I've been thinking
A/N I'm now getting to the point where I'm spending too long on A/Ns and not actually getting any actual writing done, so, I will write my main A/N at the end of this. Just quickly though, I'm not actually sure how this is going to turn out but lets just see x
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From Adam: Hey want to go out for coffee later ? x
Kurt stared at the message blankly for what felt like an eternity. Lifting his phone at least four times but each message was left unsent. Finally, he managed to co ordinate his fingers enough to type out a response.
To Adam: Sure. Usual place, 7 ? x
He only waited long enough for Adam's confirming response before his phone was flying to the other side of the sofa. He was not looking forward to this at all.
Lately, things in New York had slowed down slightly. Not a lot, as juggling NYADA classes and Vogue was still proving to be very testing, but slow enough that, for the first time in a long time since he came to New York, Kurt felt as though finally, he could breathe. But breathing had also led to thinking and thinking had lead to what he was about to do.
At 6:40, Kurt left the apartment and made the short, familiar walk to the coffee shop he had agreed to meet Adam. It wouldn't take him the twenty minutes he had allowed himself but he need time to prepare mentally for something that he had so wished he would never have to go through again.
No such luck.
Upon entering the small coffee shop, Kurt's eyes instantly fell on Adam.
Great.
Does he really need to be so early for everything ! Kurt mentally cursed. His mind was screaming at him to turn around and get as far away from the shop as he could. He probably would have too if Adam hadn't picked that exact moment to lift his gaze from his phone and notice Kurt standing next to the entrance. He smiled sweetly at him (in the way that he does) and moved in his chair as if to silently urge Kurt to join him. Kurt took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and plastered a calm but fake smile on his face. Giving out all the confidence he could muster, Kurt began the short walk to join Adam at the table. As he walked, he ignored the way he was trembling all over and silently willed it to stop, hoping and praying to whoever may or not be up there that Adam doesn't notice. Kurt pulled out the old, wooden seat as quietly as he could, concluding that it would be rude to disrupt the calm, subdued atmosphere of the little shop.
"You're early". Adam noted. Kurt shrugged his shoulders slightly and quickly looked down to avoid Adam's gaze, suddenly becoming fascinated with some left over sugar grains that littered part of the table. He could feel Adam's gaze on him and could see enough to notice that a few times, Adam had opened his mouth to speak but shut it just as quickly, appearing to be at a loss of what to say.
An uncomfortable silence filled the atmosphere around them, neither wishing to begin any for of communication. Eventually - all though too soon for Kurt's liking - Adam gave in in their unannounced battle for silence with a drawn out breath.
"Look Kurt. . ." Adam began, Kurt reluctantly brought his head up to look in Adam's eyes. . . And instantly regretted it. "Is everything. . . OK ?" Adam still sounded a little unsure and Kurt began to wonder for the umpteenth time that day if this was a good idea. However, another image, unlike the one in front of him flashed before his mind. Another shop, Another state, Another face. And it was with this that Kurt found the courage from somewhere deep inside him that he needed to complete this task. He was ready.
He took a breath.
He looked straight in Adam's eyes.
He exhaled the breath.
He spoke.
"Um, no actually Adam, it's not." Kurt straightened his posture in his chair, concluding years ago that it increased his confidence levels mentally - a handy trick when you spend the majority of your school career as the punching bag for people's hate. Adam sat up more straight too, watching Kurt with curious yet hesitant eyes, as if he could sense what was coming. Kurt spoke again.
"For the first time since I came to New York, I feel that recently, I've been able to breathe. Classes are becoming easier to manage, my workload at Vogue has slowed a bit and now, finally I'm able to. . . think. To think about a lot of things. . . Including this. . . Us." Kurt knew that he was hesitating a lot, not because he didn't believe in what he was doing, because he did, but because he was afraid of what would happen next. Still, he needed to do this. This wasn't right. He took another calming breath, somehow finding the courage to look in Adam's eyes as he continued. "Look, Adam, you're a great guy but. . . I don't think we should do this anymore."
There. He said it. It was all out in the open now.
Kurt felt oddly. . . Calm. Well, calmer than what he expected anyway. There was still that little nagging panic inside him that refused to go away but still, he felt. . . Good ? He dared another look at Adam, who just looked shocked. After a short while though, Adam looked as if he had recovered himself as he began to speak.
"Well. . . If that's what you want." The accent made Kurt's heart begin to stir and, for a moment. He began to regret what he had just done. Stop it Kurt. He told himself quickly. Think of what could happen next !
Adam sounded a little hurt, but only a little which made Kurt relax a bit more. Another awkward silence settled around them, neither knowing what they should do or where they should go from here. Kurt's mind began to wander, he thought of Bowties, and Coffee, and Flirty duets at Christmas time and. . . Oh, Adam was going to speak again.
"Can you be honest with me here Kurt ?" He paused for a moment to allow for an answer. Kurt nodded slightly and began to chew on his bottom lip. "Does this have something to do with Blaine ?" Kurt remained silent and lowered his gaze back to the sugar grains. Adam took this as confirmation and continued. "You do still love him. . . don't you ? You never stopped. Not even when you were with me." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, more for his benefit than for Kurt's. Yet, Kurt found the need to answer this time. He looked straight at Adam and nodded slightly with a look of what almost resembled sadness on his face. Adam sighed slightly and frowned. He continued. "If this is what is going to make you happy then. . . I guess I'll see you around NYADA ?"
"It is." Kurt finally responded. "Thank you for understanding, Adam." Adam only nodded before standing from the table and collecting his bag and jacket from the back of his chair and walking casually out of the door. Kurt's eyes followed him until he was completely out of sight before he too gathered his things and began to leave the coffee shop. As he reached the door however, he realised he never actually got his coffee and turned quickly back to the counter.
Coffee in hand, Kurt left the shop and began the short walk back to his apartment. Rachel was away. . . Somewhere with her some of her new NYADA friends and Santana was out with a girl she met last week so he'd have the place to himself for a while. He fumble in his bag for his keys as he reached their door, the idea of a couch or bed becoming more and more appealing to him. Finally, he caught hold of the cool metal object at the bottom of his bag and carelessly shoved it into the keyhole. The door felt heavier than usual as he struggled to slide it open then closed before shuffling clumsily towards his 'bedroom' and collapsing face first into his pillows.
After a while of breathing heavily into a pillow, naturally he grew bored. Using a great amount of strength he hauled himself into a sitting position and grabbed his laptop from the other side of the bed.
He drummed mindlessly on the keypad for a number of seconds, mind wandering off somewhere a great way away from where he was at that time. Finally, his fingers spelled out one word into the search engine and he found himself staring blankly at Facebook's login. Concluding that it at least gave him something to do, he logged in and began to aimlessly scroll through post after post of pointless updates.
Rachel was currently in the middle of posting every minute updates on whatever thing she was doing with whatever people she was with.
Tina had posted some pictures from Glee today, as well as a number of statuses about how excited she was about this week assignment and blah blah blah.
Brittany was in the middle of confessing her love to Lord Tubbington - who actually had his own page.
Kurt had had enough. None of it was making him feel any better. He was about to close it down and go put in a movie or something when something caught his eye.
Adam Crawford is single.
Geez ! Already ! Didn't take him long at all. Kurt thought while narrowing his eyes at the screen in front of him. Sighing, he switched page to his own settings.
Kurt Hummel is single.
Kurt laughed for a minute at how childish they were being before forcefully shutting over his laptop and repositioning himself on the bed so that he was lying flat on his back. He grabbed his phone from the table beside him and flicked swiftly through his music, trying to occupy his mind for more than five minutes. Again, no such luck. Frustrated now, he threw the phone slightly away and just laid staring at the ceiling.
Soon, Kurt found himself slipping from consciousness, happy at the fact that he was actually able to do something instead of staring at a blank ceiling. Of course, the universe wasn't really on his side today as he was harshly brought back to reality when his phone obnoxiously began buzzing, pulling him from his almost slumber. With an annoyed groan, Kurt hauled himself upright and reluctantly grabbed the electrical device that interrupted him. However, upon reading the name that had appeared on his screen, all traces of frustration were wiped from his face, instead replaced by a genuine smile for the first time that day.
1 message
From Blaine: Hey, is everything OK with you and Adam ? I saw your Facebook status changed x If you want to talk about anything let me know x
A wide grin spread across Kurt's face. Blaine always somehow knew the exact time Kurt needed him. He wondered for a minute how he should reply. He wanted to tell Blaine what had happened but he couldn't tell him why it had happened. However, Kurt really could use somebody to talk to right now so, in spite of his previous worries, began to type out a response.
To Blaine: Thank you Blaine. No, it's not OK x I broke up with him about an hour ago x
The reply came incredibly fast, but Kurt was glad he didn't need to wait long, not sure if he could physically take any more frustration today.
From Blaine: Oh, I'm sorry Kurt x Are you OK ? x
To Blaine: I'm OK, just a little frustrated but I'll be fine x
From Blaine: Would it be appropriate for me to ask what happened ? x
Why ? Why did he need to ask ? Kurt groaned loudly as he tried to think of some way he could answer. It wasn't that he was mad at Blaine, he just really hoped that he wouldn't ask that question because honestly, Kurt didn't know what he could say. Finally, he settled on a response.
To Blaine: Lets just say that, I realised it wasn't what I wanted anymore x
Because I want you ! Kurt inwardly screamed. That response would do for now, It wasn't too vague but it wasn't detailed enough to cause him any embarrassment just yet.
From Blaine: Oh, OK x If you want to talk about anything just know that I'm still here for you, I'll always be here x Just say when x
Kurt's heart began to pound heavily and his insides began to flutter. He sat staring at his phone content for a few minutes before realising that Blaine was probably waiting on a reply. He bit his lip and thought.
To Blaine: Hey, I'm coming to Lima next weekend to visit my dad. Can we meet ? x
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A/N yay so I've finally completed a fan fiction ! First time since August ! So, a couple of things, 1. This will be multi-chapter 2. I apologise for the Kadam centric first half even though the character tags say Klaine 3. I have no clue what I actually want to call this fic. It was originally supposed to be Remember 21 but then I went in a completely different direction and it now doesn't make sense. As I'm writing this it is still title-less so I don't know if it will stay as what I posted it as.
Follow me on twitter Clo_CrissColfer or on tumblr at .com. And yes, I am aware that it is a One Direction lyric.
Review ? Favourite ? Follow ? Anything you want.
Bye x