutty listened quietly, and not once did he fidget or look bored.
For some reason the normally jittery squirrel tended to be calm in his presence, and though it wasn't nearly as visible Sniffles felt more relaxed around him too. Despite their many differences the two got along well.
"The end," Sniffles finished.
"That's why you were crying?" Nutty asked, mystified. "But we die all the time!"
"Weren't you listening?" Sniffles yelled. "I'm upset because it was MY fault everybody got hurt, and it was all in front of Splendid!"
Nutty shrugged. "Yeah, but they've probably gotten over it by now. Like I said we die all the time. If those guys are willing to still hang out with Lumpy and Mole, I'm sure they'll be cool with you."
"That's true…" Sniffles admitted. "But Splendid! He seemed so upset with me." The look of revulsion the superhero gave him was seared into his memory.
"I don't think Splendid was mad," the green squirrel said. "He probably just left 'cause he figured you were done for. Better to let you die and come back in one piece than get tortured some more at the hospital, right?"
Sniffles frowned. Something in the back of his mind told him that wasn't right, that Splendid's actions had a far less kind motivation than that, but he couldn't fathom why.
Seeing the look of doubt on the anteater's face, Nutty continued on. "You sounded like you were hurt really bad. He might've thought that moving you would've made it worse."
"I suppose that's true…" Sniffles admitted. "I doubt I would've survived the flight to the emergency room…"
"See? I'm sure Splendid doesn't think you're an idiot!"
Nutty's firm and cheery tone was infectious. It brought an unwanted smile on Sniffles' snout. "Yeah, you're probably right." He glanced over at the clock and winced when he saw that it was well past noon. "It's getting late, if you still want to go to the cafe we should head out now before it closes."
"Nah, I already ate!" When he saw Sniffles sigh, Nutty started to laugh. "Don't worry though, I got you something!"
Nutty stepped aside to reveal a grocery bag which Sniffles hadn't noticed before.
"Is that candy?" Sniffles demanded. "I told you to cut back on that stuff! Honestly, I've lost count of all the times I've had to rush you to the hospital because of those cursed treats! You need to get your addictions under control-"
"Yeah, yeah." Nutty dismissed his complaints with a wave of his hand. "But this is different! This time's special."
"Special?" Sniffles echoed, dumbfounded. "You think me getting brutally murdered by a bunch of inferior insects is special?"
Nutty ignored him and dug through the bag. He pulled out a large package of what appeared to be rectangular lollipops. Sniffles was about to go on another rant over the dangers of candy until a closer look at the treats took his breath away.
The lollipops had ants in it. The insects weren't crawling around and trying to steal the sticky, sweet substance, but were instead stuck inside the pieces of candy, immobile and dead.
It was the most wonderful thing Sniffles had ever seen.
He spent a few more seconds staring wide-eyed at the sweets until Nutty cleared his throat.
"Well, are you gonna take them or not?" he asked. "Because if you don't want any, I don't mind eating it for ya."
Despite his surprisingly nonchalant tone, Sniffles knew what his friend really meant. Me sharing candy is literally a once in a lifetime opportunity and if you don't take these NOW I'm eating all of it.
The fact that Nutty hadn't already devoured the candied ants on his way to the lab, let alone resisted them this long, amazed the blue brainiac. The surprise left his mind a muddled mess, and the best sentence he could form at that moment was a series of stuttering thank yous as he took the lollipops.
Sniffles took a tiny taste of one of the treats before his tongue shot out and yanked it into his mouth. It was delicious.
Nutty dug through the bag and pulled out more candy, the sweets ranged from chocolates to gummies and none of them had any bugs.
"Where did you get these?" Sniffles asked in between slurps. "They're amazing!"
Nutty laughed and threw a handful of candy into his own mouth. "At the store! Lumpy messed up when making them, I think he dumped some sap on an ant bed or something?" Nutty's voice grew faster the longer he went on. "Anyway, Mole didn't care or see it or whatever and just took the candy! I bought all of it right after the shop opened. I tried to sneak some more out after I was broke but Mole caught me, not sure how 'cause he's blind and I was super quiet, anyway, the sign ended up falling and killing him so I got all I could carry-"
"Nutty," Sniffles chided. "We've been over this! You can't keep getting people killed over candy."
"I didn't kill him, I didn't even hurt him! The sign just dropped when he slammed the door, cracked his head right open."
"But you stole his merchandise."
Nutty raised an eyebrow. "That you're eating right now."
"You said you bought this," Sniffles replied with a sly grin. "The rest of it was what you grabbed after his death, without paying I presume."
Nutty whined in frustration. "Come on, man! I get you a great meal and this is how you repay me?"
Sniffles giggled as he reached for another lollipop. Of course Nutty would call a box of candy a meal. "I suppose you can worry about paying Mole back later."
The conversation entered a lull, the only sounds in the room being the noises the two boys made as they continued to eat. Eventually Nutty let out a small whimper when his hand reached into the bag for more candy only to find it empty. The anteater decided this would be an opportune time to properly thank his friend, unlike the jumbled mess of words he tried to use earlier.
"Nutty, I would like to express my most sincere gratitu-"
The squirrel rolled his eyes and cut him off. "You don't have to say thanks again."
"I want to though, so thank you." Sniffles hoped his tone conveyed how truly grateful he felt. "I know it must have been very difficult for you to not eat these while you were trying to find me, and I really appreciate that you resisted doing so."
"There was a lot more candy," Nutty admitted, "like three bags of it. I ate it all while looking for you though, but don't worry. I didn't eat any with bugs!"
Oh. Well, even if the sweets-addicted squirrel wasn't as resilient against the temptation of sugar as he thought, Sniffles was still touched that he saved him the candied ants.
"Did you get these for me because of yesterday?" Sniffles asked. Nutty seemed genuinely surprised about his crying and story, but the present seemed far too convenient to just be random chance. Besides, he had a difficult time imagining the squirrel giving anyone candy without a concrete reason.
Nutty shrugged. "Just a coincidence. I didn't know about your death yesterday. I only saved these for you because I know how much you love ants."
So his best friend didn't buy these to make him feel better, but did it just because he thought it would be a nice gift. For some reason that made Sniffles even happier. The embarrassment he felt from the previous day's massacre became a distant memory as he continued to chat with Nutty, their conversation changing to ideas for inventions that could mass produce sugary substances in seconds.
The two friends spent the rest of the evening talking and playing, enjoying the lack of carnage and pain... Or at least they did until Nutty mistook one of Sniffles' monkey wrenches for a candy cane and broke seven of his teeth.