"Padfoot, I'm going to tell her before we go back to school. I'll wait until after Christmas so the holidays won't be awkward, and then I'll tell her." There, the decision was made and Remus wasn't going to back out of it. "I'm seventeen now, and she can't do anything about it, even if she doesn't like it."
Sirius nodded and sat on the bed beside him. It was Christmas break, and Remus was spending it at home with his mother. Sirius waited for Remus to speak again, and he didn't have to wait long.
"Do you think she'll hate me?"
"Rem, we've been over this. Your mum's gonna love you no matter what. If a werewolf bite didn't alienate her affections, nothing will." Sirius scooted closer and tugged Remus into his lap.
Remus nodded absently before resting his forehead against Sirius'. "I guess."
"Your mum's nothing like mine. She's won't throw you out for being gay. Now, she might throw you out for getting mud on the carpet, but not because you're a pouf."
Remus smiled softly and pressed a light kiss against Sirius's lips. "Thanks."
"Any time, Moony." Sirius tilted his head up and kissed Remus back, and when Sirius opened his mouth, Remus thrust his tongue in automatically. Remus twisted his lap, straddled Sirius, and pushed them back onto the bed. Soon the two boys where flush against each other, tongues moving from mouth to mouth and soft moans coloring the air.
Remus came back to earth first and broke away. "Sirius, Pads, we can't do this. Not here. My mum's here and she could walk in whenever she wanted and- oh!"
Sirius was rubbing the bulge in Remus' trousers with the palm of his hand. "Can't do what, love?" Sirius leaned up and nipped at Remus' neck, making him moan.
"Stop it- unn. Oooh, do that again, love. Yesss, yes, that." Remus moaned as Sirius continued his onslaught. Sirius rolled his hips and Remus forgot all about protesting and could only think about snogging.
Lips moved against each other with wonderful friction, hands found their way underneath shirts, and Sirius felt a hand rubbing his nipple. Hips began to gyrate against each other, and Sirius brought a hand to Remus arse, desperate to pull him closer.
"Remus, Sirius? Are you…oh!" Mrs. Lupin had stepped into her son's room to call them for lunch.
Remus had never gotten off of Sirius so quickly in his life. He rolled off, away from his mum and hastily pulled a blanket over his crotch. "Hey, mum," he said quietly.
Mrs. Lupin's mouth tugged into a small, insincere small that was gone in an instant. She looked hesitant, as if she wasn't entirely sure if she was looking at her son or a stranger. A confused frown puckered her forehead.
"Hello, Mrs. Moony," said Sirius from the bed.
"Hello, Sirius," came the faint reply.
"Err, mum? Can we go talk? In the kitchen maybe?"
That false smile flashed again and was gone just as quickly. "Of course, dear. Yes, the kitchen." Mrs. Lupin's voice was faint, like she had seen a ghost and wasn't over the shock.
Sirius squeezed Remus' hand before for luck and made a whispered promise that he would be right here if Remus needed him. Remus' mouth curved in the same nervous, obligatory smile that Mrs. Lupin's had.
Remus walked behind his mother to the kitchen, down the stairs and through the dining room, with a pounding heart and a dry mouth.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
An awkward silence descended in the kitchen. Remus chewed his lip and leaned against the counter. His mother stirred the soup on the stove, though it didn't need it.
"We were going to tell you, mum!" burst out Remus desperately. "After Christmas. Before we left for school. Really we were." Mrs. Lupin just kept stirring.
"Please say something, mum." Remus almost sounded like a frightened child again.
"You were going to tell me?" It was rhetorical, so Remus didn't answer. "Then tell me now. Whatever it was you were going to say, go ahead and say it." Mrs. Lupin turned around to face him, and folded her arms across her chest.
"I'm gay, mum. So's Sirius. And we're- we're in love." Remus paused. "That's about it, I guess."
"But why?" burst out his mother, finally turning to face him. "Why don't you find a nice young woman and settle down? We won't say anything about this- this- thing. You can finish up school and then we'll find a cure this and-"
"Mum!" Remus was recoiling from his mother with a look of disbelieve on his face. "A cure? It's not a disease, mum! I'm gay. A homosexual. That's not a disease! I thought you'd be happy for me."
"Why in Merlin's name would I be happy because my son is- is…" She trailed of, unable to say the word.
"The word is gay. Or a pouf. A queer. Whatever you want to call it." Resent colored Remus' tone.
"Well, then, why would I be happy because my son is one of those things?"
"Because, because I'm happy! I love Sirius and he loves me and he doesn't care that I'm a werewolf and we're happy! I never thought I'd find anyone to spend my life with after I was bitten, mum, and now I have! Don't you understand how wonderful that is? Most werewolves never find anyone who will even be near them, much less love them!" Remus broke off. His mother was shaking her head.
"But why can't you find a girl who loves you?"
"You don't get it. I'm not attracted to girls. I kiss a girl and its like kissing a- a dead thing. Nothing happens. But when I kiss a bloke, something happens, and the kiss feels good and I want to keep doing it. I tried to be straight, mum. I went on a date with a girl in fourth year and she kept wanting to snog and I couldn't do it because I like blokes!"
"It was just the wrong girl, Remus. When you find the right one it will be different!"
"No it won't! There is no right girl. I can look forever and I'm never going to find her because she doesn't exist! The right boy, on the other hand, is sitting upstairs on my bed." Remus was looking almost angry now.
"Do his parents know about this?" Mrs. Lupin's lips were pursed in displeasure.
"They know he's gay, yes."
"What did they say about it? Knowing them, I doubt it was good."
"Nope, it wasn't," said Remus in clipped tones. "They called him an abomination and a disgrace to the name of Black before they threw him out."
"There, you see? You're just making life harder on yourself. Lots of people are going to react just like that! You'll have a hard life as it is because of your condition. But a gay werewolf? No one will accept that. Absolutely no one."
"Sirius accepts me. James and Lily and Peter accept me. Professor Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey accept me. I was hoping you would, too."
"I- I can't, Remus. I just can't. If you were just normal-"
"I am normal! I'm just gay, that's all. Should we discriminate against left-handed people because there are more right-handed people? Are they not normal?" He was shouting now.
"This is different!" she shouted right back.
"No, mum! It's not!"
"Oh, Remus, why can't you go back to the boy I've always know? Why did you have to become gay?"
"I didn't become anything. I've always been gay, I just didn't realize until fourth year. I haven't changed, mum. The only thing that is different is your perception of me. I've been gay since I was born."
"So now it's my fault you're the way you are? It's something I did while I was pregnant? It that what you're saying?" They were both shouting now, loud enough for Sirius to hear them upstairs.
"Oh, don't be ridiculous, mum! I'm not blaming anyone because it's not anyone's fault!"
"Well it has to be someone's fault! It is because your father left? Some kind of complex?"
"Mum!" thundered Remus, "It's just me! The way I am. Nothing will change it, nothing caused it. It's the way things are and are going to continue to be whether you want them to or not."
"Remus, just quit being so stubborn!" Mrs. Lupin seemed to realize she was on the verge of a temper tantrum and took a deep breath to calm herself. She continued in a quiet, patronizing tone. "Now, go tell Sirius that you won't be…involved with him anymore and you would appreciate it if he went home. Then-"
"No, mum." Remus' refusal wasn't explosive or even emotional. His voice remained flat. "I won't do that. I'm going to continue seeing him. If physical displays of affection make you uncomfortable, we won't do that in the house, but I won't send him away. I can't."
"Remus Lupin, you may send him away or not. That's your business. But don't expect to be welcome in this house until you do. I won't have you under my roof."
Remus looked like he'd been slapped in the face. Two spots of red flared on his cheeks and he physically recoiled. But he recovered enough to straighten his shoulders and look his mother straight in the face before replying in a hard tone. "You're throwing me out?" She nodded rigidly, not looking at him. "That's fine. I'll go stay with the Potters until we go back to school." He started to walk away, but his mother's voice cut in again.
"What about after school ends? You won't be welcome here then either, unless you've come to your senses."
"Sirius and I are going to get our own flat after we take our NEWTS. We've started looking for one already." He turned on his heel and walked out of the kitchen. Halfway up the stairs his mother accosted him again.
"Do you realize what you've cost me? I've lost my son and I'll never have any grandchildren! That's your fault!"
"No, mum." Remus' eyes blazed. "That's your fault! And you could have had grandchildren. Sirius and I plan to adopt one or two kids when we're a little older and more responsible. So don't blame me for what you've lost. Blame your bloody self!" He thundered up the stairs and into his room, ignoring his mother's shouts about profanity, and slammed the door shut behind him.
"I heard, Moony. Come on, let's get you packed." Sirius squeezed his lover's shoulder and started pulling clothes out of drawers.
Remus nodded and, numb and silent, began to clean out the old, shabby desk that stood against the wall. Photographs, books, and miscellaneous memorabilia were dropped haphazardly into his trunk. Posters and pictures came off the walls as the boys worked side by side, and shoes were shrunken and stashed away in the trunk. Remus never said a word.
Finally, the painful packing was done and Sirius snapped the trunk shut. "Moony? You ready to go or do you want to say goodbye?"
Remus sighed. "I guess I'll say goodbye. Let's go. We'll apparate from the yard." He grabbed his trunk and pulled it down the stairs. Sirius took it the rest of the way to the yard while Remus went to find his mum again.
She was still in the kitchen. "Mum?"
"Changed your mind?" The look on her face was eager and hopeful.
"No, Mum. I just came to say goodbye."
"Oh." Her face fell in disappointment. "Well, goodbye then."
"Bye. I love you, mum."
She didn't answer, and Remus left.