Hey there! This is my first Degrassi/EClare story ever! So, please take it easy on me... Per now. I kind of based the story on the song Don't Be Deceived by Phillip LaRue (The same song used at the end of DTW pt.2, yes)

English is NOT my first language, so if you notice any mistakes or something, now you know.

Reviews are welcome withe wide arms.

Disclaimer: Do not own Degrassi, do not sue.

Enjoy.

C h a p t e r O n e

Let's face it, lying on a hospital bed, all fucked up, isn't the prettiest thing… I've just lost everything. One blink, one second, and everything I cared about was gone, again.

I am here, because of her, I crashed Morty because of her… I ruined myself on a car wreck because of her! … And now she's gone.

A normal person would choose drifting off to dream land and forget about everything… Since when Eli Goldsworthy became a normal being?

"Baby boy…" I heard a tender female voice saying, getting me out of my trance. I blinked once, twice, but I gave no verbal response.

I didn't want to talk; I didn't want to realize this wasn't the worst nightmare ever. I didn't want the cruel and tough reality to hit me right between the eyes. That was something I wasn't prepared to face nor accept…Ever.

"It's probably the morphine." I heard a nurse announcing to my mother. No, it wasn't the morphine.

Bullfrog and Cece nodded, without excitement and they started to turn around. I noticed Cece's sobs.

"I'm…" Fine? No. "I heard, I'm conscious."

My parents honored me with their sad smiles. Bullfrog handed me my iPod and after, they walked out of the room, the depressing hospital room I was trapped in… Alone.

Don't leave me, okay? Please… A broken heart comes after a broken promise.

I closed my eyes and sighed. It was going to be a long night, maybe the longest of my whole life. Not being able to sleep, because every time I started to fall asleep, her face appeared in my mind; with all her perfection and all her innocence that were so characteristic of her. I guess there's a reason of why I keep seeing her flawless expressions… Because, she is my dream. I was living the dream, and now I lost it.

I can hear voices in my head, telling me: "nothing lasts forever"… But this dream is the exception, it's the fantasy I never want to leave, and I don't want to try and imagine different scenarios, because it's not even a possibility; this dream, this unexpected, yet perfect, twist of my reality, will always be, because my love for her will never cease to subsist.

You scare me, Eli… I can't help but hate myself at this moment. Scaring the love of my life, was certainly the last thing I wanted, but I did, and it hurts, deep down in my heart, knowing that she sees me as a monster.

The physical pain, right now, is the least of my worries… There's a pain in my chest, which I can't handle; it aches and sends shivers to all of my body, it is simply surreal. The heart will never stop beating, that should be good, but with every beat comes the pain, and then my mind starts to wonder.

This heart will beat for you. My heart will always beat for her. True fact.

How much can someone be in need of someone else? Because I really feel miserable without her. I need her to stay.

The moment the pain becomes unbearable, is the moment of truth... The moment closure appears, and then, your life starts to move on. I don't want to move on, though… If pain is what it takes to see her in my sleep, in my fantasies and everywhere I look, even if she's not actually there, pain: be my guest.

Pain will never, actually, be pain itself if she is somewhat involved. But, as of right now, pain is the only thing I'm feeling and everything relates to her… Are my beliefs mistaken? Perhaps I deceive myself?

I am not as strong as I make people think. I can endure pain, as long as I can live with it… But, could I ever be able to live without my muse?

I will have to teach myself, to accept the fact that she's gone.

Goodnight, Clare Edwards.