Morty was in his room, bored out of his mind. He had already taken a nap, accomplished his daily obsessive daydream about Jessica, reminisced about Snuffle's total canine uprising, and struggled though his math homework.
Morty Jr. had passed by, exchanging few words during a small lunch. He was planning a sequel for his book, and he had even gotten engaged. He said their love of death and conquering brought them together.
Morty was happy for them. But that was over several hours ago, and he was well past the euphoric hope of grandchildren.
He'd leave it to his son and future daughter-in-law that he had never met.
Morty was just pondering the thought of jacking off when Rick burst through the door, holding a bottle and his portal gun in one hand, gleefully yelling about a cool burger place that was nearby.
He stuttered endlessly, carelessly waving around the portal gun and alcohol, spittle flying from his lips every time he burped.
The more Rick spoke of the burger joint, the farther his pupils strayed from each other.
"We gotta go, Morty!" Rick said. He belted a major burp and continued. "It's the coolest shit I've ever seen!"
"Jeez, Rick." Morty replied. "Yo-yo-you're really hung up on this, uh, burger place, huh? What is it, like a Wendy's?"
"E-eegheven better, Morty. It's like McDonald's and Wendy's had a baby, and the baby was raised by Bu-Burger King and KFC. It's so fuckin' cool." He took a long swig from the bottle and belched vehemently.
"I gotta be honest, Morty. The place looks run down and the bathrooms are weird, but the food is amazing. You've got to try it with me, Morty. You gotta do i-eehht for grandpa, Morty."
"'For grandpa', Rick?" Morty said, slightly skeptical. "The last time you said that, I-I-I almost died."
"Whoa, Morty! W-way to blow that out of proportion." Rick put the bottle to his lips and swung his head back, realizing all the booze was already gone.
He tossed the bottle onto Morty's bed and pouted, then pulled his flask out of the pocket of his lab coat. "Honestly, Morty. Stop being such a little pussy, Morty."
"I'm not being a pussy," Morty said, "I'm just saying, the last time you asked something so nonchalantly, there were some serious repercussions and-" Morty glanced at Rick, who had since taken a helping shot of liquor and was simply raising an eyebrow.
"For fuck's sake, l-let's just go." Morty said.
Rick placed the flask back into his pocket, and fired his pre-set portal into the wall. "Now we-eghhe're talking, Morty."
Morty stepped into the portal first, taking in the sights of the concrete floor, the shelves filled with scraps and tools, the workbench littered with tinkered devices, and-
"Rick, this is the garage."
"Yeah, brilliant observation Morty." Rick said. "Now get in the car, it's going to take a few hours to get there."
"But y-you said it was close." Morty said, opening the door and sliding into the passenger seat.
"Yeah, it's c-closer because it's ha-aaghlf a light year away, which means we'll be in there faster than me beating your record at 'Roy.'" Rick responded, rolling his eyes while starting the car, pulling out of the driveway.
"Damn Rick. You don't have to tear into me l-like that." Morty said as the vehicle flew up into the sky.
Rick didn't respond, and they quickly flew past the Ozone layer and into space, heading south from earth's direction. With a small belch, he flicked a lever and the ship pushed ahead at a quicker pace.
Morty dropped his annoyance in the span of ten minutes, a better record than the last time Rick had taken Morty on an adventure. Morty stared out the window in awe, watching the Milky Way slowly shrink behind them as they moved forward.
Rick stared ahead, swiftly taking the flask from his breast pocket and unscrewing the cap. "If you l-iiighke that Morty, I'll take you to the Querdont Syst-eeeghm sometime."
"Sounds cool, Rick." Morty said, still staring at the minuscule signs of the Milky Way.
Rick shook his head and slowly turned the ship to the right, taking a swig from his flask. He re-capped it and put it back in his pocket.
Morty's eyebrows suddenly came together in thought, and his eyes held a curious hint. He glanced at Rick, his expression unchanged. "Hey, Rick, why don't you give some of y-your tech to NASA or something. You know, t-take a few years off their research?"
Rick sat in place, pondering Morty's question. He supposed he could give NASA some devices to help them along their space research. Shit, he had even tinkered with some of their crap 'cuz he was bored. But,
"The ma-aaghin question is: If I gave them some shit, how lo-oogghng do you think it would take for them to accidentally contact the federation?"
"But couldn't you make it impossible to contact the federation?" Morty asked. His eyes shown with a keen interest in the topic.
"And how woul-uughd I do that, Morty?" Rick retorted, brow raised. The scientist relaxed in his chair, knowing Morty's ideas would immediately be shot down because, well, it was Morty. The question alone should give him some time to shut the fuck up and think, and hell, Morty would just might drop the topic entirely.
Morty stared at Rick curiously, and absentmindedly scratched his head as he turned to look at the floor. Again his brows furrowed together, and Rick could see an inkling of the wild-eyed stare Morty had, signaling an idea.
Even though his stare was much tamer than Rick's, it was still there. Morty was taking after his grandfather, and it unsettled him, a little.
"Brain waves." Morty put simply, glancing at Rick blankly. The inkling was gone.
Rick sighed. It was chalked up to be another dumb-ass idea. But still, Rick was curious to see where Morty would take this idea. "K-keep going." He absently muttered.
Morty started. "Uh. W-w-what if you used their brainwaves as a parental control? You, know, use it as a block so they can't contact the federation, whichever planet they're in."
Rick stared out his ship, slightly dumbfounded. He waved a hand around, ransacking his brain for a reply, but Morty beat him to another question.
"I-I-I mean, didn't you t-tell me they were a hive mind? They would all have the same brainwaves, right?"
"M-morty, what the f-uughck?" Rick finally answered. "Where'd you get that ide-eegha from?"
"Okay, I get it, s-s-stupid thought." Morty back lashed. He crossed his arms and stared ahead.
"No, n-oogh, Morty, that was kinda a good idea. Just some flaws, that's it."
"Like what?"
"I suppose I could give NASA some shit, but I don't give a fuck, Morty." Rick reached for another lever and flicked it down while pressing a button next to it. "Plus, they would also know that I ca-aagghme up with shit, Morty. They're gonna an-anoooghy me with questions, and I don't have time for that."
"Oh, okay, Rick." Morty said.
Morty remained silent for the rest of the trip, staring at passing ships, passing universes, and even a passing mummified body.
Morty spent a good half hour debating how the body actually got there. He didn't even realize Rick had parked the ship and was already starting to open his door.
"Morty, we're here." Rick glanced at the inside of his wallet, rolling his eyes and pulling out some extra cash from under his seat. Morty hadn't seemed to of heard him, his arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed in thought, again.
"Morty." Rick pressed. Morty snapped to attention, glancing at Rick's hand underneath the seat, scavenging or more change. He stepped out the car, looking up into the sky, instantly awestruck. Asteroids floated carelessly around the atmosphere, rolling into a loose belt that swirled around the planet. Golden hues mixed in with red, and hints of green poked around several suns.
The planet itself was actually a small planetoid, which was just a relatively bigger asteroid than the ones in the belt. The ground was a sulphurous yellow, and every shuffling step Morty took kicked up some of the dust. Only the burger joint stood out in contrast to the planet's colors.
"Welcome to the Epsilon Eridani System, Morty. Well, w-w-we were already here, but you lost yourself in dingus world for a sec, but- oh shit, a Blips and Chitz coupon, sweet- I-I didn't want to bother you."
Morty stuffed his hands in his pockets, watching the remainder of the dust settle down, and he glanced inside the small building. A remarkably small alien was running around the tables, wearing a miniature uniform and taking orders. It's red skin was slick with some sort of clear fluid, and it watched an entire booth's occupants with three eyes, two small ones at each corner of it's face, and a large one dead center.
It nodded to it's customer's, then unfurled a hidden set of wings and flew away, skittering behind the counter and into the kitchen.
Rick belched. "Let's go Mo-oorrghty." He slammed his door closed, and made sure he locked it. He turned as he grasped the door handle of the burger joint, annoyed. "Morty, just come inside, we're not gonna die anytime soon."
Morty stepped away from the car, his hands still in his pockets. "Okay, Rick."