A/N: This was REALLY supposed to be a letter but....*glares at Mina* SHE got the idea to post this.....humph....
Mina: Whaddaya mean? I actually think it's a GOOD idea.
Labyrinth: Mmmhmmm....it's a VERY good idea.
HP: OH MY MERLIN! Now we're in LETTER! First, the fanfics. Then, the e-mail. Now, the letter. What did we ever do to THEM? ? *points to Lab and Mina, who turn around slowly*
Labyrinth: Oh-my-GOOOODDD! HI! YOU JUST CAME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LETTER!
Mina: Wait a second. This isn't a letter anymore....it's a-FANFIC!!!!
*scary music plays in the background*
Ron: *gasps* NOOOOOO!!!!
Hermione: You KNOW....I read about these kinds of authors...they act REALLY nice to you in the beginning and THEN they torture you. There are MILLIONS of these kinds of authors right now...in the world.
Lavender: Oh...thanks for the warning but...uh...it's a little too LATE, as you can see.
Draco: Drano Foamer.
Everyone: What?
Draco: You know, that thing that cleans out the drain pipes. Drano Foamer. *laughs* Drano Foamer!
Hermione: *?*
HP: *scared* I think...I THINK....*gulps* One of our characters is obsessed with a drain pipe cleaner....
Draco: Drano....FOAMER! DRANOFOAMERDRANOFOAMERDRANOFOAMER!
Labyrinth: *giggle* That's nice! Yeah, now....ooooohmygosh....how are we gonna fit all these characters into one little fanfiction? Oh well...let's try this....hmmm...DUMBLEDORE????
Dumbledore: *comes in* Dumbledore? Labyrinth Dumbledore? I have been looking for you for DAYS! WEEKS! MONTHS! YEARS! DECADES! MY LONG LOST GRANDAUGHTER! *runs over and hugs Labyrinth*
Labyrinth: (otherwise known as Labyrinth Dumbledore *hint hint*) Uh...grandpa!!!!!
Dumbledore: Where have you BEEN?
Labyrinth: What a surprise! My long lost grandpa is a...character! And he's in my fanfiction too! And he's famous! And Voldemort is scared of him! And-and-and-and-
Mina: I HATE these family moments. *sighs* ANYWAY-I think that....maybe we should make something happen to these little characters. Something INTERESTING for once. Something horrible! Something scary! Something....MYSTERIOUS....Oh my Merlin! I have an idea! *begins to type furiously*
HP: Okay! Calm down!
Mina: O-ok-ok-okay!
Hermione: Okay!
Labyrinth: Okay!
Draco: Drano Foamer! *plays with a bottle of Drano Foamer* Draaaaanoooo Fooooaaammmmeeeerrr.....
Snape: *appears* MOO! (he's obsessed with cows, no duh!) *is dragging a little red
wagon, with his plastic cow standing in it*
Everyone: Hi Snape!
Snape: *waves cheerfully* Moo moo!
Cow: *blank look*
Hermione: *giggle*
Snape: *looks at her strangely* Moo moo moo?
Lavender: *bursts into laughter*
Snape: *a little louder* MOO MOO MOO MOO???!!!!
Hermione: He-he-he's obsessed with cows!!!!!! HAHAHAHA! AND HE SAYS MOO ALL THE TIME AND AND AND AND!!!!!
Snape: *angrily* MOO!
Dumbledore: *turns Snape into a chicken* Try saying moo when you're a chicken!
McGonagall: *appears* Quack.
Dumbledore: OOOOHHH NO.
McGonagall: Quack quack QUACK!
Snape: *flaps his wings* Moo-awwwwwkkk!!!!! *amazed* Bawk? BAWK! *threateningly to Dumbledore* BAWK BAWK BAWK!
Dumbledore: *looks at HP hopefully*
HP: *confused* I know how to speak to snakes but chickens....?????
Dumbledore: *nods anxiously*
HP: Uh....okay...umm....um...hi Snape!
Dumbledore: You're speaking in English! Snape can't understand you! And you can't understand him!
HP: *listens to Snape yelling* Noooope.....I don't understand a THING.
Dumbledore: *looks at Ron*
Ron: I don't know how to talk to animals.
Lavender: *singing* If I could talk to the animals....
Ron: *glares at Lavender* I mean...I could TRY....
Dumbledore: *grins* YESYESYESYES!!! TRY TRY TRY! YOU CAN! Uh-huh! Yes yes yes!
Ron: Well...OKAY....*begins to speak to Snape, who understands every word*
Snape: *pecks at Ron's feet* Bawk bawk bawk bawk....bawk, bawk....bawk.
Ron: *nods slowly* He said that he is very mad at Dumbledore....
Hermione: And what did YOU say?
Ron: *smiles* I asked him if he liked cheese.
Dumbledore: *ignores Ron's comment* Merlin's beard! He can speak.....Chickentongue!
Ron: *amazed*
Hermione: Wooow....
Draco: DRANO FOAMER! DRANO DRANO FOAMER FOAMER!
McGonagall: *shocked* Quaaack...
HP: You know, Draco reminds me of those idiotic Pokemon who can only say their name...and their name is their language. I know! Let's "rename" Draco! Let's name him Drano Foamer! I can imagine everyone at school saying, "Pokemon boy!" and "Pipe cleaner guy!" and all those wonderful things.....
Lavender: *singing* And those are a few of my fav-orite things...
Hermione: My GOD, Lav...why are you singing all of these...CLASSIC songs?
McGonagall: QUACK.
Seamus: *appears, playing with a little mermaid Barbie doll*
Hermione: Little Mermaid sucks! You should see "Terminator 2". Oh yeah, and um...maybe you should put that doll away.
Seamus: *hurt*
Hermione: *laughs evilly*
Seamus: *singing* Under the sea...under the sea...everything's better....where it is wetter....take it from MEEEEEE!!!
Hermione: That was...disturbing, Seamus.
Seamus: *singing* Sha la la la la...don't be scared!
Lavender: Why don't you go buy me some Herbal Essences shampoo to take your mind off of...that mermaid thing...
Seamus: *quietly* Does Ariel use Herbal Essences too?
Lavender: I think it would be redundant if you used Herbal Essences in salt water.
Seamus: *crosses his arms over his chest* Fine! Then I am NOT getting you the shampoo!
Lavender: Fine! Then I am NOT getting you "Little Mermaid 2" for Christmas.
Seamus: I'm Jewish. I don't celebrate Christmas.
HP: Really? You are?
Seamus: *grins* No! But isn't it fun to lie?
*Some where in the background the "Circle of Life" plays*
Everyone: *?*
Hermione: *giggle* I love that question mark in asterisks thing! Do it again, everybody!
Everybody: Okay! *?*
Lav & Herm: *giggle uncontrollably*
Seamus: *whiny voice* Come on! Play some Little Mermaid songs!
Lavender: *to herself* Hmm...maybe I could try using Herbal Essences under water and see what happens...
Seamus: *reads what Lavender just said* Wow! So maybe Ariel DOES use Herbal Essences!!!! And-and-and-and-and-
Lavender: *shakes her head sadly*
Seamus: And you'd probably have to...*winks at Lavender*
Lavender: *gapes at Seamus* Uh-uh. No way, pal. I'm OBVIOUSLY going to wear a bathing suit.
Draco: We're kinda getting off topic here....
Labyrinth & Mina:; *still typing*
Draco: I SAID, we're getting off topic here...which means that maybe this fanfiction is getting too long and we should end here....
Labyrinth: *turns around and glares at Draco* NEVER interrupt us when we're torturing you....
Mina: *growls* And DRACO isn't the whiny one...Ron is. You characters ALWAYS mess things up. *typing* Ron appears and begins whining.
Labyrinth: *typing* Draco just sort of sits in a corner and argues with himself.
Mina: *typing* Oh, and while he's arguing with himself he's ALSO painting his nails. *grins mischievously*
Draco: Hey! That's not fair!
Draco: Yes it is!
Draco: No it's not!
Draco: Yes it is!
Draco: No it's not!
Lab & Mina: *laugh evilly*
Hermione: Wow! This is so cool! I finally get back at Draco without getting in trouble or wasting any homework time! I love this story!
Labyrinth: You used to.
Hermione: You wouldn't. *bites her lip*
Mina: Oh, yes we WOULD.
Hermione: NOOOO!!!!
Labyrinth: *comforting voice* But don't worry...we won't do anything bad to you....
Hermione: *giggles* Awwww...thanks! You're my favorite authors!
Mina: Thanks, but we never said we wouldn't do something HORRIBLE to you! *typing* Hermione examines her socks...
Hermione: Ha! You call that MEAN?
Labyrinth: Hold on...patience my friend....*typing* THEN....*suddenly notices Dumbledore* Grandpa, will you buy me an ice cream?
Dumbledore: Uh....
Mina: *wrinkles her nose* You knooow, MY grandpa takes me and Labyrinth for ice cream...he's NICE...all grandpas are supposed to be nice.
Dumbledore: I GUESS...
Labyrinth: Thanks! ANYWAY...*typing* Hermione takes off her sock....
Mina: *typing* She grips her foot....
Labyrinth: *typing* And sticks her leg up her nose.
Hermione: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!
Mina: Wait...that's too mean...and disgusting. We're not THOSE kind of authors. Let's start over with something more original.
Draco: Haha!
Draco: Don't laugh at Hermione!
Draco: Why not, Draco?
Draco: BECAUSE!
Draco: But it's funny!
Draco: No it's not!
Draco: Yes it is!
Draco: No it's not!
Mina: Okay. *typing* Hermione doesn't stick her foot up her nose.
Labyrinth: *typing* INSTEAD, she sticks a chunk of CHEESE up her nose!
Mina: Labyrinth! *typing* But she realizes that she shouldn't of done that.
Labyrinth: *typing* So she sticks some CHERRY COKE up her nose! *happily* Teehee! Cherry coke rocks! I loooooove cherry coke......chereerrrry cooookeeee......hehe...
Mina: *typing patiently* She doesn't stick ANYTHING else up her nose. She changes into some yellow robes....
Labyrinth: *typing* And she takes her shoes.....
Mina: *typing* AND SHE PUTS THEM ON HER FEET.
Labyrinth: *disappointed* Come on! Why doesn't she stick something up her nose?
Mina: Because Hermione isn't that kind of person. Professor Flitwick is.
Labyrinth: What'd you do that for? Now Professor Flitwick is gonna come in the room...
Professor Flitwick: *comes into the room*
Mina: *moans* Then he's gonna dust himself off...
P. Flitwick: *dusts himself off*
Labyrinth: And NOW he's gonna look for something to stick up his nose.
P. Flitwick: *searches through a box in the corner for something to stick up his nose.
Mina: Yeah....all these characters are SOOOO predictable.
Labyrinth: Of course, the bright side is that he's gonna find a cupcake and he's gonna stuff it up his nose...
P. Flitwick: *finds a cupcake and stuffs it up his nose*
Mina: What a waste of good food.
Seamus: At least Ariel doesn't stick food up her nose.
Mina: Hey, you never know. One day you might find out she stuffs fish up her nose for a living.
Seamus: *stares at her in horror*
Mina: *shrugs* It could happen. Me and Lab have the power to do it.
Seamus: NOOOO.....
Labyrinth: Flitwick! Can you smell the cupcake????
Hermione: *sneaks away and makes out with HP*
Lavender: Commercial break.
*A Drano Foamer commercial comes up*
TO BE CONTINUED