Disclaimer: I don't own 'em (if I did there would be a lot more H/C moments) so don't sue. The lyrics aren't mine either, they belong to Sara Evans (the song is off on her Born To Fly album.)
A/N 1: Hey everyone, first new fic in awhile I know. But between school and my other fic Best Intentions I just haven't had the time. Anyway, I got season six on DVD this past weekend at Wal-Mart, and while watching "Ambush" I got the idea for this fic. A little while later, I was listening to "Why Should I Care" on my iPod and this is the result. It's kinda random, and near the end has paraphrased quote from Elizabeth Berkley -discussing Julia's feelings about her relationship with H.
Ooh
Why should I care if you found somebody new
And you look like you're in love
And why should I care if she looks a lot like me
And she's all you've ever dreamed of
I didn't care enough to keep you around
So tell me why should I care now
MIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMI
Julia sighed, the quiet of the room beginning to suffocate her. Squaring her shoulders, she walked out of the interview room, well aware of the eyes following her every step towards the exit. Reaching the glass doors, she easily spotted him at the base of the stairs and paused. Her eyes widened, her words from only a few weeks before echoing in her mind. . .
"You're wasting your time."
"Why is that?" Horatio replied, his gaze icy. Her eyes sparkled briefly, recalling his look of shock when he'd first seen her; using those emotions to her advantage.
"Because you still love me,"
Watching the exchange before her now, Julia realized how wrong she'd been. Though not able to see his eyes, the brief contact between him and the other blonde spoke volumes. Finally looking into the woman's bright green eyes, taking in her features, she realized the other woman looked a lot like her . . . but softer somehow. Julia watched her nod, her emerald eyes shining with concern, support, love and fear. In a flash the blonde left Horatio's side, her stride surprisingly confident for her petite stature.
Swallowing a tiny lump in her throat, she diverted gaze. Not able to watch his retreating back; not wanting to admit to the emotions bubbling up inside her. Blinking, she allowed her eyes to drift upward, her heart skipping a beat as the woman's gaze pierced hers from across the parking lot. The contact lasted only seconds, but it was enough to shake Julia to her core. Make her realize -if she hadn't been aware of it before- that she didn't have the upper hand anymore.
MIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMI
Chorus:
I was the one who let you go
I never told you that I loved you
I couldn't promise anything
The way you needed me to
Oh, my heart was never really there
So why should I care
Why should I care?
I just do
MIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMI
The sun's warm rays drifted over her as she drove, the wind blowing her hair into a chaotic mess, while her mind waged its own private war. Flashes of her time in Pensacola . . . intermixing with more recent ones of her time in Miami. All of which centered on one Horatio Caine.
"You've known about Kyle?" She asked surprised, "For how long?"
He sighed before answering her, "Long enough Julia, long enough."
"I left him with my Mom, always planning to get him back. I wasn't equipped to raise him . . . and I didn't want to burden you."
Those words had only been partly true. She hadn't wanted to burden him, anymore than she'd wanted to get pregnant. At twenty-three, when she'd first met 'John Walden', she'd already been divorced once and wasn't looking for anything serious. After only a few months together, she'd found herself pregnant and knew he was the type of guy who'd marry her –make right on his mistake. But Julia didn't want that, didn't want to be tied down and even after leaving 'John' wasn't sure if she'd keep the baby.
'I'd never even told him I loved him.' She realized, still amazed at how quickly he'd fallen for her. 'He never even saw what was coming, that my heart was never in it. I was kid –and a messed up one at that.'
Running a hand through her hair at a stop light, she tried to understand, why now -years later- that fact began to eat away at her. Why in some twisted way, she'd tried to protect him. Sent him away to be killed . . . rather than watch or worse . . . be a part of whatever Ron could think of. Her last words to him repeated over and over in her head.
"I'm sorry Horatio, you may not understand this now, but it's for your own good."
MIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMI
So why should I care if I
Ain't nothing in your eyes
What you felt for me is gone
Oh, and why would I feel that way
Now that it's too late
To change what I did wrong
Oh, I didn't care enough to keep you around
So baby, tell me, why should I care now
(Repeat Chorus)
MIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMI
Walking down the street less than twenty-four hours later, she felt her heart leap into her throat. Her dual-toned eyes meeting Horatio's, something she never expected to happen again –except when looking at Kyle. The last words he'd spoken to her, flying into her mind before she could stop them.
"I want to help you, but this is gonna be my last chance."
Walking over to him, she saw the hope and support he'd once offered her had disappeared from his eyes. And deep down a part of her hated that, wished she could change his mind . . . but knew that ship had sailed. None the less, she tried to repair the damage, stay on his good side; if for no other reason than Kyle.
"Horatio, I didn't want you to die. I thought you'd have a better chance in Brazil than here against Ron Saris." She stated.
"One of my CSIs is missing."
The tone of his voice left her no doubts, the missing CSI had to be the blonde. Who, as she later remembered, was named Calleigh and had investigated Bill's death. Looking into his eyes, she recognized the same emotions she'd seen in Calleigh's at the lab. Instantly she knew. He'd moved on and given his heart to someone else. With that admission, she felt the familiar pang of regret, yet again wondering why and if she ever would.
Later that night, drifting between a state of semi-conscious and sleep, did she finally admit the truth -she loved him and always would.
And of course, that the one good thing she'd done in her life -Kyle- had been with him.
MIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMIMIAMI
Oh, my heart was never really there
So why should I care
Why should I care
I just do
Yeah, I just do
Baby, I just do
~Fin~
A/N 2: Love/Hate? You know the drill! :)