What If Xemnas Had A Daughter?

by gt2

What would happen if Xemnas had a daughter. Presenting a one shot of scenarios depicting what might possibly happen if that were the case. Rated H for humorous.

What if Xemnas had a daughter?

Basically, I'm going to feel so bad for her because this would ensue:

Imagine her as a baby crying in the middle of the night and in comes dad Xemnas with his Corridor of Darkness. He will walk over to her crib, throw his arms and hands up in the air like he does with Kingdom Hearts and be like: "What is wrong, daughter? Why do you wail so pitifully? KINGDOM HEARTS! TELL ME WHY SHE IS CRYING! LEND ME YOUR POWER SO THAT I MAY CEASE HER MEWLING!"

(And then Mom (probably Aqua) will come over, whack Xemnas in the back of his head with her hand, scoop up the poor thing in her arms, and say, "There, there, Daddy has no idea what he's saying.")

What if he met the guy who comes to the door for his daughter?

(At Where Nothing Gathers, guy is standing on the dais of the room and Xemnas is on his throne looking down at him with a serious face.)

Xemnas: "Tell me, boy, what are your intentions towards my daughter?

OR:

Guy: "Who are you?"

Hooded Xemnas: "I'm what's left. Or...maybe I'm all there ever was."

Guy: … 😦

OR:

Xemnas: "I am obliged to inform you that if you do any wrong against my daughter or disrespect her, I will make sure that things shall end very poorly for you."

OR:

Xemnas: "If you even so much as hurt my daughter, I will turn you into a Dusk faster than you can say, "Superior of the In-Between." Understood?"

And then when the time comes, he'll just be like, "Look, friend, just treat her well, understood? Please bring her back to the castle by ten. Drive safely and mind that you do not do anything stupid."

I'd worry about her 12 uncles/godfathers and 1 aunt/godmother. Especially Xigbar.

Xigbar: "LOL hey dude don't mind me I only followed you to spy on you and make sure you paid for her dinner. Oh by the way, just so you know, if you break her heart, I'll come to your house and kill you hahahaha." 😈

Actually, this girl is going to have they hardest time getting a boyfriend. The poor thing is going to come home to the Castle That Never Was, stomp to her room, slam the door and lock it to try to get privacy, but it will be impossible because Xemnas is just going to effortlessly appear inside her room with his Corridor of Darkness.

I imagine the following interaction will then take place:

Daughter: "DAD! YOU SCARED HIM AWAY!"

Xemnas: "Daughter, I did no such thing, I only wanted him to know that nothingness is the greatest source of power and the splendor and might that is Kingdom Hearts."

Daughter: *face palm* "Oh my god Dad…"

Or this scene would take place:

Xemnas: "I sensed something off with him, daughter. I did not like it. You are deserving of the best and highest quality of men, be they Nobody or Somebody, and not the likes of him. You are daughter of the Lord of the Nobodies, I only wish for you to have someone who shall treat you like the lady you are."

And then one of the Organization members, like Xigbar, will appear in a Corridor of Darkness and she'll glare at him and be like: "And YOU! YOU SCARED HIM TOO!"

And Xigbar will go: "Scared him away? As if!"

OR:

Xigbar: "Did I? Oopsy daisy. My bad. I probably should not have set the Snipers on that kiddo."

Xemnas: "Well done, Xigbar."

Daughter: "DAD! UNCLE XIGBAR! STOP IT! I'M NEVER GOING TO GET A BOYFRIEND IF YOU KEEP DOING THIS!"

Xigbar: "Xemnas, dude, I think we should go. The kiddo's got the angry look down."

Daughter: "UNCLE XIGBAR STOP CALLING ME KIDDO I'M NOT A KID!"

Or imagine this scene happening and then in appears Axel in his own Corridor of Darkness and he goes: "Listen, Superior, Xigbar, I don't mean to interrupt your little party, but need I remind you that girls are complicated?

And Xemnas will be like: "WHAT?"

Axel: "You see, people are complex, especially if they're real and female. That's like a double dose of complicated. Nobody girls are only a single dose of complicated, but still complicated nevertheless. The important thing to remember when dealing with girls is not to push the wrong buttons. Got it memorized?"

To which Xemnas will stare at him with a "I have no clue about anything you just said"-face, Xigbar will say, "Dude, I am so lost," and she'll cover her face with her hands and say, "Uncle Axel… please… just don't. You're not helping here…"

Xemnas: "Very well, daughter. We shall cease reproving or terrifying the gentlemen whom you bring to us. I promise."

And then imagine the next day, she brings this guy to the Castle That Never Was, they open the door, and there's dad Xemnas and good old uncle Xigbar and her other 11 uncles/godfathers and 1 aunt/godmother in their black coats and brandishing their weapons all smiling (except for Lexaeus who like never smiles). Xigbar is standing in the air upside down holding his arrow guns in sniper rifle mode with a "Oh hey dude, nice to see you, please ignore the fact that I'm standing in the air upside down with a rifle in my hands" -face and Xemnas has his Star Wars-y Ethereal blades bursting from his hands and he's smiling that wicked but devilishly attractive smile (not the creepy one). Then the Organization members greet him and tell him how he's always welcome to come and hang out with the coolest group of heart-lacking, emotionless, nonexistent, gravity-defying-haired group of people in all the Realms. And then later Xemnas will insist on showing the poor dude Kingdom Hearts, take him and her up to the Altar of Naught, throw his hands and arms up in the air, and make one of his pining and elaborate "Oh Kingdom Hearts, you are so wonderful! I love you so! Lend me your power!" speeches as hundreds of hearts get sucked up by Kingdom Hearts before launching into a "Hearts will never have power over us/Imma going to suck up all of Kingdom Hearts' power to remake the universe!" rant.

Poor guy never calls her back.

And then there'll be that one guy who doesn't run away scared or never call again who'll sit there, smile, and play along with Xem and the other Org members: "Never fear, Lord Xemnas, I, (name) swear on my very life and existence (or nonexistence) that your daughter, the lady of The World That Never Was, shall safely return to you. My very life and existence (or nonexistence) will be forfeit at your hands and be turned into a Dusk if it be otherwise."