Title: Watch Over You
Summary: Set in 1996. Kevin and Shawn discuss WCW
Warnings:
SLASH.
Notes/Spoilers:
I was in an angsty mood, blame Alter Bridge. I do.
Characters/Pairings(if any):
Shawn/Kevin
I tried
to carry you
And make you whole
But it was never enough
I
must go
Who is gonna save you
When I'm gone?
And who'll
watch over you
When I'm gone?
Watch over you by Alter Bridge
Kevin
sat motionless, the moonlight bathing his body so that he remained
frozen like marble as he stared down at the slumbering body.
Shawn
lay sprawled, his ash blonde hair scattered across the pillows like
rivulets of golden silk.
He murmured, stirred and moved in his sleep forcing the blankets to slip further down his torso revealing half clothed flesh to Kevin's watchful eye.
The shadows weaved and danced their way across his soft body, the light from the stars blossoming his skin as his lover marvelled from this short distance.
He soaked in every aspect of Shawn, every bit of beauty, very flaunted flaw – here in the witching hour when most of the world slept a blissful slumber, he could contemplate and reflect, could absorb himself in his thoughts and heartache.
For he knew that these nights would soon be far and in between. Nights of unbridled passion and tender love would be replaced by loneliness and heartbreak. The warmth of a lover's touch would soon be replaced by the cold clutch of an unfamiliar hotel bed, all security and devotion ripped from its grasp.
He rubbed a weary palm across his
face, felt the bitter sting of tears as the fire of regret flamed
deep in his heart.
He wished he didn't have to leave, that WCW
was not the money pit that it was. If only he could have refrained
from the lure of material wealth everything would be ok.
He let out a shaky sigh of defeat.
No it wouldn't.
Shawn would still be Shawn.
He'd still be the angry and bitter young man who was too wrapped up in self loathing to allow his heart to beat freely to the rhythm of true love.
He'd still be addicted to painkillers and partying.
He'd still be cocky and arrogant yet so self deprecating at the same time.
When Kevin left who was going to watch over him?
For Kevin was more than just a lover, he was a best friend, a soul mate, he was Shawn's protector. Hell he was a part of Shawn and vice versa. Without one there was no other.
He swallowed deeply urging the beads of sorrow back, he wouldn't allow them to fall, fallen tears would mean waking Shawn and he couldn't deal with that conversation again.
They'd discussed his leaving endlessly.
Or rather Shawn had yelled about it endlessly, the scenery may have changed as they travelled up and down the country but the never ending string of expletives had remained unaffected.
The climax of crashing doors, furious voices and the seeking of solace in a whisky bottle had remained the same regardless of the view from the hotel bar being Berlin or Omaha.
Shawn would stumble back late in the afternoon, apologies floating on a stale cloud of alcohol, he would melt his body into Kevin's his sapphire eyes sparkling with unshed tears, the look of misery and distress etched on his sun kissed face as Kevin aided him into bed tucking the blankets around his weary body as if he was a child.
It was a never ending circle of desolation and despair, Kevin wanted nothing more than to pluck Shawn from the vast gorge of gluttony that he had freely cast himself into but found that the closer he got to the Texan the further he drifted away.
Some days he felt that if
he reached out he could touch the edges of his soul with his
fingertips, could find the source of the self destruct dial that
Shawn kept wound deep inside him and could hurl it from his
tightening clutch before he hurt himself anymore.
Other days he
felt like abandoning him to fight and claw himself out of the mess he
had created, could rejoice in the fact that the ungrateful little
swine was left to struggle through the prism of shit he had submerged
himself in.
He rubbed his temple, the dull ache pulsating into sharp agony as he stared at Shawn's stirring torso, maybe he was abandoning him. Perhaps subconsciously he had figured that he couldn't stay aboard a sinking ship with a man who was so desperate to drown.
"You know if you want you can take a picture, then you can stare at me 'til your heart's content"
The sleep riddled drawl sliced through the silence, cut through Kevin's thoughts in an instant.
Shawn blinked, his face contorted with confusion as he stared into Kevin's scrutinising gaze.
"Why are you just staring at me?" he murmured sleepily as he brushed the sands of slumber from his face.
" I was thinking"
"You think too much"
"That's only because you don't think at all" teased Kevin gently, "Go back to sleep Shawnie"
"Are you ok?"
"Sure. Of course" lied Kevin with a weak smile
"You never were any good at lying Kev" said Shawn grouchily, "Is it about what I said before? I told you I'm sorry, I didn't mean it I was just drunk"
"I know babe"
"Well then what is it? Why can't you just sleep instead of staring at me like some sort of crazy stalker?"
There was a pause, the silence weighed heavily upon both of them. Shawn shifted his position, leaned up on his knees, his thighs blanketed by white cotton as he gazed into his lover's haunted orbs.
"I miss you"
The whisper hung between them in the blackness, Shawn scanned Kevin's face urgently, his eyes darting over his lover's features with flickering confusion.
"But I'm right here" he replied breathlessly, "I'm right here
His insistent touch startled Kevin, the soft palm tenderly tapping against his flesh made him seize his lover by the wrist.
"I know but, but –"
"You're the one leaving" snapped Shawn harshly; his voice low and rasping with condemnation as he tore himself from Kevin's grasp.
"Shawn please don't"
Shawn turned, his hair blanketing his face as his lip quivered in the shadows.
"I don't want you to go"
The cry rose in the darkness on the petulant breath of a child.
He resisted slightly as Kevin pulled him into a tight embrace, felt himself melt and surrender as Kevin's warm arms engulfed his smaller frame.
"Stay" he begged his voice small and muffled by Kevin's broad shoulder
"I can't" whispered Kevin softly, his throat tightening
"Then let me come with you" whimpered Shawn as the salty tears trickled down his cheeks.
"No"
The denial was so swift and sudden that Shawn felt the sob bubble from deep within him.
"But why?" he snivelled
"I love you"
Shawn glanced up, his face streaked and ashen, his breath short and shallow as he gasped through the sobs.
"Then let me" he pleaded
"No, I won't let you ruin your career. You were meant for more than Atlanta and some crappy Eric Bischoff gimmick"
"What about you Kev? Aren't you meant for more?"
" Not like you. Come on Shawn you're you. You're one of the greatest guys I've ever worked with –"
" I don't care, I won't care if I have to wrestle some random jobber every night and I never get on TV I just wanna stay with you" wept Shawn
" Don't"
" Kev-"
"Shawn don't"
cried Kevin, " I don't wanna hear it, baby I love you but I won't
let you. I won't let you make yourself miserable down South in a
place that wouldn't have a clue how to use you, they'd squander
your talent sweetie, and you'd just end up unhappy wishing you'd
listened to me. Now you're gonna stay here and you're gonna be
the best guy in the business ok?"
Shawn leaned back on his haunches his face white and forlorn digesting Kevin's words.
"But I don't get to have you"
"You can still have me"
"It won't be the same" choked Shawn, "What am I gonna do when something goes wrong? Who'll I talk to? Who am I gonna annoy?"
Kevin chuckled lightly.
"I'm sure you'll find plenty of other people to annoy"
"I don't want to annoy them. I want to annoy you" sniffed Shawn, leaning his head back against Kevin's chest. Kevin fondled his hair softly.
"I'll only be at the other end of the phone you know. We can still see each other on days off"
Shawn snorted.
"I'll pencil you in for Saturday the twelfth of never" he scoffed, "You know what the schedule's like here"
"It won't be so bad"
"No it'll be worse"
"I always did love your optimism" said Kevin gently kissing him on the forehead.
"Are you sure I can't come with you?"
Kevin wrapped his arms tightly around him pulled the smaller man downwards so that he was lying facing him on the bed.
"Positive. That doesn't mean I'm not still gonna be looking after you, that we have to just cease to be an us and go back to you and me. I promise I'm gonna be here for you as long as you need me"
"Even when I get really wasted and act like an ass?"
"Well maybe not then, those might be the times when I palm you off to Hunter"
Shawn glanced up at him, Kevin's hazel eyes shimmering in the dimness.
" Kev?" he whispered
" Yeah?" murmured the elder man
" can you stay here? Just tonight I mean, like this" he asked as he snuggled closer to his lover's warm body.
" Sure" replied Kevin softly as he tightened his grip.
He lay in the darkness, feeling Shawn's light breath on his face as the younger man gradually drifted back to sleep, not ready to relinquish his post as Shawn's designated saviour just yet.
He knew that as daylight broke over the horizon their relationship would be one more day closer to crumbling, no matter what sweet whispers he soothed Shawn with.
And who was going to watch over him then?