A/N: this fic's kinda set in the moment at the end of 3x21 when Pete is at Addison's door with Lucas.
Anyway, enjoy and be nice and review, please.:)
Happy people are like birds. They can go wherever they want, whenever they want. Their days are always different, full of surprises. Like the fluttering of the wings, always different, never the same. Every flutter is just a little different, which is what makes them happy, because people need change, because that way they can tell one day from another. They are free, free to fly away. Free to make the choices they want to make. The choices that will make them happy. They are free to love whoever they want without getting hurt or hurting other people.
They can have happy thoughts, without having to worry or cry about things that happen or don't happen in their lives, lives that are completely different from the lives from the ones that aren't happy, the ones that worry and cry. Those people have days that are always the same, the opposite of the fluttering of a bird's wings. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year is the same, like the ticking of a clock, always the same rhythm, always on time, never different. Miserable.
That's how it feels, that's how my life was, before I had them. Like a clock. Always going in circles, day in day out, never different, never making progress.
All patients are different, have a different story and a different baby, a different problem and a different dream, but to me they were all the same. Day in day out the same patients. Every week was like a circle, like a clock, because every week had the same days. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday… always the same, like the hand of a clock going from one to two to three, until eventually it would be back to one.
So my life was like a circle, always going round in the same rhythm, never going the other way. But sometimes, I would break and stop ticking. When that happened it meant trouble. Because when the clock broke, I broke. I broke when I divorced Derek, I broke when things didn't work out with Mark, I broke when Karev told me I 'wasn't his girlfriend', I broke when Naomi hated me, I broke when I found out Archer was deadly ill… I broke so many times that the damage was almost unfixable. It's true what they say, never trust machines, because they will break eventually. They're not saying you can't trust anything or anybody, what they actually mean is, never rely on something or someone. Everything is like a machine in a way, even humans, so never rely on other people, never rely on yourself, because you too will break. Because what do we have when the machine we rely on breaks? Nothing. And clocks break easily, you'll only have to hit it once or let it drop and you can pick up the pieces. Broken. A broken clock is like a puzzle, if you want to make it work again in the same way it did before, you'll have to fit every little piece in a certain place because there's only one place for every tiny piece. So my advice is, never break a clock. Or even better, make sure you're happy so you don't become a clock, make sure you never loose your wings, because without wings, you can't fly away.
There were a lot of clocks ticking in my life. I was ticking, but there were more, so many more. My life was like a room full of clocks, all of them ticking in different rhythm, making me go crazy when listening for too long to it. The clocks stood for the time I had still left and the time I spoiled by making the wrong choices, or making none at all for that matter. Each clock represented a different problem in my life, a different fault. The ticking of a clock reminded me of so many things. Like the time I have left with Naomi, which is not much. She found out, and she won't forgive me, no matter how hard I try. And the longer I wait, the harder it will be to ever make it right. Or the fact that I had only a limited time left to get a child. Yes, my biological clock was ticking too. It was like almost everyone in my life had their an own clock, like Sam. Sam had one too, because there was a clock that ticked to get me nervous. Every tick told me it wouldn't be long until I would give in to Sam, which was bad, oh so bad. And not in a good way.
Those clocks were bad, and they were only three of the many, many clocks, but there was one clock that was the worst, one that frightened me, one that wasn't really a clock but more like a bomb. Ticking faster and faster every time something went wrong, like it was warning me. But it also went too slow, like it was just watching me, waiting for me to finally do something that would make him explode and I would have to pick up the pieces so I could try to fit them in the right place in the puzzle all over again, or else I wouldn't tick. It tortured me, because it told me every time again what a mess I was. That was the clock that made for the breaking of myself, that was the clock telling the tale of my failed life.
Just before those two people walked into my life I was broken again. For quite a long time I couldn't find the pieces to fit the puzzle. Because of everything that had happened, falling for Noah and the consequences, my parents visiting me, the drama with Sam, Naomi finding out… But they gave me the love I had been looking for, for such a long time and they gave me strength, strength to find the pieces to the puzzle until I was ticking again. After a while I found myself slowly changing from a clock to a bird, because with every smile or giggle from that little boy and every loving kiss from that man I healed a little more.
It was a long process and there were times it was hard, very hard. Especially when Violet came back. There were fights, there were worries and mixed feelings, and for a moment I thought we weren't going to make it. But then that little boy looked at me again with those big eyes and I knew, I knew we had to. During the trial I realized I would do anything for them, and so I did. I let that lawyer expose all my deepest secrets and I survived it, I blew that clock, lawyer, I mean, away with one strong flutter of my wings.
Of course my life isn't perfect yet, which is kind of a good thing, because otherwise my life would be awfully boring. But I do hope my problems will be solved, that the clocks that belong to Naomi and Sam for instance will disappear soon. Because they are too important for me to just let them tick until they break. If everything works out, the only clocks left in my life will be the ones in my kitchen, bedroom and living room, plus the one around my wrist.
As we walk through the kitchen I see Sam watching us. I feel sorry, for him, not for me. Not anymore. I'm happy now. I don't need him anymore to do that for me. There was a time that I wanted him, instead of Pete and Lucas, that I loved him, instead of Pete and Lucas. When that started to change, I didn't know what I wanted anymore, but I do now. There will be a day Sam will become a bird too, and then he'll understand, it's too confusing for him now.
And as we walk towards the living room, I know that they're what I want, because I love them to death and I need them, I need them so that I can stay a bird, and I know we'll be okay. Because that little boy in my arms smiles at me and that man has his arm lovingly around my waist, we've got each other. I love them, because they make me happy and they fixed me. They gave me wings.
A/N: Not what I usually write, I know. What did you think?