It was a few hours after the Landsmeet and Arya Cousland didn't exactly know what to do with herself; Alistair was currently absconded with the Arl and Bann Teagan no doubt discussing his new role as king, Morrigan and Liliana had left to enjoy a day at the market place…well Liliana was going to enjoy it, Morrigan only went because Arya threatened to sick the romantic intentions of Sten on her. Besides they needed to restock their supplies for wherever it was that they were going to go next. Sten and Oghren had, ironically gone to find out if dwarves can really out drink Quanari under the table or if it was one of those many myths of the 'upper world' in the dwarf's opinion. The youngest Cousland, while tempted to see the results, wasn't really in the mood for reveling. So she had invited Wynne to come with her to her room and play a game of Andraste's Battle with her, Shale following behind, intrigued to learn of the human's board games.
Now she was regretting the decision.
The game was fairly simple to play; there was sixteen pieces for each side, and the object was to get across to the other side of the board without losing too many of the game pieces…all the while killing off your opponents pieces in the process….See? Simple.
Except she was playing against Wynne and given her age and wisdom…well let's just say when Arya had started out the game feeling bad for the mage since she had expressed never playing it before, it was a fool hardy attempt. Wynne had grasped the tactics and strategy involved and set to beat Arya in a mere matter of minutes. It also didn't help that Shale was keeping herself busy by trying to give the rogue orders from behind her chair with a large rock finger poking into her back every time Arya made a 'wrong' move.
She was going to have bruises, for that she was sure.
"You haven't talked about what you did in there yet."
Arya looked up from studying the playing board in front of her and gave the older mage a guarded glance, knowing exactly what she wanted to talk about and not wanting to go further into the conversation.
But Wynne wouldn't be Wynne if she didn't pry into the Warden's decisions. "Your…engagement."
"Yess…"
The white haired mage quirked an eyebrow in amusement at the young woman's hedging and opened her mouth to respond but instead was interrupted by Shale's rumbling voice.
"What is It talking about? This engagement?"
Arya sighed loudly and figured that the game was already won and there wouldn't be any point in trying to salvage what little troops she had left. She found it rather ironic that she could be such a…strong voice on a battle field in real life and yet a poor player of battles on a wood game set.
"This engagement is something I am really not going to discuss with you two…especially you two."
Wynne laughed loudly at the look of mock annoyance on her face and placed a delicate finger over her templar and pushed it into the direction of Arya's last remaining high mage. Shale's grunt of approval made the rogue grimace and she quickly plucked the player from the board and threw it into the small velvet bag near her other hand, the one holding the rest of her little wooden army.
"Why is it Warden doesn't listen to my instructions? It would have won against wise mage long ago."
Arya turned irritated eyes onto the bright glowing ones of Shale and frowned. "No, your method would have be charge right in with swords glowing and find out what happens after I've already lost half of my forces…remind me to never let you in command of any armies that come here."
If it was possible Shale's own eyes flashed in annoyance, which was impossible since she didn't have that kind of emotion…or at least Arya didn't think so. "If I were to command armies I would wipe the human existence off from this land It calls Ferelden…human, dwarves and elves alike would fear Shale! And I then I would have the authority to destroy all things feathery!!" The golem had gone from being annoyed with Arya to aggressively animate over the domination of the races. Which meant that she would be off in her own golem induced dreamland for the next couple of hours…if Arya was lucky.
"Well you just cemented my opinion."
Wynne was staring in bewildered confusion at the large stone humanoid, she hadn't been with their gang when Shale had explained her hatred of birds and then the random killing of a chicken…well Arya wasn't really up to explaining the bizarre complexities of the golem to Wynne so she didn't even bother mentioning it to her.
"So, it seemed to be rather of a shock to Alistair…I'm guessing this was a spur of the moment impulse?"
Frowning, Arya squinted down at the board again before turning to place her infantry soldier behind the templar, even knowing it would be a stupid move since Wynne had her assassin a few spaces to the left. "No, it wasn't. And didn't I say that I wasn't going to discuss this with you?"
"Since when has that ever sto-"
She was interrupted by the door banging into the brick wall behind it. Arya jumped, her hand automatically fingering her dagger by her side and Shale had broken out of her daze, harrumphing at the interruption and glaring at the offending source with eyes glowing white.
It wasn't an enemy that stood before them, but the newly appointed king; his face a mixture of anger and relief, of what she honestly didn't know but she didn't think it boded well for her since he was settling that glare on her. She slowly stood up, pushing her chair back from the small sitting table and board game, turning to stare back at her fellow Grey Warden in slight apprehension. Wynne had also stood up and was situating herself next to the golem, ready to usher the large female out of the room if needed.
"You didn't tell me."
Alistair's voice was cold and it scared her at the intensity; usually she could tell what was going through his head, but right now…she couldn't think of anything.
"I…what?"
He took another step into the room and she unconsciously took one further from him.
"You didn't say a word about what you had planned. Yes I knew that Eamon wanted me on that damn throne but you…I told you I wanted nothing to do with it and you promised you would find another way. I believed you!"
Arya was surprised at the intensity of his language and grimaced. "Alistair I couldn't let Anora-"
"Yes you could have! She would have loved to be the one to be sitting there right now. But no. You not only chose me to be king, but grabbed the throne for yourself!" His brown eyes were just as cold as his voice and she repressed the small shiver of dread that ran down her spine. He had never spoken to her like this…well maybe once when he confronted her about Conner but this time it was different. This time he seemed to be taking it personal. The only problem was she didn't know why.
"For myself? I don't understand…"
"You don't understand?" He scoffed loudly and Arya flinched at the sound. Wynne had moved to stand somewhat closer to the rogue, her eyes shifting from one to the other. "Understand what? You lied to me, kept me out of the loop on purpose and then wormed your own plans of advancement into my own lack thereof? Are you happy now that you got what you wanted?"
Arya had a hand covering her mouth at his words and gasped as if he had thrown a knife at her. Wormed her way into becoming queen? Is that how he saw everything? Does he think… "Oh Maker…" Her whispered response was muffled by her hand and she pulled it away, keeping her eyes on her lover. "Alistair I didn't, this, this isn't what you think. Maker it isn't and if you just let me explain…" Her voice died away as she watched his emotions run across his face; hurt, betrayal and anger surfaced and then hid away under a marble mask he had never shown her before and that scared her more than anything.
"No. I need to think…I. Well I will speak to you later I guess."
With that, she watched him walk back, spine straightened and head lowered through the door way he had blown open just minutes ago. Arya stared at the empty frame in shock, slowly letting everything that had just happened digest. She didn't realize she was crying until Wynne's grandmotherly hand caressed her cheek and brushed away the stream of droplets. She turned tearful silver eyes on the elder mage and chocked on a sob building up from her throat. What in the Maker had she done?
~*~*~*~~*~
It was well past dinner, not that Arya could really tell since she had shut herself away in the bed chamber she had been given by the Arl and nothing seemed to escape the confining fabric of her curtains across the large window near her right side. So she supposed it was past dinner.
She honestly didn't care. Everything she had done…she hadn't consciously meant to hurt Alistair. She couldn't ever do that; she loved him with everything she had left to give to another person and she thought he understood that. Whatever he suspected her of plotting was unfounded and she wasn't all that certain where the man was getting his doubts.
And when she had said that they would rule together…it wasn't an entirely unselfish demand. Arya didn't want to give him to anyone and that included the kingdom but she figured that if she had to make him king to save Ferelden than she wouldn't let him go through it alone…never alone. The only reason she had said anything at all was because his reservations about becoming king. She figured he would at least be grateful or understanding.
She slowly passed her arm across her forehead and closed her eyes.
Wynne had explained things to her; Alistair's reaction, the general surprise and some animosity with the nobles about her decision…but she knew that, at least, would happen. She had been prepared for it when she voiced her final choice. Not all the nobles had fond feelings for the Grey Wardens; Loghain's views had been shared, at least behind the scenes anyways. No one would have been brave enough to go against the Grey Wardens when they obviously needed them for the upcoming invasion.
She sincerely hoped she wouldn't lose Alistair over some miscommunication on her part.
The loud knock on her door jolted Arya out of her daze and she cast her silver eyes at the offending object, remaining silent while hoping that whoever it was would leave her alone.
No such luck.
The door creaked open, light from a torch spilling into the dark room and she opened her mouth to tell the person to leave her the hell alone when she caught sight of polished plate mail and dark blonde hair. She guessed she should at least be happy he knocked this time.
Arya brushed the few straying tears from the corner of her eyes and laid her head back on the pillow, waiting for him to shut the door and speak. When she heard a soft thud and the disappearance of light, she figured she should brace herself for the onslaught of angry words going to be thrown at her but nothing happened. He remained silent and she couldn't tell where in the room his footsteps had led him to; only that it was somewhere nearby.
She let a few more minutes of the silence pass between them before she let out a long sigh, dropping her arm from her head and onto the mattress with a thump.
"I guess sorry doesn't cover it…"
He chuckled darkly and she tried pinpointing where it came from but gave up since it wouldn't matter if she found out. Knowing that he chose to situate himself away from her hurt enough, if she knew exactly where he was and how far away he actually sat would make her start crying all over again.
"No. I don't think it works like that." She heard a puff of air and then he spoke again, her ears straining to catch ever word. "I spoke to Wynne…or rather I was forced to sit and listen for fear of bodily harm…magical bodily harm. And while it may sound intriguing at first…that woman's rather scary when she is pissed off."
Arya's lips stretched into a small smile but it didn't last long and fell away too quickly for anyone to have noticed its presence. "Now you know how it feels to be in my shoes, an avid listener to my adviser's wise thoughts and opinions."
He didn't laugh again at her weak attempt at humor and she figured she should just give up speaking all together and wait for him to explain his presence there.
"Why?"
She was rather surprised that he even asked the question at all. Earlier it was automatic assumptions and angry words and now he actually wanted to know her reasons…it wasn't exactly a happy thought. It had taken Wynne to calm him down enough for him to even want to discuss this with her and she wasn't all that happy to realize that. He was supposed to be the person who she could fall back on if she made a decision she wasn't sure of…even if it involved him.
So she might have been a little bit bitter but she felt she had a right to be angry with him. "So now you want to know? No interruptions? No assumptions, accusations? Your really asking me this and not as a courtesy?"
She heard him sigh and she felt a tightening in her chest. "I deserve that. This whole thing is rather over whelming-"
"Please…for just you?"
"No. I didn't mean it like that. I meant…the whole king thing and then getting engaged in the same sentence…it's rather a lot to take in. Then there's the Blight…"
Arya shifted on the bed, curling onto her side and closing her eyes, "That isn't entirely all on your shoulders you know. If you haven't noticed there's been a lot of shit thrown at me too."
Alistair sighed again, "Can you answer the question?"
"Which one?"
He was silent, no doubt trying to hold in his annoyance at her lack of cooperation. "Why didn't you talk to me about it?"
Her lips pursed in contemplation as she worried about how exactly she was going to word her response. "I didn't think you would go for it, and I couldn't have you talk me out of it. Anora couldn't be put on the throne and as much as I know you want to argue the opposite, you know what would happen if I chose her."
"The Landsmeet would have gone smoother?"
Silver eyes glared at the canopy of her bed and he took her silence as a reason not to make another joke. "Anora…she just wants to rule, she doesn't want the responsibility that goes along with it and if she did it would eventually corrupt her. She was more interested in what happens to herself and not the people of Ferelden…I couldn't, in all consciousness, allow that to happen."
"What about queen?"
She turned her head to the direction of his voice and squinted, trying to make out his outline. "You wanted to marry Anora?"
"Maker, No! That's not what I meant."
Humming underneath her breath, trying to stifle the chuckle at his abrupt denial, she focused on his question instead. "I don't actually want to be queen you know and just because it was announced doesn't mean you don't have the choice to rescind it." Arya paused, thinking again. "I figured that if I had no choice but to make you king then I wouldn't want you to deal with it alone. I mean if it was me…I would want you…and I knew how much you hated the idea…"
It was quiet and she didn't get a response so she decided to continue her rambling, even if he was no longer listening.
"I know its cliché and horribly overdone but I love you and I didn't want to lose you to politics…I honestly didn't think about how it would look to someone who didn't know the thoughts running through my head and it was a split second decision…I didn't think you would see it as me politically maneuvering……because that really wasn't my intention-"
"Arianna!"
Arya breathed in deeply and closed her mouth with a snap, blushing at the intensity in his voice.
"I want to get this clear. You didn't want to be queen? This wasn't because you wanted to put yourself on the throne?"
She heard him shift on his feet and then take a few steps so that she could feel his presence closer to her bed. She figured he could see her, even if she couldn't see him so she shook her head in denial, letting her breath out slowly while waiting for him to respond.
"None of this…none of what happened was political?"
"Alistair…since when have you ever known me to show any interest in what happens between nobles. My father kept me away from court because…well, I suspect it was because I was rather different from the rest of the prim and proper ladies who wore dresses and sought out matches with young nobleman. Anyways I didn't fit in with them and they definitely would have nothing in common with me, much to my mother's disappointment."
"Arya, get to the point."
Blushing again, she brought her hand up to study it in the darkness; categorizing the many scars she had been given. "No, none of this was because I wanted a higher position at court. The only reason I am even considering it is because of you."
The velvet darkness slid over her in the forthcoming silence and she wondered if he was still nearby, at least that was until he heaved a great sigh and knelt next to her side of the bed, his hands brushing against her arm. She flinched unconsciously and he moved away with another sigh and a mutter oath.
"You have every right to be upset…"
"Upset?" She laughed harshly and quickly, knowing that it was a fake sound even to her own ears. "Alistair you barged in here and accused me of sleeping with you for the sole purpose of getting the chance to rule…" Silver eyes blinked back the feeling of water beginning to pool at the corner of her eyes again, "I honestly thought you knew me better than that."
Another sigh.
She could feel his breath near her neck as he moved slightly closer to her and she tensed, wondering what he planned on saying. "Maker, I am a stupid man." He didn't touch her as he whispered her name softly and she strained to hear the rest of his explanation. "It was fast, like I said before. Word spread quickly after Eamon and Teagan pushed me into a room to discuss what exactly was going to happen now and I didn't have much of a chance to speak with you. For that I am sorry because it probably would have soothed my nerves." He paused and she felt another puff of air, this time closer to her wet cheek. "When the Arl was finished I searched for you in the castle and was told you had decided to retire here…and then there were all these people talking about you and…"
"You heard the rumor that I wanted the throne for myself."
"Yesss…" He hissed the end of his answer and she felt him move to place his elbow on the mattress and his blonde hair moved into her view. "I completely understand now that I was sooo wrong to listen to those people but I had never been away from you that long and after everything, and I know it's not a good enough excuse, well nothing really is…but…."
Arya closed her eyes feeling a small weight lifted from her shoulders at his patchy but sincere apology. It wasn't enough to get rid of the feeling that he didn't know her as well as she had thought but she could give him that benefit anyhow. She loved him, and to her maybe that was enough….
She was an idiot if she actually believed that.
"Alistair I get it. I don't have to like it but I do understand."
"No. You shouldn't have to understand anything because it shouldn't have happened in the first place. It's just…Andraste's Blood woman, you make me so confused!" He laughed bitterly, "I have never been in a situation like this…especially one like this and everyone around me usually wants something from me…I shouldn't have let the thought ever cross my mind that you would be the same. I was a bloody coward when I came into here earlier…stupid bumbling idiot…it seems that's how I usually am with you so it really doesn't come as a surprise but well, this time…"
She rolled to her side and gently placed her hand on top of his sloppy hair, brushing the strands through her fingers, effectively silencing his stream of hurried words. "Alistair, shut up."
His head snapped up at her teasing tone and she let her hand fall against his cloth covered shoulder. When did he lose his armor? Her attention turned away from where her hand rested and onto the face she dearly loved, since he had now come close enough for her to see his incredulous expression.
"I can't say that the blame lies entirely with you since I really should have spoken to you before I made up my mind…it was a mistake, one that I will be sure to never forget." She smiled tentatively up at him and he returned the gesture, his own hand moving to link with the one on his shoulder.
Alistair's hand squeezed hers and she became aware of the fact that he was still kneeling next to her on the cobblestone floor. She quickly scooted over, bringing his arm with her and smiled as she watched him stand up and sit upwards against the headboard where she had just been laying. They were quiet; Arya not exactly sure what to say next and him…well she couldn't really tell what he was thinking. His fingers traced the same scars she had been staring at and she shivered at the feathery touch.
Her attention had been riveted to the feeling until a thought popped into her head that made her lean up onto her elbows to stare curiously up at his face towering above her.
"You called me by my full name…"
His brown eyes fell to her silver ones and he shrugged, not really understanding her slightly amazed tone. "Yeah…"
"Alistair…you've never called me Arianna before."
Frowning, he stared at her face until understanding dawned on him. "Huh…I guess I haven't." His voice paused and then he grinned down at her, his hand squeezing her own and tugging her up into a sitting position. "Does that not sit well with the lady? Do I need to worry about a poisoned blade in my future?"
Arya frowned, and then realized he was teasing her…Hmpf if he wants to play it that way then so can I. "What would you do if I said you would?"
"Well since I am king now-"
"Not officially!"
He narrowed his eyes in mock annoyance and smirked arrogantly at her. "A matter of formalities, I assure you." Arya laughed openly at his fake pompous air and puffed chest as he gazed down at her. "And since I have the ability to…proclaim what I wish, then I will make it a known rule that you are to stay by my side at all times so that I may ensure my safety."
Arya's eyebrow lifted and she blew a small piece of brown hair out of her face as she grinned. "Is that a royal decree?"
His hand gripped hers tightly and his face changed until his eyes held a serious glint and his mouth thinned. "Yes."
She sucked in a breath and waited until his face drew closer and she slowly closed her eyes at the feel of his lips ghosting over hers. He pulled away just enough to leave a small space in between their faces and the rogue blinked in disappointment.
He was still, his hand ridged in hers and his body tight with suppressed emotion. "Arya, when you said you were willing to become queen for my sake….does the offer still stand?"
She studied him for a good few minutes, watching the emotions run across his expressive brown orbs and she sighed. "The offer never left."
Alistair's frown quickly bent into one of his goofy smiles she loved so much and he didn't wait for her permission to capture her lips in his own. Even though they had played this game many times before, it seemed different to Arya this time. Something had shifted in Alistair that wasn't there before and she briefly wondered if it was the fact that he had accepted his lot in life or maybe…selfishly, she had something to do with it.