Title: The Thor Incident
Disclaimer: Characters, concept, etc, aren't mine.
Notes: Okay, yes, this is insane.
"So, how's my favourite team members?" O'Neill almost bounced into the lab, where Carter and Daniel sat opposite each other, looking for all the world as if they were engaged in a staring competition, though Jack was sure they wouldn't sink that low. Still, no answer to his question, "Well..?" he pressed,
"…Tired.." Daniel's face hit the counter,
"…Hungry.." Carter closed her eyes and slouched.
"Well aren't you two a bundle of laughs," O'Neill muttered.
Sam fixed him with an angry glare, "You here for a reason…?"
"Now I know where I'm not wanted," Jack rocked back on his heels, "Just wondering if you lot had plans for this evening."
"…Sleep.." Daniel looked up through bleary eyes
"…Eating.." Sam replied, "Lots of it. Mainly chocolate."
O'Neill stared at Daniel, who's head had hit the counter once more, "Er…should you go see the Doc or…something?"
"No.." Daniel mumbled through the table, "She'll probably stab me with something and give me pills.."
"And with the number of times you've been in her care…"
"I know the routine," he looked up again, "What're your plans anyway?"
O'Neill paused, "Taking the remaining members of my team out to town for the evening."
Carter half smiled, "If there's chocolate; I'm in." she nodded.
"Did I mention 'sleep'?" Daniel queried to himself, "I doubt sleep is involved in this venture…"
"Think of it as an adventure, Daniel, breaking the sleep barrier….or something technical like that.."
"..And if I refuse..?"
O'Neill smirked, "I take you down to the Doc and let her stick you with needles," he grinned proudly.
"…I'm in.." Daniel mournfully agreed.
"You know he'll get his own back someday, Sir," Carter warned.
O'Neill headed for the door, "Let's go, campers, places to go," he looked at Sam, "chocolate to eat."
"Say, why don't we make this interesting," O'Neill wondered as he got out the car, "let's see how long we can deprive Carter of chocolate.."
"Telling me what to eat now, Sir?" Carter grinned,
"No, no, no, I just think we should test your endurance. How long a woman can go without chocolate of any sort," he replied, "It cant be that long."
"Ha, what about testing how long men can go without beer?" she tilted her head and peered round at O'Neill from the other side of the car
"I'll take your idea and raise you a master plan; you eat whatever I tell you this evening,"
"Only if I can do the same to you!"
"..and you actually trust Sam with something like that?" Daniel asked, "…more than I do."
Carter playfully punched him on the arm, "Don't warn him, let him think I'm an innocent woman!"
"Too late, Major, already heard you," Jack called from the other side of the car, "So, what do you think of the plan?"
Sam thought for a moment, "…all right," she blinked, "what's the catch?"
O'Neill grinned, "If you give in first, Monday you have to go to Hammond's office and request a three month leave of absence, because you're bored with the SGC and would like to go work for the people who create fake crop circles, as you want to express your creative side."
Carter stared, "You've been thinking about this for a while haven't you, Sir?"
"Oh yes." Jack answered, "I just want to see Hammond's face when his best scientist says she finds the SGC boring."
"You need a hobby, Jack," Daniel muttered.
"I have a hobby, Daniel, its just when you don't catch a lot of fish you do a lot of thinking and-"
"I don't want to know..!" Sam laughed, "Okay, but if you give in first," she paused and thought for a moment, "Next time you see him, you have to moon Thor." She grinned.
"Now THAT is pay back, Sam." Daniel was grinning too, "You shouldn't have started this.." he addressed O'Neill.
"Now, you see, Daniel, I'm not going to lose," Jack replied nonchalantly. The trio were almost into the heart of the town,
"Brave words, Colonel, brave words…" Carter grinned and shook her head.
"Okay," Jack spotted a restaurant, "Let war commence…"
"Right," O'Neill looked up at the waitress who was serving them, "I'll take two steaks, with french fries and potatoes, three side salads, two beers, ribs, potato wedges and a chicken Kiev," he nodded and handed back the menu, trying to ignore the waitress' startled look.
Carter grinned over her menu at Jack, "And I'll take three steaks, a side salad, four portions of fries, two chicken wings, 1.5 litres of Coke, crispy mushrooms, two garlic breads and a side of vegetables," she beamed when she saw O'Neill's glare across the table.
The waitress, now having almost given up on any sane order, turned to Daniel;
"..and I'll have….whatever normal people have.." he muttered, "I'll take ONE steak, vegetables and fries.." he voiced louder and handed his menu back.
Carter waited until the waitress was out of hearing range, "A chicken Kiev..?"
"It was an afterthought," Jack explained, "And come on, you'll need something to eat with those three side salads.." he grinned,
"Heh, I'd like to see you drink 1.5 litres of Coke on your own!" Sam laughed.
Daniel covered his eyes with his hands.
"You will, Major, you will."
Daniel sighed, "This is going to be a very long evening…"
"I cant believe you single-handedly ate three side salads within five minutes…" Daniel exclaimed somewhat wearily, as the three traipsed out of the restaurant.
"I cant believe we made it out of there alive.." O'Neill added, "I was sure the chef was gonna dash out of the kitchen and make a chef's special out of whoever ordered the three tables worth of food.."
"Maybe he'll sue the SGC for being overworked?" Sam smiled, making her way across the street to a convenience store, "Hang on, I want to get a drink.."
"…you didn't get enough in the restaurant?" Daniel shook his head, "I'm not with you; either of you. If anyone asks; I was safely at home in bed; not with the two people who will surely eat their way through the SGC's food budget come Monday morning."
"Have faith, Danny, remember, she can only drink what I say!" O'Neill laughed as Carter stopped at the doorway to the shop,
"Now that's not fair!" she wailed.
"You agreed to this, Samantha Carter!" Jack pushed her inside the store and headed for the cold drinks section.
Sam narrowed her eyes, grabbed Daniel by the arm and followed her CO.
"Now…let's see…" O'Neill snatched a drink off the refrigerator shelf and headed for the checkout.
"Hang on, Colonel," Carter swung round and headed down another isle, still dragging Daniel behind her, and selected some sort of snack bar, throwing it to O'Neill, "You're paying, since I had to get the restaurant bill."
"Fair enough," Jack handed over the cash and the three of them left the store, "Here," he threw Sam her drink, whilst staring at the snack bar.
"Thanks…I think," Carter opened the bottle and drank a mouthful, "Augh! Holy- that's awful!" she made a disgusted face, "We ought to take that back to Janet to check its suitable for human consumption!" she smiled slightly as she saw Jack inspecting the snack bar, "Go on, eat it!"
O'Neill slowly opened and took a bite out of the bar…then grimaced, "I really," he swallowed, "don't want to know what's in that.."
"It's a health bar; they say they're good for you, then name half a dozen different ingredients that no-one has ever heard of," Sam grinned, "That's for the awful drink," her eyes widened as she saw another shop, with an open front, "And this," she ran off, "Is for the three side salads!"
Daniel looked across at Jack, "I warned you.."
The two caught up with Sam who was rapidly ordering something from the vendor, "I'll take peach, mint, chocolate, berry, rum-raisin, honey and sesame and finally….banana…"
Daniel frowned as he saw the woman he thought of as his sister going on an insane ice cream ordering rampage, "One thing to be sure; there'll be plenty of amusing stories for me to tell the rest of the SGC.."
"Here!" Sam deposited a huge tub of different flavoured ice creams in Jack's hands, "Eat!"
Daniel almost stuck his nose into the ice cream tub, "Eugh…that's got to be one of the most disgusting combinations I've seen…"
Sam linked arms with Daniel, "That's the idea," she winked, "I'll be shocked if he gets through that."
Jack looked across at the two, took the tiny plastic eating implement and began to consume the crazy concoction….
"Okay." Carter stared at the empty ice cream tub, "I'm shocked…"
"Yeah….though Jack doesn't look so good…" Daniel looked at the air force Colonel who had gone slightly pale...
"..I'm fine.." Jack swayed slightly, "Come on, over here," he beckoned for the other two to follow, "Hey," he greeted the vendor, "I'd like two hot-dogs, with onions, mustard and ketchup,"
"No…this is endless…" Daniel looked to the skies, as if to ask why some almighty power couldn't have struck him down before this started.
"Here," Jack handed the first hot-dog to Sam, "Eat up!"
Sam raised an eyebrow, but bit into the hot-dog all the same.
Meanwhile, O'Neill had wandered across the street to another convenience store, with the other hot-dog.
"What's he up to now…?" Daniel pondered, following Sam who had trotted eagerly after O'Neill, "..and do I want to know the answer?"
Jack had already passed through the checkout when Daniel got to the door, and Carter had finished the hot-dog, in record time. Jack poured something onto the remaining snack and passed it to Sam, "Enjoy."
Carter looked closer at the hot-dog, "What're these?" she pointed to what he'd poured on it.
"Chocolate chips," Jack beamed.
Sam grimaced but started on the hot-dog all the same, "Hey, not bad…"
O'Neill stared..
"Hey, Daniel," Sam grabbed him again, "Go get me these," she whispered a short list to him.
"Okay…" Daniel nodded, "But nobody is to know I participated in this…" he went off to get the list. He soon returned with a huge bar of chocolate, chocolate sauce and jelly sweets.
Sam beamed and paid Daniel the cash back, before turning to Jack. She left the store, still finishing the hot-dog and waited outside for the boys to catch up with her.
When Jack stopped beside her, she ripped the paper off the chocolate bar, poured the chocolate sauce all over it and sprinkled the jelly sweets over the top, "Here!"
O'Neill looked in horror at the chocolate bar…
"Eat!" Sam shoved it at him.
O'Neill sighed, made a face, then began to eat the overly candied sweet..
Daniel walked ahead, whilst Sam stayed behind to make sure Jack didn't 'accidentally' drop or bin the chocolate bar. When he turned round, Daniel saw that Jack really didn't look so good. He shook his head, "I need a coffee…" he motioned for the other two to follow as he made his way along and across the street to the nearest coffee establishment. Before he could order, Carter appeared beside him,
"Hey!" she called to a waiter behind the counter, "I'd like two cappuccino's and a hot chocolate with marshmallows, cream, chocolate sprinkles and a flake, please!" she beamed.
"All right! I GIVE UP!" Jack almost screamed from behind them, "I cant eat any more of this crazy stuff!" he slumped into the nearest chair, "You win, Sam, you win!"
Sam gave a little jump, "Yeah! I win!" she turned back to Daniel and, in a lowered voice, said, "I was giving him a break, you know; the hot chocolate was for me!"
Monday morning at the briefing, O'Neill certainly looked a lot healthier than when he'd dropped Carter and Daniel off the last Friday night. At least, he wasn't such an unattractive shade of green. Sam grinned across the table at Jack as General Hammond finished the briefing, "So, to conclude-"
Suddenly, O'Neill was caught in a bright light and vanished.
Carter gave a loud and certainly not military whoop of triumph, Daniel simply smirked, whilst Hammond and Teal'c exchanged a confused glance..
"Care to let us in on this, Major?" Hammond asked Sam
Carter grinned, "Lets just say someone we know is going to see a side of Colonel O'Neill they haven't seen before..!"
"Hello, O'Neill,"
Jack looked around, "So…Thor…"
Fin