Crazy Spiderman Story

Peter Parker, AKA Spiderman, perched precariously on the iron beams of the building, as he attempted to save his girlfriend from certain death. He shot a web underneath of her to try to save her, but he didn't know if it was going to work.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Venom, AKA Eddie, approaching him.

"Eddie, you must listen to me!" screamed Peter. "You must take off the suit or you will die!"

"You need to stop calling me Eddie!" yelled Venom. "Call me by my real name..Eric Foreman!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Peter.

Suddenly, three more men in spider suits dropped down, surrounding Venom/Eddie/Eric. Venom's suit was all black, but these men wore pink, green, and shimmering gold suits. Peter felt very confused.

The first man, wearing pink, pulled off his mask. "I am Kelso!" he announced. "Friend and confidante of Eric Foreman!" The second man, wearing the green suit, pulled off his mask next. "I am Hyde!" he cried. "I am here to help Eric." The last man, in the gold shimmering suit, removed his mask next. "I am Fez." he stated. "Good day to you sir!"

"Your name is seriously 'Fez'?" Peter asked. "What kind of a name is that?"

Fez narrowed his eyes and glared at Peter. "I said good day!" he spat.

The four men approached Peter, as he began to back up. He glanced from face to face, trying to determine which man would be the first to attack. The four men pulled laser beams out of their asses and began to wave them around.

First, the man who called himself Kelso charged at Peter. Peter jumped up, grabbed the bar above him, and kicked him in the face. Kelso flew off the side of the building screaming, "My eye! My eye!" He threw out a net and caught himself right before he hit the ground, and began climbing back up the building.

Eric, Hyde, and Fez glanced uncertainly at each other. They were unsure what action to take. They knew Spiderman must die, but they had to figure out a better plan.

Suddenly, they heard someone on the ground yelling up at them. "What are you dumbasses doing?" he cried. Peter looked intently at the man, and realized, with some horror, that it was Clarence Boddicker of Robocop fame. He glanced at Clarence, and then back at Eric.

"Oh, you don't know?" laughed Eric. "Clarence Boddicker is my FATHER." He is going to put his foot so far up your ass, you aren't going to believe it!"

"Eric, what the fuck?!?" screamed Clarence. "Get down here right now, or I am going to put my foot up your ass!"

"Dad, Jesus, I have it under control," replied Eric.

"Eric!" cried his mom, Kitty, from the ground. "Get down here right now before you catch your death of a cold! Steven, who's idea was this?"

"This is unbelievable," said his sister, Laurie, standing next to her parents. "You are SO dead, Eric!" she yelled up at him.

"It's all these drugs these young people take," Clarence said to his wife. Kitty nodded her head in agreement. Laurie smiled and gloated at Eric, knowing all the hell he was going to catch when he got home.

"No, you know what?" yelled Eric. "I am sick of you people always being on my ass. This time, it's about me. About what ERIC wants for a change!" He shot a web out of his wrist, which formed a net and landed on his family. They struggled and tried to escape.

"Eric, how COULD you?" cried Kitty.

"Mom, I'm 30 fucking years old!" Eric yelled. "Can you get off my ass?"

"Well, you'll always be MY little baby," sobbed Kitty, as she, Clarence, and Laurie tried to escape the confines of the net.

"Well, I guess it's just US now," Eric said to Peter, flashing an evil smile. "And YOU'RE going down."

Peter glanced around him, trying to determine what he should do next, as the three men began to advance on him.

Then, from the corner of his eye, he saw something! Why, it was his friend Harry, the Green Goblin, come to save the day!

"You wanna go, bitches?" cried Harry. "You wanna go?" He pulled a flamethrower out of his ass, and immediately burned everyone into a pile of soot.

"Oh, my GOD!" screamed Kitty. Clarence took out a machine gun, and began firing it at Harry and Peter. Peter hopped on the back of Harry's little skateboard-thingy, and away they flew.

"Wow," Peter said. "That was a close one! I really owe you my ass!"

"Awww yea," smiled Harry. "You SURE DO."

"What the hell does that mean?" asked Peter.

"Nothing," replied Harry. "I was just saying."

The two men laughed as they flew away, knowing they'd lived to fight another day.

The End