So this is a little drabble-rambling-type-thing that has been stuck in my head for awhile. My first Grey's story on this site, so go easy on me please. It hasn't been to my beta so all mistakes are completely my fault. I own nothing and I'm pretty sure I won't anytime soon. There's a note on the bottom so make sure you read that, too.
Update 7/9/08- somehow this story was deleted so here it is back up here review please.
She remembers the first time they had sex. It was hot and angry, filled with the scent of scotch, betrayal, and inadequacies (because tequila would always be Meredith's thing). She was the hardcore surgeon left at the alter, he was the whorish best friend destined to fall for the wrong girls, together they were just two people the world screwed over. As they each took a bite from the forbidden fruit, they could almost pretend karma wasn't a bitch. Together they would rule hell.
She remembers the first time they kissed – sober. It was soft and cautious, she smelled of vanilla and blood, him of coffee and something indistinct. Their patient had flat lined on the table, a six year old car crash victim. He had wanted sex, so had she, hot angry sex to make them forget. But they were too drained, too tired of fighting a losing battle that they made an error in judgment. At least that's what they told themselves. Denial was always easier than reality.
She remembers the first time he said 'I love you' in the dark of her apartment. They had a rule, he could spend the night but no talking would take place. Talking made things complicated, and they had both witnessed how complications ruined their best friend's lives. She was almost asleep, the sound of his breathing a gentle reminder that tonight she wasn't alone. He had whispered it once, twice, before his chest slowed, his breath evening out. Complications made life hard, but being alone was harder.
She remembers the day he died. A truck swerved, veering into his lane and ending a life that was finally worth living. She was devastated; actually lay on the bathroom floor for Shiva, devastated but too many memories lay with her there. No one else knew they were together. Their lives filled with hushed kisses, secret glances, and whispered 'I love you's. So she found peace in the OR; cut, suture, close. Cut, suture, close. Cut, suture-
She remembers the two pink lines, they way they stared up mockingly at her, reminding her of all she had lost. It had taken her exactly six hours, twelve minutes and thirty-six seconds to make a decision. She couldn't do it, this time it was different, this time she wouldn't change her mind. Thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine…
She remembers the smell of the clinic, the coldness of the instruments, the pain afterwards. This time Callie was her person, she didn't ask questions. Two weeks later she packed up and left, without a word, she had always hated the rain.
What she doesn't remember is when he went from being the annoying, manwhore plastic surgeon to the guy she left everything for. How she wished she could forget.
So that pretty much came out of nowhere and I'm not even sure if I like it. It's pretty obvious who it's about, but if you have any questions feel free to PM me. Review to reassure me that this wasn't a complete waste of time please.