You wanna feel loose
You wanna see how I'm abused
You wanna get faded
You never wanna concentrate on me
I'm too much of an angel
I'm too much of a saint though i can't be
I'm too much of a reject you don't expect much from me
Was it the fact that she was cheating on me? Was it the fact that she knew I knew she was sleeping with half the roster? Was it the fact she was glad? Was it the fact she didn't care? Just what was it that made my relationship with Kelly Kelly so screwed up?
It all started on Valentines Day. Okay, thats not true. It started- god knows when. But, I found out about it all on Valentines Day. Kelly and mine's 3 year anniversary.
--Flashback-
"Philly!" came the giggling voice of new diva, Kelly Kelly.
"Hey there, Kell," I said, continuing to tape my wrists, quickly glancing up at her to give a quick smile.
"I love your tattoos, Philly," Kelly ran her soft hands down the length of my tattoo covered arm.
"Oh, well thanks, Kelly," I tossed the roll of tape onto the nearest table that was in the hall, and turned my eyes to the beautiful blonde.
Kelly giggled as she tossed her long locks behind her shoulder. "Your welcome, Philly."
I looked at her. She was young. Very young. Despite her beauty, and the fact that I'd liked her since she first debuted on her expose show, she was to young to even consider a relationship with. Although, it was hard to go with your gut, instead of going with the hot blonde.
"So, Phil, Ria and I are going out to club tonight! You wanna come?" She gazed into my eyes. I was straight edge, and didn't drink. So, naturally, I didn't go to bars where there was nonstop alcohol flowing. But, it was hard to deny Kelly.
"Well.... I suppose I could be the designated driver," I shrugged.
Kelly squealed and hopped up and down, giggling. "Yay! I'm gonna go get ready. Bye, Philly!" she screamed as she ran off down the halls, almost tripping dozens of times. I should have known she would cause me nothing but trouble.
---End flashback---
I wanna feel safe
I wanna feel like I'm not hated too
I wanna get closer I wanna feel the most I get from you
I'm too much of a rebound
I'm too much on the ground though you can't be
Your always getting higher
You don't desire me
I knew I should have gone with my gut. Not went out with Kelly and Maria. That was the night Kelly kissed me, and I was a fool and kissed her back. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I could have sworn I felt a spark. But apparentley she didn't.
Because just three months into our relationship, exactly on Valentines Day, I found out she was cheating on me. I
---Flashback---
had been fast asleep in our hotel bedroom when the familiar sound of "Sexy Naughty Bitchy Me" rang out through the room. I regonized it was the sound that blared whenever Kelly had a text message. When the tone continued to play for a minute, refusing to shut up so I could continue to sleep, I wondered if it awoken Kelly or not. But, when I looked over, she wasn't there. Shrugging, I reached over to the nightstand on her side of the bed and grabbed her cell phone.
Clicking a few buttons, I was in her text message inbox. The highlighted new text, reading 'From Kendrick' stood out in the black font, the rest a light gray. I clicked on it and my eyes all but bulged out of my head at what I had read.
"I got a new stash. I'll get it out when you get your hot little ass over here so we can do it."
Talking about being blunt.....
So, Kelly was 'doing it' with Brian Kendrick, as well as smoking pot? God, what kind of girl was I dating here?! I knew going through my girlfriend's phone was wrong, but after what I just read, I needed to know what was going on. As I exited out of Kendrick's shocking message, I scrolled through the rest. Most from the likes of John Cena, Cody Rhodes, John Morrison, The Miz, Batista, hell, even Randy Orton, who was married. None of the messages were just a friendly hello. All were asking for sexual favors, or thanking her for what happened last night. Orton's message about not telling his wife was just a pang in the gut. How on earth could my beautiful girlfriend be having sex with a married man, a man who had a child, as well as all these other men who surely had wonderful girlfriends.
As I continued looking through her messages, they all just got worse and worse. My head was spinning and I felt sick to my stomach, but I couldn't out the phone down. While in my daze, I didn't notice the door open and my blonde girlfriend walk in.
"Phil, did I get any new messages?" Her sweet voice shocked me, and I dropped the phone down on the bed. Looking up at her, after her being caught, she seemed fine. Kelly even had a smirk on her face.
"Yeah. A new one from Kendrick," I said, in shock she wasn't freaking out right now at the fact of being caught.
"Oh, did you read it?" Kelly smirked as she walked over and grabbed the phone from my hand, starting to go through it.
"Yeah.... yeah I did," I said, furrowing my brow at her.
"Good," Smirking, Kelly turned around, her long blonde hair flipping along in the process, and skipped back out of the room.
What in the hell just happened?
---End Flashback---
So what have I got to prove
And what have I got to lose
When your not worth fighting for
And why am I feeling down
While your out messing around and your
Not worth begging for
"Hey, Brooks, you know your girlfriend's over there grinding on Cena." the familair voice of Adam Copeland, better known as Edge, came as he took a seat beside me at the bar. He was downing a beer, while I sat holding my can of pepsi.
"Yeah.... I know. And she knows I know," I sighed as I took a sip from my pepsi. Damn. It was times like these I wish I wasn't straight edge.
"Well aren't you pissed as hell!?" Adam interrogated me.
I let out another sigh before speaking. "I wasn't. I am, now. You just can't tell."
Adam furrowed his brow and tilted his head. "Huh?"
I chuckled at my very blonde canadian friend. "Adam, Kelly knows that I know she's cheating on me.-"
"Woah! Kelly's cheating on you!?" Adam screamed, interupting me.
"Damn, your slow. But yes, now what your caught up, let me continue. Kay? Thank you. She know's she's cheating on me, but I have a theroy. She wants to hurt me. So I'm not gonna show that I'm hurt and that I'm pissed," I shrugged, as if it were that simple.
"Okay.... I'm gonna go hang out with Jeff. Cause, frankly, your weird tonight," Adam hopped off the bar stool and ran off through the crowd to find the youngest Hardy brother.
Shrugging once more, I took another sip of my soda. And when I set my can down, wiped my lips, and looked over, I saw John Cena's hand up Kelly's skirt. I scoffed. I could not take this. I wasn't as strong as I thought.
Just wanted to stop by
Just wanted to see you
One last time
Just wanted to say bye
Just wanted to get you off my mind
Just wanted to fit in
But then I saw you with him
Why on earth I'm still with Kelly I have no clue. I love her. I need to fix things, I want to. But she hurts me and she knows it. She won't stop just because I ask her to. Or, maybe she will. Maybe once she knows I'm completely miserable and upset, she'll quit her flings and dedicate herself to me. Ha, yeah right. That would never happen. Kelly wasn't loyal. She never would be right for me. Yet I can't stay away from her. I can't say no to her when she starts undressing for bed. I can't push her away when she kisses me. But, it hurts me whenever she's near me.
I know I have nothing to prove to her, but I just feel like I need to be strong for her. Like I need to not care, and like I'm as much of a man as the guys she's screwing around with.
So what have I got to prove
And what have I got to lose
When your not worth fighting for
And why am I feeling down
While your out messing around and your
Not worth begging for
"Go to her and beg, dude! Beg her to stop being a slut!" That was Chris Jericho's advice. I hadn't asked for it, but when I was trying to talk to Adam about it in the locker room, Chris just had to but in.
"Dude, I'm not begging for her," I snapped at the self proclaimed King of the World.
"Yeah, Chris, Kelly ain't worth it," Adam added in his two cents.
"Whatever. I'm just saying, it may work," Chris shrugged and then walked off to go fix his hair.
"Don't listen to him, Phil. Don't beg. That's pathetic, man," Adam said before he followed Chris's steps out of the locker room.
I sighed before laying back on the bench, rubbing my eyes with my hands. What was I going to do?
Its up to me .. it's up to me
And I'm still falling
Its up to me .. it's up to me
And I'm still calling
Its up to me
Its up to me
Its up to me and I'm still hoping
Its up to me for you to hold me
Its up to me to let you go
Its up to me
But for all you know
I'm already gone
"Kelly.... we need to talk," I grabbed her little hands and pulled her down onto the couch in my own private locker room.
"What is it, Philly?" the beautiful blonde peeped cheerfully, a huge smile spread on her face.
"We need to talk about you and all those guys," I said, a serious expression on my face.
Although I was serious, she continued smiling wide. "What about them? Are you not okay with me and them?"
"No! I'm not okay with it, Kelly! Are you really as dumb as you act?!" I screamed at her. This was it. She was getting what she wanted. I was mad beyond belief.
"Philly, your being very mean to me," Kelly's lower lip puckered, her face turning into a pout.
"Oh stop it, Kelly. Stop acting like your innocent. Your fucking half the locker room, smoking pot with Kendrick and doing god knows what else! How the hell can you expect me to handle all this!?" I blew up at her.
"Philly.... this is what I wanted!" her face returned to it's normal bright smile. "I wanted you to fight for me! I wanted you to beg for me! I wanted you to at least be angry, and you are!"
Kelly jumped up and wrapped her arms around my neck. That should have made me happy, that should have made me forget all about the fact that she cheated, and just think about why she did. But no. I was still pissed.
So what have I got to prove
And what have I got to lose
When your not worth fighting for
And why am I feeling down
While your out messing around and your
Not worth begging for
"Philly don't...." It had been two weeks since my blow up. After she had wrapped me in that hug of hers, cuddling me, pecking me with her kisses, I had pushed her away. Told her no and told her I was leaving. And I was.
"You know I'm doing this because I have too," I sighed as I picked up my bag.
"I love you, Philly! Don't leave me! I'm sorry!" Kelly whined as she gripped my arm.
"Oh god, stop." I shook her off and opened the door.
Kelly sniffled, she wasn't crying, and I doubted she would. "Bye, Philly."
I felt an emotion I knew as pride wash over me as I slammed the door shut behind me. Finally, after all that time of her cheating on me and doing god knows what else behind my back, I was out.
Its up to me
Its up to me
And I'm still falling
Its up to me
Its up to me
And I'm still calling
But sadly, I never wondered. What would happen if I wanted her back?